Catch Me When I Fall

by Graves, Bonnie;

  “Here…in Racine?

  “Yes, sir.”

  “With your ma and pa?”

  Emma felt her face get red. Why was Boss Man getting so nosey? She stared down at her boots and nodded.

  “Your pa, what does he do?”

  “He’s a milkman.” Emma felt that familiar coiling in her stomach, the shame of not having a father, of having to lie. But lying about her father was her only choice, since she didn’t know the truth.

  “So, how’s it you learned to work like a man and not them?”

  Boss Man’s words set her reeling. Why was Boss Man so goll darn sure she was a boy? That’s what she wanted him to think, of course, but part of her wanted to let Boss Man know she was a girl—smart, and not afraid to work. But doing that would be crazy, it’d mean giving up everything she was working for.

  “I guess they just don’t want to see the circus as bad as I do.”

  “And why do you want to see the circus so bad, Curly?”

  Emma shrugged and said, “Just do.”

  Boss Man laid a hand on her shoulder. “Probably got a bit of sawdust in your blood, Curly. Like me. There’s no explainin’ some things in this life. Like those freckles on your nose. Or hankerings that won’t go away.”

  “Boss!” one of the roustabouts yelled, the hairy one that had called her Matey. “Someone from the city wants a word with you. Over yonder on the other side of the Big Top.”

  “Take a break, Curly. Then see if Sabu needs more help with the elephants,” Boss Man said. He turned and strode off.

  “Hey, kid,” the roustabout said. “I think somebody’s lookin’ for you. Over there.”

  Emma turned to where he was pointing, and there stood Nan, waving with one hand and holding a lunch bucket with the other.

  The roustabout gave Emma a friendly shove. “Looks like your girlfriend brought you lunch, Romeo.”

  Chapter Eight

  Nan and the Freak Show

  You did it!” Nan giggled. “They think you’re a boy. Did you get a ticket?”

  “Not yet,” Emma said. “Where’s Lucky?”

  “Home . . . with Mother,” Nan said. “I hoped we could go to the Midway and I didn’t think dogs were allowed.” She stood on tip-toe, craning her neck to take in the sights. “Golly, it’s a whole city here. So many tents! Have you seen Filippo the Flying Wonder yet?”

  Emma shook her head. “The performers stay on the other side of the Big Top. No townies allowed there. Did she ask why you had him?”

  “Who?”

  “Lucky!”

  “I told her you were helping at Dr. Rose’s and he’s allergic. Look! They’re lining up for the parade.” Nan pointed to the edge of the lot closest to 21st Street.

  Emma turned her head. “Oh, my gosh. They are! I wish I could go watch!”

  At the front of the line, rode the parade marshal mounted on a dapple-gray horse; two men on either side carried flags. Their horses flicked their heads and tugged at their reins. Behind them dancing girls stood on a carved and painted horse-drawn wagon, followed by a cage of monkeys hitched to four black horses.

  “Look!” Nan squealed as six more dapple-grays pulling a wagon with polar bears joined the line. “Polar bears!”

  “Oh my gosh. Those poor animals,” Emma said. “How hot they must be in those fur coats! I can hardly stand it in these overalls and boots!”

  Next, came Arabian ladies on horseback. Behind them paraded cages carrying lions, tigers, leopards, hyenas, sea lions, followed by camels and men in Turkish costumes astride zebras. Near the end of the line in front of the calliope, marched Emma’s nine elephants wearing fancy halters and headdresses.

  “Those are my elephants! The ones I watered!”

  “Really?” Nan lifted her hat so she could see better. “Oh, Emma! I can’t believe it. They’re enormous!”

  “Thirsty, too,” Emma said as she watched her elephants lumber along, their trunks swinging, keeping time to the calliope’s music. “After the parade, I’ll probably get another watering job.”

  “And then you’ll get your ticket?”

  “I’ve got to!”

  “But what if someone finds out you’re a girl before then?”

