by James Ross
It was late September and the foliage around the lake brought out the reddest reds and the orangest oranges. This occasion provided an instance for J Dub to break away for a few days and join the guys. He only played a half dozen times a year and was a late addition to fill out the group after Rollie had passed away. Two new guys joined the regulars on this go around. They had been showing up at the clubhouse and playing golf with the boys, so now decided to step out of their routines and join the Prairie Winds group. The guys were thrilled to welcome Scottie P. Lampe and Yuuto Chikuda to their excursion. The stay promised good weather and some fabulous male bonding.
After they finished checking in, the guys hurried over to the golf course. The plan was to get an afternoon round in, stay the night, and play thirty-six holes the next day. After staying a second night they planned on getting up at dawn to get an early morning round in on getaway day. That way they could get back to St. Louis before the rush hour traffic hit the interstates around town.
It promised to be a fun day on the links after the balls were thrown on the first tee. Fred and Pork Chop were paired with Dr. DV, the older veterinarian, and Scottie P, the retired, gay, luxury used car salesman. The second group consisted of Paul, the retired military recruitment officer, Paco, the Hispanic landscape company owner, J Dub, and BT. The final foursome included Curt, Elia, the Middle Eastern barber, Captain Jer and Yuuto. Let the games begin and the beverages flow. In the case of Fred and Pork Chop, they couldn’t wait to chow down on the snacks that the cart girl offered.
Six or seven holes into the round a couple of balls were hit off to the right and found a low lying area near a creek that meandered along the edge of the woods. Dr. DV and Scottie P pulled their cart over to the edge of the fairway. They had been talking and Scottie P continued with his story as they stomped through the creek and the accompanying tree line. “Anyway, the guy got late with his payments so I had to call the phone number that he had left on his credit application,” Scottie P relayed.
Dr. DV had his head down looking for balls. “Go ahead, I’m listening.”
“So I asked for James,” Scottie P said. He was a couple feet into the woods and kicking at leaves in search of the errant ball. “The voice on the other end of the phone said that there was no James that lived at that address.”
“If they owed money, I can see that happening,” Dr. DV agreed.
“This went on and on for over five minutes and then finally I asked if they were sure that no James George Washington lived at that address,” Scottie P continued as he kicked over another pile of leaves.
Dr. DV chuckled. “Was he living in the garage?”
“No,” Scottie P answered. “But they continued to deny it and then they asked me how I spelled it.” Dr. DV stopped and turned to Scottie P wondering how James could be spelled anyway but the common way. “So I said J-A-M-E-S,” Scottie P went on.
“Like that was going to turn the light on,” Dr. DV said.
“But it did!” Scottie P declared. “The voice on the other end said ‘Oh, you mean Jameeze.”
The two roared at the ending of the tale as Fred and Pork Chop inched their way toward them. Dr. DV felt nature calling and loped away from the guys. He went over to a side of the creek to relieve himself. “Hey Fred, now’s my chance,” Pork Chop whispered.
“Your chance for what?” Fred asked.
“Captain Jer has always talked about how much of a ladies’ man Dr. DV was in his younger days,” Pork Chop answered.
“So? What’s that got to do with us looking for golf balls?”
“Look over there,” Pork Chop whispered. Dr. DV was standing on the edge of the creek with his back to the guys. He had placed both hands on his hips and was enjoying the moment.
“And?” Fred asked as he peered at the vet. “He’s starting to take a leak.”
“Captain Jer always said that he thought the doc had a . . .” Pork Chop paused and then carried on, “you know.” He spread his hands apart.
“A big schlong?” Fred probed.
“Yeah!” Pork Chop said as he inched toward Dr. DV. “I’m going to kick some leaves and stroll over there to check things out.”
“You’re a mess!” Fred said as he chuckled at his buddy. “Don’t bother giving me the report on what you find out.”
