by James Ross
Julie finished preparing the bank bag for the daily deposit and J Dub announced that he was going to the bank and would be back shortly. By then most of the regulars were in their usual seats drinking coffee and eating doughnuts. Julie watched as Curt walked in. He waved hello to her with a big smile on his face. She smiled and waved back and remembered when she told him once how he and J Dub looked exactly alike. He smiled and only said, “Yeah, but J Dub is the boy wonder.” Just a quiet way an older brother brags on the accomplishments of a younger brother.
The guys were getting torqued up on the coffee. They were laughing and teasing Fred with every doughnut bite. It seemed as if he was on a mission to bust his navel out of his belly. J Dub returned and, after slamming the door to his old truck, could hear even from the parking lot all of the guys laughing and talking in the pro shop. He smiled, shook his head at his good fortune, and walked inside with the empty bank bag.
“Hey guys! I’ve got an announcement to make!” Curt stood raising his Styrofoam cup of coffee. “Say hello to J Dub . . . The proud new daddy of a healthy, beautiful baby girl!” Whooping, hollering and whistles of congratulations ensued as someone handed J Dub a box of some of the thickest cigars he had ever seen. He promptly stuck one in his mouth and began furiously puffing on it until the billows of smoke poured out of the other end.
“Thank you! Thank you!” J Dub shouted.
“Hey, Senor J Dub! Mucho congratulations on the new bambino!” Paco yelled.
“Awww, J Dub, there ain’t nothing like it. That little girl is going to have you wrapped around her little finger for the rest of your life! And, you’re going to love it.” Easy Earl was getting surprisingly misty as the others chimed in on the congratulations. J Dub never had so many handshakes or slaps on the back as he did that day. He loved every second of it.
The stench of the cigar was getting to J Dub so he put it out while continuing to joke and crow about his growing family. Julie refilled complimentary cups of coffee all around. “If only we had some Baileys to put in the cup of joe, huh guys?”
Julie casually glanced over at the front door and saw Lew about to walk in. She leaned over to J Dub’s ear and whispered, “Lew’s here.” Her senses immediately warned her of trouble. She walked to her office and began her bookkeeping duties for the morning.
J Dub tried to get a reading from Lew’s face as to whether he was in a good mood or not. The unpredictability of Lew’s moods had caused Julie to invest in a huge bottle of Pepto Bismol tablets that were stored behind the counter. She and J Dub joked about popping Pepto as if it were going out of style. They had only worked together a short time but she could already read his I have a headache look or Lew has been on my butt look. She joked that she could spot it coming down the fairway.
“Hmmmm. Let’s see what we have in the ole drawer today,” Julie thought aloud. “I’ve got your Pepto, the purple pill, your Mylanta and some Alka Seltzer to boot. Oh wait, I also got some BC Powder. God awful to swallow, but it works. Pick yer poison, J Dub.”
“You have enough medicine in your drawer to open a pharmacy, girl!”
“Yeah, yeah . . . what’s yer poison?”
“BC Powder, I guess. Sheesh, I hate taking that stuff.”
“Take a BC Powder and come back strong, yes indeedy,” Julie wisecracked as she mimicked W. C. Field’s classic cigar hold and sing-song conversational beat. J Dub couldn’t help but laugh.
Lew walked in and did a quick headcount to see how many green fees should have been collected. The guys hanging out in the pro shop were nothing but an annoyance to him. But, he knew that it brought in money, and that is what was important. Lew opened the register and began counting. He quickly slammed it shut with irritation. “J Dub! Get over here!” he barked.
“What’s up, Lew?” J Dub had worked there long enough to know that Lew would find a way to rain on the parade. He was a little perturbed that he had to come in and be so abrupt about everything.
“Where are the green fees?” Lew growled. “These guys can’t just sit here all day drinking up coffee! I need people to play!”
