“We are in a castle,” Reptilis began, utterly ignoring my objection. “The prison was down below, so it won’t be down there, that’s for sure. A gnasher never strays far from the treasure vault. The glimmer of gold sustains him. Therefore, the vault’s either on this floor or the next one.”
“Shall we check it out?” asked Calran, adjusting his grip on the scimitar and turned to me: “Mahan—I understand everything perfectly, but Grygz will have my hide if he hears that I passed up a chance to get into the vault. Reptilis—lead on. You can have half.”
“The hell! The most I’ll give you is a fourth. And even then exclusively due to my immense respect for you.”
“Guys, maybe we’ll stop arguing and divvying up what we don’t have?” I asked when the door shuddered from a blow. It looked like the mysterious gnasher had come to and was following us again.
“No way Freemie, my share’s half. You forget that there’s two of us, so each one will receive a fourth. You can set out on your own, but you better consider now how much you’ll be able to carry while fleeing from a gnasher…”
“Are you trying to say,” Reptilis inquired, “that you know how to get rid of this bastard?” The door shook again and cracks appeared in the wood, indicating that in another couple of blows, the gnasher would come pay us a visit.
“Half?” The pirate answered the question with a question.
“Deal! If you manage to…”
Calran didn’t let the kobold answer, throwing the door wide open. Now that I saw the gnasher up close, I realized that I didn’t feel much like becoming a treasure hunter. On the other side of the door stood a two-meter-tall dog with two heads that bore a close resemblance to the mythological Cerberus, if you ignored the fact that this beast was made entirely of gold.
Showing utterly no fear of this monster, Calran jumped up to it and with a wild swing slammed the pommel of his scimitar right on the nose of the right head. The pirate didn’t seem to care one bit about the difference in levels, nor that he did effectively no damage—it’s not easy for a Level 230 Warrior to scratch a Level 300 dog, much less cause it any damage, and yet…
“After him!” yelled Calran when the gnasher yelped like a puppy whose paw had been stepped on and darted up the stairs with his tail between his legs. Both of the gnasher’s heads were howling pitifully and casting the ‘Slowed’ debuff on us, causing the treasure vault’s two-headed guard to steadily pull ahead of us. Yet it’s also worth mentioning the positive aspect to the dog’s rabid state—climbing two floors, the dog ripped a side door from its hinges and disappeared down the corridor destroying everything in its way. And by everything, I mean mostly other guards who’d come running out of the adjoining rooms and hallways.
“How?” asked Reptilis, snipping the purse from another guard that the gnasher had knocked to the ground.
“Another twenty percent for our share,” Calran replied over his shoulder with a grin.
“Twenty?” Reptilis even whipped the wall with his tail at such temerity, but quickly made his decision. “Ten and it’s a deal. Twenty is too much.”
“Thirty, Freemie,” Calran was now openly enjoying himself. “You seem like the type who likes to creep around castles, so the secret to dealing with a gnasher will cost you eighty percent of the loot that we’re about to get. If you want your half—by all means. I don’t insist…Oh! I think we’re here!”
The gnasher took another couple turns and stopped before an enormous steel door—at which he began to whine and scrape his paw like a dog begging to be let in.
“Back already?” The door opened with a slight squeak as though it hadn’t been oiled in several years, and a fat goblin appeared on its threshold. It took me looking at his properties to see that we were facing the Narlak palace majordomo, the goblin Uveritus. “If you’ve already killed the escapees, why is the siren still screaming? All right, wait here, I’ll go check it out and…”
Here, the goblin noticed us. At first his face expressed puzzlement, then recognition, and finally utter terror. The gnasher paid us no attention and darted through the steel door, preventing the goblin from slamming it shut and giving Reptilis the time to cast another cloud of gas that paralyzed the majordomo.
“We have twenty minutes,” said Calran, “before the gnasher calms down and starts chasing us again. And mind you, the second time we won’t be able to stop him…So, Reptilis, what do you say to taking twenty percent as your share?”
“Bunch of bastards, you NPCs,” cursed the kobold and barked: “The hell with it—tell me how you dealt with the gnasher.”
