by T. S. Ryder
But despite his desire, he felt a brief flash of guilt settle in his stomach. After the attack on the alpha, it had been decided that there was going to be a raid on Jordon's hideouts. It would take place in two weeks. And it was going to be dangerous. He had arranged four teams. Each one had been given a different location and was forbidden from discussing it. There was a leak in the Guard, and he was going to find it.
Had it been a good idea to get married when things were so unstable? Was he just distracting himself and putting Jamie in a terrible position where she'd end up a widow? Well, it wasn't like they could go back and stop from being married in the first place. He slipped a hand under Jamie's shirt, finding her round breast to squeeze. Jamie arched her back into his hand, groaning, and he dropped his head to her chest but paused.
"Ryan? What's wrong?" Jamie asked, carding her fingers through his hair.
Ryan forced a smile on his face and shook his head. "It's nothing."
He kissed her again. Her eyes fluttered shut and he pulled her closer. He couldn’t tell her about the raids. It was his job.
Chapter Nine – Jamie
Jamie hadn't heard anything from Leila since Katrina came to live with her and Ryan. It was a relief but also worrisome: she didn't know how her mother would react to everything or what she would do to get Katrina back – if she was going to try to get Katrina back. If she was coming back from Cabo at all. Still, by the time two weeks had passed, she was starting to relax and hope that it was over, at least for now.
Her confession to Ryan had helped their relationship. While there was nothing tangible that changed between them (other than having to be quieter at night so Katrina wouldn't hear), she felt closer to him. Maybe it was telling him why she had married him, or maybe it was due to her realization that she actually did trust him. In any case, home life was more relaxed, and she found herself wishing he was with her at the oddest of times. They'd stay up all night still, but talking as much as making love. It was . . . nice.
She had also been interviewed for several jobs, so although her summer off wasn't working out how she would have liked, at least she was moving forward. Asking around had also produced a tutor for Katrina, and they were hopeful that they would have her graduated in no time.
"Is the alpha nice?" her sister asked her, nervously smoothing her skirt. They had both been invited to join Melissa for tea that afternoon and were walking towards the palace. Though excited, Katrina acted as though she was going to meet a queen. "Is this skirt appropriate for meeting her?"
Jamie smiled at her, chuckling under her breath. "You look wonderful, Katrina. And Melissa is really down-to-earth. She didn't become alpha because she's got super powers. Just relax."
"Easy for you to say," Katrina muttered. "You're not the one who's famous for spilling a plate of mushroom risotto all over herself at Christmas."
"You were ten when that happened. You'll be fine."
They were stopped just inside the front doors and asked for their cards, then told to wait in a small room. Normally when Jamie visited Melissa or her daughter there was someone waiting to escort her right to them, so she frowned when she sat. In the hallway people dashed back and forth, speaking in low whispers. Maybe the recent attack had left higher security measures in place.
She tried to look confident for Katrina's sake, but after half an hour she wasn't able to wait any longer and went to one of the guards. "Is something wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong, miss."
Jamie folded her arms. "Then why aren't my sister and I going to see the alpha? We were invited."
"I'm afraid the alpha is in a meeting about the raids that your husband executed earlier today," the guard said casually. "I imagine that she will be busy for the rest of the day. I can leave word that you were here."
"Raids?" Jamie gripped the guard's arm tightly. "What raids? Ryan went on a raid?"
Was that why he had been acting so strange lately? Why he kissed her so deeply that morning and told her not to worry about him? She had thought it was because she had asked if he had healed from the attack . . . What if he hadn't? What if he was still injured and he ran off into a firefight or something? Her heart hammered, but the guard extracted himself from her grip and shook his head.
"I can't tell you any more than that, Miss. Do you want to wait for them to return?"
"Yes," Jamie said faintly, her head spinning. "I'll wait."
***
She and Katrina waited at the alpha's house until well after dark, at which time the alpha's personal assistant came to see them. Ryan's mission had been a success, apparently. There were no fatal injuries, but Ryan had been tied up in meetings the rest of the day with no end in sight.
Katrina had reassured her he'd be okay over and over again when they got home until Jamie went to bed. She tossed and turned for hours before she finally fell asleep.
Ryan woke her with a kiss when dawn was bleeding gold into the room. Jamie wrapped her arms around him, pulling him down over her, then rolled so she was straddling him. The blankets were twisted all around her and she dragged them off and threw them onto the floor. Grasping Ryan's wrists, she pinned him to the bed and glared down at him.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to go raid some criminal's hideout? You could have been killed – and then what?"
"I couldn’t tell you." Ryan yawned as he pulled his wrists free from her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him. "It was top secret. If word had gotten out to Jordon, we would have gotten empty warehouses . . . but they were full. Every single one of them."
A frown crossed his face, as though that was bad news. Jamie pushed it aside, too relieved to see that he was alive and uninjured. Part of her wanted to tear off their clothes and reaffirm that he was fully with her there, but judging by the dark circles under his eyes, he needed his sleep. She rolled off him and grabbed the blankets again.
