Chloe frowned. “You were how old?”
“Seventeen.”
“Did your mom go with you?”
Sam shook her head. “We were supposed to have a chaperone, but no one was really looking out for us. It was scary and lonely, and I was determined to make it work. Modeling was our ticket out of Oklahoma.” She paused, took a breath. “Both of us. That was the plan.”
“What happened?” Jenny asked.
“The fashion industry is a fast crowd. There were parties, older guys, other girls who were into pills and alcohol. Bryce went a little crazy and got mad when I tried to rein her in.” She blew out a breath. “She quit midway through the summer and came back home.”
“Without you?”
“I stayed in Paris,” Sam said with a nod, “but returned for the beginning of the school year.”
“And Trevor?”
“Bryce told him I had a boyfriend in Milan,” Sam said softly. “He was angry, but I convinced him she’d been lying. We got back together, but something had changed between us. Around Christmas, I got a call for a spread in Italian Vogue. It meant leaving school, but I’d just turned eighteen, I hated Colby, and my mom was all for it. She liked the money that came from me working.”
Kendall reached forward and placed her hand over Sam’s. “You realize that’s not what mothers are supposed to do?” Sam knew that even though Kendall had grown up without money, her parents loved and supported their only daughter as best they could.
Sam tried to smile, but her lips refused to move. “I wanted Bryce to go with me, but Peter refused to book her, and Bryce didn’t want to talk to any other agencies. She said modeling sucked the soul out of her and it would kill me if I stayed with it. It was like I was breaking our sacred bond. We were two people but it was like we shared one identity. That changed when I left.”
“I think your sister had some wicked demons that had nothing to do with you,” Jenny offered. She pushed the plate of vegetables and hummus toward Sam. “You’ve earned some rabbit food.”
Sam shook her head. The retelling of the story had stolen her appetite, her stomach filled with shame and regret. “Bryce became irrational and hysterical as I got ready to leave. Most of our lives it was hard to tell where one of us stopped and the other began. There were no boundaries, and suddenly I was abandoning her. We fought like crazy, and then Trevor asked me to stay through the school year.”
“But you didn’t wait,” Chloe guessed.
“I was too afraid to miss my chance and terrified Bryce would suck me into her life and the choices she was making.” She pressed a hand to her chest, surprised to find her heart beating out of control. After all this time, revisiting that break with her twin left her panicked. “There’s a theory about twins that the one born first is the dominant sibling. I don’t know if it’s true for all twins, but it was for Bryce and me. That was the first time in my life I didn’t cave to her will, and she never forgave me for it.”
Kendall waved away the waiter who approached their table. “What about Trevor?”
“I asked him to come, but he pushed me away. Cut off all ties. I hadn’t seen him again until this weekend.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “Mom died of a heart attack six months after I left. Bryce and I had another huge blowout at her funeral. We never reconciled, and then two years later, she killed herself. Trevor didn’t come to the service. Now I know it’s because he had a baby.”
“Now you have another chance,” Chloe said. “That girl found you for a reason. She needs you in her life.”
“She went looking for her mother,” Sam said softly. “And got me instead. I’ve made so many mistakes. You three know that. I’m can’t be a role model for a teenage girl.
Jenny sniffed. “No offense to your dead sister, but thank God Grace found you and not Bryce. Your twin sounds like a head case.”
Kendall smacked the redhead on the arm. “Turn on your filter, Jenny.”
“I don’t have a filter,” Jenny shot back.
“It’s a problem,” Kendall said under her breath.
Sam laughed, grateful to have friends who would support her through this change. Another thought pinged into her mind, wiping away her smile. “Would it be better if she hadn’t found me, either? Trevor kept her away for a reason. I blame him, and at the same time I understand. Drama and heartache have swirled around my mom, sister, and me since I can remember. Grace is a good girl. I don’t want to mess her up.”
