Where You Can Find Me

by Cole, Fiona

  Shane gave me a simple head nod and we all said goodbye, making our way outside.

  Jack opened my door and helped me in the truck. I didn’t really need it, but it felt nice having his hand on my back.

  “Sorry I took you there. I didn’t know it would be like that.”

  “It’s not a big deal. As horrifying as it was, I’m glad I got to see more of you.”

  He gave a soft laugh responding, “Well, I guess that put a sour note to end the evening. What a first date.”

  “I guess you’re an adventurous man, Jack.”

  “I guess I am.”

  We finished the drive in silence until we pulled into my driveway.

  “You don’t have to walk me to my door.”

  He turned to look at me like I was nuts. “Of course I do. What kind of Texas gentleman would I be if I didn’t walk a lady to her door?”

  Once I unlocked my front door, I left it closed and turned to look up at him from under my eyelashes. I hoped I was pulling off the sexy look.

  He reached up and used his thumb to remove my bottom lip from my teeth, eyes on my mouth the whole time. “There you go again biting that bottom lip.” I released my lip and he reached up to brush his thumb along it. “I know I’m not coming in; it’s late, but I am going to kiss you right now.”

  My heart rate spiked as he leaned down and I was barely able to nod my head shakily before his lips touched mine. It was soft, didn’t have any reluctance, but more like he was testing the waters. His hand moved to cup the side of my face and he pushed his fingers into my hair. I let out a soft moan as he pulled me tighter to him. I raised up on my toes to wrap my arms around his neck.

  Apparently that was all he needed because he pressed me against my front door and pushed his tongue into my mouth. His drink still lingered on his tongue and I wanted to drown in the taste. I pushed my pelvis into his causing him to groan in response.

  The force of the kiss made me question my resolve to not give in so easily, tempting me to reach back and open the door to let him inside. But I didn’t want to rush this again. I still wanted a fresh start for us. So with that thought I pulled back, nibbling on his bottom lip and soothing it with a flick of my tongue.

  “You must have a thing for biting bottom lips. I can’t say I’m complaining,” he murmured against my lips. After one last quick kiss he pulled away, and I immediately missed his warmth. My heart trembled as my lids lazily slid open. “Let me see you again.”

  I liked the way he told me. Yes, I was a woman and hear me roar, but sometimes I liked to be bossed around in the right way. And Jack hit all my buttons with his bossiness.

  I jerkily nodded my head. “Give me your phone.” I could give orders too. I sent myself a text from his phone. “Now you can get a hold of me to make plans.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  After a soft kiss to my cheek, he stepped back and I opened my door. He watched me intently until the door clicked closed behind me

  I leaned against the closed door and felt a huge smile spread across my face and a breathless joy start to spread throughout my body. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and placed my hand to my chest, trying to hold the happiness close to me.

  I was ready for this.

  I deserved this.

  Chapter Seven

  Do You Want Me - Salt-N-Pepa

  I didn’t hear from Jack on Saturday.

  I tried not to think about it too much, but my brain was filled with paranoia after the conversation between him and Shane. It was one thing to hear about murderers on the news and something completely different to be in the middle of the conversation about it. All the creaks in my old house made getting to sleep harder than usual as my mind conjured up a list of possible reasons I was hearing them. I ran from my car to my house with my keys ready so I didn’t have to stand on my front porch long, becoming an easy victim. Knowing I was overthinking all of it didn’t ease my mind. And not hearing from Jack made it worse. All I wanted was a simple phone call.

  I tried to brush it off and not worry about it as Sunday wore on, but I failed miserably. Especially when Jameson called me out for repeatedly checking my phone during family lunch. Evie just looked at me with an eyebrow raised. I felt my cheeks heat because she knew I was keeping something from her. Saying something about work, I tried to brush it off. Jameson shrugged and continued pestering me about my life, being the typical big brother he’d always been.

