Better Late Than Never

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Curtis looked at her and then away. Partly because he knew she was right, and partly because he could never see himself doing that. The man had beaten him more times than he could remember, and in order to forgive him, Curtis would have to relive everything. It was bad enough that his conversations with Trina were dredging up painful memories and opening raw wounds, but to have to face his whole childhood and then forgive a monstrous father? He just couldn’t see it. He knew not forgiving every single person in your life, dead or alive, went against God’s Word, but…

  “I know how hard it’ll be, but I really think it’s best,” Trina said. “And you’ll feel so much better when you do. You’ll be free. Just like I am, now that I’ve forgiven you.”

  Curtis heard what his sister was saying, and although he couldn’t imagine doing any of what she was suggesting, he nodded anyway. He led her to think that he agreed with her, and all he could hope was that she wouldn’t bring this up again. Especially when he wasn’t planning to forgive their father—ever.

  Chapter 14

  Charlotte and Curtina walked into the sanctuary of the church, and as expected, Curtina was still pouting and not speaking to anyone unless they basically forced her. And even then, she answered all questions with as few words as possible and barely looked at the person she was responding to. Curtis still instructed her to look at him whenever he asked her something, but Charlotte no longer tried. It just wasn’t worth it to her, and while she did love Curtina with all her heart, this whole preteen insanity wasn’t something she’d signed up for. It wasn’t something Charlotte had ever seen the need to prepare for, and she doubted most other parents had, either. Although, maybe she and Curtis were a lot more naïve than they were willing to admit. Maybe their little angel had always been a grown-acting drama queen in the making, and they just hadn’t noticed the signs.

  As they continued down to the front of the sanctuary, Curtina finally said something. “Mom, why can’t I sit with my friends? I sit with them every Sunday.”

  Charlotte looked at her with a straight face. “You’re sitting with me, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”

  Now Curtina slowed her pace, walking a couple of steps behind Charlotte, and as soon as they arrived at the middle section of the front row, which was reserved for the first family and their guests, Curtina sat in the third seat from the aisle. She left the first two seats open for Curtis and Charlotte.

  But just as Charlotte prepared to sit next to her, one of the members of the church, Priscilla Brown, walked up to her.

  “Lady Charlotte…how are you?” she said in a fake, singsong tone, even though Charlotte had recently made it known to the entire congregation that she didn’t want to be called “Lady” anything. Sister Black or just Charlotte suited her fine.

  “I’m good,” Charlotte answered. “How are you?”

  “I’m doing well, and thanks so much for asking.”

  Charlotte couldn’t stand her, but she didn’t want to act ugly. Not when all their members expected her to love and respect everyone—even if some of the women at the church, like Priscilla, wanted Curtis to be more than just their pastor. There had even been a time when Priscilla would go out of her way to speak to Curtis and then pretend she didn’t see Charlotte standing only inches away from him. That is, until that day when Charlotte had decided she was going to end this game Priscilla kept playing once and for all. And she hadn’t minced words with her, either. Instead, Charlotte had walked right between Curtis and Priscilla, even though they’d only been standing two feet apart, and told her, “From here on out, if you can’t speak to me, too, don’t bother speaking to my husband ever again.”

  “Hi, Miss Curtina,” the woman now said. “How are you, sweetie?”

  But Curtina seemed just as unenthused as Charlotte. “Hi.”

  Priscilla seemed uncomfortable and ultimately realized that neither Charlotte nor Curtina wanted anything to do with her. “Well, I’d better go find a seat,” she said. “Oh, and by the way, I love that suit you’re wearing, Lady Charlotte. Those colors look great on you.”

  “Thank you,” Charlotte forced herself to say, all while wondering when Priscilla would end her phony commentary. And wipe that bogus smile from her face.

  When she finally left, Charlotte shook her head, and seconds later, Sonya Miller approached her. Sonya was the vice chairwoman of Deliverance Outreach’s women’s ministry, and since Charlotte served as chairwoman, they worked closely together.

