“It’s so pretty!”
“Doesn’t giving her a silver ring seem a little rude? I know that just touching it doesn’t hurt her, but it’s like proposing to a vampire with a wooden ring. Or proposing to you with a silver ring, now that I think about it.” Is there a human equivalent? “Proposing to me with an anthrax ring?”
“Even touching anthrax is bad for you.”
“Fair point.”
“I would be totally okay with this ring. Who cares that it’s silver? It’s perfect. I just love it. It still has the diamonds, which are an absolute necessity, but the sapphire is so pretty.”
“Ashley, is there something I should know?” I rest my hand on my hip, feeling like a judgmental mom.
“What do you mean?” She takes a step back, pulling away and narrowing her eyes.
“Why are you looking for a ring for you? Is there someone you’re hoping will propose? It’s not me or Abby, right? ’Cause I’m pretty sure we’ve made it clear that we’re both taken.”
“Ew, no.” She lets out an exasperated gasp and turns on her heel. “I’ve just spent a long time fantasizing about this.” Her fingers scrape the case as she bends down to stare longingly at the ring.
It strikes me that there’s something quite important that I don’t know about Ashley. “How long?”
She looks up. If she was capable of crying, I think she would be. “My whole life.”
Still not the answer I’m looking for. “And how long has that been?”
Her gaze turns back to the ring, her hand pressing against the glass. “A while. Don’t worry about it. I’ll find someone. You don’t need to propose to make me feel better or anything.”
I sling my arm through hers, tugging her back to her feet. “I wasn’t planning on it. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes stay on that ring. “It’s okay. You’re right. It’s a tacky ring anyway.”
I wasn’t going to say it. “How about we pick out a cute outfit after we find the ring? Something that’ll bring those boys running.”
With a deep breath, she manages to tear her eyes away from the object of her desires and give me a quick nod. “All right. That sounds great. Now, let’s find that ring. Oh, Abby is gonna flip. So you want something smaller, sleeker. You people, I swear.” I’ll let it slide. “So, what about something like that?” Her gnarled finger extends in the direction of a little slip of a ring with a split band in the back and a cute but flawless diamond in its base. I try picturing it on Abby’s hand and blush.
“That could work. Tough, I had been kind of considering an emerald.” I bite my lip. I do really like it. It would look so good on her.
“Why an emerald?” She holds up her hands as if to say “right, sorry, it’s her ring,” and leads me to a section that’s all emeralds. “Maybe one that still has diamonds on it?”
I scour the case, drifting over each and every ring. I see it. My jaw drops. It’s perfect. In the very center of the middle shelf lies a nestled emerald ring, exactly the same shade as her necklace. It has a gold band with a semicircle around the two gems. It’ll look beautiful on her. “Could I see this one?” I ask the clerk.
The antlered attendant comes out of what was either a meditative trance or hibernation and looks straight into my eyes. “Of course.” She grabs the ring from its spot on the shelf without even checking which one I meant and hands it to me. It’s heavier than I’d thought.
“Wow.”
Ashley peers over my shoulder. “All right, I guess I get it. That is gorgeous.”
I love it. “I’ll take it. Could you resize it to a size ten?” I may have measured Abby’s hands when she was sleeping. It’s not creepy if it’s to keep my proposal a surprise.
“Of course. It’ll be ready for pickup tomorrow. That’ll be two thousand dollars, payable on pickup.”
That’s only a little more than I was hoping to spend. “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The second I say this, Ashley grabs my hand again and all but drags me across the market. I guess she didn’t forget about my offer. I spend the remaining hour shopping with her before my next appointment.
Chapter Eighteen
Abigail
A few weeks ago, a new butcher came to town. She was offering me twice what Boris was for my deer, averaging a thousand bucks per haul, if you’ll pardon the pun. Now, Boris and I go way back, so I offered him one chance to beat her offer before I switched. That’s why I’m now walking away from his table with twelve hundred dollars.
I see Liz’s short black hair in the crowd and head toward her. “Hey, honey.”
