Rick Cantelli, P.I. (Rick Cantelli, P.I. Detectives Book 1)

by Bernard DeLeo

  “Think we need to go over and do him in his sleep when he gets out?”

  Tempting. “Let’s keep track of him in the system. Maybe we won’t have to give it another thought for a couple years. I think Mango’s done. That assault has to be his third strike, not counting the thousand felonies they don’t know about.”

  “What do you think the brush with death did for Jadie’s libido?” Lois was enjoying this way too much. She leaned back with a self satisfied grin. “She almost had you, didn’t she Sparky?”

  “In answer to your first question, yeah, I think it chilled her. I’d like to say no to the second question, but I’m glad I didn’t have to find out. You can bet when we clue everyone in about Cheech Garibaldi, some of this weirdness with my popularity is going to fade quickly. No one will want to be in the crossfire by accident.”

  “Look at you - finding the flower in the shit pile.”

  “I better go e-mail the file with my electronic signature for Bill.”

  “You made him look good, Rick. Have you heard from the old chippie?”

  “Nope. She has to be in hiding somewhere. Is there any thug or gangbanger she hasn’t pissed off in the last few months?”

  Lois made a motion with her index fingers from her eyes to me. “I’m watchin’ you. You’re a backslider.”

  I started for the door with my file. “Stay out of my head Spock-ella. You won’t like what you find.”

  “Thinkin’ about doin’ a little babysitting when Jadie recovers?”

  I glanced back at the doorway. “Actually, I’m sticking to basics like how long I’ll look like a raccoon thanks to that shot I took from Franco. I wish there was some way to keep the Garibaldi thing out of the papers. Did I at least stay out of the morning edition?”

  “They got last night’s restaurant hoedown on the front page. I didn’t figure you’d need to hear about how much print you got personally.”

  “You’re right about that, Lo. I’ll be in my office napping.”

  “I’m sending Steve out after a bond skip at two. Can you go with him?”

  “Sure. Anyone I know?”

  “T-bone Griffin.”

  “Wonderful. He doesn’t have a dime to his name, and the only people who would sign for him are thieves and con-artists. Who the hell bailed him… and don’t tell me.” I made like the Great Kreskin, hand on raised forehead, eyes closed. “Another assault charge, and Bennington Bail Bonds wrote him out.”

  “You make the ‘Mentalist’ look like a piker, Rick. The good thing is, T-bone never runs anywhere. He heads for Mamma’s house. The big question is who the hell checks out the collateral for Bennington. Even T-bone’s mother won’t mortgage her own house to guarantee anything.”

  “Those shysters know he’ll be around for them to collect him, so they get their ten percent, and split it with a bond agent when it’s time to bring in T-bone.”

  Lois smiled. “I told them we want their whole fee, and if they didn’t like it to take a hike. They tried everyone in town. No one wants any part of T-bone, so they’re stuck. They okayed the deal this morning.

  Oh, that is so boss. Lois nailed them. That means they did no collateral check on the one doing the bond. Idiots. Serves them right. “Nice one, Lo. I’ll help with Griffin. I don’t want Steve doing a loner on T-bone. Wake me when it’s time to rumba.”

  Lois finger waved me out. “Until then… until then.”

  Chapter 12: T-Bone Griffin

  Jadie writhed below me. I worked my way down her from stem to stern with tongue, fingers, lips, and hot panting breath. I knew it was wrong, but I just didn’t give a damn. In the next few moments, I planned to impale her like a medieval torturer, with my white hot iron ever so slowly entering her inch by-”

  “Rick!”

  I heard my name as if from far away. Jadie’s open mouthed pleading features of lust faded away in what seemed like a smoky haze. I reached for her, my hands grasping to keep her near me, but she vanished in a blurry moment of Cantelli angst. Reality shot into my consciousness like a train load of nuclear waste.

  “He’s coming around.” I heard Lo’s amused voice as if in a whisper of hell.

  “He… he’s hung like a horse. Good Lord, he’s nearly jutting out of his waistband!” Shelly’s awed voice triggered the air brakes on the reality locomotive.