J Dub’s celebratory mood darkened as he tried to explain again to Lew that the guys were good for business. Lew just didn’t get it. Just as J Dub and Lew were about to get into it, a group of golfers came in for their tee time. J Dub greeted the foursome and said, “Hi guys, you must be Paul’s friends.” He shot an I told you so look at Lew. “Come right over here gentlemen. Lew is the owner and will ring up your fees for you. I’ll bring the carts around front.”
Lew grunted an obligatory hello. He began punching the numbers on the register waiting for the sale to add up. After several uncomfortable and unsuccessful minutes, Lew was getting aggravated and began hollering for J Dub.
“I’m coming,” J Dub announced. He cleared out the jumbled mess of numbers that Lew punched in and correctly rang up the sale.
“You better hang on to this one, Lew!” one of the golfers joked. Lew’s face began to turn red from anger and embarrassment. The golfers exited the pro shop, loaded up their carts and drove to the first hole. J Dub shut the cash drawer and started to walk away.
“Wait, open it back up,” Lew demanded. J Dub opened the drawer and looked at Lew as he thumbed through the twenties and grabbed some out of the till.
“What are you doing?” J Dub wasn’t quite sure if what he saw was really happening.
“We both need some pocket change. The tax man gets too much as it is.” Lew stuffed a crumpled twenty into J Dub’s shirt pocket. “Here. Now take Marcia out to dinner.” Lew turned and walked outside.
J Dub stood dumbfounded. He’s been skimming the till, that, s.o.b. He walked over to Julie who was adding a long list of numbers on her ten-key adding machine. “Have you ever noticed?” J Dub began.
Julie interrupted, “That Lew comes in and takes money whenever he wants to?” They exchanged glances. “Why, yes. I have.” She was disgusted with his antics and ethics too. As she hit the total key on her machine she looked up at J Dub and quietly said, “Sorry, I thought you knew.”
J Dub simply stared at Julie and shook his head. It’s as if they could communicate with each other without speaking.
“Yeah, that’s such an in-your-face way of doing it. I’m sure he’ll come up with something else before long.” Julie thought for a moment and asked, “J Dub, does he think we are just absolute idiots or what? I can’t even think about it or I’ll get mad, and we don’t want that, right?” She smirked at J Dub.
“Yeah, I’ve heard something about hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” J Dub halfheartedly laughed. Then they both were quiet. There was nothing else to say.
Chapter Nineteen
A few weeks later . . .
In spite of Lew’s one-time withdrawal from the cash register Prairie Winds continued to thrive. The relationship between J Dub and Lew was complicated. Even though a general mistrust of each other had developed, they both realized their dysfunctional need for one another to make the business perk along. J Dub understood the game; he realized what the golfers wanted and expected and he was very affable with the customers.
The phone rang at seven in the morning as J Dub was busy opening up. “Prairie Winds,” J Dub announced through the receiver.
“I just wanted to make sure that you had the place opened,” Lew’s voice said from the other end of the line. It was a familiar, but clumsy, reminder to J Dub that he was second in command behind Lew.
“Everything’s under control,” J Dub countered. Now you’re free to roll over and go back to bed, he thought.
“I don’t want you standing around. Take out the trash or rotate the beer in the cooler,” Lew ordered from the other end.
“Yes sir,” J Dub cordially responded. “I sealed the parking lot and striped it last week. There’s a lot to do around here, you know.”
“Just make sure it gets done,” Lew demanded. It was if he didn’t want anyone to short change him on the salaries that were paid
out.
“As a matter of fact, I’m heading out to the course after lunch to work on a special project,” J Dub volunteered. Some weeds had overgrown in a creek that traversed a fairway and J Dub planned on taking a weed eater out on the course to clean up the excess growth.
J Dub didn’t mind doing all of the odd jobs. They gave him an opportunity to get outside and be on the course. Plus he felt that the business would be his one day and every little bit that he did now built a stronger foundation for the future.
