by Jenna Brandt
“He says God told him.”
Faith sucked in a deep breath and held it for several seconds before she whispered, “I’ve heard of God orchestrating such feats. God must have special plans for you, Nathan, for Him to go to such lengths to see you home safely.” Another question popped into Faith’s head. “Where is Peter now? I should like to thank him for saving your life.”
“He had to return to his home in Boston. He told me to give you his best.”
Faith was disappointed she wasn’t going to get to meet the man who had been so important to Nathan. Peter had been like a brother to the man she loved, and she would have appreciated knowing more about Nathan from before he was in Myrtle Grove. Wanting only to dwell on the happy return of the man she loved, Faith said, “Apparently, I owe a debt of gratitude to Peter now.” With a slight laugh, she added, “We may have to name our first child after him.”
“I’m grateful every day God sent Peter to help me. But now that I’m back, being home with you is all that matters. I don’t want to dwell on the past.” Nathan placed his hand on the side of her face and rubbed his thumb along the edge of her cheek. “I love you, Faith. Your love kept me alive.”
He leaned forward and placed his lips upon hers. The warmth from it spread through her and she realized, she didn’t want him to ever stop kissing her again.
The moment was perfect before a rush of shouts and squeals interrupted as the Abernathy family piled in for the mid-day meal.
“It’s so good to see you Nathan!” Davis shouted, rushing up and slapping his friend on the shoulder, who flinched slightly from the contact.
“Welcome home,” Ida stated.
Jack nodded towards Nathan. “Happy you’re back.”
“We were so worried,” Faith’s mother proclaimed with a soft smile.
“The plantation hasn’t been the same without you,” Faith’s father asserted in his matter-of-fact way. “We can finally start running smoothly again now that your home.”
The only one who remained quiet was Nancy, who had tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “They told us you were dead!” She ran from the room crying. Footsteps could be heard scurrying up the stairs, and a few moments later, a door slammed shut.
“Don’t worry about Nancy. She doesn’t understand, and it's overwhelmed her. I’ll go speak with her,” their mother offered, heading out of the parlor.
Faith watched as everyone talked to Nathan and gave him hugs. He was responding in the ways he should, but Faith felt as if there was an invisible wall keeping him from engaging with the family. She wasn’t sure what happened, but something had drastically changed in the man she loved.
Chapter 10
Nathan had wanted to go talk to Nancy himself, knowing they had a special bond. The girl had latched onto him when he first started spending time with the Abernathy family, following him around everywhere. In turn, he had doted on her and given her particular attention. However, since returning, the feelings emanating from the Abernathys hadn’t overwhelmed only her. He didn’t know how to handle the emotions either.
His despondency stemmed from how he had handled the interrogations and beatings. Once the torture became too much for him to bear, he had turned off his emotions. It was better to feel nothing than the pain inflicted. He wasn’t sure how to turn them back on now that he was home. He was trying, and at certain times, he could almost glimpse the man he used to be until something pricked his memory of his captivity, catapulting him straight back into the dark abyss of nothingness.
Nathan sat around the table with the people he cared most about in the world, but he couldn't muster any joy. It had been his dream to return to his life in Myrtle Grove. He was back, but wondered if the biggest part of his soul would stay in the derelict Union prison. His body might have escaped; however, the rest of him remained trapped there.
After dinner, he excused himself from the table and made his way onto the porch. He needed a moment to himself where he didn’t feel he had to perform for everyone around him.
“How are you doing, Son?” Mortimer asked, as he came out on the veranda and patted the younger man’s back. When Nathan didn’t respond, Mortimer continued, “You know, I served in the United States Army when I was about your age. I had no idea how hard it was going to be to take another man’s life. I was just following orders, but from the first bullet to the last bullet, it never got easier, and I spent the better part of a decade running from the memories. I know it’s not the same, what you went through, but I do know that I don’t want you to waste as many years as I did avoiding dealing with the past.
Nathan was surprised by Mortimer’s confession. He was usually a man of few words, divulging little of anything about his past. “Thank you, Mr. Abernathy, for sharing that with me. I want to find a way to let go of what I went through. I’m just not sure how.”
“You need to give it—all of it—to God. If you do that, He will carry that burden for you. He has for me.”
Their somber conversation was interrupted by a peal of laughter from behind them as Nancy and Jack came spilling out of the house.
“Tag. You’re it!” Nancy squealed as she poked her brother and took off running out into the garden.
“Not fair, Nancy, I wasn’t ready,” Jack whined as he darted through the hedges, trying to find his sister.
Evading him, she teased with laughter, “You can’t get me. I’m right here. Come get me, Jack.”
Nathan watched as the youngest Abernathy children chased each other around the garden. One day he hoped he would do the same with his own children he would have with Faith. If he was ever to make his relationship work with her, he was going to have to find a way to make peace with his past.
He sent up a silent prayer for God to help him let go of what happened to him, and find a way to live his life again.
Two weeks crawled by, and Nathan hadn’t found a way to fit back into his old life. He had tried to dodge spending time with anyone, knowing he was poor company. Several times he had been curt with Faith and her family, unable to gather the ability to pretend for long periods of time. He tried to control it, but angry words kept spilling out before he could stop them.