  “Good morning, Sister Black.”

  “Good morning,” Charlotte said, smiling and hugging her, because Sonya had proven time and time again to be both genuine and loyal, and Charlotte loved her for that.

  “So, I know service is about to get started, but I was thinking yesterday how we really need to start discussing the church’s twentieth anniversary. At least the early planning of it, anyway.”

  Charlotte nodded, but she didn’t want to think about something so far away. “I agree, but since it’s not for another year, we have more than enough time to prepare.”

  “Yes, but a number of other ministries have already had their first meeting, and if nothing else, we need to figure out how the women of the church are going to contribute to the overall celebration. In the past, we’ve hosted a women’s luncheon, a fashion show, a weekend retreat, and a ladies’ night out event, so I was thinking that since this particular anniversary will mark such an important milestone, maybe we could do all of the above. Maybe we could do one event every month for the four months leading up to the final celebration.”

  To be honest, the church’s anniversary was the last thing on Charlotte’s mind. Even when her mom had brought it up the other day, she hadn’t wanted to think about it then, either. But she didn’t want to be rude to Sonya, so she said, “Maybe that’s the way to go. Doing something four months in a row.”

  Sonya beamed. “Really? Because I wasn’t sure you’d be okay with our having to plan and do so much work.”

  “We have a lot of women who probably won’t mind helping, so I think we’ll be fine. Why don’t you call me on Tuesday, and we’ll talk about it then.”

  “Sounds good,” she said, smiling and then glancing over at Curtina. “Good morning, beautiful.”

  Curtina’s face brightened, and strangely enough, she smiled. “Good morning, Miss Sonya.”

  “Okay, well, I’ll see you later,” Sonya told Charlotte.

  “See ya.”

  Charlotte took her seat, surprised about how polite Curtina had been to Sonya. Curtina had always liked Sonya, of course, but with the way she’d been acting, Charlotte hadn’t expected her to smile at anyone this morning. Although it just went to show that, no matter the situation, most daughters liked who their mothers liked and they didn’t like who their mothers didn’t like, too. Hence, the reason Curtina’s greeting to Priscilla had fallen on the cool side and her demeanor toward Sonya had been a lot warmer.

  A few more minutes passed, and Alicia and Levi walked in, as did Matthew and Stacey. They all hugged each other, and while Charlotte still didn’t want to be there, seeing her family always made her feel better. It made sitting through service and dealing with women like Priscilla much less irritating.

  “So how are you, little sis?” Alicia said to Curtina.

  “Good.”

  Alicia stood in front of her baby sister. “Good? Is that all you have to say?”

  Curtina hunched her shoulders.

  “You and I need to talk,” Alicia said.

  Curtina looked at her dumbfounded. “About what?”

  Alicia folded her arms. “I heard you were out of school last week.”

  Matthew stood next to his older sister. “She was, and she’s been doing a few other things she shouldn’t be, too.”

  Curtina frowned. “Whatever, Matt.”

  “You know it’s true.”

  Curtina turned her body toward Charlotte and looked toward the pulpit.

  “Are Grandpa and Gran
dma still coming?” Matthew asked.

  “Yes,” Charlotte said, turning to look behind her. She scanned all the members who had already arrived and saw her parents heading toward them. “Here they come now.”

  Charlotte stood up and hugged them, and once they’d said hello and embraced everyone else, they sat down. Joe took a seat next to Curtina, and Noreen sat between him and Matthew. Alicia and Levi sat on the other side of Stacey, and not long after, Stacey’s parents walked in as well. Then Porsha joined them, too. Dillon was always behind the scenes directing the broadcast, so he rarely got a chance to sit with them during service.

  When everyone was seated, Charlotte glanced across Curtina at her father. “Are you okay, Daddy?”

  “Uh-huh. Why do you ask?”

