Over the Hedge

by Minerva Vesta

  At the rate I was going, though, who even knows if I’ll have kids.

  It was fifteen minutes to five, and I was ready for the weekend to begin. My usual boring plans of chores and grocery shopping was about to get an overhaul. Crystal and I were planning on taking a trip to a new day spa opening near the beach. With all the craziness happening in our lives, we figured it wouldn’t hurt to take a moment to get in a long day of detoxification.

  Dr. Barnes was out of the office, presenting his research protocol for one of the multi-site studies. It was only a few hours away, so his wife decided to make the trip with him. That gave me an out to stay behind. A traveling Dr. Barnes was a lot to handle. In fact, he stopped doing international presentations a few years ago due to his inability to deal with airport security when coming back into the country.

  Fridays at H&G Research were also quiet because most staff members worked half days or did ten-hour schedules Monday through Thursday; which meant less traffic at my desk. The quiet in the office allowed me to get the long overdue filing and purging done. The stack of papers on the floor was ready to topple over, and I needed to make a trip to the recycling bins.

  A knock sounded at my cubicle, and I turned to see Jenny standing with a Styrofoam coffee cup.

  “What’s up girl?” Jenny asked.

  “Not much.” I bent down to slip on my shoes. “I’m headed to the copy room to drop these off. Want to take a walk?” I gestured to the pile of papers I had stacked on the floor.

  “I swear, you are one of only three people that actually use that recycling bin.” Jenny flipped her auburn hair off her shoulder. The olive-green jumpsuit she wore was cute. But it was definitely straddling the line between office wear and club attire.

  “Now you’re the one exaggerating.” I grabbed the two stacks of paper and walked toward the elevator.

  “Well I’m on the first floor, and the one recycling container is on the fourth floor. I’m not walking up there every day just to throw away paper,” she fussed.

  “You know, you guys in HR should just request to have one put in your office. I bet y’all go through more paper than anyone else. Or—just make a run upstairs once a week with all of the documents that you collect,” I suggested.

  “Too much trouble,” Jenny replied. “I swear this thing takes forever.” She punched the elevator button a few times and stood, tapping the toe of her pumps on the carpet impatiently.

  I attempted to balance the papers stacked on my chest.

  “Hey, Jenny could you...” Before I could get the words out, the stacked slipped out of my arms and landed on the floor.

  I bent to pick up the papers and chuckled at my clumsiness. Not a day goes by without me having some sort of mishap. Sometimes they were mild, such as the papers that had fallen from my arms, but other times they were extreme, like when I dropped the hot iron on my foot. My father had dubbed me Lucky when I was five-years-old. Most people didn’t get the nickname, but for me, it was a reminder to not let the little things get to me.

  ☙☙MV❧❧

  At five years old my father, Phil Price, attempted to teach a four-year-old Crystal and me to ride our bikes without training wheels one Saturday morning. After just three attempts Crystal had gotten the hang of it and was riding around our cul-de-sac with ease. But, clumsy little me kept falling off and was unable to find my balance once my father let go of the back of the bicycle seat.

  We spent all day outside, but I just couldn’t get it. When lunchtime came, my mom yelled for us to come inside. Crystal had tired of riding and wanted to stay inside and play with her dolls. But, I was set on figuring out how to make myself stay upright on the bike. So, I went back to riding. That day I fell more times than I could count. Along with my bruised knees, my ego was just as scarred. My father found me outside before dinner, sitting on the curb, staring at my bicycle in confusion.

  “Hey, baby girl. You been out here all this time? I thought you were playing baby dolls with Crystal,” Daddy said, squatting down in front of me.

  “Daddy, why can’t I ride like Crystal can? I did everything you told me, but I just can’t get it right.” I pulled my bruised knees up and hugged them close to my chest.

  “Aww, baby everybody is different. You started talking when you were eight months old, but it took Crystal until she was almost two years old before I could make out anything that came out of her mouth. Even when your momma swore she was talking all along,” he said with humor in his voice.

