by Emrys Apollo
“I nearly shot you.”
“No you didn’t.” Stuart said, looking Desmond directly in the eyes. “When I heard how they were going to get rid of me… Well, I at least knew it wasn’t going to be by your hand. You may be reckless, defy orders and sometimes plain stupid, but you don’t just kill for the sake of it.”
“Had I have known it was you-”
“I know.” Stuart smirked, holding his hand up to stop Desmond. Desmond got the message; Stuart didn’t need to hear how he would have tried to save him had he have known Stuart was on the bridge. Desmond considered that for a moment. Would any of them actually be here right now if Stuart hadn’t have been on the bridge?
“What happened? How did you get away?” Desmond pressed, not really thinking about his questions. Stuart swallowed uncomfortably.
“I…” He took a breath. “It was all a bit manic, bit of a rush.” Stuart half shrugged.
“How did you escape?”
“I didn’t really know what was going on… One minute I could hear you and then I couldn’t. There was the shot and then… the splash..” Stuart closed his eyes.
“You were surrounded.” Desmond continued, barely listening to Stuart as he tried to piece it all together. Stuart looked up at him, his mouth trying to form words that weren’t making any sound.
“Desmond.” The door opening behind him made Desmond jump out of his skin. He spun on his heels, looking at Nathan. “He’s awake.”
Thoughts of whatever he’d been talking to Stuart about slipped from his mind as his eyes moved from Nathan to the open door, the soft colors within. It looked cozy and comfortable, inviting. Desmond still sent a dubious look at Nathan.
“You can go in.” Nathan smiled, stepping slightly to the side and leaving a clear entry path to the room. Desmond took a shaky breath, his palms starting to sweat.
It felt like everything was in slow motion, that every step took a collective effort to make him move forwards. He was already looking around the room before he had stepped over the threshold, seeking out the bed and the man moving beside it. Desmond felt himself sag. It was dreamlike, felt so unreal after what had felt like a lifetime of stress, anxiety and worry.
Antony was simply making the bed. So domestic, so simple. Something Desmond had seen him do a thousand times. But this time, it meant so much more. Tears welled in his eyes, his breath catching in his throat as he stepped forwards, reaching out for Antony’s wrist.
The man jumped, heavily, at the contact, spinning around so fast it made Desmond feel dizzy. But the fear that was in his chocolate eyes sunk into disbelief as they locked on Desmond’s. The other man didn’t even try to stop the tears pouring down his cheeks.
“Desmond?” Antony breathed, his fingers tentatively reaching out for Desmond. Desmond slipped his grip from Antony’s wrist to his fingers, linking them together as he brought him closer, dipping his forehead so they rested together. He closed his eyes, breathing Antony deeply as the man’s arm flew around him, gripping on tightly. Desmond supported him, pulling him close and gifting him somewhere familiar and comfortable to hide.
“I’ve got you.” Desmond promised, pulling Antony closer, loving the way he melted into his body. There would be time to check him over, time to pick up the pieces and build him back together. Right now all that was needed was contact. To just be able to hold each other and know that they had beaten them. Desmond had done as he had promised. He had gotten Antony back.
- - -
Desmond seemed to have moved into the Storming headquarters temporarily, and he wasn’t sure whether that was by Antony’s choice or his teams. Of course, he wasn’t going anywhere without Antony, but he didn’t know if it was Antony not wanting to go home that kept them hidden away in HQ or if Henson was still hoping he could get Antony to talk.
Either way, a week later Desmond was starting to go stir crazy.
He popped out every now and then just to see something different than Antony’s cozy room. He’d even taken Antony out for a couple of walks to give him some fresh air, but they stopped doing that when Antony would come back more of a paranoid mess than before, believing that somehow one of the kidnappers had seen him and followed them inside the building. It didn’t matter how many times Desmond calmly explained just how many locks, pass codes and encrypted doors the kidnappers would have to get through, least of all then getting through Desmond himself, it didn’t calm the man down.