  “You look a little tired,” she said, not wanting to tell him he was slightly sweating across his forehead.

  “Well, as much as I hate saying it, I think your old dad is coming down with something. I never get sick, but I think I might be getting some kind of bug.”

  “Then how come you drove all the way here?” Charlotte asked. “You should be in bed before you get worse.”

  “And miss my great-grandson leading a song today? I wouldn’t miss that for anything, and I would never disappoint him.”

  Charlotte and her mom made eye contact and both shook their heads, laughing.

  Joe ignored them and looked over at his granddaughter. “I’ve been getting some bad reports on you, young lady,” he said, smiling. “But I know this is only temporary, right?”

  “Nobody understands me, Grandpa. They don’t want me going anywhere besides school, church, and home. And they took my phone away from me,” she said with tears in her voice. “They think I’m a baby.”

  Joe placed his arm around his granddaughter. “I’m sure it might seem that way, because believe it or not, I was once your age, too.”

  Curtina sniffled but looked shocked.

  Joe half laughed. “Hard to imagine, huh? But it’s true. And so were your grandma, your mom and dad, and your aunt and uncles. We were all children who grew up thinking we should be able to do whatever we wanted. But in the end, what we found out was that our parents were right to be strict. We learned that it was their job to guide us, teach us, and discipline us as best they could.”

  “But I just want to hang out with my friends.”

  “I understand that, and you’ll be able to in due time. In a few years, you’ll be graduating and heading off to college. Then you’ll be in your twenties, working, paying bills, and dealing with life on life’s terms. You’ll be an adult, and that’s when you’ll think back to these days. That’s when you’ll wish you were twelve again and living in the comfort of your parents’ home with no responsibilities.”

  “I don’t think so,” she said proudly. “I can’t wait to be in my twenties, so I can be happy again.”

  Charlotte was glad the parishioners were all chatting among themselves, because she would never want them to hear this nonsense Curtina was talking. Being a difficult, smart-mouthed child was bad enough, but being a difficult, smart-mouthed pastor’s daughter was much worse. It shouldn’t have been, but just as she’d learned that pastors’ wives couldn’t make the same mistakes as most other women—and gain the same kind of understanding—pastors’ children had to stay on their best behavior more than any other child, too.

  Charlotte crossed her legs and smiled when she saw her grandson strutting in from one of the side doors and down the front row.

  “Hi, Nana,” he said, hugging Charlotte. “Hi, Curtina. Hi, Grandpa Joe,” he said, hugging them, too.

  “How’s my great-grandson doing this morning?”

  “I’m good, Grandpa. And excited.”

  Joe laughed. “I’m sure you are, and we’re all excited, too.”

  “And my music teacher is even here. I saw her a few minutes ago.”

  “That’s great,” Joe said. “I’m glad she could make it.”

  MJ hugged the rest of his family members—every single one of them—and then hurried back out the side door. Charlotte had heard Matthew asking him if he was even supposed to be in the sanctuary at all, but MJ had ignored the question, smiled, and waved good-bye to his dad. He was such a happy child. So intelligent, good-hearted, and loving. He was all that Curtina had been only a few months ago.

  When another five minutes passed, the praise and worship team took their positions, singing beautiful, uplifting songs. Then one of the leaders prayed an awesome and very moving prayer, and Charlotte couldn’t deny that it was during these kinds of moments that she didn’t mind being there. She loved God and always would, but she just couldn’t continue living her life the way she was. She needed an opportunity to be herself without having to defend her statements or actions against public opinion. She also didn’t want to have to dread seeing women like Priscilla or even have wonderful women such as Sonya constantly asking her to do yet something else. Get on a conference call. Come to a meeting. Make a decision as soon as possible. Add another event to her already overloaded church calendar. Listen to complaints from members who would never be satisfied with anything, even if you made things absolutely perfect for them.

  Just before praise and worship ended, Curtis walked in, stood next to Charlotte, and then walked into the pulpit.