  Son-of-a-bitch! I lurched into a sitting position, noticing my dreams, privacy, and dignity had been lanced in one thrust. Lois’s grinning face and Shelly’s embarrassed mug swam into view as I straightened in my reclining chair. “Ever hear of knocking?”

  “You asked for a wakeup call, Sparky,” Lois replied. “Here it is.”

  “Sor…sorry, Rick,” Shelly said, before hurrying out of my office.

  I leaned forward, elbows on knees, and hands on head. “I think a heartfelt knock on the door would have brought me around you-”

  “You were bangin’ Jadie like a two dollar whore in your sleep, Sparky.” Lois cackled away, clapping her hands. “I think Shelly wants to do an equipment check. So, how was she?”

  I shook my head. “Damned if I know. You interrupted me before I could close the deal.”

  “Think of it this way. We saved you having to change your underwear.” Lois launched hideously into a self congratulatory little annoying dance. “You have half an hour to get ready for action with T-bone. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “You know I’ll take this out on your sister, right?”

  That spun her around, gorgon face and jabbing finger poised for death. She smirked instead. “Shelly and I will have to come in to wake you from your little nappy more often.”

  “Not funny, Lo!” I called out after her. “It’s an invasion of privacy! I’m getting a dead bolt installed!”

  * * *

  “Why the hell would T-bone go to The Night Owl?”

  Steve thinks I have all the information on every two bit bar in San Diego. I do know a little info about this place though. I’ve had a couple in there from time to time. It has a couple pool tables, a dart board, and generous bartenders with cheap drinks. T-Bone’s Mom’s place is only six blocks away. “Hell, Steve, how would I know? What, you think I hang out here on my off time? I’ve patronized this establishment once or twice. It’s close to T-bone’s Mom’s house. We’d stick out like sore thumbs over by Mom’s place. Besides, I know the cops came and got him twice here in the past. I’m surprised they’re not staking out the place. Didn’t your Granny Madigan prep you on this guy?”

  He chortled while gripping the steering wheel of his GMC company vehicle tightly. “I’m glad you came with me, Rick. No. Granny didn’t fill me in on T-bone or why you agreed to come along.”

  “I’m actually in a holding pattern between prison and the Twilight Zone, so going after T-bone seemed the right choice for Lois. I agreed to the gig even though it was with you.” I grinned over at him so he didn’t think I held a grudge because he was Lois’s butt monkey.

  “You’re still sore about me following you.” Steve snorts while stating the obvious.

  “You used to have balls, Steve. What the hell happened to you? Does Lois have your Aunt Myrtle held hostage in a warehouse somewhere in LA or something?”

  “She rolled me, Rick. I screwed up twice already, making the wrong decisions and getting my ass kicked. I love this work. Lois went all mean girl on me, and the next thing I knew, I was agreeing to keep tabs on you.”

  “Your wife hates that you’re doing this work, and she hates Lois and I for somehow not foreseeing every stupid stunt you pull doing it. If something ever happens to you, guess who’ll get the blame.”

  That got him. I nearly achieved payback completely for the wanker tailing me. Steve’s shoulders slumped and everything – and then he perked up and grinned over at me.

  “Fuck you, Rick. I’m not taking shit from either one of you. I tail you because Lo pays me too, the old bat. I don’t know why she does it either. She already knows what you’ll do before you
do.”

  Much better. “That’s it! Get out of the car, peeper! I’m going to change your spark plugs, you little know-it-all butt munch!”

  He’s laughing his ass off while I’m shaking his shoulder pushing him to open his door. Then I spot T-bone walking in the direction of The Night Owl, and it was back to business.

  “There’s T-bone now, going in to down a few.”

  “Damn, Rick, you were right. I never thought he’d come here. He has the wrong attitude for a place like this.”

  Steve starts getting out of the car. I grabbed him. “Where the hell do you think you’re going, peeper?”

  Steve looks at me in confusion. “To get T-bone. I’m not going to ask him for a date.”

  “Relax. We’re not sitting here instead of his Mom’s house on a whim, you knucklehead. See, this is why Lo keeps bustin’ your chops. T-bone’s six feet, four inches tall, and weighs around three hundred pounds. If you go boinking yourself in between him and the Night Owl, we’d have to Mace the shit out him, and light T-bone up until his clothes caught fire. Then we’d have to transport him in this nice, clean smelling vehicle.”