Antony certainly did seem happy and comfortable in his solitary confinement, something Desmond couldn’t get his head around. Who could be happy boxed in a room all day with nothing really to do? Nathan had explained that Antony was probably associating this room with safety now, knowing he couldn’t be taken from it with so many eyes on him and so many people to get through before they found this room, and it was the one thing Desmond was really worried about. He was worried that if they continued to allow Antony to stay hidden away he would never come out of his self-voluntary hibernation.
“Jody is putting the security cameras in at home today.” Desmond said as they sat together, eating breakfast. Antony gave a non-committal shrug as if Desmond had just informed him of some fairly dull information. Desmond put down his toast. “It means it’ll be safer.”
“Not as safe as here.” Antony commented calmly, putting more jam on his toast. Desmond let out a breath.
“Tony… We can’t stay hidden forever.”
“We can.” Antony said. Desmond shook his head.
“I have a job, you have a job. You can’t just disappear off the face of the earth.” Stone dropped in Desmond’s stomach as the little color that had been in Antony’s face disappeared.
“We… We’re safe here.”
“And we’ll be safe at home.” Desmond assured, taking Antony’s hand in his own. “I know it’s scary and I know-”
“They’ll come for you.” Antony gasped, his grip tight on Desmond’s hand. Desmond frowned as tears sprung into Antony’s eyes.
“No, mate, it’s done with. It’s over.”
“It’s not.” Antony’s voice was just over a whisper. Desmond scooted his chair closer, drawing Antony in.
“We’re putting the cameras in, hidden panic buttons and the like so if there is ever any trouble again someone can be there in seconds.” Desmond explained softly. Antony shook his head rapidly, his breaths getting shorter as panic rose in his eyes.
“They kill you. You hide so they cannot.” Antony pressed, his eyes searching Desmond’s.
“No, mate, they took you to try to get me to kill someone else but I didn’t and I won’t. They won’t hurt us again.”
“You’re not listening-”
“I am, Tony, but we can’t stay hidden here forever. We have lives we have to start getting on with. We’ll take it slow, yeah? How about you and I take a trip to the house-”
“No!” Antony hollered, his grip intensifying on Desmond’s hand so much his nails dug into the other man’s skin. “They know where we live. Will be waiting.”
“Jody is there now. We can go now whilst he’s still there.”
“Desmond. They will kill you.” His tone was pushing, his eyes desperate, begging Desmond to understand the urgency.
“I know you’re scared but we’ll do this together-” Antony pushed away from Desmond, walking over to the mirror.
“You tell him he cannot go. He cannot go. Is not safe.” Antony said to his reflection. Of course, Antony knew there was likely someone on the other side. “You tell him now.”
“Tony-” Desmond tried but it was no use. The door opened to the right of the mirror, Nathan and Stuart walking in.
“Desmond we have to take things slowly with him.” Nathan explained, ushering Antony over to sit down on the bed. “You have to remember what he’s been through.”
“So you’re just going to keep him down here forever?” Desmond scoffed.
“He’s scared. Just go with it for now.” Stuart said, causing Desmond to double take.
<
br /> “Not you too.”
“We don’t know what was said to him whilst he was held captive. We don’t know what scare tactics they used. We need to be patient.” Nathan explained, sliding a cuff up Antony’s arm and checking his blood pressure.
“I can’t just sit around here watching him like this! I know I need to be understanding but keeping him cooped up can’t be any good.”
“It’ll be okay.” Stuart tried, but Desmond wasn’t hearing any of it. He turned on his heels, heading for the door.
“I need some air. I’m going to go help Jody back at the h-”
“NO.” Desmond turned back at the chorus of voices, shocked to hear Stuart’s voice just as desperate as Antony’s. He frowned at the German.
“You… He’s stressed enough. Don’t go making it worse.” Stuart muttered. Desmond ran a hand through his hair.
