“You shouldn’t judge yourself for the things you did,” he said softly.
“You’re kidding, right? I own every one of my bad decisions.”
“And wear them like a hair shirt. Enough already, Sam. You’ve done so much to make things better. That counts for a lot.”
She shrugged and bit down on her lip. He scooted closer and traced his thumb across the soft flesh.
“Let it count,” he whispered. “Let us count.”
He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
Her chest rose and fell, and it was as if they were the only two people in the world.
“Hi,” she said after a moment, and held out her hand. “I’m Sam Carlton.”
He took her smaller hand in his, and as strange as it was, it almost felt like he was touching her for the first time. “Trevor Kincaid.”
“Nice to meet you, Trevor. I was wondering if you might like to . . .” She paused, gave him an almost shy smile. “Amazon and take it slow.”
“I’d like that,” he said. “Do we get to eat as we take it slow?”
She nodded. “I’m starving.”
“Me, too. I look forward to taking it slow with you.”
They talked and laughed all the way through dinner. Trevor couldn’t remember the last time he’d spent an evening laughing, and talking with Sam felt natural. They didn’t ignore the past but it also didn’t define their time together.
She wanted to know everything about Grace, all the tiny details that Trevor had filed away in his memory. He’d tried to catalog as much as he could over the years.
Being a single dad meant he was the only one to witness the little moments that made his daughter who she was today. Tea parties and countless nights tucking in all of her favorite stuffed animals. Skinned knees and a stretch of nightmares that had her waking up screaming in the middle of the night. Fevers and stomach bugs and a severe case of strep throat. These were the things that had defined him over the past thirteen years. Every moment. Every waking hour was filled with Grace and the awesome responsibility of shepherding her through all of the childhood milestones.
Some of the biggest were still to come, and he liked the idea that he might not have to handle them alone.
Sam had made plenty of mistakes, but her intentions were good and she seemed ready to help raise Grace to be a strong, independent woman.
By the time they walked back to the hotel, he felt more relaxed than he had in years. He listened as Sam told him a funny story about an elephant sifting through racks of designer clothes during a photo shoot in Africa.
Her life of traveling, parties, and a steady parade of exotic locations and fancy people had been the polar opposite of his. Her fame continued to boggle his mind. What impressed him more was the way she’d used her wealth to build the camp and turn her life into something meaningful.
But here and now she was just a woman, one he could no longer deny was a huge part of his life. He walked her to the door of her hotel room and brushed a light kiss over her lips, forcing himself to pull back when his need for her threatened to engulf him.
Take it slow.
“I had a great time tonight,” he told her.
“Me, too.” She held the room key in her hand, flipping it between her fingers. “Thank you again for coming with me.”
“Even though you don’t need me,” he added.
She lifted her hand and cupped his cheek. “Even though I didn’t want to admit I need you,” she whispered and kissed him. It was slow and almost tentative. With heels on, she was only an inch shorter than him and as he pulled her closer, her curves lined up to fit snug against his body.
He slanted his head, deepening the kiss, unable to resist sliding his tongue into her mouth. He could kiss this woman forever and never grow tired of the feel of her.
Take it slow.
He hated those three words tumbling through his mind right now.
“I should let you get some sleep,” he said, forcing his arms to release her.
She studied him from under her long lashes. “You’re serious?”
“It’s killing me, but yes. I’m trying to do the right thing. To take it slow and let you go . . . download a book or binge watch a show or whatever it is you like to do on Amazon.”
Her head tilted to one side. “What if I want to take it slow with you?” Her teeth tugged on her bottom lip. “All night.”
“I’d probably fall to my knees in gratitude and count myself as the luckiest guy on the planet.”
“Stay,” she whispered.
That word, uttered by a woman who was at once both brash and vulnerable, made him ache for her. He reached for the room key and opened the door. He lifted her into his arms, wrapping his hands around the delectable curve of her hips as he moved into the room.
Slow, he told himself, even though every part of his body was racing right now. There weren’t words to describe how much he needed her, so he told her with his mouth and his hands.
He pulled back the sheets and lowered her to the bed, then straightened. He unbuttoned his shirt as she watched, her teeth tugging on that lush lower lip. His body tightened in response.
“Too many clothes,” he said, pointing at her, his voice husky with desire.
She scooted to the edge of the bed and lifted her camisole over her head, revealing a black lace bra underneath. “You’re going to kill me,” he choked out.
She threw him a devilish smile. “At least you’ll die happy.”
With a laugh, he pulled the wallet out of his back pocket and tossed it on the nightstand. He toed off his boots and undid his jeans, pushing them down over his hips and kicking them across the floor.
She stood, sliding her jeans over her hips. Damned if it wasn’t the most erotic thing he’d ever been a part of, this shared striptease. When he was in his boxers, and she in her bra and matching panties, he moved toward her until only inches separated them.
He hooked a finger under each of the thin bra straps, lowering them down her arms. “I can’t tell you how damn happy it makes me that I’m the only one who gets to see you in this stuff. You’re every man’s fantasy come to life.”