Faith didn’t deserve the hostile treatment; none of the Abernathys did. Nathan knew it, and he wanted to do better, but he couldn’t figure out how. He knew he should be happy to be home where he was free again. For months, he had been faced with oppressive restriction, but he still couldn't connect to his old life.
Today, as he walked into church, he could feel the urge to flee nipping at the back of his mind. The sea of smiles and concerned looks were overwhelming, causing Nathan to avert his eyes from the other church parishioners. He had avoided coming to church until Faith commented on his sudden reclusive nature. Against his better judgment, he forced himself to head into the town with the family to prove to her that he was adjusting.
Nathan used to enjoy attending church on Sundays. Pastor Howell would often give a message about love, forgiveness, or an array of other diverse, relevant, and inspiring topics. Each time, he learned something new that he could use in his own life. Now, all he wanted to do was hide away in the bunkhouse of the plantation and never step foot in town again.
As Nathan sat down in the Abernathy family pew, he looked over at Faith, wondering what she was thinking. Her kindness and understanding seemed limitless since he had come home; however, it was clear she was concerned about him.
Faith should be. He worried about himself. It wasn’t like him to dwell in despondency. He had always succeeded at forcing away unwanted emotions, focusing on the task at hand instead. It was what had made him such an effective spy.
This time, try as he might, the negative feelings in the pit of his stomach overshadowed everything, despite how hard he prayed for it to be otherwise.
As Pastor Howell took to the pulpit, Nathan tried to concentrate on the message.
“Good morning, everyone. I’m grateful to see each of you, including our
long absent friend and neighbor, Nathan Maddox.” Pastor Howell looked at Nathan as he continued in his slow Southern drawl, “We prayed for your safe return and God answered our prayers. We're glad you're home.”
The church members' unexpected attention made Nathan want to fidget in his seat. He disliked the attention, but followed social protocol by responding with a wave and smile.
The service passed by while the hollow feeling in the center of Nathan gnawed at him. He tried to listen, but something was keeping him from doing so. His mind drifted back to his time in the Union prison, not allowing him to concentrate on anything else but how much of himself he had lost in that place.
As Pastor Howell concluded the service, Nathan attempted to leave the church without notice, hoping to get away from everyone before being detained. He had no such luck as he heard from behind him, “Good morning, Nathan,” from a deep male voice. He turned to find Mr. And Mrs. Brooks standing behind him.
“We’re so glad you’re home,” Mrs. Brooks stated with a warm smile. “Faith never gave up hope you were alive. She’s a strong woman and you’re lucky to have her.”
“I know I am, Mrs. Brooks,” Nathan said in agreement. “Faith is the reason I’m still alive.”
His eyes flickered to the exit as he contemplated how to get away. He felt like the walls of the church were closing in on him and at any moment he was going to blow up if he had to stay there one more moment.
“Now that you’re back, I’m sure you’ll be finishing up the house and a wedding will be on the horizon,” Mr. Brooks stated with a hint of question in his tone.
“That’s the plan,” Faith confirmed as she arrived next to Nathan, placing her arm through his.
Without being able to help it, Nathan stiffened under her touch. Unanticipated physical contact still jarred him after all the abuse he sustained while imprisoned.
Faith’s eyes darted towards him with a shocked look of hurt as she pressed her lips together. A moment later, she dropped her arm from his and turned to face the couple standing beside them.
“We should probably be on our way. The rest of the family is waiting,” Faith explained, but Nathan could tell she was making an excuse to help him escape.
Mr. Brooks reached out and shook Nathan’s hand. “If you need any help, you come on by the butcher shop. I’m more than willing after all you have done for our country.”
With a curt nod, Nathan responded, “Thank you.”
Once the Brooks departed, Faith turned her attention to Nathan. “I meant to stay by your side the whole time but Bonnie stopped me. She wouldn’t let me go until I answered all her questions.”
“You didn’t need to rescue me,” Nathan admonished, not liking the idea of Faith coddling him.
Faith raised an eyebrow as she tilted her head, looking at him as if she didn’t understand why he was so upset. “I wanted to keep you from getting bombarded with too much attention all at once. I know how hard this must be for you.”
“No, you don’t know, Faith. I wish you would quit trying to act like you know what I need. I don’t need your protection. I’m not broken,” he snapped as he stepped away from her, trying to put some distance between them.
A look of pain crossed Faith’s face before she shook her head and defended, “I never said you were.”
Nathan heard the harshness in his own words but couldn't stop more from bursting from his mouth. “Well, you’re acting like it, and I don’t want you, or anyone else for that matter, to treat me with kid gloves.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Faith cried out in frustration, as tears crept into the corner of her eyes. “I’ve done nothing but love you.” Glancing around the church as if worried someone overheard their argument, she quickly added, “I need a moment to myself.”
Nathan watched as Faith rushed from the church. He wanted to reach out and stop her, to pull her around, and tell her he loved her too. He should have but he didn’t; he couldn’t.
