I have been feeling a little guilty about all that. Even if I actually can be good for her, which I’m still not entirely convinced of, I’m definitely bad for her schedule. “That’s an amazing idea, actually. I’m not sure how well it would be received since humans aren’t all that welcome there, but I’m sure a lot of us could use it. It’d probably do all those vampires in the art class some good too.”
“I’m already one vampire’s therapist,” she squeals. “So I have credentials.”
I stare. “How? I mean, you said you had a fiend client already, but a vampire? I know they can mingle in society pretty easily, but they’re really rare.”
“They are? You’d mentioned them before, so I assumed they were as common in real life as they are in fiction.”
I shake my head and realize she probably can’t see it. “No. I’m not close to too many, but from what I know, they’re kind of endangered.”
“Oh. Huh.” She considers this for a few seconds, toying with the fur under my shirt. “He was just turned. I guess they’re making conservation efforts. Good for them.”
She handles this stuff so well. I was more thrown by everything when I first learned about it, and I was already part of it. “Yeah. Who’d want undead creatures that feed on humans to die off?”
She tugs at my fur. “I certainly wouldn’t,” she insists, her voice firm and commanding as she pulls away, glaring. “I won’t have you talking that way. You’re perfect just the way you are, and you certainly shouldn’t want people like you to die off.”
“Sorry.”
“Wanna watch anything on your new TV?”
“Maybe. I bought some DVDs of shows that I never got to finish.”
“That sounds amazing. I don’t have any other plans this weekend. I’ll grab some microwave popcorn, and we can curl up on the couch and binge a whole season. Did you buy any?”
“I did, actually.” It was one of the only food things I thought to get. I smile. “I can’t eat the popcorn, but that sounds amazing. Well, if you wanted to do that this weekend, maybe we should do something else tonight?” I’m so subtle.
Seductively licking her lips, she takes a step toward me, her hand running down my back again. “And just what did you have in mind?”
I can do this. I won’t attack her. We’ll be okay. “I…” I swallow and inhale and exhale slowly, trying to gather myself. “This morning gave me a few ideas. Maybe we could…well, you know.”
One of her hands drifts over my hip, sliding down to my thigh. “I don’t know. What were you thinking of?”
Her hand slips under my waistband, touching just beside my…fuck, I’m so inexperienced I don’t even know what word to use. I guess labia, but that’s so technical and doesn’t sound sexy. Lips? “I don’t really know what I’m doing.”
Her laughing against my chest is not exactly making me feel more sexy or comfortable.
“Liz,” I whine.
“I’ll take the lead. I do know what I’m doing. Let’s go up to the bedroom.”
I nod. “Okay. I bought a few things that James—another friend of mine—said could make this easier for us and won’t have me in biting range.”
“I suppose I can live without biting.”
“Liz! This is really hard for me.”
Sighing, she looks up, looking almost ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry. I know.” She scrunches her eyes shut and blows out a harsh breath. “Okay. Grab the toys and meet me upstairs.”
I can do that.
When I open the door to the bedroom, she’s already lying in my new bed, naked and bared to the world, to me, with only a leather strap around her belly. The ice inside me feels like it’s melting, perhaps literally, as warmth spreads through me from between my legs. I’d always imagined this, and it’s so much better than I could have pictured. Her smile melts me all the more as I approach. Without thinking, I run my hand along her smooth tanned thigh, careful not to let a talon scrape her. My gaze travels down her body, her short black hair, her warm, marbled brown eyes taking me in and actually wanting me, her inviting smile, powerful shoulders, tantalizing breasts that only partially make me want to bite them in a non-sexual way, and the curve of her belly and hips leading down to those beckoning thighs on her long legs. She really does want me. I don’t know how or why, but I would do anything to keep seeing that look in her eyes. “God, you’re beautiful.”
Her eyes trail over me, and I do my best not to flee. “Let me see you too. Please,” she adds.
With a quick nod, I pull my shirt off, revealing my stretched chest with barely any fat or muscle left, my exaggerated shoulders and flat belly. At least I have one trait I wanted when I was alive.
