Mrs. Patterson looked up from the bread she’d been kneading and greeted Cara with a smile. “My you’re up early after getting in so late.”
Cara chuckled. “There’s a first for everything.” She went about requesting a breakfast tray she could bring up to her room. Mrs. Patterson quickly obliged by wrapping freshly baked corn muffins and maple bread, still warm from the oven, and placing them in a bread basket with sweet butter and homemade jam.
“It’s a shame you had my husband return your bicycles to the shop last night,” Mrs. Patterson said, handing her two linen napkins and a carafe of freshly brewed coffee. “The rain really cooled the air and the morning has already started out to be quite a beauty.”
“We’re leaving after breakfast.”
Mrs. Patterson’s face drew into a frown. “That’s odd. I’m usually so good about remembering which guests are which. I was sure your room was booked for three nights.”
“Perhaps the people who canceled before us.”
Mrs. Patterson shook her head. “No, Mr. Michaels got the last cancellation. We haven’t had any more since he booked the room last week. We had to turn away another couple last night because we were waiting on your reservation.”
A flurry of emotions clouded Cara’s thinking. Last week? “You must be mistaken. We hadn’t planned on staying in Nantucket.”
Mrs. Patterson’s face registered as much confusion as Cara felt. “If you’d like, I’ll check the registration.”
A warning voice whispered in her ear. “Please, do,” Cara answered, not sure if she really wanted to know.
#
Chapter Twelve
Devin noticed the stiffness in Cara as soon as she’d come back to the room with breakfast. What seemed like a romantic gesture on her part only puzzled him in the end. He’d suggested they stay and take advantage of the room for the next few days, but she coolly insisted on leaving Nantucket as soon as they were through with breakfast.
Silence hung between them like a curtain keeping out the sunshine all the way to Steamboat Wharf where they boarded the ferry. Through the cries of the seagulls, the chatter of people boarding the boats, to the crash of boxes being unloaded from a freight, the silence was deafening. He didn’t know how much more he could take. What had happened that wound Cara up into this tight knot? Was she already regretting their love making?
Devin vaguely recalled one of the tourists saying that it was tradition to throw two pennies into the water as the ferry sailed by Brant Point. It meant that you’d be coming back to Nantucket. Digging deep into the pocket of his shorts, he pulled out a few coins. “Here, toss these in.”
“What’s this for?” Her glance was slightly chilling.
“It’s tradition. It means that we’ll return to Nantucket someday.”
Cara took the pennies from Devin, but instead of throwing them into the water, she clenched them in her fist.
“Maybe we can come back on our honeymoon,” he said, resting his arm on her shoulder.
She straightened her back and faced him, her lips tight as if she were trying to hold on to control. “Tell me. How were you able to get a room at one of the best Bed and Breakfasts on Nantucket at the last minute?”
He shrugged. “Luck. Someone canceled.”
“When?” She lifted her chin just slightly. Her voice was accusing, and he knew instantly that he’d been caught.
“I have no idea when they-”
“No, I mean you. When did you book the room?”
He’d called around to several inns on the island the night after Ruthie suggested he bring Cara to Nantucket. With every call, he was told the island was booked solid. He’d made an offer to give a hefty bonus to the person who could find him a room at any inn on such short notice. He wasn’t disappointed when less than fifteen minutes later he got a call from Graystone informing him they’d just had a cancellation. He grabbed the room on the chance he and Cara decided to come to the island. He should have known Cara would become suspicious.
Yes, it had been premeditated. Guilty as caught.
“I booked a room a few days ago.”
She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, as if trying to remain calm. “Five days ago, to be exact. I only mentioned coming to Nantucket the other day. Why didn’t you tell me then that you'd already booked a room--one room--here for us?”
“It’s not what you’re thinking.”
“Oh, no? And just what am I thinking?” She scoped the immediate area before proceeding in a lower voice. “We made love last night, Devin. I thought something special had happened for us.”
“It did. It is.”
“And now I find that you had the whole thing planned all along!”
“You’re the one that asked me--”
“Save it, Devin. My mother put you up to this, didn’t she?”
She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He could see by her set jaw and the way she folded her arms across her chest she’d already made up her mind that she’d been duped.
What was killing him the most was that she hated him for it.
“Believe me, I was going to tell you about the room when we got back to town. I was hoping we’d have a chance to talk, and I could convince you to stay. But then I hit that damned rock and fell and...”
Her eyebrows stretched on her forehead. “Was that planned, too?”
“Of course not!” Although, it served him right for paying more attention to the way Cara’s hips rocked back and forth as she pedaled, than where he was going. If he had, he wouldn’t have this incredible egg on his forehead. But then maybe last night would never have happened, either.
“Okay, so maybe I’m guilty of keeping secret the fact that I booked a room for us. That doesn’t change how we feel about each other. It doesn't change last night.”