“Good morning, Nathan.”
With an internal sigh, he stiffened at the sound of Pastor Howell’s voice behind him. He wondered how much the other man had heard. Just what Nathan needed, a lecture about his behavior towards Faith. He braced himself as he turned around ready for a reprimand.
“I was wondering if you would mind coming by later this week to talk.”
Nathan’s eyebrows came together in a furrow of confusion. “What do you want to discuss?”
“I hope to go over a few matters with you, get your opinion on ideas I have for the volunteer committee for the war effort.”
Nathan worried he would want to talk about his captivity which Nathan refused to do. Just the thought of doing that made him break out in a sweat and his chest palpitate. “I can come by, but I want to make sure you’re aware I can’t discuss the details of my assignment in the war.”
A knowing look crossed Pastor Howell’s face as he nodded. “You have my word I won’t pry for information.”
Before Nathan could make his getaway, Davis sauntered up with his hands in his pockets.
“Do you have a moment?”
Had Davis witnessed Nathan’s behavior towards his sister? If he had, it would explain why Davis wanted to speak with him. As her brother, he was protective of Faith, defending her at every opportunity. It had taken Davis several months to warm up to the idea of Nathan courting his sister. Diligently, Nathan had worked to win over Davis’s approval. Once Nathan showed he not only cared for Faith, but could provide for her and take care of her in a worthy manner, Davis relaxed and accepted their engagement. Nathan hoped he hadn’t caused Davis to distrust him again by his earlier conduct with Faith.
“What can I do for you, Davis?”
“I saw Faith run out of here upset. You have any idea why?”
Even as Davis asked the question, Nathan was certain he already had formed an assumption in his head. He just wanted Nathan to confirm his suspicion.
Nathan toughened under the scrutiny, forcing himself to not sound defensive. “We had a bit of a disagreement. It was nothing.”
“It didn’t look like nothing. What were you arguing about?” Davis probed, and though his question sounded casual, there was a hint of disappointment in his tone.
There was no point in trying to hide the truth. Davis would just keep pestering Nathan until he answered him. With a heavy sigh, Nathan revealed what happened. “She was trying to handle me like a child. I told her to stop.”
“You might want to give her a little slack. Your time away has been hard on her and nobody really knows how to handle any of this.” Davis placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezed it. “She loves you, Nathan, and her belief in you has been unwavering, but even a strong woman can be pushed too far. If you don’t want to lose her, you need to figure out a way to stop hurting her.” Without another word, Davis turned around and headed out the door, leaving Nathan to contemplate his friend’s warning.
Chapter 11
Faith’s heart dropped into her stomach as tears slipped down her cheeks. In all the time she had known Nathan, he never had shown such mean behavior with anyone, let alone her. There were a few incidents when he had become short with the family since returning, but nothing like this latest outburst.
She understood he didn’t want to talk about what happened. It was clear from the way he would change the subject to avoid talking about the war. What she didn’t expect or understand was why he got angry with her just now. All she had wanted to do was help him, but instead, she made him mad at her.
Faith had been so resolute in her belief that once he came home everything would return to normal. How could she be so mistaken? She had been naïve to never contemplate the possibility that their relationship might not survive the ramifications of the war and what it did to Nathan.
Faith leaned against the giant oak tree outside the church. She tried to calm herself by saying a silent prayer to God. Lord, please help me to understand what is going on with Nath
an. I don’t want to upset him and I know he has been through a lot. I ask for Your guidance during this trying time. Show me how to be what he needs.
Hope bounced up to Faith beaming. “Good morning, Faith, I wanted to invite you and Nathan to come over for dinner.” Hope must have realized something was wrong because she tilted her head to the side and inquired, “What’s going on Faith? You look upset.”
Not wanting to involve anyone else, Faith shrugged. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
Even though Faith wanted to ask Hope’s opinion, she refused to paint Nathan in a poor light. After all he had been through, he didn’t deserve to have people pass judgment on him.
“It doesn’t matter. It’s only temporary, anyhow.”
Faith felt like she was trying to convince Hope as much as herself. She hoped it was fleeting. Nathan had been acting peculiar since his return, secretive and distant. She knew he must have survived awful experiences while being held captive. She wished he would confide in her, not about the details, but at least how it affected him. Instead, he kept it all inside himself.
What if Nathan couldn’t handle the experiences he had? Would it mean he would end up like Hope’s father? Mr. Hammond not only punished himself, but everyone around him, for what the war had done to him and his son. If that was the case, maybe even though Nathan had returned, she might have lost him anyway.
Faith didn’t feel like being with anyone else right now, and wasn’t even sure if Nathan would be willing to go with her. “Can we come for dinner another day, Hope?”
The disappointment in her friend’s eyes made Faith instantly regret rejecting the offer.
Hope forced a smile as she nodded. “Of course, it’s just Father is having a good day which means we can have visitors. I understand though; perhaps another time.”
“Here you are Faith. Mother wants to get back to Oak Haven and sent me to find you.” Davis looked from Faith to Hope. With a lopsided grin, he added, “It’s good to see you, Hope.”