“Here’s the description.” Calran handed Reptilis a sheet of paper. Recalling our recent conversation about how the poor pirates had no paper on which to send Grygz their message, you could think that even on their deathbed, they sought to eke out a little profit by saving on stationary—and yet knowing the ins and outs of Barliona dispelled such ill thoughts of the pirates. When an NPC gives information to a player, he always does it in a letter in order to create a paper trail. Otherwise, what if a player claimed that he hadn’t heard properly in order to get the NPC to speak louder? By passing the info on a piece of paper, Calran ensured that I wouldn’t overhear it. It looked like if I wanted to discover the secret of dealing with gnashers, I’d need to spend some money. No thanks—I have Magdey and Clutzer who could whip that dog without any extra discussions—and gain some XP in the process.
“You don’t have the right!” the goblin began screaming when he regained some composure. Calran tied his hands and feet, assuring us that even the majordomo wouldn’t be able to escape such bonds, and so Uveritus had nothing else to do but curse and watch as Reptilis studied the enormous safe.
“This city must have some crazy security nerds living in it!” he exclaimed a minute later. “Two levels of physical security, four magical, several traps, and a honeypot with an alarm…Only a lunatic could make a safe like this!”
“Can you crack it?” I asked the kobold.
“There’s nothing in Barliona that I can’t crack, given time. Calran—how’s the door looking?” Reptilis asked the pirate who was guarding the entrance.
“Quiet so far. The gnasher scattered everyone on this level so quickly that there wasn’t any time to warn anyone, and we tied up the majordomo right away, so…I figure we have about twenty minutes—right as the dog’s regains his senses. How much time do you need?”
“Why is everyone so impatient?” muttered Reptilis, whose hands were flashing with his full set of lock picks. “Unlock this—rescue that—how much time do you need…No, Mahan, I really can’t understand what Anastaria sees in you at all. There doesn’t seem to be anything special about you, even despite the movies they made, and yet…Got one! At least Mirida explained why she wanted me to find you, but Stacey…It really is utterly mystifying…There! Another two…”
“What do you mean Mirida explained why she wanted to find me?” I asked, my heart skipping a beat at the name of the girl that I so badly needed to have a chat with.
“This heap of meat here has the right idea: If you want to know something, be ready to pay for it. I’m happy to tell you everything I know but it’ll cost you a third of the loot. Agreed?”
“Sorry, but no way. I immediately dug in my heels. “Crack the safe!”
“Already done,” smirked Reptilis, stepping aside. “Behold in amazement and wonder—the Narlak palace treasure vault!”
“You don’t have the right!” the goblin squealed again, but no one heard him, for just beyond the enormous safe’s door was an ordinary, static portal—the same exact kind that could be found in the door to Altameda’s treasure vault.
Chapter Nine. The Pirates
“WELL THIS is a bit of luck,” whistled Reptilis when we crossed the portal’s threshold. Calran insisted we lock the safe from inside—after which the kobold wrecked the two physical locks as much as he could. We wouldn’t have any visitors for some time.
Narlak’s treasure vault
was an enormous cave filled with heaps of gold coins—which from a player’s perspective were nothing more than scenery as you couldn’t actually pick them up. One of these mountains was crowned with the gnasher’s bed, which suggested that as soon as that beast came to and understood that he had no way of going back home, he’d smash the palace to pebbles in a fit of rage. As Reptilis pointed out, this creature lost its mind when kept from gold for too long, and this meant that we’d have several extra hours to peruse the treasure vault.
“It’s not super nice of you to leave me in jail, brother!” Draco complained as soon as he appeared beside me. Remembering that I’d left him in Narlak city jail and the guards there could kill my Totem by way of revenge, I did that which Kornik had told me I couldn’t do—I released the Totem back to the Dragon world and instantly re-summoned him—after all, the Totem was bound to me and not to his last location in Barliona. I’ll confess that I was a little worried whether it’d work or not, but since Draco appeared beside me without losing any levels in the process—it worked! It was too bad that Fleita had already been released, since her sentence was only for two hours. “Oh! Where are we? Wow! No way! I’ll be a flying gecko! Brother, do you mind if I look around a bit?”