He touched her arm and felt her tension ease slightly. “There’s so much more I wanted to tell you last night. But I couldn’t. Every time I looked at you I just wanted to hold you in my arms. And once you were there all I could thinking of was how much I wanted to make love to you. All the talk of the plans--”
Cara snapped her gaze at him in disbelief. “You mean, there’s more?”
Devin took a deep breath and steeled himself.
Here we go.
“The wedding on Labor day.”
Her expression was blank. “My parents’ wedding.”
He hesitated. “Our wedding.”
Cara’s mouth flew open, but no sound came out. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
He shook his head.
Her eyes were cold and accusing. “You’ve been in cahoots with my mother all along?”
“No.”
“Stay away from me, Devin.”
Spinning on her heels, she stomped off through the crowd of people, almost crashing into a group holding their bikes.
“Where are you going?” he called after her.
She didn’t answer. And he didn’t follow. She was spitting angry and he knew she needed space before he could even attempt to get her to see the truth. And he was going to give her that space. No matter how much it killed him. Besides, it wasn’t as if she could run very far. They were on a damned ferry boat.
* * *
Cara kept moving around the ferry until she found a secluded place in the bowels of the ferry, just outside the engine room. The hum of the engine drowned out her soft sobs as she slumped on a red cushioned chair.
How could Devin do this to her? She expected this sort of behavior from her mother. She’d lived her whole life fighting it. But Devin?
When they’d made love, she thought she had forever in her arms. With every kiss and caress from Devin she’d envisioned their life together, loving each other, all the beautiful babies they’d make. It seemed so perfect.
Too perfect, she now realized.
Last night she thought her dreams were coming true. But it was all a lie. After learning how Devin planned this whole trip and kept it secret, how could she belie
ve that all those promises he'd made last night weren't lies, too?
She drew in a deep breath of air and almost choked, a little from her sobs and from the diesel exhaust seeping out of the engine room.
When Devin finally found her a good hour later, she’d managed to compose herself enough to talk coherently.
His face was drawn when he appeared at the bottom of the metal staircase, as if he’d spent the last hour waiting for his turn in the noose. With her own emotions at battle, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to run into his arms or hand him the rope.
“I don’t understand, Devin. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wanted to. Every time you looked at me, I knew how you felt. But you kept pulling away and I just couldn’t figure out what was holding us back. Then when Roger left...”
He slumped down on the chair next to her. His thigh grazed the bare skin of her thigh sending a warm trail through the rest of her body. Everything about Devin was warm and comforting.
“Do you love him?”
“That’s not what this is about, Devin.”
“Are you sure?” he persisted. “You're angry with me for keeping secrets. My reasons are pretty self-explanatory. I love you and I'm trying my damnedest to win your love. But every time I ask you this simple question, you can't seem to give me a straight answer.”
He swallowed hard, his jaw tight with tension.
She didn’t answer. What could she say after all that had transpired last night? The answer was glaring, but she knew he needed to hear it.
“I have a lot of time invested in Roger.”
Devin made a face and glared at her for a lingering moment. “Will you listen to yourself? You talk about him like he’s a stock option. Like he's some damned mutual fund you're going to get a penalty on for early withdrawal. That's so clinical.”
“That's my relationship with Roger in a nutshell,” she muttered.
“Do you love me?”
Her head was swimming and her heart pounded in her chest as if it were about to explode. Coward, she screamed silently.
When she didn't answer, he went one step further. “Is that why you're pulling away from us? Because you're afraid of loving me?”
“Don’t go there, Devin. Not now.”
One look on his face and she knew he understood her much more than she did herself.
“You do love me, and it scares the hell out of you, doesn't it? You can't be safe with me. You have to be vulnerable. That's the part of this you can't stand. You love that what we have is special and real, but it means you have to give up control if you give up your heart.”
She had to get away from him before she said something she’d regret. Before the last threads of their relationship was destroyed.
But mostly, she realized, she needed to get away because she knew without any reservation that he was one hundred percent correct. Everything about loving Devin scared her to death. Things were changing between them already. It was all too much. She wanted the old Devin back. The one who didn’t keep secrets from her. The friend who didn’t side with her mother to make her into someone she couldn’t be.
She stood up and wiped her palms on her shorts. “My whole life my mother has pushed me to have the kind of life she wanted for me, totally discounting what I want. She’s always wanted me to marry you.”
He curled his fingers around her upper arm before she could bolt and swung her around to look at him. “And you’re so hell-bent on proving her wrong that you’re willing to risk losing us in the process.”
“Dammit, Devin, you’re supposed to me on my side. I’m trying to keep us from losing our friendship again. Last night wasn't us. It was calculated.”
He laughed sardonically. “It was more of you and me than we ever cared to admit before.”
She wrenched her arm free and bolted toward the stairs. Holding both sides of the rail, she took the steps two at a time with Devin on her heels.
“You're scared and you're running away from us.” he called from behind.
“There isn’t any us.”
She heard his cynical laugh behind her. “That’s right, you have your career. You don't need anything or anyone else.”