“Don’t put that on yourself,” Jenny said, taking a long sip from her soda. “You want what’s best for your niece. It doesn’t matter what anyone else expects of you or the mistakes you’ve made. You’re going to do right by Grace. Don’t doubt it for a second.”
Sam stared at her feisty friend and noticed Chloe and Kendall doing the same thing. Jenny was normally snide and sarcastic, so the impassioned speech seemed out of character. Then she thought about Jenny’s twelve-year-old son, Cooper, who she was raising as a single mother, and realized she didn’t know as much about Jenny’s background as she should.
“Back at you,” she answered, because she might not understand the details of Jenny’s past, but she certainly recognized a kindred soul in the area of doubt and self-recrimination when she saw one. “Maybe you can give me some tips.”
Kendall choked on the sip of water she’d just taken.
Chloe grinned. “Did you just ask for advice from Jenny?”
The redhead only smiled. “About time.”
The waiter approached the table again, this time carrying their lunch orders. Sam realized her appetite had also returned. Even though nothing had been resolved, sharing the past with her friends had centered her. She would make this work. For Grace. Already the girl held a sacred place in her heart. The place her sister had once occupied. She wouldn’t fail Grace the way she’d failed Bryce.
“You can change your mind.” Trevor threw the truck into park and turned to Grace. “We can drive right back down that dirt road. How about we go for an ice cream? Remember when Nana would take you for a special treat after school? Or is it frozen yogurt that’s cool now? Want me to take you for a FroYo?”
Grace finished a text and glanced at him. “Dad, you’re babbling.”
“I don’t babble,” he argued. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve heard recently. I can’t believe you’d suggest I—” He clamped his mouth shut.
“And yet . . .”
“I want you to understand you have options.”
She narrowed her vivid blue eyes. “The option to keep pretending a stork dropped me off to you on Nana’s front porch? Like I have no other family but you?”
“I never said—”
“You never said anything,” Grace whispered. Trevor glanced through the front windshield of the truck to the camp’s main cabin. He was grateful, at least, that Sam hadn’t appeared from the cabin yet. “Why didn’t you tell me about all the problems my mom had?”
He’d finally sat down with Grace the night after the fiasco at Sam’s house and explained his history with both Sam and Bryce Carlton. He knew Grace had held on to a romanticized version of her mother, mostly because he’d tacitly encouraged it by his unwillingness to talk about Bryce. But how the hell could he have explained to his beautiful, innocent daughter all the demons that had plagued the woman who gave birth to her?
She’d been quiet, but he could see the devastation in her eyes as they talked. In the past few days her emotions had been all over the map. It seemed anger had finally made its way to the surface. Grace could hold in her temper for days until it exploded with the force of a cannon, leveling everything in its path—especially him.
It was one more thing about the mystery of raising a girl that he didn’t understand. It hadn’t been like this when she was younger. She’d been a sunny little girl, constantly giggling as she rode on her daddy’s shoulders back when he could do no wrong.
Those days were long gone. He wished his grandma was still here to help him naviga
te the perilous waters of raising a teenage girl. Right now he wanted to get through this afternoon without a major meltdown. Not that he’d deny her emotions.
Grace deserved to freak out as much as she wanted. He only hoped it wouldn’t be in front of Sam. For some reason, it was important to Trevor that the woman waiting inside the cabin think he had things under control, even if that was the biggest lie on the planet.
“Bryce was sick,” Trevor argued, but it sounded lame even to his own ears. “I’m sorry I didn’t explain the whole story to you, Gracie. At the time I wanted to protect you.”
“By lying?”
“I didn’t lie,” he said through clenched teeth. “Not exactly.”
“Whatever,” she answered with a sniff and climbed out of the truck’s cab.
Whatever.