“Just don’t even think of taking something without asking first,” Reptilis reminded him, casting a measured eye across the sea of loot before us. “Hmm…I get the feeling that the three of us are too few for all this stuff.”
Ignoring the mountains of gold, we turned our attentions to what we could carry: ingots of various metals, elixirs, and the most desirable thing for all players—items. Heaps and heaps of items…
“The Narlak armed forces captured several merchantmen brimming with this stuff,” Calrandos answered our unasked question. “What you’re looking at is in effect Narlak’s loot.”
“I only have fifty free slots in my bag,” said Reptilis. “I can’t drop anything either…Damn it! I wish I’d known.”
“Maybe we can summon someone to this place?” I asked.
“Summon?” Reptilis smirked. “Are you a Mage and are there three of you? You can’t teleport into a treasure vault—there aren’t any coordinates here. All you can do is teleport out. Okay, let’s see—this thing I can get elsewhere,” the kobold turned back to cleaning his inventory. “This I can buy from Arkandios…And this…”
“Stacey, hi!”
“There you are! I left you alone on purpose. I was waiting for when you’d call me. A brief update—the Nameless Council is complaining to the Emperor about your escape from prison and I’ve already had a Herald come visit me to tell me to tell you that the Emperor intends on giving you a stern talking-to. He just can’t wait to speak to you, but he can’t get in touch with you directly for whatever reason. You’re probably in the Free Lands or in Kartoss. Anyway, just keep in mind that as soon as you are done there, you’ll be taken to see the Emperor. What did you want?”
“Reptilis, one of the pirate NPCs and I are currently in the Narlak treasure vault with the entrance barricaded. Consequently, we’re having issues with our location and our location coordinates. According to the rules, no one can teleport in here, which is why I need your help.”
“I need ten minutes to buy three bags of 200 slots each. A player can’t have more than two…Dan…How did you end up there? I sent Reptilis to break you and the pirates out…How did you find your way into a treasure vault?”
“Well…are you going to argue or go get those bags? We’re here now—what do you care?”
“Brother! Look what I found!” When I was done speaking with Anastaria, a very excited Draco swooped over to me, holding in his paws a metallic sphere with a golden sheen. My unconsciousness began to scream that I’d seen something like this before and that I even remembers its name—the Crastil of Shalaar, so I wasn’t super surprised when I read the properties of the item Draco’d found.
The Crastil of Gwar Description: Rastukal, who snarfed the prarqat in rurna, managed to glass the pralix of kurlex. Only the rhims qrijoplix gurt-gurt can take the Crastil of Gwar. Item class: Unique.
The difference between the descriptions was a single word. And yet there wasn’t a single hint that the items were part of a set. It was a simple sphere of gold—just like the silver one in my bag.
“If you like that piece of junk will be part of your share,” Reptilis smirked, reading the item’s properties and immediately losing any interest in it.
“Why piece of junk?”
“Because I have one just like it and haven’t found any use for its whatsoever. There isn’t a single antiquarian who knows what that thing is, so you can rest assured that it’s some joke on the part of the Corporation. They just made some spheres, added a nonsense text that sounds like it’s saying something but is really just a random collection of letters—and then they goad the players into racking their brains what the purpose of these things is. I was actually just about to toss a similar item. You want I give it to you? I won’t even charge you!”
“All right,” I instantly agreed to such a unique and generous offer. Even if these spheres don’t do anything—I can arrange them in my castle like stones that guests can look at and wonder at the sick imaginations of the developers. Oh! By the way…
“Stacey?”
“A couple more minutes…”
“No, I’m wondering about something else. Did you ever figure out the riddle of the deck of cards?”
“Cards?”
“The Deck of 52 Cards. You were going to figure out what its purpose was…”
“Oh! I did figure that out—the deck of cards is for playing card games. No less, no more…It’s an ordinary McGuffin that the devs put in the game to mislead the players. Look, I’ve got to go—I’m busy here.”