Her anger doubled and tripled before she was able to gain enough control to breathe again. She swung around to face him at the top of the stairs.
“And you’ve been conspiring with my mother all along with this secret wedding.”
“I only found out about the wedding the other day. That was after I knew how I felt about you. Before that I still believed the wedding was for your parents.”
He reached out and touched her, which did wonders to assuage her anger only to build on the primal need they’d succumbed to last night.
She blinked hard. “Devin, we should have never gone as far as we did. Can’t you see what this is doing? What my mother’s manipulation has done to us?”
His voice was low as he responded. “Your mother had nothing to do with the way you responded to me last night.”
Her cheeks flamed and she felt her body grow warm remembering Devin’s strong hands touching her breast, stroking the inside of her thighs. She closed her eyes and whispered, “No, but I don’t want to lose you.”
“So much so that you’d rather play it safe letting everyone believe you're involved with a man you don't love and is no longer in your life? You don't love Roger. Don’t bother trying to deny it because I won’t believe it if you tell me you love him now.”
She didn’t try. Devin had been right. Roger had been her safety net. The boat would never be rocked and her world would always remain intact, under her control, if she stayed with him. There'd be no changes, no surprises. The fact that her mother couldn’t stand him was just an added bonus in a game she and her mother had always played. That realization left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Too much of her world was coming apart at the seams. All her dreams and goals had taken on a new dimension. The very foundation of her life was shifting.
Devin touched her face and brushed his thumb along her cheek. The deep timbre of his voice made everything he said seem so simple. “Life’s not that cut and dry, Cara. You don’t take each step knowing where you’ll end up in advance. Sometimes life is just a crap shoot. Sometimes you have to risk losing everything to get what it is you really want.”
She gently pulled his hand away. “I’m not a gambler, Devin. I need something I can count on. I always thought I could count on you.”
“You still can.”
“I don’t want to lose that.”
The horn sounded and a flurry of people started advancing toward the exit. Cara sprinted until she fell into step with them. She knew Devin would be right behind her, but she couldn’t stay on the boat and cry in front of everyone. She needed Devin, but not here and not like this.
As soon as the ferry docked, she ran down the ramp, vaguely aware of how rudely she was pushing herself past the other people in line. When she reached the dock, she waited for Devin to catch up.
In his expression, she saw the hurt and fear of a dejected man. She didn’t want to see Devin as the man she was desperately in love with. She wanted him to be her friend. She wanted it to be the way it was, securely tucked away in a safe harbor called the past.
“I need my best friend, too, Cara. For the rest of my life, every day in my bed and in my heart.” He pressed his fist against his chest and squeezed his hand. “For always. That’s why we can’t let this go.”
She didn’t hide the willful tear that rolled down her cheek. Devin was right. She had been holding her own secrets tight to her chest.
“Roger asked me to marry him.”
The blood drained from his face right before her very eyes. He took one big step backward as if she'd just slapped him across the face. “What did you say?” he rasped, his jaw tight.
“He asked me to--”
“Dammit, I heard that part. What was your answer?”
“That I needed some space.”
/> He swallowed hard. His voice was weak when he spoke. “Why didn't you tell me all this yesterday? Last night!”
“I just wanted to be with you. I didn't want to think about anything else.”
He shook his head as if in disbelief. “You can't have it both ways, Cara. I won't share your love with him.”
“I'm not asking you to share,” she insisted.
“What do you call it then? We've already taken our relationship too far. There is no going back now.”
A hot tear trickled down her cheek. “I needed my best friend, Devin. I needed you.”
He took her hands and brought them to his lips, kissing them softly. Desire swirled through her body with the memory of just how those kisses affected her and she pulled her hands away.
“Well here I am in the flesh. The man you choose to marry should be your best friend. And that's me, Cara. Why can't you see that?”
“It's not that simple.”
“For me, it is. In my life, it's all or nothing. If you choose to be with him, then we lose. I won't stand by watching you love another man. I won't.”
The mid-morning sun beat down on her as if it were pounding her to the ground. Maybe because she felt like she just been beaten herself. By circumstance and by fear.
She could only watch as Devin charged through the crowd walking along the wharf. Inside she was raw like an open gash.
Devin was right. And she was being a coward. At that moment, feeling as low as she was, all she wanted was Devin’s arms to comfort her when she should have wanted Roger.
The man you choose to marry should be your best friend. Devin was her best friend. And she’d just done her damnedest to drive him away.
#
Chapter Thirteen
“Are you sure you won’t stay until after Labor Day?” Ruthie said, sitting on the bed next to Cara's half-filled suitcase. Her mother did nothing to hide her disappointment that Cara had decided to return to Boston earlier than she'd originally planned.
Cara dropped her cosmetic case into her suitcase. Much as she hated all the lies and manipulation, Cara had always found it difficult to stay angry with her mother. No matter what, she loved her unconditionally.
The Marriage Contract Page 16