  “I get it, Rick. We’re going to let him get soused and collect him on the way out.”

  “You’re just adorable, Steve… like a little puppy. Yes, we’re hoping he gets feeling good, so when we do our confrontation, we have a chance he’ll come quietly. If you want, you can go on in and have a beer. He doesn’t know you. Just don’t be watching him like you want to get romantic. The Night Owl’s a nice place. The clientele are mostly regulars.”

  “I’ll wait a while for T-bone to get a good start on his feeling good.”

  “You’re learnin’, kid. If you send me anything, text it.”

  “How does T-bone know you? Lois didn’t mention you had experience with him.”

  He doesn’t remember me fondly. That I knew. “I’ve had to apprehend him a couple times. He should be doing life at Folsom, but he keeps slipping the collar like a rabid dog. The two times I’ve had to get him, I did it old school. We got tips he was staying with a girlfriend the first time, and one of his old gangbanger buddies the second time. I lit him up both times without any chitchat when he exited the premises. T-bone told me he’d kill me and everything I ever loved both times, so yeah, I think you could say we know each other. He’s always jailed on assault charges. I just wanted to make sure he didn’t have an extra charge added with me as the victim. I tried explaining it to him, but he was still vibrating from the charge I’d given him, so he wasn’t in the mood.”

  “Why’d Lo take the ticket then?”

  Because it’s just business. “Look, if we ducked everyone who threatened us we would have lost the business a long time ago. That doesn’t mean I want to get slammed around by that Godzilla, T-bone. Did you think they gave him that name because he’s warm and cuddly?”

  Steve chuckled. “How do you want to handle it?”

  “Send me a text when he exits the Owl, and I’ll go face him. You come out behind him. When he doesn’t listen to reason, light him up. I won’t confront him until he’s away from the bar front. He came from the right, so I’ll be around the corner of the building on the parking lot side. Take the Taser. It’s best not to be near enough to T-bone to use the stunner on him unless he has a face full of happy juice. We don’t want that.”

  “How many beers can I have,” Steve asked with a straight face.

  “You’re lucky I’m letting you have one. Nurse one only or the next time you get off of installs, you’ll be retirement age. I’d make you have a soda, but the patrons would think you came in to try for a boyfriend.”

  “Well, as much as this awesome conversation thrills me, I think I’ll go inside and nurse my beer.”

  One last warning. “You boink this assignment inside, and when T-bone leaves you on the Night Owl floor with your face rearranged I’m going to FaceTime your crumpled body straight to Lo.”

  Steve gave me a little salute and a lovely parting gift. “Ten four, killer. I felt bad for you when I heard Franco dusted your old ass off during the overnighter in jail last night. Now, I’m okay with it.”

  I smiled, watching him amble across the street. After giving T-bone another half hour to enjoy his last few drinks outside captivity, I got out and stretched. It was painful. Franco’s rib massage made me forget all about my bruised back. I began wishing I had broken both his knees. I walked around, allowing feeling and movement into my abused limbs, noticing the cooler air felt better on my Rocky Raccoon eye. By then, it was nearing five, and this being Saturday, you could bet more customers would be showing up. I didn’t really care to take T-bone with people arriving in the parking lot, or walking around us. I’d have to probably text Steve and tell him we might need to do plan B… whenever I figured out what plan B would entail.

  His text came in a few minutes later. T-bone was stumbling a little toward the exit. I got into position around the corner of the bar where their parking lot was. T-bone walked by a bit unsteadily which was good news to me. I kept my Taser in hand at my hip.

  “Mr. Griffin!”

  T-bone turned to see who was calling him, saw it was me, and charged like a wounded rhinoceros without a single word. So much for softening him with booze, and giving him a chance to come quietly. My Taser needles hit him with the juice cranked up. They might as well have been confetti or pillow feathers. It was that moment I realized I should have been running instead of Tasering. I saw Steve’s needles hit him in the back before I dived for the parking lot surface, knowing I was going to get fried no matter what.