“Look, we can’t keep pretending this is how life is. This isn’t life. This is hiding. Maybe…” Desmond caught himself, shocked by what was about to come out of his mouth. But he was right. Maybe the time had come to start pushing the subject. “Maybe it’s time you opened up about what happened. Then we can start to take the right steps forward. At the moment we’re going on what we think is best and, without knowing what happened, we could be walking down the wrong path.”
Desmond certainly expected Antony to disagree, clam up and not say a word.
“okay.” Antony said slowly. “But you stay. Right here. With me. All the way through.” He added more sternly.
“Only if you promise that you’ll start making a bit more of an effort to get back to real life. We can’t live in this box forever, mate.” Antony glanced from Desmond to Stuart, as if the German might have the right answer. A few moments of silence passed where it seemed they were having a silent conversation.
“I… Will try.” Antony nodded eventually. Desmond let out a breath of relief. He knew if he could just get Antony back out in the world and prove it was safe he would be back to his old self in no time.
- - -
The darkness crept around Desmond as he lay on his back, eyes wide open, with Antony’s words spinning round his head. Antony hadn’t so much gone into gruesome detail about the past few week’s events, but hearing him talk about what had happened, how he was treated, how he’d basically spent the entire time of his captivity scared, alone and taunted, it was too much for Desmond. But the thing that he really couldn’t shake was how apparently insistent the kidnappers were that they were going to use Antony to hunt Desmond down and kill him.
It was, understandably, an unsettling threat to be presented with, and with Antony knowing nothing of this world beyond the awful experience he had suffered, it made sense that the threats would seem real to him. But this wasn’t the first time someone had threatened to hunt Desmond down and kill him, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Sadly it was an occupational hazard, one Desmond had certainly learnt to live with.
But bringing Antony into this? Causing him unnecessary stress, making him think it wasn’t safe for Desmond to be out in the open. Antony had explained that his reluctance to leave or even go outside with Desmond was because he feared the kidnappers would see Desmond, and known where he was to kill him. It was ridiculous, and one step too far in Desmond’s opinion. He silently swore that he would, in fact, get his revenge on Michelle and the rest of his team, making sure it was slow, drawn out and painful.
But first, he had to make sure Antony was alright.
After Henson and Nathan had left with the tape recording of Antony’s account of the ordeal and left Desmond and Antony to their own devices, Antony had turned directly to Desmond and asked of him the one thing he just couldn’t do: give up his job.
Antony had this fantastical scheme where Desmond and he emigrated, Antony gave up his career, Desmond gave up his secret agent lifestyle and they settled down together, hidden from the world and anyone who would want to hurt them. Desmond had refrained from telling Antony that, if Michelle and his team really were serious about killing him, no amount of water or air travel would prevent them from tracking him down. This seemed like Antony’s big plan, to escape everything, leave all the troubles of the past behind them and start afresh. Apparently it was something Antony had been planning since he had visited Desmond whilst he was still unconscious after the river rescue.
He had convinced himself that this was their only real chance of being perfectly safe and not having to constantly look over their shoulder, and when Antony got his mind fixed on something it was very hard to shake him off of it. For every “yeah, but” Desmond could come up with Antony had a counter. He seriously had spent a lot of time thinking about this.
So what else could Desmond say, when the cards were being laid so perfectly in front of him, but yes? How could Desmond say no and basically say to Antony he loved his job more than he loved him? Antony had suffered so much by Desmond’s hand, how could Desmond possibly say he would keep him in the frame of potential danger when Antony had a safer option?
Desmond was pulled from his thoughts as fingers linked through his, showing he wasn’t the only one still awake. The soft lips on his shoulder made him instinctively lift his arm, pulling Antony’s body closer to his own. He pressed a gentle kiss to Antony’s temple, adoring the soft hum it evoked from him as he snuggled closer into Desmond’s hold.
“Cannot wait for you to show me your home…” Antony muttered sleepily against Desmond’s skin.