  Emma shuddered. She didn’t want to think about that. The woman with the wide-brimmed hat flitted through her mind, and the funny way Boss Man looked at her sometimes.

  “Make me leave, I guess. Do I really look like a boy? Be honest.”

  “Gee willakers, that’s not a fair question, ’cause I know you. We’ve been friends since forever. But, here, let me take another look.” Nan studied Emma, standing there all sweaty in Clarence’s overalls and Granddad’s fedora, then she grinned ear-to-ear. “Yeah, I swear you do. Smell like one, too. Though, you’re much better looking than any silly Racine boy I know.” Then Nan puckered up and pretended to smooch Emma. “So, what do you call yourself, Handsome?” she said, batting her eyelashes.

  “Cut it out, Nan.” Emma glanced around, sure she’d spy Boss Man or the roustabouts getting themselves an eye-full. But to her relief, everyone was too busy with their own affairs to be concerned with a couple townies.

  “What do you call yourself?” Nan asked again.

  “Will,” Emma told Nan, giggling at the name she’d given herself.

  “Look what I brought you . . .Will,” she said, holding out a lunch bucket. “Lunch.”

  The mention of food made Emma forget everything except her empty stomach. “That was true blue of you, Nan. Whatcha got?”

  “Peanut butter and jelly and lemonade. And a couple of your mama’s cookies.”

  Emma would have rather it had been bologna with pickle and an orange Nehi but, of course, she didn’t tell Nan that. Truth was, she was grateful Nan had thought of food when she hadn’t. Besides, she could have eaten fried grasshoppers, she was so famished.

  Nan and Emma found a spot of shade under one of the few trees near the edge of the circus grounds and plopped down to eat. While Nan nibbled at her sandwich, Emma devoured hers in a few fast bites and guzzled the lemonade. Music floated from the Midway while a fly flitted around Emma’s mostly empty Mason jar.

  Emma caught Nan staring at her. “You’re so brave, Emma. I don’t know any other girl who’d do what you’re doing…except Nancy Drew maybe. And she’s not even real.” Nan said, her eyes filled with admiration.

  “You could if you wanted something bad enough. You’re lucky to have a father,” Emma said. “And your mother positively dotes on you. Sometimes I wonder about my mother, if she cares about me at all.”

  “Of course she does, silly!”

  “She never hugs me like your mother. She’s so strict and…” Emma searched for the right word, “so…I don’t know. Far away,” she said at last, settling for a phrase that didn’t really explain. “She’s always so tired and crabby. I told her she should take Lydia Pinkham’s compound like your mother does.”

  “She’s not mean to you, though. Doesn’t slap you, like Peggy Brown’s mother does. Golly, I’d just die if Mama ever slapped me,” Nan said, swatting the fly away from her lemonade.

  “I don’t know what I’d do if Mother ever slapped me,” Emma said. “Run away with the circus maybe.” She stared at the circus grounds, at all the people hurrying to get to the Midway, the music and sideshow barkers beckoning them, the aroma of hot dogs and roasted peanuts filling the hot, sticky air. Suddenly, Nan sat up and peered at Emma from under the brim of her hat. “What if you find out that this Filippo guy is your father? What will you do?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that. I’ll figure it out when it happens.”

  Nan smiled. “Of course, you will! Come on!” Nan grabbed Emma’s hand and pulled her to her feet. “Let’s look around!”

  “I dunno, Nan. If Boss Man catches me loafing…”
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  “Oh, come on, just for a few minutes,” Nan said, eyeing the Midway lined with the sideshows and concessions, the Big Top towering above everything, all flags flying.

  “Let’s take a peek at the freak shows,” Nan said. She squeezed Emma’s hand and her eyes got wide. “Maybe we’ll see the boy with two heads!”

  The question that sprung into Emma’s mind was why the good Lord would give anybody two heads? Especially a boy, when most of the ones she’d seen, knew little enough what to do with one. But all the same, it was kind of thrilling to think of two heads coming out of the same body. Would one head talk to the other head? Would the other talk back? It kind of gave a person pause to think about the possibilities.