"You need to rest. Let me close the blinds, you'll get woken up by the light if you don't—"
"No need," he said. "I can't stay long. I just came to get a change of clothes and to let you know I was alright. But I have to get back to the alpha. She's waiting to hear what we're going to do next . . . The techs are combing over the warehouses to find clues but . . . "
He sighed and his big body sagged into the mattress. Jamie stared outside at the upcoming sun. When she looked back at Ryan, he had already drifted off to sleep. Jamie shook her head. All the late nights plus recovering from the attack on the alpha and then this had taken a serious toll on him. He might be the biggest, baddest Shifter in the Guard, but he was still mortal. He needed recovery time. Jamie patted his pockets until she found his phone, then closed the blinds and slipped out of the room.
The phone was locked, but she remembered the number for the alpha's palace and called it on her own phone.
"Hello, I am calling for Ryan," she said. "The head of the Alpha's Guard. He will not be coming back in for another few hours at best. He is overworked and exhausted, and I am going to make sure he gets his rest."
There was a brief pause on the other end. "Who is this?"
"His wife."
Jamie hung up. She got some water and food from the kitchen for when Ryan would wake up and then went upstairs again where her husband was still breathing deeply. She softly took off his boots and unbuttoned his jacket so he would be more comfortable. He stirred briefly but sank back into a deep sleep. It occurred to her that a man so ready for attack all the time had to trust her infinitely in order to sleep so soundly with her in the room.
She shivered as she laid down and rested her hand on his chest, feeling the rise and fall of each breath. What would she have done if he hadn't come home? And in the future . . . if he didn't? He had a dangerous job. He could be killed doing his duty and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. And if he died? She couldn’t go back to the narrow vision of success she had had before: going to university and hoping that would be enough for the board of h
er father's company to let her in.
A bitter laugh mixed with a sob choked her. Leila controlled the company. She controlled everyone and everything in it. She had barred Jamie from taking a place on the board despite her qualifications, and she would continue to do so.
There was only one thing to do. Jamie let out a deep, shuddering breath. She would have to confront her mother. Demand a reckoning for everything she had done. She would ask Ryan to send his people to Cabo and bring Leila back.
She wasn’t looking forward to it, but Jamie knew she had to face her mother sooner or later. The thought made her stomach churn so badly that she had to choke back bile, but that was all there was to it. Fighting back nausea, she curled in against Ryan's side and let herself join him in sleep.
Chapter Ten – Ryan
Ryan woke with an aching head and a dry mouth. How long had he been asleep? He groaned as he sat up, only to be driven back down by a tiny, but firm hand on his chest. He blinked and glanced to the side to see Jamie propped up on her elbow, her mouth set in a thin line. Was she mad at him? What had he done?
Right. The raids. She couldn't be mad at him over that. Maybe that was just her worried face.
"You need more rest," she said.
"Thirsty," he mumbled. He had to get back to the alpha's house to follow up on the raids.
Jamie reached over him, grabbed a glass of water, and held it to his lips. He could manage just fine on his own, but he liked this nurturing side of his wife and let her help him. After he had swallowed a few mouthfuls, she grabbed some grapes off the tray and held them to him.
"You need to eat."
Ryan chuckled. "You got everything together, didn’t you? You were worried about me."
"Worried you might die of exhaustion. Then how would I yell at you for going on dangerous missions without telling me?"
He found her hips and pulled her over so she was straddling him. Her cheeks flushed bright pink, but she shook her head. Her black hair tousled about her worried face made him want to convince her anyway.
"We can't. You're still too tired," she said.
"I'm fine." He repressed a yawn. "But you're right. We can't. I need to get back to work and—"
He made to sit, but Jamie pressed both her hands to his chest and leaned on him, preventing him from getting up. Her eyes narrowed.
"You are going to stay right here in bed until you're feeling better. Besides, I already called them and said you weren't coming in."
"You—"
"I don't want to hear any protests. You came in here hardly able to keep your head up and you've only slept a couple hours. You need more rest."
Ryan knew he ought to be angry with her for interfering, but hearing how concerned she was put a big smile on his face. It gave him hope that, despite how they came together, there was hope for the two of them as a couple after all. He could use a few more minutes rest, anyway. There would already be hell to pay for sleeping on the job, and if he put it off a little longer it wouldn't matter.
"Alright, then. I'll stay a little longer," Ryan said. He slid Jamie off of him but still clutched her to his side. He rested his cheek against the top of her head. "If I'm your prisoner, is there anything you want from me?"
She chewed her lip. "Well, you know what, I realize that I hardly know anything about your family background. You know all about my messed-up family. What about yours?"
Ryan considered the question for a moment. "Well, I never knew my mother. She left my dad shortly after I was born. Or she died. Dad never told me one way or another. He was part of the Guard. A good, strong Lion who served the pack with all his strength. Even still, he somehow managed to find time for me." Jamie rested her head on his chest. He liked the way she felt there. "He taught me everything I know. Including putting the pack over everything else."
"Everything else," Jamie repeated. "Well, it's a noble cause. I think I can live with that."