Pork Chop inched up behind Dr. DV. He was acting like he was looking for the golf balls. As he got closer he stopped. His mouth flew open. He was standing directly behind the doctor, maybe eight to ten feet away. Oh my! Pork Chop could see something hanging between Dr. DV’s legs. The urine was streaming out and splashing off of a flat rock that was on the side of the creek. The force of the spray was so great that it extended to an area near Pork Chop’s feet. Mesmerized, Pork Chop spent a frozen moment watching Dr. DV. A few seconds later he turned and ran back to Fred. Pork Chop was huffing and puffing as he worked his way back over to the golf cart that his buddy was standing by.
“You’re as white as a sheet,” Fred said as he started to laugh. “Did you get scared or something?”
“No! No! No!” Pork Chop cried out. “You wouldn’t believe it!”
Fred was grabbing his side from the laughter. “What?”
“I mean I’d have to put ten of mine together, end to end, to even come close to having something like that!” Pork Chop spread his hands apart. Fred was hysterical. “I’ve heard of the home of the whopper but I thought that was some hamburger joint.” Pork Chop flopped into the golf cart.
“What’s wrong with you?” Fred asked as he noticed that his friend was hyperventilating.
“Oh, I’m just a little winded from coming up that hill I guess,” Pork Chop panted.
Fred was laughing so hard that his belly was shaking. “Did you see something that took your breath away?”
“Oh my,” Pork Chop said as he panted for air. He shook his head in disbelief. “I’ve never seen anything like that. Even the splash was hitting me!”
“You got that close to him?”
“No! I was ten feet away!” Pork Chop shouted to his buddy. “Heck I’ve got to grab mine and pull on it with two hands just to get it out far enough to not pee on my shorts and shoes.” Fred had tears streaming down his face. He looked over to the creek and saw Dr. DV shaking the drops off the tail end of his business and tucking things away. “He’s liable to kill some woman with that thing!”
“Then maybe Captain Jer isn’t so full of it after all,” Fred said. “Now you know.”
“Know what?”
“Why Dr. DV was so popular with the ladies,” Fred said. “It isn’t all about money.”
“I thought for a minute there that I was standing in the paddock area over at Hoof and Bridle Park.”
The visualization hit a funny nerve on Fred. “You are something else,” Fred said as he shook his head back and forth. “We’ve got better things to do out here than check out the size of . . .”
“Here’s one!” Scottie P yelled out. “Who’s playing a Titleist with four blue dots?”
“That’s mine!” Pork Chop shouted out as the color started coming back to his face.
“Good. Hit it and let’s get out of here,” Fred said. “I’ve had enough of your adventures in the woods.”
Pork Chop took a deep breath, dragged himself out of the cart, and sauntered over to identify his ball.
CHAPTER THIRTY
After eating dinner at the casino buffet a lot of the guys congregated around the stage to watch their local celebrity, BowTye, perform as Peel It Backe. As he had so many times in the past, Peel It Backe had the crowd up on its feet moving and shaking to the beat of the rockabilly blues that he had perfected in river towns and honky tonk bars all up and down the Mississippi, from New Orleans to north of the Quad Cities near the Iowa/Minnesota line. Playing on the banks of the Ohio River was unique in its own way. Hordes of female patrons, dressed in tight blue jeans, white blouses, and red bandanas around their neck shook their money makers and tapped their cowboy boots
to the unique sound created by the living legend.
Any one of the guys that wanted to have a dance companion could pretty much take their pick. The area around the stage was crammed with party-going revelers. But something else was pulling Pork Chop away from the stage. “Who wants to shove a few hundies in the slots?” he asked as he headed for the machines.
Dr. DV, Curt and Yuuto followed their friend to the high-dollar slots room. “We can still hear the music in here,” Curt said.
“Let’s hope that we can make something else sing,” Pork Chop joked as he referred to the sound that he wanted a winning payout to make.
“How you play dese tings?” Yuuto asked.
“What are you talking about?” Pork Chop blasted his new friend. “You Orientals live in the casinos back home.”
“Not me,” Yuuto said as he pointed his thumb at his chest.