An ordinary deck of cards and ordinary spheres…There sure are a lot of ordinary things lying around Barliona. Reptilis finished digging around his bag and offered me another sphere, of a copper color—the Crastil of Levaar. The description also differed by one word, so I took out all three spheres and placed them beside each other.
“You’re missing at least three Crastils there,” Calran said in passing as he stuffed his pockets with gold coins. Unlike for players, the heaps of gold were real for the NPCs, so the pirate was currently having a field day of it. What were items to him when he could fill up on sweet, sweet gold?
“Three?” I echoed surprised.
“The wood one and the clay one that Grygz has and the glass one that, they say, is in the possession of the High Mage of Anhurs. I didn’t know about the gold, silver and copper Crastil, so you can assume there are others too.”
“What are they for?”
“Crastils? Why, nothing, obviously! They’re ordinary spheres. There’s nothing magical about them. Grygz holds onto his solely because it says ‘Unique’ in the description. Otherwise, he’d’ve tossed them ages ago. Their only decent use is for throwing at enemies—even the clay one won’t break if you fling it at someone’s brainpan.”
“I’m ready Dan—summon me.”
“Reptilis, do you mind if Anastaria joins us?”
“Here? Mahan—I already told you: You can’t cast a portal to a treasure vault!”
“No one’s going to cast any portals,” I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ll assume that you don’t mind…”
“Hello everyone! Reptilis, Mahan,” Anastaria greeted everyone as soon as I summoned her over. “Oh! Will you please introduce me to this handsome young man, Mahan?”
You should have seen the pirate’s face. In general, the Imitators that represent the various in-game fraternities have extremely emotional algorithms governing their demeanor. Accordingly, Calran now froze rooted in place with his mouth agape and his eyes fixed on Anastaria like Eluna herself had appeared to him. Truth be told, to some degree I understood how the program felt, since Stacey really looked stunning—having put away her golden armor, she was now wearing a green skirt with some kind of red fringe which, along with her gree
n boots, did fair justice to my wife’s perfect legs. And after all, her avatar was an exact replica of the girl in real life…Her glorious chestnut hair, Stacey had braided in a wondrous braid and this image of a green fairy was completed by a roomy, emerald blouse. Stacey was so impressively fresh and shining that even I—as used to her appearance as I was—caught myself standing in place smiling at her dumbly.
“Stacey, you look maddeningly gorgeous!” I told the girl telepathically, trying to come to my senses.
“Thank you! I tried extra hard for you. Introduce me to the pirate—I want to have this quest too!”
“Anastaria,” I croaked, my throat having gone dry from the girl’s appearance, “allow me to introduce to you Calrandos—a member of the pirate fraternity. Calrandos—allow me to present to you Anastaria, my wife. Now since we have observed all the necessary formalities…”
“M’lady.” Utterly ignoring me, the enormous pirate bent down to one knee and bowed his head. “Allow me to introduce myself. I am Calrandos Furioso—but you may call me Calran. Captain of the vessel Fearless, the right hand of Grygz the Bloodied Hoof—head of the fraternity of pirates—I am now and eternally your true, obedient servant…”
Try and disbelieve your premonition after that…
“Please arise, Calran,” Anastaria spoke in a voice filled with such grace that I even felt a knot form below my heart as a burning envy towards the NPC overtook me. With several steps, the girl floated over to the pirate and placed her hand on his shoulder. “I accept your offer, Calran. However, I request that you keep in mind that I have a spouse.”
“If the hour comes when your paths shall fork,” the pirate said, getting to his feet, “I will be happy to see you as my wife!”
Welp. Now I’ve heard it all. Even the Imitators want to put horns on my head and take my lawful (in-game) wife. Not a chance!
“Guys, can we cut it out with the soap operas?” Reptilis quipped. “I love her, I want him, but she’s his wife…Ugh…We’re here to stuff our pockets with as much loot as we can before they fix the entrance—not to figure out who Anastaria belongs to. Stacey, did you get the bags?”
The Karmadont Chess Set (The Way of the Shaman: Book #5) LitRPG series Page 26