Later that day after the players were on the course and the pro shop was running smoothly, J Dub changed out of his golf attire and put on some shorts, a t-shirt, and work boots. “Keep an eye on things,” J Dub said to Julie. “I’m going to clean up the creek on number three.” There had been several complaints from the players about the weed growth that was occurring in and around one of the creeks that traversed the third fairway. The maintenance crew had been pre-occupied doing odd jobs and it was still too early in the season for the student help to swing into full force.
J Dub went down to the maintenance shed, grabbed a weed eater, and headed off to the job site. The players had been right. It seemed as if everything with a root system was growing in the creek bed that crossed the fairway on the third hole. The weeds were so tall that the players couldn’t see across the creek to the green.
Into the creek went J Dub. He had the weed eater on overdrive and was sending stalks, leaves, and buds flying everywhere. The sweat dripped into his eyes. Some remnants of the weeds covered his head and face. Grass clippings covered his t-shirt and shorts. His allergies kicked in causing him to sneeze.
Lew eased his motorcycle to a stop on the edge of the creek bank. “What the heck are you doing down there?” He grimaced at the sight of J Dub.
“A lot of the guys wanted the weeds knocked down in this creek,” J Dub replied.
“We can get one of the kids to get in there and do that.”
“They won’t be out of school until a few weeks from now. It’s no problem. I’ll just knock these weeds down and this will speed up play,” J Dub rationalized.
“If you keep doing this kind of stuff, then you’ll have the place shaped up in no time,” Lew stated.
“The guys were complaining that it was taking too long to find a ball if it rolled into the creek, plus the weeds were getting so high, some of the guys couldn’t even see over them.”
“Why didn’t you fire up the brush hog?” Lew asked.
“I thought about it, but the creek banks are too steep.”
“Can we get a tractor to clean it up?” Lew inquired.
“I don’t think that it will shave it very close. It’s too vertical in here.”
“Can we spray it?”
“The Department of Natural Resources will be down here in no time if they ever find out,” J Dub explained. He was well aware of the controls that the state placed on some chemical applications.
“Who will tell them? It’s private property.”
“Why take the chance? It’s no big deal to hack them down this way.”
“They’ll be back up in a few weeks,” Lew mentioned.
“Then we’ll send the kids down in here at that time.”
Lew tried his best to get J Dub away from the grunt work, but J Dub was too conscientious to let the weed problem get out of hand. “You’re doing a good job. Keep up the good work.”
Rather than pull away at that instant, Lew guided his motorcycle over to the shade of a box elder. He parked his vehicle and polished the chrome. Lew had a penchant for motorcycles. To him the golf course was a place where he could get off the road and race his cycle up and down the cart paths and across the fairways. On more than one occasion Lew would have fun on his motorcycle weaving in and out of foursomes and making a racket.
“You shouldn’t be out here on that thing,” J Dub yelled over to Lew.
“What else is this land good for?” Lew yelled back.
“A lot of the players have been complaining about the noise that it makes.”
“I’ll do what I want. This is my place.”
It was true. Lew was the principal owner of the golf course. No one could dare tell him what to do. The old man riding over the course on a motor driven bike was ridiculous and smacked of disrespect to any paying customer. But Lew didn’t care. It was his place and he felt as if he could do what he wanted to do. Lew was in the moment of enjoying himself and decided he would let J Dub worry about the customers. After all, he had what he wanted.
Lew was not a “people” person by any stretch of the imagination. He depended on J Dub to give first class treatment to the clientele and he needed his expertise on what to do with the course. Lew, despite his lack of people skills, was very good with equipment and machinery. It seemed as if the only items that he could relate to were the inanimate objects, such as tractors, mowers, and motorcycles, as well as dozers, scrapers, and backhoes. It didn’t take much for Lew to look at an engine to see why it sputtered. A mechanic’s world is black and white. His hands may be rough with calluses but the formula never changed in fixing an engine. People on the other hand, weren’t quite so easy to figure out.
“Hey J Dub, you’ve been working your tail off around here. Go ahead and take off early today.”