  Emma glanced around to see if Boss Man was anywhere in sight. He wasn’t. Maybe he was grabbing a bite to eat or off at the parade. What harm would it do to take a quick peek at the Midway? Besides, it was a chance to look for Filippo the Flying Wonder…unless he was off at the parade. Emma rubbed her hand over her front pocket that held the photograph, and strolled with Nan onto the Midway.

  The sweet aroma of spun sugar drifted up her nose as they passed the first red and white concession stand lining one side of the Midway. Her mouth watered.

  “Wish I’d brought some money,” Nan said. “To buy us some cotton candy.”

  “Me, too,” Emma said.

  On the other side of the wide lane of straw and dust leading to the Big Top smaller tents stood, with wooden platforms out front. Banners and signs were plastered everywhere—HALF-MAN, HALF-WOMAN; TOM THUMB, SMALLEST MAN IN THE WORLD; THE GEEK, EATS LIVE CHICKENS; ATLAS, STRONGEST MAN IN THE WORLD, and LIVE CALF WITH TWO HEADS.

  Just reading about all those exotic things made Emma quiver. This was just too exciting to be real—to think these strange and wonderful creatures were actually only yards, maybe feet, from her! But not a one of those wonders was about at that moment. And she didn’t have the dime for admission. She imagined them inside their tents…doing what? It boggled the imagination and gave her goose bumps.

  Feeling scared, excited, and giddy all at the same time, Emma and Nan ambled closer to the first tent of the side show—TINA, FATTEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

  There, to Emma’s surprise, on the outside platform near the ticket stand, sat Tina herself in a huge rocking chair. She was dressed in a skimpy romper, sunning and fanning her face with a piece of cardboard. Emma had never seen so much skin on any one person in her life, yards and yards of it, all pink and glistening with perspiration. Holy cow! How does a person grow so much fat and the skin to cover it? The body is certainly one remarkable invention.

  The Fat Lady smiled at them, and as she did, her eyes disappeared under rolls of cheek fat. “How you doin’, Sonny?” the Fat Lady said to Emma.

  Nan nudged Emma, then started giggling, which made Emma laugh, too, even though she didn’t want to. Not at all. But something was tickling her like the devil on the inside. And the more she didn’t want to laugh, the more she did. The more she thought about how they must be hurting poor Tina’s feelings, the more she couldn’t stop laughing. Then, as if caught in the grip of their giggles, the Fat Lady started laughing too. Her blubber shook and shimmied like Jell-O. Tina laughed so hard Emma worried she’d rock herself right out of that chair. What would she and Nan do if Tina catapulted herself right out of that chair and landed on them? Holy cow!

  It seemed Tina would never stop laughing and rocking, so Emma grabbed Nan’s hand and pulled her farther down the Midway.

  “Look,” Nan said, pointing to a sign that said, THE GEEK who eats live chickens.

  Emma wondered what sort of reception they might get from the Geek if he were sitting outside his tent. Emma pictured the Geek as a small man with a very large head, beady red eyes, and a huge mouth frothing with saliva and chicken feathers.

  “Let’s go see the animals,” Emma said. “We can see them for free. The freak shows seem kind of…freaky.”

  Emma and Nan ran toward the menagerie tent that displayed the animals. When they stepped inside, they could smell the musky scent of a barnyard, even though the cages that hadn’t been used in the parade sat empty.

  “Look!” Nan said, pointing to the opposite end of the menagerie where a section of the tent had been lifted, exposing the view on the other side. “A lion tamer!”

  Just outside the menagerie tent stood a metal cage with a man inside cracking a whip. Emma and Nan ran through the menagerie to get a closer look.

  A sign across the cage read: Cat Man Tames Simba the Lion. Inside, Cat Man was shouting and snapping his whip, trying to get a lion to jump through a hoop onto a platform. Fat Simba just lay there making a great roaring yawn as if plain bored.