He hated that word. But there was no time to argue. The door to the cabin opened and Sam walked out, her giant beast of a dog at her side. She wore a pair of faded jeans and a loose white T-shirt, her hair pulled back into another messy ponytail. It was hard to tell from here, but he guessed she was once again makeup-free. Trevor’s chest tightened as she greeted his daughter. Both of them looked awkward and uncomfortable and so damn similar it made his skin itch.
In the past few days, Grace had developed a new, obsessive interest in fashion and the modeling world. She’d begged for magazine subscriptions and headshots and would he contact this modeling agency in Denver? Trevor had enough worries as a parent without adding a potential career fraught with issues ranging from distorted body image to drugs to eating disorders. How the hell was he supposed to keep her safe if she was part of that crazy world?
He understood Sam was mostly retired, but she still had contacts and a reputation as one of the most successful, sought-after models in recent history. Add the fact that Grace was quickly becoming her doppelgänger, and he knew Sam could open doors with one quick phone call. Doors he wanted to remain tightly shut.
Everything in his life felt like a minefield—one false step, and he’d be blown into next week. He took a little comfort in the fact that neither Sam nor Grace seemed to know what to do now that they were together. Sam bent and ruffled the dog’s fur and then tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear. It was a nervous gesture he recognized from years ago.
Yes, he thought selfishly, let this be awkward. Maybe Grace would see that it was a mistake. Maybe she would walk back to the truck and they could drive away and pretend this can of worms had never been opened. He’d find Sam another contractor, pay triple out of his own pocket if it meant he didn’t have to see her again. If he could ignore the tug of attraction he still felt for her, pretend that he didn’t want to pull her into his arms and press his mouth to hers. Set aside the need and want that had been burning a hole in his gut since he’d walked into her house last Friday night.
But when Grace glanced over her shoulder at him, the look in her gaze made every selfish thought disappear. It was the same look she gave him the first day of kindergarten and the morning she got on the bus to sleepaway camp when she was eleven. His daughter needed him. She wanted a relationship with Sam, and she needed Trevor to help her make it work. He couldn’t disregard that silent plea.
And he didn’t want to. It had been a long time since his girl had needed him for anything more than groceries, money for clothes, and as her designated chauffeur. If Sam Carlton was the price he had to pay for a renewed connection with Grace, he’d ante up.
As soon as he slammed the driver’s side door shut, the dog’s ears pricked and he loped over to greet Trevor with a snout shoved to the crotch.
“You gonna buy me dinner, bud?” he asked, pushing away the dog’s wet nose.
“Frank, off,” Sam called and when Trevor looked up she was grinning at him. The dog gave him one last nudge then turned to walk with him up the path.
Christ, her smile almost brought him to his knees. It wasn’t the smile from magazine layouts and perfume commercials. It was genuine enough to make his heart race.
He didn’t show it, though. If he was good at anything, Trevor knew he had a hell of a poker face. Instead he patted the dog’s enormous head and gestured to the main cabin. “This is a gorgeous place to come for summer camp, huh, Gracie?”
His daughter gave a short nod. “It’s named after my mom,” she muttered, glancing at Sam through her ridiculously long eyelashes.
Sam smiled but it was filled with heartache. “I wish I would have done more to help your mother—my sister—when she needed it. I founded Bryce Hollow as a way to help kids who’ve been in trouble get their lives back on track.”
“Did you call it hollow because that’s how you feel inside?” Grace was looking fully at Sam now.
Trevor inwardly cringed. Here was the daughter he knew and loved. The one who didn’t hold back. He expected Sam to be horrified, but he should have known better. If he predicted one reaction from Samantha Carlton, she could be counted on to do the exact opposite.
She let out a hoot of laughter. It had been years since he’d heard her distinctive belly laugh, but he’d never forgotten it.
“In my five years of running this camp,” she told Grace, pushing away the hair from his daughter’s face, “no one has ever asked me that question. You’re a smart one, Grace Kincaid.” Her expression turned serious. “I’m not sure if that’s why I chose the name, but I did feel hollow after your mother died. There was a special bond between us. Even when we were so angry we couldn’t stand to speak to each other, I still loved her. She was a part of me.” Her gaze was tender and open. Sam had never been comfortable showing her vulnerable underbelly, so the fact that she was offering this part of herself so willingly to Grace meant something.