  The rhino went right over me, unable to stop with the booze, rage, and voltage racing through him. He hit the ground and flopped right back over on me, his hands reaching for my neck while his whole body hummed with power. If I had been having a heart attack, T-bone would have saved me. He juiced me but good before his brain finally let the rest of him know he was going to collapse. He did – on me. Oh baby, I felt the power. Gone were my aches, pains, and lastly, consciousness.

  When I came to, Steve was shaking me. I looked around groggily while clamping my teeth tightly against the four hundred cycle hummer remnants. T-bone was on his stomach next to me with his hands plastic tied behind him and his ankles bound together. He was thrashing around in a way that reminded me of those nature films where a huge fish gets caught and flops into the boat.

  “You scared me, old man,” Steve told me. “I think maybe we should have Maced him first. I’ve seen you piss off Lois that much, but T-bone really had a hard-on for you. You okay?”

  By then, I could see we were attracting a small crowd who were enjoying the Saturday night entertainment special. “I’m just peachy.”

  Rolling onto my hands and knees, I took stock of anything out of place. Other than the vibrations, I felt okay. I got on my feet, wishing the bystanders would take off so I could light T-bone up for about fifteen minutes of quality Taser time. Seeing I wasn’t going to get my wish, I collected my Taser needles and gun while Steve did the same.

  “You did FaceTime me with Lo, right?”

  Steve got that haunted look on his features meaning he had done just that.

  “It’s okay. She would have given you the silent treatment and installs for the next month if you hadn’t. How’d I look?”

  Steve grinned. “Peachy.”

  I nodded, knowing Lo was probably still laughing. “Let’s get Mr. Griffin into the GMC. I think I may go with you to get his ticket, and then have you drop me off back here at the Owl.”

  “Sounds good, Rick. I’d have a couple with you, but I promised the wife I’d take her to dinner if I got off in time.”

  I yanked T-bone onto his knees. “I don’t feel like company anyway, Steve. Maybe next time I get barbequed I’ll take you up on it.”

  Steve laughed as we righted the behemoth. “It’s a date.”

  Griffin was turning the air blue with threats and curses. I popped him on the back of the head. “Shut your pie-h
ole or I swear to God I’m going to give you a nice dick massage with my stun gun!”

  That shut his mouth and drew a few laughs from our onlookers. One of them unfortunately recognized me. A blonde with her boyfriend pointed at me. “Hey, you’re Rick Cantelli! Jay, he’s the P.I. that killed three guys last night.”

  Her boyfriend Jay peered at me while I undid the plastic tie holding T-bones ankles. “You’re right. How come you didn’t just shoot him, Cantelli?”

  I looked up at the kid while giving T-bone a boost with Steve’s help. “I’m trying to cut back, kid.”

  My one liner entertained the crowd and we guided Griffin over to the GMC. When we got there, I had a few words for T-bone. “If you promise to sit nice, I’ll let you ride in the backseat. Give me any trouble, I light you up, hogtie you, and duct tape your big fat mouth. Comprende?”

  T-bone chose wisely and simply nodded. We put him in the backseat. Steve drove, and I watched Griffin with my high voltage nightstick. It was a quiet, peaceful ride. The aches were coming back with a vengeance, making me want to have Steve pull over so I could make T-bone dance the dance of a thousand lights. I resisted temptation though. We dropped off our bundle of joy without further incident.

  “Are you sure you want to do this, Rick?” Steve was noticing some of my shaking parts left from the Taser hummer. “You could hit the sack and put this day behind you.”

  “Every place I’m associated with is decorated in crime scene tape. I’m going where there isn’t any… yet.”

  Steve chortled at my explanation and continued on. He dropped me off once again at The Night Owl. The bright point being Lois has a sixth sense of when to leave me the hell alone so we were at the silent running mode of Madigan and Cantelli.

  “Have fun at dinner, Steve. Good work today,” I told him as I exited the GMC.

  “I’m sorry you got zapped, Rick.”

  “I needed a charge anyway. My battery was getting low.”

  Steve grinned. “Do you have a piece? I know the cops have both your 9 mil and your .45.”

  “Are you stupid?” I smiled as Steve busted out laughing, and nodded his understanding before driving off. I not only was packing, I holstered my old Jennings 9 mil with three clips. I know when a bad moon is on the rise.