“Me either.” Desmond nodded to the ceiling, his heart feeling heavy knowing that Antony and he would never be making permanent residents. At least not in the foreseeable future.
Because Desmond had hidden this life from him for over seven years, he was certain he could do it for many more.
CHAPTER 13
“I’m not heartless, Desmond. I can give you time.” Desmond refrained from airing the scoff that chased up his throat at Henson’s words. He could very easily believe Henson could be heartless. In fact he was more shocked than anything Henson appeared to be being understanding.
“I know, and the time is good. At the same time I don’t want to fall out of the game.” Desmond shrugged, pacing around the garden. He could feel Antony’s eyes watching him from the kitchen window, as if frightened that Desmond was about to disappear.
“We have Daniel ready to come in so you can have as much time as you need.” Desmond clenched his fist. In all honesty this was what he was afraid of: being replaced. He didn’t want to take off more time that he needed to in the fear that, when he did eventually come back, there was no longer a space for him on the team. Desmond shook his head.
“Let us do the move. Once we’re out of here and the memories are gone he’ll be better and I can come back.”
“Okay, but if you move and you want more time, you just have to say the word. It isn’t a problem.”
Desmond turned his back to the house as he hung up, making sure Antony couldn’t see how stressed the phone call had made him. He hated being out of action, hated that there was already talks of who would replace him. Desmond knew his time was limited in this career anyway; people didn’t usually continue as field agents past forty. His time to end was fast approaching, but he wanted it on his terms, not because some young hotshot came in and was better. He wanted to be the one calling time on his career, not Henson, and if anything the phone call that was supposed to be reassuring had just made Desmond feel like he was losing hold of the reins to his own future.
Tucking his phone back in his pocket, Desmond moved back towards the house, trying to wipe the stress from his face. Antony’s watching eyes disappeared from the window as he approached.
“How did it go?” Antony asked nervously as Desmond crossed into the threshold, his nails instinctively finding its way to his lips. Desmond brought Antony closer to him, smiling gently.
“Not too bad. They want to meet me, so that’s a good start.” Desmond lied easily, brushing the hair out of Antony’s eyes. Antony nodded, lett
ing out the breath he had been holding. “Tony, it’s going to be okay-”
“And you call the other company? You talk to them too?”
“I’ve been talking to companies about jobs nonstop for the last two weeks.” Desmond soothed, rubbing gently at the base of Antony’s neck. It seemed to have little effect on Antony.
Desmond had, somehow, convinced Antony that they didn’t need to leave the country. That moving to a new house and having a fresh start was all they needed for now and they could leave the past in the past. He hadn’t taken relocating completely off the table, of course - suggesting to do so seemed to send Antony into a major panic and Desmond was still acutely aware of the surprise house he was trying to set up for Antony. He knew all it would take to calm Antony down significantly would be to tell him about that house, Desmond’s plans for the future, but Desmond wasn’t ready to take that step yet. Antony might be happy to retire and give up on the life he had, but Desmond couldn’t turn his back that easily.
He knew he was being heartless, that it wasn’t fair to put Antony through this and potentially put Antony in danger’s way again. At the end of the day, if one of his enemies now knew about his weak spot it surely wouldn’t be long before word was passed around and Antony became a target for everyone Desmond had ever crossed. But Desmond just couldn’t give up on the life he had been living since he could remember. It was unheard of for someone of his origins to make it to as higher status as he had in his chosen field and, being one of few, he was proud of what he had accomplished. He wasn’t ready yet to give it all up. With the new safety precautions he and the Storming team had in place on the house he knew he could keep Antony safe, that if ever there was another attempt they could protect Antony with back up that no one would ever take him again. The new house was only going to be safer than this one, and that’s how Desmond kept justifying his decision.
Besides, Desmond also thought the chance of Antony being a target was just as high whether he was in the game or out of it. At least if he was in the know he could be prepared for whatever came their way.