  I knew I could have just as easily called or texted Jack and been the bigger person. I could have been a modern woman and not sat around, pining away for a phone call from a man. But sometimes a girl needs to feel wanted; pursued. So instead, night had fallen while I lay in bed clinging to my phone like some love-obsessed tween wondering if maybe he was just not that into me. I ran through all of our interactions trying to decide if maybe I missed a clue. If maybe I embellished a truth to make it more pleasing to me.

  My mind raced and ran in circles. One thought, one memory, right after the next. We had only spent a small amount of time together, but already I had enough thoughts to occupy my hamster-on-a-wheel thought process. Eventually, I felt my thoughts begin to fade and scatter as I grew exhausted, the hamster wheel breaking apart as I slipped away into sleep.

  Buzz. Buzz.

  I jerked awake. My whole body clenching tight in a fight or flight reaction. My fingers wrapped around the buzzing phone in a death grip. My heart beat hard in my chest as I tried to calm my ragged breathing and relax now that I knew I wasn’t going to be murdered.

  “Jesus Christ,” I whispered to myself with my hand over my chest. The other hand held the offensive phone. I looked down, seeing that I had a new text message.

  Jack MacCabe.

  My calming heart rate shot back up again faster and harder than just a minute before. Just a text message had my hands trembling as I wiped away the sweat immediately forming on my palms. I swiped the screen three times before successfully opening the damn thing.

  Jack MacCabe: I haven’t forgotten about you. I never could. So stop overanalyzing why you haven’t heard from me.

  My eyes widened at his accurate guess of my thoughts. Turning my head back and forth I leaned over to peek out the window by my bed to be sure he wasn’t watching me. That would have been creepy, but a girl had to be sure.

  Me: Why would you say that?

  Jack MacCabe: Because you’re a scientist, right? That’s what you do every day: analyze everything until your brain bleeds. Right?

  A smile spread across my face so wide my cheeks hurt. I bit my bottom lip and squeezed my eyes tight, letting the happiness spread through my chest. Something as small as him taking a moment to think about what I’d told him and making me feel like he knows me, completely turned me to mush. Taking a deep breath, I relaxed into the conversation. His sarcasm made me smile and I decided to play. Why not? It was after midnight, and all was forgiven by day. In the dark I could make decisions that I could forget and pretend didn’t exist by morning.

  Me: Brain bleed; it’s definitely a hazard of being a scientist.

  Jack MacCabe: I’m really sorry. I don’t know what the rules are, but I didn’t want to make you think I wasn’t going to call you… Even though you didn’t call me…

  Me: I didn’t call you. Sometimes a girl likes to feel like she’s worth the effort. But don’t be deceived, I am still a strong, independent woman. Hear me roar! Rawr!!! ;)

  Jack MacCabe: Luella… You are more than worth the effort.

  Another smile spread across my face stretching my cheeks even more.

  Jack MacCabe: And I would love to hear you… “rawr” again.

  I didn’t know what to say. I stared at my phone trying to formulate a thousand different responses. Should I say something sexy back? Should I make another joke? I would have taken either of these as long as I didn’t sound like a complete idiot because somehow, over text message, I could still manage to sound like a fool. Which eventually led to word vomit and wasn�
�t that something that you were only supposed to do when you were face to face with someone?

  Jack MacCabe: Sorry. No pressure, Luella. I probably shouldn’t have made that comment.

  Me: No. The comment doesn’t bother me at all. It actually makes me a little hot and bothered, not *bothered.* But no matter how hot and bothered I get, I would like to take time to get to know each other. I don’t want to come off as a floozy.

  Jack MacCabe:

  1. I would never think you were a “floozy.” Haha

  2. We can take all the time in the world. Like I said, you’re worth the effort.

  3. You can’t say you are hot and bothered because that gets me hot and bothered …. and that makes things hard for me.

  Me: o.0 …. hard for you? Hahahahaha!!!