  He sat on the curb and pulled me on his lap. “But that’s different, Daddy,” I said, pouting, “Everybody can talk. But, I’m never gonna learn how to ride a bike. It's cause I’m always falling over, ain’t it? Grandma Lilith says I got two left feet and I’m clumsy and unlucky.”

  “Don’t listen to anything she says, baby girl. I think you’re lucky. You’re smart as a whip and always know how to make people smile. From now on I’m gonna call you Lucky Lashawnda. No matter what happens; you’re lucky to be able to do some things that other people can’t. Look at that mean girl who lives across the street; what’s her name again?”

  “It’s Megan, Daddy. You always ask me that,” I said with a smile.

  “Yeah Megan, that’s her. How come she never gets invited to birthday parties, but you do? That’s cause people want to hang out with Lucky Lashawnda and not Meany Megan.” Daddy rolled his neck like Momma did when she was catching an attitude.

  “Yeah, she is kinda mean, Daddy.” I giggled at the show he was putting on. I knew it was all an act to make me feel better.

  “See…now come on Lucky we’ve gotta get those knees cleaned up before your momma sees ‘em.”

  ❧❧MV❧❧

  The elevator door dinged, bringing me out of my journey to the past. My luck might not be the best at times, but having a father like mine was one thing I wouldn’t trade for the world, not even a weeklong vacation from bruised knees and food spills.

  I hurriedly picked up the last few sheets of paper. I was still bent over trying to balance the stack when I heard the sound of a deep baritone voice say, “Hello.”

  Jenny responded with a flirty, “Hello” of her own. I straightened my back and turned to see the back of a tall, male figure taking a turn toward the research lab.

  “OMG…did you see him?” Jenny asked excitedly, tapping me on my shoulder.

  “See who? I was trying to grab all the papers. I didn’t see anyone.”

  “The new guy. That was him,” she said as we stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the fourth floor.

  Most people would have offered to help pick up the papers, but not Jenny. I rolled my eyes in irritation; surprised she hadn’t asked me to press the button myself.

  “Oh. How did you know it was him if you don’t know his name or what he looks like?” I inquired.

  “Well, duh. It had to be him. One, I’ve never seen that guy before, so he must be new. Two, he fits the description—tall, dark hair, green eyes.” Jenny visibly shivered as she described the mystery man. “God I can’t wait for the stupid New Employee Database to get updated. And, that voice…did you hear his voice?”

  “Yeah, I heard it.” I had to agree with Jenny. The impact his voice had on my senses was more than memorable. That deep masculine baritone was definitely a reason for quivers.

  Jenny kept a constant stream of chatter about the mystery man all the way up to the mailroom. She was still talking as I dropped the stack of papers on the counter. I spotted when Mallory walked in and gave her a wave. She smiled as she chimed into our conversation.

  “I know exactly who you’re talking about,” she said. “He’s not very talkative, but in my opinion, he doesn’t have to say anything. Baby, let momma do all the work.”

  We laughed as Mallory swayed her hips seductively, her eyes closed and her hair swinging back and forth. Mallory was in her early forties but could act like a teenager at times. But, she had been with the company for fifteen years and was a master at her job. H
er position with the CFO was similar to what I did for Dr. Barnes. On many an occasion, I would turn to her for guidance, especially when I first got hired and thought that Dr. Barnes was a complete basket case.

  “I’ll co-sign that,” Jenny added. “We just ran into him coming out of the elevator. How tall do you think he is, six-three? And, did you see those eyes?”

  “I sure did, girly. He came up to the administration office the other day looking for requisition forms, and I nearly creamed my panties when he asked for help. If only I was a few years younger...” Mallory shook her head longingly.

  “Well, ladies, I have to get going. I will leave you two to your discussion of the new, hot topic at H&G,” I said, miming air quotes around the word ‘hot’.