  “This is the day the Lord hath made, so let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

  “Amen,” the members of the congregation said.

  “As always, it is great to be in the house of the Lord just one more time. It’s great to be alive and well. Great to wake up another morning in good health, both mentally and physically,” he said, looking toward the ceiling, “and Father God, I thank You for Your unconditional love, Your mercy, Your grace, and Your favor upon our lives.”

  “Amen,” everyone commented.

  “By now, some of you may have heard that my sister is very ill, so I’m asking all of you if you would please pray for her healing. She has been diagnosed with a very aggressive form of cancer, and as of this month, she’s decided to end all treatments.”

  “Oh my,” Charlotte heard some of the members saying, while others shook their heads with sadness.

  “This has already become one of the most trying times of my life, and I am asking that you please pray for me and my family as well. Especially my brother-in-law, niece, and nephew. I’m asking that you pray for our strength and the understanding of God’s will. Because no matter what, we will still give God the glory. We will love and trust our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ through all of it.”

  “Amen,” the congregation said again while nodding in agreement and applauding.

  “Still, even as I stand here before you, trusting God, I can’t deny how hard this is for me. Trina is my baby sister. My only sibling. And many of you have heard me talk about her over the years. You’ve heard me share about our estranged relationship and how I walked out on her and my mom as soon as I graduated high school. I’ve always been so ashamed of that, but now the guilt that I feel and the regret I can’t seem to overcome…well, it’s now taking all the prayer and faith I have just to be there for her without weeping or being sad the whole time. It’s tough because I can’t change everything that happened. Which is why my hope is that my mistakes will serve as an example to all of you of what not to do. My hope is that you will love your family members and friends, no matter what. And if you’re sitting here right now, knowing that you haven’t spoken to a loved one for years—or even months—all because you believe they betrayed you in some way, it’s time you rethink your position. Or maybe they didn’t support you the way you thought they should when you started your business. Maybe they borrowed money from you and never paid it back. Maybe your brother, sister, cousin, friend, or whomever it might be talked badly about you behind your back. Well, whatever your reason is, my advice to you is to stop, think long and hard, and then ask yourself if it’s worth it. Because, church, I’m here to tell you right now, life is precious. It�
��s short. It’s delicate. And there might come a time when you won’t get any do-overs. You won’t have a chance to make up for lost time. You’ll end up like me, trying to cram all the years I missed with my sister into every hour that I’m finally able to spend with her now. Or you could end up worse. You could go years being angry with and not speaking to your loved one and then discover that they’ve passed away. So I’m asking you…begging you…to please don’t make the horrible mistake I made. Please do the right thing while you still have a chance, before it’s too late.”

  Tears streamed down both sides of Curtis’s face, and Charlotte and most everyone else cried with him. The pain her husband felt was heartbreaking, and Charlotte prayed that God would soon give him the peace he needed.

  Curtis pulled a handkerchief from inside his suit jacket and wiped his face. He took a deep breath and grabbed the glass podium with both hands. “So now that I’ve preached a mini sermon,” he said, smiling, and the congregation laughed. “I didn’t mean to do that, but I just needed to share with all of you what I’m going through. Also, if you don’t see me on some Sunday mornings or at Bible study, it will only mean that I’m spending time in the Chicago area with my sister. So I hope you all can bear with some of my absences.”

  Everyone nodded with their support and approval.

  Curtis always gave what he called his pastoral observations before the choir sang, but today his heart was full, and Charlotte was glad he’d spoken to the congregation the way he had.

  “Before the children’s choir comes in, I want to acknowledge two very special people who are here visiting with us today: my father-in-law and mother-in-law, Joe and Noreen. I know they’ve been here many times, but I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you for being the best in-laws a man could ask for. And thank you for driving over to see your great-grandson lead one of the songs this morning, because for the past two weeks he’s been acting as though he was getting ready for a Broadway solo debut. And he wanted everyone in the world to be here.”