  Jack MacCabe: … You know what I mean.

  Jack MacCabe: I can see this is going to be a struggle. Haha.

  Me: I grew up with two older brothers; you have to forgive my perverted sense of humor.

  Jack MacCade: I have a feeling it will be a love/hate relationship with your sense of humor. But I am just fine with that.

  Me: Good.

  Jack MacCabe: Well, I know it is late. Past midnight. I hope I didn’t wake you, but I wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you. I have been working and trying to clear my schedule to help out Shane. I *am* sorry.

  Me: No worries. All is forgiven. Maybe I will reach out to you next time. ;)

  Jack MacCabe: Sometimes a guy likes to feel like he is worth the effort. Haha!

  Me: That you definitely are.

  Jack MacCabe: Ok … let’s plan to see each other … maybe lunch? Do scientists eat lunch?

  Me: Ha. Ha. Very funny! Yes, I eat! Wednesday?

  Jack MacCabe: Yes, Wednesday. We’ll sort it out then. Goodnight sweet Luella.

  Me: Goodnight sexy Jack … ;)

  I fell back on the bed with my arms outstretched and a smile on my face. I breathed in as deep as I could and let it all out, feeling the weight of happiness settle deep in my bones. I closed my eyes trying to feel every ounce of it. After one last, deep breath, I laid my phone on the nightstand and curled up on my right side. This time when I fell asleep there was no hamster wheel of crazy thoughts. Just a euphoric cloud of happiness I drifted away on.

  Chapter Eight

  Drumming Song - Florence and the Machine

  Monday dragged on. My experiment in the lab failed and I didn’t have enough of my solutions to perform the procedure again. I went to my office to order more and bang my head on my desk in failure, also known as making notes about how to not screw up again. This of course was broken up by me repeatedly checking my phone to make sure I didn’t miss anything from Jack.

  Much to my disappointment, I went home with a heavy heart and nothing from him. With the recent switch from Daylight Savings Time, it was dark by the time I had to walk across the street to the parking garage. Jack may have filled my thoughts all day, but as I strode through the quiet garage with only the sound of my heels clicking on the pavement and the buzzing of the lights from above, my mind conjured all kinds of images of murdered bodies. I made a note to cut back on the crime shows as I placed my cold keys between my knuckles and squeezed tight enough to feel the grooves of the keys. When a door slammed I yelped and jerked, looking side to side for its source, as my pace to my car increased. When my eyes landed on night security opening a stairwell door, I did a quick wave and rushed to my car. The deep breath trapped in my lungs seeped out with relief at hearing the clunk of my car locks. Laughing at my overactive foolishness, I started the car and drove home.

  Later that night I found myself on a repeat of Sunday night, my hamster wheel of thoughts spinning out of control sending me into a restless night of sleep. I wasn’t typically one to be so obsessed with hearing from a guy, but Jack made me excited about possibilities and he pushed me into trying a restart of our relationship. And then it turned into me not hearing from him. It made me go crazy with all my thoughts.

  What did I interpret wrong?

  Did he ask me to call him?

  Should I call him?

  Is he that into me?

  Is that hamster changing into a dinosaur?

  What?

  That was my cue to give into the exhaustion settling deep into my bones. My heavy eyes drifted closed and off I floated into a night of tossing and turning.

  * * *

  Jack: Make me feel like I’m worth it.

  This message waited for me when my alarm jolted me awake.

  Immediately, sleep was forgotten as excitement rushed through my limbs. My hands started to shake with the rush of adrenaline, my body still clinging to the last bits of slumber. My cheeks stretched and I bit my bottom lip. Smiling this early felt good. This new relationship excitement always gave me butterflies when first getting to know someone, but with Jack it was heightened by the intensity with which I liked him.

  Me: Maybe I will. Later.

  I didn’t get a response, but since his message came in a little after three in the morning, I assumed he was still sleeping. I, once again, tried to not check my phone every few minutes and managed to make it to lunch before finally giving in. I smiled once again upon seeing a message from him.