“I don’t care about any other man,” she answered. Her hands pressed into his chest and she curled her fingers, the nails lightly scratching and sending south every one of his brain cells. “Only you.”
“Only us.” He tugged the straps lower and then reached around to unhook the clasp at her back. The wisp of fabric joined their other clothes on the floor and he cupped her breasts, lightly tracing his thumbs across the pink tips.
She let out a little moan, which only made him want her more.
Take it slow.
The words pounded through his head like the blood roaring through his veins. He could do this. He wanted to do this. For Sam. He wanted to show her how much she meant to him, and how precious this moment was. He wanted to tell her with his body because it was too difficult to use his voice.
She needed to believe she was more than her past, so he was going to prove it to her. Now. Later. For as long as she’d let him.
He slid his hands up and down her body, following them with his mouth. Every gasp and sigh that escaped her lips was like a blueprint to memorize. He was learning what she liked, this gorgeous woman who had his brain and his heart equally tangled into knots. He dropped to his knees in front of her and it felt right to worship her that way. He trailed kisses along her belly, then moved lower and tugged at her panties, only to have her shift away from him.
Her hands raked through his hair, pushing his head back until he met her gaze. He saw desire there, but something else along with it. Something uncertain and a more than a little vulnerable. “I think we speed it up now,” she said, taking a step away from him and gesturing to the bed. “You know, get to the main course.”
He drew in an unsteady breath. “I’m kind of enjoying the appetizer.”
“Yeah, well.” She climbed onto the bed, pulled the covers ove
r her legs and scooted around for a few seconds, and then tossed the black lace panties over the edge of the mattress. “That’s not really my style. I mean, the last time was great and all and it was sort of wham-bam . . .”
Wham-bam? Trevor tried to make sense of what she was saying, his lust-clouded brain slow on the uptake.
“You flip off the lights and we’ll just get going. It all ends the same anyway.”
Get going. She could not be serious with that.
He stood, but instead of moving toward the light switch, he came toward her and sat on the edge of the bed. “What the fuck is happening right now?”
She bristled. “I’m kind of tired,” she muttered. “It’s been a long day.”
“Bullshit.” He hitched his thumb toward the middle of the room. “You sure as hell weren’t tired when my hands and mouth were all over you. I know the difference between a yawn and a sigh.”
He watched her eyes shift away from him. “I told you before my follow-through sucks.”
“I don’t remember that being an issue the last time.” His thigh was touching hers under the sheet and it was clear that she was as in the mood as someone getting ready to face a firing squad. “There was no pretending.”
“It was fast. A few stolen moments on the office couch I can handle.” She bit off a harsh laugh. “Apparently, I am more of a Netfl—”
“Don’t say it.” He placed a fingertip against her lips. “This is more than a random hookup, Sam. We both know it.”
“That’s the problem.” She tugged at the ends of her hair. Her mouth was pink and lush, not from any lipstick but from him kissing the hell out of her. The makeup he’d noticed her wearing at the start of the date had worn off and she looked just the way he liked her. Natural. Real.
Which is why her next words did him in. “I can’t be that woman I pretended to be in the restaurant any more. What if you’re disappointed with regular me?”
“There’s nothing regular about you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You said it yourself, Trevor. I look like every man’s fantasy. I spent a lot of years living up to the hype. Then I stopped and I don’t want to go back. When I said I wanted to be your fantasy, that was a lie.”
His ego bent a little under the pressure of those words.
“I don’t want to be anyone’s fantasy. I left that part of me behind. I just want to be . . . me.”
“Sweetheart,” he murmured, scooting closer, crowding her in and hoping it was enough that she couldn’t push him away. “I was trying to make you feel good. It’s clear I’m going about it all wrong.”
He brushed his fingers through her hair, letting the soft strands tickle his skin. “I don’t care if you’re wearing black lace or a potato sack.” She snorted, and he smiled in return. “Ok, I’ll admit I like the lace but what’s under it is even better.”
He kissed away the protest he knew was coming when she opened her mouth. “I don’t mean your body, although I like that, too. I’m talking about who you are on the inside.” He touched her forehead gently. “Your dedication to your friends and the camp. The fact that you didn’t like the way your life was going and you changed it. You’re brave and ballsy—”
“I don’t think ‘ballsy’ is a compliment,” she muttered.
“Hell yes, it is.” He moved his hands down to the nape of her neck and massaged his fingers against the tight muscles. “If I wanted a performance, I’d get tickets to the circus. I want you. And me. And all the time it takes for us to get to know each other. This is new, remember? This is Sam and Trevor who went on a date tonight. No one else is in this room with us.” He leaned closer, looked deep into her eyes. “Don’t let them in here, Sam.”
She wanted to laugh at him. She started to laugh at him.
Then she closed her eyes and realized he was right.
Of course they were alone, but it wasn’t just the two of them in that bed. Just like when they’d been together in the office, Sam had dragged all of her ghosts in with her, and there were enough of them to fill the whole damn room. Leading the charge was the woman she used to be: bitter, scared, and filled with so much self-hate that she would have tried anything—done anything—just to feel something.