“Do you think she was sick?” Grace asked, shooting a look at Trevor.
Trevor held his breath, waiting to see what she would answer.
Sam’s gaze never left his daughter. “Yes,” she answered after a moment. “Your mother was sick, but that had nothing to do with you.” She glanced at Trevor then back to Grace. “You’re lucky to have such a great dad. You know that, right?”
Grace chewed on her bottom lip. That couldn’t have been the answer she expected, because it surprised the hell out of Trevor.
“He should have told me about you.”
“Your father was doing what he thought was right. It’s his job to protect you, Grace. My mother was a real piece of work, and I didn’t know my dad. I never had anyone to look out for me.”
Me, Trevor wanted to shout. You had me. I wanted to protect you. To take care of you. To love you.
But he kept his mouth shut because he’d let her walk away, so what right did he have to make any claim on her now?
“He’s a good dad,” Grace mumbled with an understated eye roll. She had a whole language of eye rolls. “Even if he—”
“Is a stick in the mud?” Sam asked with an arched brow.
Grace smiled and shook her head.
“Is a big grump who never lets you have any fun?”
That earned a giggle.
“I’m standing right here,” Trevor muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, I see you,” Sam told him. “Standing there glowering like the ton of fun you are.”
“I don’t glower.”
Grace laughed harder. “You sometimes glower, Daddy.”
Daddy. She’d called him Daddy. That hadn’t happened since his nana’s funeral, and the word conjured up memories of sticky fingers, skinned knees, and being the center of her universe.
“In fact . . .” Sam stepped forward and made a face. Even with scrunched-up features, she was beautiful. “You’re glowering right now.”
She nudged his arm and he took a step back, surprised at the touch and the current of awareness that ran through him because of it. Wanting to get in on the action, her dog trotted over from the tree he’d been molesting and once again stuck his snout—
“Frank, seriously,” Sam mumbled then pointed to t
he dog. “Off.”
“My dad’s overprotective,” Grace said around another giggle. “I was going to say he’s overprotective.”
Sam smiled at his daughter and unlike Grace’s expression, Trevor couldn’t read anything that was in her eyes. Especially when she said softly, “He always has been, sweetie.”
He watched as the two of them looked at each other for several long moments. Nana would have been able to decipher that silent conversation, but he couldn’t seem to follow.
Finally Sam took a breath and asked, “Do you want a tour of the camp?”
“Sure,” Grace answered, and they started up the path toward the cabin’s front porch.
Sam glanced at Trevor over her shoulder when he didn’t move. “You planning to join us?”
“Coming,” he said, and followed the two most important women in his life across the property.
CHAPTER FIVE
Did you name it hollow because that’s how you felt inside?
Holy crap. Grace annihilated her with just a few words.
Sam stood next to Trevor, watching the girl on the camp’s snow-covered archery range. The question had been ringing in her ears like a church bell on Sunday morning. Sam had played it off because hiding how she felt was her superpower, but she . . .
Felt hollow.
She still felt hollow.
How was it that no one, not even Sam, had made the connection to the camp’s name before today?
“Nice shot,” she called when Grace launched an arrow that hit the target. The girl smiled and walked forward to retrieve her arrows.
“If it stays warm the snow will be melted in a few days,” Sam said. “Mud season is the worst up here. You probably already know that.”
When Trevor didn’t answer, she finally looked at him.
“You’ve done a good job with the camp,” he said quietly, maybe even reluctantly. “You should be proud of yourself.”
“I made a lot of money for someone with no education or talent,” she said, making her tone offhand and careless. Classic Sam Carlton. “Figured I should do something useful with it.”
Tell Me Again Page 5