“Wow.” Her breath catches as she takes me in. “Keep going.”
The sweats join their brethren on the floor, and I close my eyes. No one has ever seen me like this and lived. My legs are almost bones, with barely enough flesh to cover them, and my hips protrude out even farther than my shoulders, with fur thick enough to hide my—um—the thing she’s gonna be touching.
I hear her slide forward on the bed and feel her hands on my hips, moving down, rubbing my thighs with one slipping between them. “Abby?”
Slowly opening my eyes, I nod hesitantly. How can she want this? “Are you sure?”
“I think that’s my line. I am so very sure.” Her breath puffs warmly against my pelvis as she takes me in, a finger grazing my lips. I shudder, bucking against her. “Are you?”
“I’m sure. Oh…” I set the stuff on the bed. “Did you need any of this?” I’m not trying to delay. I don’t think I am, at least. I just want to be helpful.
She glances at the items. “I don’t. You’re welcome to use that strap-on on me. I wasn’t expecting that. I just want to do this myself, to feel you and taste you.” I know that feeling. “Lie down.” She stands, gesturing toward the bed.
I do as she suggests, lying on the bed, very happy with the increased length, or maybe a shorter bed would’ve made things easier for this. “Is this good?” I ask, forcing myself to keep my legs apart no matter how badly I want to cover myself. I can handle this. I know I can.
“It’s perfect.” The bed shifts as she climbs on, crawling toward me. I look down to see her grinning, her mouth just over me. I shut my eyes, and I let out a low moan as she plants a soft kiss on my less-damaged set of lips, her tongue grazing them before she lifts her head up again. “I love your taste, and I love those moans you make. Don’t hold back, okay?”
I’m always holding back. “Okay. I just don’t want to scare you.”
“I might need a pair of earplugs, but I actually brought some. Give me a second.” She grabs a small bag from her pants on the floor next to mine. “Trust me, I really love the noise. I just want to be able to keep hearing it.” Her lips wrap around my already engorged clit, and she absolutely needs those earplugs. I scream. Loud enough to shake the house.
“Oh God, Liz, please.” I hold my hands to my side. I had always imagined running my fingers through her hair as she did this, but that seems like a good way to scalp her when I can barely control my movements. I hold my feet to the side as they’re not any less sharp, but they’re past hers anyway. “That feels amazing.”
“I’m glad,” she says, her tongue flicking against me as she forms the words. Even as deadened as my nerves are, she’s still getting to me.
As a finger slides inside me, I start to lose myself. I shake my head. I can’t lose myself; that’s too dangerous. I don’t want to come to and find that I ate her in the middle of us having sex. She keeps going, but I’m holding back too much. I’m too scared to let things happen. I want this so badly. “Liz?”
She glances up, a few strands of fur stuck to her lips, along with a blueish ichor. Is that me? “Yes, my love?” Her eyes are half-lidded, and I can feel her panting against me, her gaze still trained between my legs.
“Could I try? I mean, not this, it’s too dangerous, but could I try the strap-on?”
“You don’t want me to keep going?” The pained look on her face absolutely destroys me. She always has to give up so much for me. It’s not fair.
“I do. I really do. I am just so scared that I’ll lose control.”
Sighing, she rises, climbing over my leg. “Okay. Let’s try that.” She sounds so disappointed.
She helps me into the harness, swinging her arm clear of my foot at the last second, and pulls the straps as tight as they go. It actually fits all right. Looking down, it’s so weird to see the red phallus protruding from me. I wasn’t sure what size to get, but the succubus working there was very helpful. It wasn’t the place where James bought my toy, but they had a few toys in addition to a number of illicit drugs and accessories. I think you can actually smoke out of this dildo.
Liz leans back on the bed, hands intertwining behind her head as she leans against a pile of pillows. “Come on.”
How? “Could you try a different position? If I’m on top of you like that, my mouth would be right in your face and…” I trail off, hating myself so much for all of these requests.