She turns to me, blinking slowly before she seems to recognize me. “Oh, Abby!” She throws her arms around me and tries to lean in for a kiss, but I don’t lean down.
She doesn’t smell right. I also don’t recall her having a tail. “You’re not Liz.”
She pulls back, blinking. “I’m not?”
I shake my head.
“Oh.” She stares at my feet. I shuffle them awkwardly. “Right, sorry. I’m not. I forgot.”
“You forgot that you weren’t Liz?”
“Yeah.” She smiles. She seems very proud of herself for figuring that out. “I’m on my way to an appointment with her. She’s helping me get over this. I have so much trouble sorting out who I am and who I’m not. Thank you for the reminder. You’ve been a huge help, Abby.” Her hand moves to the back of my neck, and she tries to pull me into a kiss again.
“You’re not my girlfriend.”
“Right. I wasn’t thinking.” She pulls back. “Well, it should all be in the MRI. We’re working on it. You have fun at group.”
Do kitsune even get people’s memories? Liz has her work cut out for her there. With the Liz impostor gone, I weave through the crowd to the conference room. I’m actually early for once. They’re just setting up the chairs. I help out, and we finish in only a few seconds.
“Hey, Abby,” Ben says quietly. The doors are still open while we’re waiting for everyone else, and he’s never been too big on announcing who’s here. He thinks it’s rude. “Getting used to the live-in girlfriend?”
I bare my teeth in a massive grin. “I’m well past used to it now. It’s practically heaven.” Way better than back when she was my roommate. That was far closer to hell. Between her dates, hiding my feelings, and everything else, I don’t know what I was thinking doing it for so long.
“I’m glad. Still no desire to eat her?”
“Nope. I’m pretty good, and I think the muzzle helps a lot.”
He laughs, his green face splitting open in a friendly smile. “Whatever it takes. Keep fighting the good fight.”
The chairs fill in as we all take our seats. James is absent for once. What the hell does he have to do ever? He’s an incubus who gave up sex. I suppose that’s hardly fair from the wendigo who gave up cannibalism. I’m sure he has something weird to get to.
Once the group begins, Ashley raises her hand. “Hi. Um. Shit. I’m Ashley, I’ve been in the program for ten years, and I haven’t eaten people in”—she checks the time on her phone—“almost twenty minutes.”
“The fuck, Ashley?” I do my absolute best not to yell. “Again?”
“It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“When you joined, you said you were giving up corpses as well,” Ben says. “Our big thing is avoiding killing, but you were pretty particular.”
“It’s those scones. They’re just so good. You know what I mean, right, Abby?”
My eyes narrow. “Yeah. I remember the absolute worst night of my life, the only night I’m more traumatized by than when I first turned. Thanks.”
She bares her teeth, laughing awkwardly. “This cute guy bought me one. I couldn’t just say no. He bought it for me, and I gave him my number. I wasn’t going to not eat it. They’re baked with all the love that wonderful gay couple can shove into them. Okay, that makes them sound less appealing. They’re really good!”
“That’s not an excuse, Ashley.” Ben hu
ffs. “I suppose it’s at least better than you going hunting. Are you going to stay on your diet, or are you going to keep eating and going on dates with him?”
“And more importantly, who’s the guy?” I ask, earning a glare from Ben.
“You wouldn’t know him.” She ducks her head pitifully, sinking into the chair. “He’s just this really cool gargoyle.” She’s mumbling so badly I can barely make out what she’s saying. “He has nice wings, okay? I’m not sure if I’m gonna eat more with him. I don’t think he eats humans. He was just buying a cinnamon roll. So it probably won’t come up again, and I’ll be fine, and he and I can live happily ever after.”
I roll my eyes. Fucking hell, Ashley. I swear she’d do anything if a guy asked her to. “Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, okay?”
“Of course. I mean, I have to be in good enough shape to make it to your wedding.”