“I never met a Chinese person or a family member that didn’t lay a bet down,” Pork Chop claimed.
“Me no Chinese,” Yuuto said as he defended his country’s honor. “Me Japanese.”
Pork Chop continued the rant. “What difference does it make?” He slid a hundred dollar bill in a slot. “All you people on the other side of the ocean look the same.”
Dr. DV and Curt intervened. “Come on Pork Chop, lay off of him a little,” Curt said. “He just started coming out and playing with us.”
“He only walked over here to gamble with us,” Dr. DV maintained.
Pork Chop noticed a slot machine he wasn’t familiar with. “Hey, they don’t have this one in the Aqua Mermaid,” he said. He went over to the machine and pressed onto the screen. Different symbols and icons appeared. “Here Yuuto.” He handed three hundred dollars to the Japanese businessman. “Maybe we can win on this one.”
“I no need your money,” Yuuto said as he backed away.
“No, no. Take it,” Pork Chop urged. “You play for me. It’s got dogfights and kamikaze pilots and war games over the ocean. Maybe you’ll do better at it than me.”
Yuuto’s overbite rested on his lower lip. He glanced at Pork Chop and shook his head, as did Dr. DV and Curt. The doctor turned to Curt and said, “Did he tell you what he did today?”
Pork Chop overheard the comment. “No, we’re not going to visit that topic.” He turned back to the machine that he was playing.
“Why?” Curt pried. “What happened?”
Pork Chop looked over at Dr. DV. “I saw something that would scare the dead!” The guys started laughing as Pork Chop returned to his incessant pushing of the buttons.
“That’s what you get for sneaking up behind me.”
Meanwhile . . .
The bar called Hot Stuff was located a few blocks away from the graffiti-covered flood walls in the historic section of downtown Paducah, Kentucky. Even though the brutal days of summer were in the rear view mirror, the pleasant autumn night had a hint of a chill as the late night hour approached. The open flood gates offered a romantic view of the Ohio River as it gently rolled toward its end near the convergence with the Mississippi. At a back table the shadows revealed the figure of a man and younger woman.
As the minutes ticked away they appeared no different than any other customer in the bar. That was part of the allure. The two of them could easily blend in with everyone else that was occupying the premises. His charm was contagious. After listening to his stories she found him irresistible. “Let’s get out of here,” he suggested as he gazed into her eyes. His persuasive look had a hypnotic effect on the younger woman.
“Why don’t you follow me?” the dark-haired, late-twenties woman suggested.
His smile could have said it all but he still offered the perfect phrase. “I never thought you’d ask.” The words had barely left his lips when he stood up and helped her with her chair. His actions had become skillfully polished over the years.
The young woman didn’t mind. That was part of the attraction. This moment had been building for quite some time. The circumstance leant itself to the excitement and mystery of what was to happen next. The surroundings and atmosphere fueled the desire.
In a few moments they were pulling into the lot of a local motel within a block of I-24, the main thoroughfare connecting the state of Illinois to Nashville, Tennessee and other points south. He parked his car several spots away from hers to be as inconspicuous as possible. But he was at her door the minute she popped it open.
Since he was the perfect gentleman he offered to carry her overnight bag. Just as quickly he slipped his free arm around her waist. His one-liners had relaxed her. She had made a new friend. He had such a soft and romantic way about him. Plus he always seemed to say the right thing at the right time. She was smitten with her new acquaintance.
Within seconds of removing the card key from the lock, they were alone in a room that primarily consisted of a king-sized bed. The resonance in his voice made her hormones scream for more of him. Her mind was playing tricks on her. Could this be the guy that I’ve been searching for all my life? A perfectly timed peck on the lips followed an instant after the dead bolt was secured. She smiled with encouragement as she looked up to him and their eyes connected. A deeper kiss, wet with passion, caused her body to go limp as she offered herself to him. Her eyes closed as his hands maneuvered her hips and his mouth caressed her neck.