  Jack: … ;)

  With that vague response I realized he wanted me to make the next move. I guessed I would have to make him feel worth it because he most definitely was. I chewed a bite of my turkey wrap as I contemplated what to say. After long deliberation I decided to keep it simple.

  Me: Hello! How is your day going?

  He responded immediately.

  Jack: Hello, beautiful. It’s going ok. Last night went late and I’m feeling the effects today.

  Me: Oooooh. Did you party extra hard??

  Jack: Hahahaha! I don’t think so. But these are the hours of an investigator. *sigh*

  Me: Poor Jack. :( If I could, I would bring you a coffee.

  Jack: Maybe another time. Until then, I will continue with my plans to attach an I.V. of caffeine.

  Me: LOL! Very funny.

  Jack: What about lunch on Thursday? Can you do that?

  After glancing at my calendar, I saw I still wouldn’t able to do my work until the replacement shipment came. For once, I was excited about the delay..

  Me: I think I can squeeze you in.

  Jack: You’re so gracious and kind to do so. Let’s meet at Potbelly’s around noon. Sound good?

  Me: Sounds fantastic.

  * * *

  We met at the Potbelly’s located next to the University of Cincinnati. Jack said he was doing work in that area and it wasn’t far for me. Approaching the corner building, I saw Jack leaning against the brick in a long sleeve gray t-shirt. The Indian summer we were having made a jacket unnecessary. Not that I was complaining because the shirt molded to his shoulders and biceps, causing me to check that no drool was coming from my mouth.

  My heels clicking on the sidewalk alerted him to my approach and he looked up while pocketing his phone. When his eyes connected with mine a sexy smile formed on his face and the wind was knocked out of me. It had been only a week, but somehow I had forgotten how beautiful he was. I stopped walking involuntarily, standing rooted to the spot. I was sure I appeared as if something was wrong with me. Looking at him just caused my other motor functions to quit. He wore black denim jeans and his whole ensemble alluded to this dark appearance.

  A desire pulsed through my veins, turning me on. My fingers tingled with the need to move closer and run them across his broad chest.

  Reminding myself that we were taking it slow, I tried to make myself appear calm, cool, and collected. Don’t be a floozy, Lu!

  My cool went right out the window when Jack pushed off the wall and approached me, causing my body temperature to rise. When he was close he wrapped his arms around me and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “I missed you, Luella.” He pulled away with a light, lingering kiss to my cheek. “I’m sorry. Is hugging not allow
ed?”

  “What?” It came out as a whisper. Not even a whisper; more like it just fell from my mouth on a breath. I couldn’t feel my limbs. I could only feel the tingling parts of my body that came into contact with his. His strong arms embraced me. His lips pressed against my cheek. I existed solely at the places touching him.

  He cocked his head to the side and squinted his eyes. Talking slowly, confusion evident in his voice he said, “Usually when someone gives you a hug, you hug them back. You’re kind of just standing there. I wanted to make sure hugging was okay.” His arms fell from around my back and I realized that I had stood there doing nothing while he hugged me. My mouth probably hung open and my poor brain melted as it tried to process his body being so close to mine.

  I started to giggle at how uncomfortable I had made the situation. Not a cute giggle like oh-silly-me. Instead it came out like an I-was-insane giggle; high-pitched and awkward. He cocked an eyebrow and I mentally shook myself, trying to get my shit together.

  I scrunched my eyes closed, shaking my head ‘no’ in embarrassment. At last I lifted my eyes with a smile. “Of course hugs are fine. I think I just got caught off guard. Sorry. It’s been a busy morning.” It hadn’t been a busy morning. But I needed an excuse for acting like a complete lunatic.

  “No problem. I completely understand,” he responded with a small laugh. He reached to open the door while his other hand reached back for mine waiting for me grab on. “Shall we have some lunch?”