“Okay, I will as soon as I finish up this creek.”
Lew pulled off and gunned the engine of his cycle. The muffler noise disturbed the tranquility of the golf course.
J Dub stopped working for a second. His eyes followed the trail of the cycle as he became even more exasperated with Lew’s antics on the course. He couldn’t help but wonder what would compel anyone to take a joy ride on a motorcycle across a golf course.
It wasn’t much longer before J Dub wrapped up the work in the creek and walked into the pro shop. He was hot and sweaty and covered with weeds. “Keep the old fart busy and out of here,” Julie said. J Dub chuckled and thought about how Lew’s eccentricities drove both of them crazy.
J Dub reached for a glass of water. “He’s got more BS projects . . .” and bit off his thought to keep from getting even more annoyed.
“ . . . than the government,” Julie concluded. “Just keep him away from me.” She handed him an envelope and mockingly held her hands up in surrender. “He told me to give this to you. I don’t know anything, I just work here.”
J Dub wiped his brow on his sleeve and slid his work glove off his hand with his teeth. He opened the envelope to find a note from Lew. In the envelope was a set of keys. He glanced out the window to see Lew’s old pickup sitting in the parking lot.
“What’s he up to now?” asked Julie.
“I got after him for having that motorcycle out on the course.”
“Then what?” Julie pried.
“He told me to mind my own business. Now he gave me his old pickup,” an amazed J Dub said. “Try to figure that one out.”
“He’s about as tough to read as a newspaper in Braille,” Julie commented.
“The minute you think you have him figured out, he pulls something different out of his hat,” J Dub replied confused.
“He either doesn’t want us to know too much about him or he doesn’t want to be predictable,” Julie commented.
“It makes it tough to function when you don’t know what side of him is going to shine on any given day,” J Dub replied.
“ . . . On any given day?” Julie shouted. “You don’t know what you’re going to get from him at any given minute. He can change his mood quicker than a runway model can change her clothes.”
J Dub chuckled to himself. He loved the way that Julie could assess a situation and come up with a witty analogy, a real spitfire from the South. “We’re all in this together. I guess we’ll have to get used to it. As much time as we spend together, we need to keep peace in the family,” J Dub compromised.
“Whatever you say,” was all Julie managed to comment.
“The way he likes to control will have us all on an emotio
nal roller coaster before this ride is done.”
Chapter Twenty
Later that spring . . .
J Dub peered out the window of the pro shop and noticed Marcia parking their car. He had a grin from ear to ear as he rushed to help Marcia open the door. She had Gail in one arm and a picnic basket in the other.
“Well, lookee there,” J Dub exclaimed.
“I thought that you might like some lunch,” Marcia said with a glistening smile. She was getting out of their apartment more and more now. Gail was getting old enough to travel around town a little better. The family situation had been steadily improving for J Dub.
Marcia had resumed the catering activities she had started when they first got married. She put things on hold for a few months during the latter stages of her pregnancy and the early weeks of Gail’s life. However, Marcia started taking on a few light jobs that would give her the opportunity to make an extra buck or two for the family.
Today, she decided to kill a couple of birds with one stone. Not only could she bring some lunch to J Dub, she could bring Gail to the golf course for the first time. It gave J Dub a great opportunity to introduce his little girl to the boys.
J Dub gave his wife a peck on the lips for her thoughtfulness. In so doing he grabbed Gail out of her arms. “Hey guys, here’s my little girl,” J Dub shouted to the boys that were congregated around a table in the back of the pro shop.
Fred shouted back from the rear of the room, “Teach him how to putt, J Dub. That’s something that we cain’t do!” he belly laughed long and loud as he pounded the table with his meaty fist, laughing at his own wit.
“What does pink mean?” asked J Dub as he mugged a ridiculous face at Fred. It was obvious that Fred did not notice that Gail was dressed in pink and was not a little boy. The boys in the back laughed it up at Fred’s expense.