Trevor offered her more, and she was terrified to reach for it and have him pull it away again.
She believed it could be different with him. And more than just a quick fling in her office. She wanted all night. She wanted Amazon and take it slow.
The thought made her smile and he frowned. “Is that a yes?” he asked gently. “Because I can go even slower. As in so slow I get my clothes and sleep in my own room tonight.”
She let the sheet drop and watched him struggle to keep his gaze on her face. But he did. No question that he did.
She drew him in closer, traced her tongue along the seam of his lips. “This is new for me,” she whispered. “Being myself with you feels new.”
“I like you with me,” he said and deepened the kiss, claiming her mouth and shifting so he was stretched over her. The kiss became heated, raw. So much that was still unspoken between them funneled into the passion of the moment.
Going slow tested both of them, especially as desire consumed her and her demands became more insistent. A husky litany of yes, more, now. She gave the orders, but he only obeyed the ones he chose to, and the push and pull made her want him all the more.
“You’re making me crazy,” he whispered.
She teased him with her hands and mouth, groaning as his teeth grazed the soft swell of her belly. She stilled as he pushed open her legs.
“Christ, you are beautiful,” he murmured.
She made a small noise of protest but he held her fast.
“Not really my thing,” she croaked out, and he laughed against her skin.
“Then you’ll just have to sacrifice, because this is for sure my thing.”
Her argument turned into a gasp when he flicked his tongue across her center. He went slow, giving her time to settle into being so open to him. She moaned and her hips bucked and then the world around her shattered and there was nothing else. No one else. Only Trevor. Always Trevor.
He moved to the pillow next to her and it took a moment to come back down to earth. She reached for him then. For a man who spent so much of his life holding tight to his control, Trevor gave himself over to her without hesitation. When it was clear what she wanted, he flipped onto his back, allowing her to straddle his hips.
She tugged at the waistband of his boxers. “I’m not going to be the only naked one in this bed.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more.” He bit off a strangled laugh and shucked off his boxers. He reached out one hand and pulled a condom from his wallet on the nightstand. “We’re going to need this quick.”
She took the wrapper from his hand. “Oh, so now you want to speed things up.”
“I’m all for slow, but we may need to save that for round two, or else I’m liable to embarrass myself.”
He shifted under her so she could feel the proof of that, and the truth was, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold out without having him inside her. As soon as the condom was in place, she lifted her hips and sank down inch by inch, gasping as he filled her.
“You’re doing that to torture me,” he said when she began a slow, steady rhythm.
“Payback is hell,” she whispered with a grin, and then bent to kiss him. He angled himself up and wrapped his arms around her as they moved together. Suddenly slow wasn’t enough and it went faster and she went higher until she broke apart into a thousand pieces, and Trevor quickly followed. He was there to catch every one of them with sweet, soft kisses against her neck and face.
He reached out to turn off the lights before drawing her closer. He looped a hand around her waist and pulled her close, tucking her into the curve of his body. Although it wasn’t natural to her, Sam let herself be held by this man, gave her doubts the night off, and simply enjoyed the feeling of his strong arms ar
ound her.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The next morning Trevor parked the rental car at the curb of a tiny row house in a shabby neighborhood south of downtown. The morning was already warm, but Sam wasn’t sure whether the bead of sweat that snaked between her shoulder blades was from the temperature or her nerves. The morning light did nothing to soften the stark poverty surrounding them on this block.
“It reminds me of Colby,” she said, staring at the run-down buildings with patches of dirt in the front that passed for yards. She could hear the incessant bark of a dog from somewhere nearby. The yard next door to the house Brandon shared with his mother and various siblings was filled with beat-up toys and tricycles. She wondered if the noise of the dog would wake someone’s sleeping children.
“Not enough broken-down trucks up on cinder blocks,” Trevor muttered, glancing through the windshield.
She gave a small laugh because it was true. People in Colby collected rusty metal like a tourist gathered seashells at the beach.
“Are you sure you want to be a part of this?” she asked, glancing at her watch. “I can get a ride with Brandon and his mom and meet you at the church.”
He reached over and wrapped his fingers around the nape of her neck, pulling her closer for a gentle kiss. “I’m here for you, Sam. Easy or difficult, that isn’t going to change.”
Relief sliced through her at his words. She’d felt the need to give him an out but was glad he didn’t take it. She was even more grateful when he took her hand as they walked up the cracked sidewalk to the house.
Brandon opened the door before she could knock. The boy looked younger than his sixteen years in his ill-fitting suit, dark hair slicked over from a severe part. For a moment it was easy to forget about the trouble he’d flirted with before he made the effort to change. Standing in front of her was simply a boy who’d lost the girl he loved.
His eyes tracked to Sam and then back to Trevor. “My mom’s not coming. She worked late and has to go in for another shift. I think she’s afraid of what Whitney’s grandma will say about Whit being with me the night she died.” He stepped out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. “Everyone else is still asleep. It’s better if . . .” He fidgeted with the collar of his white button-down shirt. “I wasn’t sure you’d really come,” he mumbled.
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