She nods and, without a word, moves the pile of pillows to the middle of the bed, leaning against them so that her legs fall off the side. It’s almost the same way I always slept. So that actually would have been helpful. I was right.
It slides in with no resistance and elicits a sharp cry from her. “Are you okay?” I ask.
“I’m fucking fantastic. Keep going. Could you…” She glances down at my hands. “Never mind, this is perfect.”
I keep going, the awkwardness dying down a little with each thrust, her eyes watering as her hands move haphazardly around the bed. The toy presses against my clit, and I find myself whimpering too. This is more than I could have ever asked for.
She looks up at me, lust in her eyes, her hands scratching lightly at the skin and fur on my belly. Then she pulls herself up, whimpering sharply with the motion, and pulls me into a kiss as she falls into her orgasm. I can smell her all the stronger. Every inch of her seems so delicious. I want to just… I pull away and stare down at her, panting. She’s okay. I didn’t bite.
I tear off the harness as I pull out, my claw accidentally slicing through it, and turn from her. “I can’t. Liz, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Wait!” She chases me, running down the stairs.
“Liz, I am so fucking hungry.” I turn to look at the incredibly beautiful and incredibly naked human woman staring at me. “If I let myself go for even a second, I don’t know what I’ll do. I want this so badly. I thought maybe I could actually manage, but I just can’t. This morning with you was amazing, and I’m happy to do that anytime, but I don’t think I can ever do anything further.”
She walks out the front door, heading naked into the snow. Is she leaving? Before I can collapse to the floor in a self-hating heap, she walks back in, holding a paper bag. I can smell the human in it. “Then eat.”
“What?”
“If you’re starving, eat. I’ll go buy you more. Hell, I’ll buy you an entire dead person, ten if you need, just eat. You won’t need to hold yourself back if you’re not starving. Then I can be with you.”
Shaking my head in disbelief, I stare. I find myself taking an unbidden step toward the food. “You don’t understand.”
“You won’t give me the chance. You always hold everything back. Well, I’m tired of you always thinking you have to protect me. You don’t. I’m a big girl. This is what you need to eat to survive. Just do it. He was a murderer; it’s fine. Just eat.” Tears stream down her cheeks as she holds the bag out to me. “Please.”
I take another step, reaching out for it. I shut my eyes and wrench my hand back, clutching it to my chest. “No. It won’t help. I won’t. I can’t.”
“Then I will.” She pulls the scone out and lets the bag fall to the floor, fire burning in her eyes as she stares at me.
“What?”
“If I’m a wendigo, then you won’t have to hold back anymore.” She holds it up to her mouth.
It probably wouldn’t actually work, but I can’t take that chance. I won’t have her become like me. I snatch it away. She reaches for it. If I throw it, she’ll grab it and eat it anyway, and it smells so good. Before I know what I’m doing, it’s in my mouth. I’ve bitten down, eating the entire thing in a single bite. I’ve swallowed. It’s inside me. I ate a human. It tasted amazing. I smell more food. I need it. I want it. I crave it.
I turn toward Liz, my teeth bared, clutching at her. She ducks under my hand, but I’m on her again in an instant, pulling her to me. I can smell her fear, the adrenaline pumping through her body, and the mouthwatering tender meat that comprises her. I open my mouth, leaning forward, desperate for another taste of flesh and feel a sudden burning in my abdomen.
Almost-black blood drips down from a gash cut across my belly. I stare, trying to figure out where it came from before looking back to my prey and seeing the silver dagger in her hand. “Liz?” What am I doing?
Before I can say anything more, she’s gone. Her car starts, and I hear it tearing down the dirt road. I could catch her. I could still have another meal. I manage to hold back, collapsing to my knees, tears falling onto the floor. I’ve ruined everything.