He was adept at hitting all of the erogenous zones. Very skilled. And it was exactly what she had desired. It was the reason that she made the trip away from home. Her infatuation with the older man skyrocketed in a short period of time. She craved the mysterious moment that was coming next.
The sex was phenomenal. He had gotten what he wanted, but it was hard to say whether she wanted it more. At least she sure acted like it. The heated tryst as well as the animalistic passion was what she hungered. She felt free to release. And that she did—over and over again.
Satisfied at last, she closed her eyes and curled up in the safety of his arms. He held her tightly, sweetly. She moved closer and wrapped her legs around his. His embrace tightened in response, and then tightened some more.
He was hurting her, and as she struggled and began to call for help, a gag filled her mouth. Her eyes filled with terror. He looked into them while he crushed and smothered the breath out of her body.
She had stopped fighting now; her breath gone and her eyes fixed on him. No liaison would be complete without photos. He closed her eyes, pulled her mouth back into a satisfied smile, and snapped a couple shots before slipping stealth fully out the door.
Back at the casino . . .
Pork Chop and the boys had been holding their own. “We need to come down here more often,” he said as Curt reached over his shoulder and hit the cash out button. “These Gurgling Sheba slots are a lot looser than the ones at the Aqua Mermaid.”
“Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing?” Pork Chop demanded.
“I’m forcing you to take some profit,” Curt answered. “You know how much of a problem you have with that.”
“Yeah, but I was just getting ready to hit it big!” The symbols had repeated and changed so often that Pork Chop slipped into the state of a zombie. Gambling fever had taken over his body and soul. His eyes looked hypnotized.
“We’ve all heard that before, haven’t we?” Dr. DV added.
“As he walks out the door cussing the casino,” Curt said. He smiled at his golfing buddy. “You’ll thank me tomorrow. Now get away from the machines for a while and calm down.” He handed the ticket to Pork Chop. “Or would you rather have me keep this and give it to you tomorrow?”
Pork Chop reached out to grab the ticket and then suddenly pulled his hand back. “You hold it. I’ll take it tomorrow.”
“Since when did better judgment creep into your thought process?” Dr. DV asked.
“It’s been a good night. I don’t need to keep playing them hard and risk giving it back,” Pork Chop rationalized after the excitement had cooled down.
“I’ve got to get my rest,” Curt s
aid. “There are only a few more chemo treatments left and I don’t want to get too run down.” He turned to leave. Just as he was starting to walk away Captain Jer sauntered up to the group. He was so drunk he could barely stand up.
“Look what the wind blew in,” Pork Chop declared. “Where have you been all night?”
“Playing video poker at the bar, listening to the shoeshine boy sing,” Captain Jer said as he slurred all of his words together. He turned to Dr. DV who was his chauffeur at home and said, “Can you drive me home?”
Curt and Pork Chop and Dr. DV all exchanged glances. Their buddy was so hammered that he didn’t even realize that they were out of town and all he had to do was walk through the lobby and take the elevator up to his floor. “You’ve got a room in the hotel Jer. Just walk to it and sleep it off,” Dr. DV urged convincingly. “We’ve got thirty-six to play tomorrow.” Captain Jer couldn’t focus his eyes on his buddy. “The wake-up call is six a.m.”
“I may not make it,” Captain Jer begged off.
“My tailpipe,” Pork Chop interjected. He never cursed. “You’re not going to ruin our trip. All the foursomes are set. I’ll pound on your door until you answer it.”
Captain Jer rocked to and fro. It looked like he was on a listing cruise ship and rolling with the waves. Yuuto cashed out of the slot machine that he was playing and walked up to Pork Chop with a voucher. “YouWho!” Captain Jer exclaimed. He put his arm around the Japanese businessman, partly to tell a story about the round that they played together earlier in the day and partly to steady himself.
“Ah so, Captain Jer,” Yuuto started. He couldn’t help but smile at the former pilot. “He got early start. Me have to drive cart on course.”