Her face goes as still as rock. Just like her new boyfriend. “My wedding, huh? Who’s to say the two of you won’t beat us? I’m sure you’d be walking down the aisle already if he asked.”
“Why? Do you think he will? Did he say something to you? Tell me everything you know!” She grips the collar of my blouse tightly, pulling me toward her. “His name’s Will. Have you met him? You have, haven’t you? I bet he asked about me.”
“Oh my God, Ashley. I don’t know any gargoyles.”
“A likely story.”
“Can I speak?” The anthropophage from the night that Liz first called me raises his hand. He only comes to group a once or twice a month. I think he must live pretty far away. “I haven’t talked much before.”
Ashley shuts her mouth, and Ben gestures for him to continue.
“I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I’ve been really scared, but I’ve gone over four months without eating anyone. I know for a lot of you, that isn’t the biggest deal.”
“It’s always a big deal,” I reply. “Every day counts.”
“We’re so proud of you,” Ben adds.
Robert pats him on the back.
“Thank you.” He leans forward. I’d call it hiding his face, but it’s in his torso and pretty well hidden already. “I just want to keep it up. I’ve been so lucky to have Nora as my sponsor.”
A small—relatively speaking—bunyip smiles, showing its enormous tusks. So her name’s Nora. I never caught it. I don’t think she’s said a word in the almost three years I’ve been coming.
“She talked me through some tough times.” He swallows. I think. His shirt moves around where a human stomach would be, so that’s probably what swallowing looks like. “I’m just really proud of myself for making it this far, and I wanted to share it with everyone.”
We all clap. Even Nora pounds her hooves together. How does she use a phone? I mean, I know we’re all fiends and everything, but there are some things that I still don’t understand.
A young man who I don’t recognize goes next. “I’m Huey.” His voice is a strange singsong with a certain power to it. “I’ve been eating humans for a few millennia now, and a couple hundred years ago, I had to stop cold turkey. It was pretty difficult, but I’ve been managing. Finally. I like to sit in on these groups when I get the chance and see other people dealing with the same struggle. Does it feel like it costs you? Like you’re weaker, like you can’t fight back the darkness anymore?”
Ben gives him a warning look. “Most of us give up a lot for it. We try to encourage each other not to look at the downsides but the upsides. We’re not hurting people. We’re able to be part of society without causing damage, without making people hunting us more likely, and we’re able to help make a good impression on humanity.”
“I’m just still hungry, even after all this time.”
“Believe me, I know,” I say. Ben eats plenty of non-human things; he can’t relate. “It’s a huge sacrifice, and it hurts every day.” Of course, I feel the same if I do eat; only then, I’m even bigger. “I’m glad you came. It sounds like you’re at a down point right now. We all go through those sometimes. You just have to accept that it’s for the greater good.”
“But how can I be sure? What if I need to find a way to start eating again?”
“You don’t. The strength it takes to give it up is far more than you could ever gain from eating even a thousand people. We can be part of society rather than a predator picking them apart one at a time.”
He nods. “I suppose I’m just feeling nostalgic. Back when I ate, I felt needed. Now I feel like I don’t belong anywhere.”
“You always belong here.” Ben takes a few steps toward him and hands him a business card. “Call me anytime. I can help you through these dark patches.”
“Thanks.” He takes the card and stares at it. “I’m sure all of you are right. I’ve made it this long. I can keep going.”
Kara raises her flipper. “Hey, I’ve been coming here for a while, and I think a lot of you, especially you, Abby”—she doesn’t wink, I’m surprised—“have really helped me understand humans a lot more. I was so hateful for so long after what one of them did to me. He’s the one I ate. That’s why I started coming here and seeing why I shouldn’t do it again, and it’s really meant a lot. I really appreciate that none of you have ever given me a hard time for being a selkie. I know I’m not exactly a normal fit. We don’t typically eat people, but I did, and I really needed this. It’s now been a year to the day since I gave it up. Well, a year and four days, but we didn’t have group on Saturday.”