  I made my way back down to my floor and grabbed my things. I had just enough time to send a few final emails and it was time to leave. The weekend had officially begun, and I was going to enjoy it with my family.

  ❧❧MV❧❧

  “Have you seen your sister? She was supposed to be here an hour ago to help me with dinner,” My mother, Elizabeth, asked.

  It was Sunday, and the Price Family always got together after church for dinner. I arrived with Fat Bastard in tow. My mother was not a fan of animals, but once I inherited the cat from my neighbor she had fallen in love with him as fast as I had. She refused to call him Fat Bastard, though. To her, the enormous hairball was Chubs. Plus, she was just as much to blame for the cat’s massive size as me.

  “I’m here…I’m here!” Crystal’s voice echoed from the front hallway. She came rushing through the kitchen door and placed her bags in a chair by the breakfast nook. “I hope you guys didn’t start without me. I’m starved.” Crystal placed a kiss on our mother’s cheek and went to the sink to wash her hands.

  “Hey, Momma… hey, Lashawnda.”

  F.B. walked behind Crystal and swished his tail, hitting her on the calf. “Hey, Fatty Boop. I can’t believe I didn’t see you.” She bent down and patted him on the back.

  “Hey, to you too. I see I’m going to have to buy you another watch for Christmas young lady,” said Momma as she flicked her kitchen towel at Crystal.

  “I know how to read time, Momma. I got caught up doing stuff.” Crystal surreptitiously turned toward me and rolled her eyes heavenward. She was smart enough not to let Momma see her do it.

  “Well, you can catch up now. Grab those rolls out of there and let’s get this food on the table.” Momma pursed her lips at the oven door.

  By the time me, Momma, and Crystal made it through the swinging door that led from the kitchen to the dining room, I could hear my father’s moaning and groaning.

  “It’s about time. I was starting to wonder if y’all needed my help in there,” he said, sitting up straight in his chair.

  “Please, it’s been thirty years since I’ve seen you make anything in that kitchen. I am really waiting for the day you surprise me and actually put a foot in there to cook something and not just look for food to eat,” Momma teased him.

  “Well, you’re always in there, so don’t think the food is the only reason I’m coming in that kitchen Elizabeth,” he replied with a wink.

  Crystal and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. My parents were always flirting with each other. I think Momma secretly got a kick out of Daddy working hard to make her blush with his teasing words.

  Crystal walked over to the head of the table and kissed our father on his bald head. “Hey, Daddy…ya, miss me?”

  “Yeah, I did,” Daddy replied hugging his youngest daughter and patting her on the back. “It seems you are missing the rest of that dress you’re wearing too,” he continued, bringing attention to Crystal’s short mini dress.

  Crystal and I inherited our mother’s voluptuous figure. But I inherited my height from Daddy’s side of the family and Crystal was petite like the women on Mom’s side. While I liked to keep things covered up and tucked away, Crystal preferred to show the world all she had to offer.

  “Daddy, why are you always picking on me?” Crystal stuck her bottom lip out, causing Daddy to flick her on it, playfully. “Besides, you know I got my sense of style from Momma.”

  “Girl, sit down so we can eat.” Daddy waved her to the empty chair with a shake of his head.

  After dinner, we took a walk to the park located two blocks from the house. It had a scenic lake view, and Momma loved taking us there to feed the birds when we were younger. The weather was a crisp seventy degrees, and the Florida sun was setting—leaving a picturesque multicolored layer of clouds across the evening sky.

  My parents walked hand in hand; my father bent low, whispering in my mom’s ear every few steps. Crystal and I walked a few paces behind, giving them some privacy. Watching them interact always made me smile with longing. I wanted that, that intimacy and bond with a man. I wanted what they had.

  “I can’t believe how spoiled that mean ass cat is,” Crystal said shaking her head.

  F.B. was being pushed in a baby stroller that Momma had purchased for him. It was utterly ridiculous to enable the diva’s lazy behavior, but there was no talking her out of it. The woman was desperate for grandchildren and treated the cat like a real child instead of a pet.