It took Ryan a moment to understand what she was saying. She was accepting her position as second best in his life. His stomach clenched at that. When they had both agreed to this marriage, he hadn’t expected to have a loving marriage. And maybe it was naïve to think that love could still develop between them, but he didn't want his wife to think that she wasn't important to him.
"Next year when we have the money for your university, I'll take a sabbatical and come with you," he promised, then hesitated. "I mean . . . if you want me to, that is. I know that you had no choice but to marry me, so if you want our marriage annulled . . . "
Jamie shivered and didn't respond.
"I know it's not ideal for either of us," he continued. "I don't want you to feel like a hostage in your own home. So, if you want to annul it, we will."
"What about you?"
Ryan arched a brow and made a confused noise.
"Do you want to annul our marriage?" Jamie continued. "You were looking for an arranged marriage from the start, and that's what you got. We've already slept together and Shifters don't do divorce."
"That's why I said we could have it annulled. Marriage must be between two consenting parties. Since your mother blackmailed you into marrying me—" He cut himself off abruptly.
Hot tears splashed on his chest. Jamie sniffed and turned her face away, scrubbing her palms over her eyes. Her shoulders shook and Ryan pulled her closer, his stomach clenching. What had he said? She was always so controlled, always keeping her emotions under layers of noise. He must have said something awful for her to react this way. He wrapped his hand in her hair and made shushing noises in his throat.
"What did I say?"
"My mother never gave a damn about me," she gasped. "She never cared about any of us. Not Katrina or Emily, either."
"Emily?"
Jamie buried her face into his chest. "My older sister. She was more like a mom to me than Leila ever was. And she died. Mother never even cried. She actually scolded Katrina for crying at the funeral. What kind of heartless woman would do that? I'm twenty-five years old and I still feel like I'm living under her thumb. Maybe that's why I agreed to marry you. I don't care about her. Everything she has is what Daddy left to me and Katrina. But I wanted to be free. I wanted to get away from her. I wanted to be able to help Katrina find the strength to demand her freedom."
Ryan rubbed her back, anger bubbling in his chest. He hadn't known his own mother, but his father had been all he needed. Strong and courageous, but soft and kind when necessary. He had never forbidden his son from crying, but instead he taught him how to pick himself up and continue on. The day his dad had died was the worst day of his life.
"You're here," he assured her. "Katrina is here. You never have to let Leila in your lives again."
"I just wanted a mother who loves me," she whispered. "Why couldn't she love us? I don't think she loved anything in her life except money."
"I don't understand how a woman could be like that. I'm so sorry that you had to grow up like that. You deserved so much better. She wasn't a real mother, darling. But I promise, you can stay with me as long as you want, whether we annul the marriage or not—"
Jamie propped herself up onto her elbows. Her eyes were practically glowing and she shook her head fiercely. "No. I don't want to annul our marriage. Maybe things are different than we wanted, but I have never felt safer than I do when I'm with you. I have started to care for you, Ryan. And the sex is amazing. I don't want to give this up."
"Okay. I don't want to give it up, either."
"Good."
"I'll take care of Leila. Resources are tied up right now trying to find Jordon, but once that situation is resolved, or at least calmed, I will take care of her. She will go to jail for her crimes."
More tears. She turned away for a moment before laughing bitterly. "And even after everything she has done, I still feel like I owe her my loyalty. But I don't. I owe her nothing and I am not going to keep begging for my mother's approval when she doesn't care two shakes about me."
She flung the
blankets back and straddled him, grinding softly against him. Ryan groaned, letting his eyes close. As much as he wanted to make love to her after this conversation, he was reminded that he couldn’t. If he was going to take care of Leila, first he had to take care of Jordon.
"I'm sorry," he gasped out. "I have to go."
Jamie froze.
"It's not you," he hurriedly said. "And I really am sorry. But Jordon is still out there, and he is planning something big against the alpha. More than that, there is somebody in the force of the alpha's staff that is feeding him information. The raids last night? We were trying to find his informant. But it was unsuccessful."
Slowly, Jamie slid off him. Her brow puckered but she nodded. "Okay. I understand."
"I'd stay here all day with you if I could," he said, pushing himself up to brush his thumb on her lip. "But—"
"The safety of the pack comes first."
"I can't keep you safe if the pack is in danger," he corrected. He leaned in for a brief kiss. "I care about you, Jamie. I don't want anything to happen to you."
She ducked her head. "Then you'd better go. I'll see you tonight."
Ryan brushed another kiss on her mouth. "Yes. You will."
Chapter Eleven – Jamie
Five Weeks Later
Ryan's mouth on hers woke her up. Jamie moaned with pleasure, reaching for him as she deepened the kiss. Her hand met clothing and the moan turned into a sigh of disappointment. This had been happening more and more often lately. She wasn't sure what was going on with her, but she found herself wanting to stay in bed all day with him. It was even more urgent than it was when they were first married. Unfortunately, for some reason, she kept sleeping in after he got up and only woke when it was time for him to go to work. Which was just as well, because she was so tired lately that she had nearly fallen asleep at work every day for the past few days.
"When are you coming home?" she asked.