We all applaud again. I don’t know if I still need this group now that I have Liz, but I think I’m still needed. Besides, they’re my family. I love it, and I wouldn’t be able to have the life I’ve been dreaming of if they hadn’t helped me reach it.
Kara grins back with that goofy seal smile. The meeting devolves into casual conversation and catching up, and I stick around for a while to talk to a few people. Liz has clients until four, so I have time to kill.
* * *
I remember when smelling bacon cooking in the morning was a nice thing. I feel slightly queasy as I wake up, clutching my stomach. Liz is nowhere to be found, but unless someone else broke into my house—our house—to cook breakfast, I’m pretty sure I know where she is. I can stand being around her when she eats, though meat is always a little tougher, but the smell of it cooking is too much. I can almost taste it, and the taste of anything that isn’t human makes me sick. God, being a wendigo sucks.
I decide to take my time in the shower. Liz helped me have it remodeled, so I now have a waterfall faucet, which means a lot less hunching over. I don’t know why I never thought of it before. There are plenty of fiends perfectly capable of renovation work. I guess it never mattered enough. When I can’t be hurt and have to bend over almost everywhere I go, it’s not that big an issue. I love that she decided to make it a priority. It makes the place feel a lot more like home.
By the time I’m done and have dried my fur to the best of my ability, there’s only a slight lingering scent of bacon, nowhere near enough to overwhelm me. I don’t bother throwing anything on since I need to air-dry and head down to see my girlfriend.
The sun is already low, and the only light in the place is the TV. I guess Liz is fully on my schedule now if she’s having breakfast at eight at night. “Morning, honey,” I say.
“Good morning!” She grins, looking up from her book, her eyes exploring my body. Okay, there may be a second reason I didn’t throw anything on. A girl likes to feel pretty sometimes, and she definitely makes me feel it. She pats the spot next to her on the couch. “I bought a new movie yesterday. Wanna watch it?”
I take the seat and drape an arm around her, pulling her head to my chest. “Sure.”
She wraps her arm around my belly, snuggling in. “I have to put it in the Blu-ray player.”
“No deal. I like you here.” I cup her chin and kiss her. I promptly feel her hand cupping my ass.
She takes advantage of my surprise to pry herself free and sticks
her tongue out at me before grabbing the case from the mantel and popping the disk into the player. She takes her seat next to me, remote in hand. “Now we can cuddle.”
I lean against her shoulder. “Fine. You win. Now, will you tell me what the movie is?”
“You’ll see in a second.”
A set of bright colorful images flashes on the screen. I have to say, I was not expecting a ten-hour superhero movie marathon. She tricked me.
She grins. “I haven’t been to the theater in a while, and someone was selling this collection on a single disk with perfect quality. I wasn’t going to just say no.”
“Did you have to sell your soul for it?”
Pursing her lips, she considers this. “No, just fifteen bucks.”
“I guess it’s worth it, then.”
“Damn right it is.” She slides to the side of the couch and guides my head into her lap, her fingers playing at the soft fur on my head.
I promptly give in. I could watch thirty hours of action movies if she keeps doing that. It feels so good.
I don’t even fall asleep, despite how comfy I am. The movies manage to keep my interest all right, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t mostly staying awake to feel her fingers and her occasional reactions to the films. She winces at every good fight, jumps high enough that I have to move with her when an alien pops out, and throws potpourri at the screen when the hero and damsel end up making out in the end. I guess it was the only thing she had on hand.
“Having fun?” I ask after she returns from a quick bathroom break at the end of the third movie.
“I am. I love cuddling with you. There’s nothing quite like spending a lazy weekend at home with your girlfriend.”
I stretch, sitting up, my arm almost hitting the ceiling. “Then come cuddle some more, and we can finish the marathon.”
A mischievous grin spreads across her face, and she doesn’t step toward me. “Oh, I had something better in mind.”
How is she not still spent from last night? “Really?” I hide my lascivious grin behind my bicep. I hate showing my teeth to her. It always feels so threatening, even though I know she likes it.
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