  Crystal and I sat on the swings when we got to the park, and our parents continued on around the lake with F.B.

  “I think I’m going to leave Brian,” Crystal blurted out as soon as we started swinging.

  “Come on, Crystal; you guys have only been married for a little over a year. Shouldn’t you still be in the honeymoon phase?” I asked.

  “Girl, I don’t think we ever made it to the honeymoon phase.” She laughed nervously as she admitted what our mom had told her repeatedly over a year ago while they were still dating. “I don’t even think we made it past lust. And, the sad part is, I don’t even think we have enough in common outside the bedroom to make it beyond that.”

  Crystal had already been married once before, and her marriage to Javon only lasted six months before it was over. They were high school sweethearts, and somewhere along the line, they thought the natural thing to do was get married and move in together. It took her less than a month after finalizing the divorce papers with Javon before she hooked up with Brian. Five months later, they were announcing to the family that they were getting married.

  A light breeze picked up and blew the leaves on the sidewalk in a circular motion resembling a cyclone. The mini whirlwind lasted for a few seconds before it died down again.

  “Crystal, what are you afraid of?” I turned to her and asked.

  “What do you mean?” she asked with a scowl on her face.

  “It’s a simple question. What are you afraid of?”

  “Lashawnda, I’m not afraid of anything.”

  “Okay, then can you explain to me why you’re so desperate to be married? I’m not the most well-rounded person when it comes to giving advice about relationships from firsthand experience, but I’ve learned a thing or two from the people around me.” I stopped swinging and faced her. With a heavy sigh, I just decided to be brutally honest.

  “It seems like you are afraid of something, and marriage seems to be your answer. I’m glad you can admit you and Brian don’t have enough among yourselves to make a real marriage work. I hope you take this opportunity to learn what it is you’re looking for in a partner. So, if you end things, don’t jump into your next relationship with your eyes closed, hoping for it to pan out into what Mom and Dad have. You are an amazing woman, Crystal. Any man would be lucky to have you, but there is only one man out there that is worthy of you.”

  “Aww, Lashawnda! You think I’m amazing.” She plastered a cheesy grin on her face.

  “Please, don’t go fishing for compliments because you already know you are,” I said with a smile. “But I’m serious—take your time and stop rushing into things. Don’t be too down on yourself either. Look on the bright side; you’re only twenty-four, and at least there are no children to fight over
from the ending of two marriages.”

  Crystal gasped. “Don’t let Momma hear you say that. You know she’s been dying for one of us to get pregnant.”

  “Well, it’s more likely to be you than me,” I said with a self-deprecating smile.

  Crystal stopped the swing and turned toward me. “First of all, don’t call down any bad luck on me. Second, why me and not you? Nothing is stopping you from getting a man and getting knocked up.”

  “Yes, there is! It’s called a prospect. There aren’t any men out there beating down my door for a date. Even while you’ve been married, you were always telling me about guys hollering at you in the mall or asking you for your number at the club. Things like that don’t happen to me, Crystal. Guys don't notice me. They never have.”

  I stopped talking and took a cleansing breath. I used the front of my sandals to ruffle the turf underneath the swing. I never understood how the Parks and Rec Department thought using fake grass was better than the real thing.

  “You know, the last time I had sex was in freshman year in undergrad.”

  “Shut up!” Crystal hollered, crossing herself as if I had just called out the Lord’s name in vain.

  “Stop it, Crystal. I know it may seem like forever to you, but I haven’t dated since Stephan and I broke up.”

  “Jeez, it sounds like the Price sisters are a mess right now,” Crystal said, putting out her pinky for me to take. “Okay. So here’s the deal, you are going to make yourself more open to male attention, and I’m going to take some time to get to know myself.”

  “Deal. But truthfully, I don’t know what else I can do to make myself more available than walking around with a t-shirt that says, ‘open for business’ with an arrow pointing downward.” I hooked my pinky with hers and shook.