Chapter Thirteen
Elizabeth
I drive for what feels like hours but must only be a few minutes. The stars and trees fly by. I must be speeding, but no one stops me. I find myself at a Tim Hortons with no real idea of how I got there as I wait in the drive-through. I’ve already ordered or else I pulled past the speaker without remembering to do so. I grab my credit card from my purse in the passenger seat and pay for what was apparently two coffees and a dozen doughnuts. The cashier stares at me, his mouth hanging open. I’m not sure why. I blink back at him, and he looks away, then hands my card back. It looks like he’s about to say something, but I drive off rather than waiting to hear it.
A short time later, I’m in the parking lot of Sandra’s apartment. With a coffee in each hand and the box of doughnuts resting on my forearms, I clamber up the stairs and kick at her door. After a few minutes, I call her name, and lights turn on in a building behind me. Before anyone starts yelling, or at least before I notice, the door opens, and a very sleepy Sandra wearing flannel pajamas stares back at me. “Liz?” She rubs her eyes and blinks as if unsure of what she’s seeing. “Why are you naked? Come inside before someone sees you.”
I’m naked? Oh. I look down, clearly seeing how cold I should be. “Sorry,” I murmur.
She pulls me inside. “Peter is here. He’s still sleeping, but let me get you some clothes.” She comes back an indeterminable amount of time later. I haven’t moved an inch. She pries the coffees from my hands, sets the doughnuts on the table, and hands me clothes.
I look at them, trying to remember how this is supposed to work. It only takes me a second, and I throw the shirt on, then put on her oversized underwear and pants. They’re not falling off me, so she seems satisfied enough.
“What happened?” She sips the coffee. I should’ve ordered three.
I take the other one, and it goes down without my even tasting it. I look up to find Sandra shoving a doughnut in my face.
“Eat and drink. You clearly need it. Then tell me everything.”
I barely taste the chocolate and cream as I eat a couple of doughnuts. At some point, Sandra moved me to her couch. I rest my eyes on the coffee table, occasionally remembering to blink. My coffee cup is empty, so I let it fall out of my hand.
“Liz, you’re really scaring me.”
“Sorry,” I mutter, checking my hands and the table for my coffee. I’m still thirsty.
“Did something happen with Abby? Are you okay? Why weren’t you wearing clothes?” Her voice sounds almost calm, as if she’s asked this so many times, there’s barely any emotion left for it.
“Oh, I didn’t say?”
I’m still staring at the table. She takes a few seconds to respond. “No. No, you hav
en’t. You’ve just been sitting in my living room for an hour sipping coffee and eating half a dozen doughnuts. What happened?”
“Sorry. She tried to eat me.” I lean back in my seat, the memory replaying. I see her moving toward me, hunger in her eyes. I see my knife cutting into her, her faltering, saying my name, and my trip to the car, all in slow motion, in agonizing detail. I even see myself picking the keys up off the table rather than listening to her. “I think I really hurt her. I ruined everything.”
“What do you mean she tried to eat you?” She sounds frantic again.
I glance at the clock. Holy shit, how did it get so late? It’s almost eight. “I need to go.”
“What? Liz, no. Talk to me. You can’t just show up at my apartment naked at six in the morning and leave without explaining yourself.”
I showed up at six? How long was I at Tim Hortons? What else did I do? “I’ll explain later. I have to get to work.”
“You’re in no condition to work right now. Liz, please, this is insane. I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be. I’m fine.”
“No. No, you’re not. That is fucking absurd. You are anything but fine, and you’re staying right here.”
I walk past her to the door. It’s only when my feet touch the snow that I realize I’m not wearing shoes. I’ll grab some from home on the way to the office. If I go back inside to borrow a pair, she’ll never let me leave.
* * *
I am only a few minutes late. I get there at 9:05 with a very annoyed client waiting for me. I know we went to my office, he started talking, and after that, I don’t recall anything more. I hope I was helpful. I’m sitting in my chair with new appointments on my calendar, files full of notes on my clients, and several open tabs on wendigos, vampires, ghouls, and a handful of other fiends. I don’t remember doing any of this. Okay, maybe I’m not fine.
I go back to Sandra’s—I still remember promising that, at least—and find her frantic and waiting for me. “There you are. It’s almost 6:30. Don’t you normally get out at five?”
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