  Cat Man’s whip snapped, and swear words flew from his mouth. His face dripped with sweat, but Simba didn’t move a muscle. “You worthless animal!” Cat Man shouted.

  Simba yawned.

  Nan giggled, but Cat Man’s shouting and the sound of the cracking whip sent a cold chill down Emma’s spine. What a way to treat an animal!

  “Hey kid, heiraus!” someone shouted.

  It was Sabu, the Elephant Man, back from the parade carrying a long pole with a sharp silver point and hook. Except for a pair of baggy shorts and one of those cloth hats Indian swamis wear, he was naked and his skin painted with yellow grease paint.

  “Heiraus,” Nan whispered. “That’s a German swear word. I’ve heard my grandfather say it. It means get the heck of out of here.”

  So, Sabu was a fake, Emma thought, not from India at all. But grease paint or not, he sure did know his elephants.

  He stood directly in front of them now, so close that Emma could see yellow paint caked in the creases on his chest. “Hey,” Sabu said, his voice softening. “You’re the kid what watered my sweethearts, nicht, ain’t you?” Sabu said.

  Emma nodded.

  “Gutt, well go do it again. That’s a good boy.”

  Nan put her hand to her mouth to hide her giggling, staring at the half-naked Sabu.

  “Guess I’d better go,” Nan whispered.

  At that moment parading llamas, horses, ponies and brightly painted animal cages housing wild cargo began pouring into the back entrance of the menagerie tent. Nan’s hand flew to her mouth. “Oh my gosh! The animals are back! Let’s look!”

  “I need to get back to work, Nan,” Emma said, disappointed she couldn’t stay to get a closer look at the gorillas, the bears, and the monkeys.

  Emma and Nan made their way through the menagerie, side-stepping folks gawking at the animals as they tried to get into the tent from the Midway entrance.

  “I wonder what time it is?” Emma said as they stepped out onto the now crowded Midway.

  “About noon, I think,” Nan said.

  “Good. That means Mother won’t be looking for me. Not yet, anyway…not unless Clarence squealed on me. I saw a woman who looked like her this morning and thought I was done for.”

  “What if she finds out you’re here? Aren’t you scared stiff she’ll skin you alive?”

  “Sure I am. But I can’t quit now.” Emma picked up her pace. “I’m going to see the circus and find my father come hell or high water.”

  Nan gasped at Emma’s brazenness, swearing like a sailor. But Emma liked the feeling it gave her, as if saying those words gave her the power to make them happen.

  “I hope you do get a ticket,” Nan said as they passed the ticket wagon. “And I hope you find your father. I truly do!” Nan ran off down the Midway, the empty lunch bucket bouncing against her leg.

  “Thanks for coming and bringing lunch!” Emma called as she watched Nan hurry off the circus lot. “Give Lucky a hug for me! See you at the Fourth of July party!”

  Emma ran back to the elephants, back to the buckets, the hose, and the water. She knew they’d be awfully thirsty after their long walk in the heat. And
she was right. They slurped up enough water to empty Lake Michigan.

  In less than half an hour, she was done watering the elephants. Time to search for Boss Man. Darn if she didn’t comb the whole Midway area for another half hour and not see him anywhere. He had to show up pretty soon. The matinee was about to begin and she needed that ticket. She needed to get inside the Big Top before Mother found her.

  Dozens of people stood in a long line at the ticket wagon. Everyone and everything looked ready to go.

  So where was Boss Man? Maybe he’d finished his job for the day. What if he’d left the circus grounds and right now was sitting in one of those speakeasies on State Street?

  “You still here, Curly?”

  Boss Man’s deep voice made her nearly jump out of her skin. She spun around.

  He stood behind her, smelling of cologne and sporting a crisp white shirt—that made his face look even tanner—black trousers, brown cowboy boots, and the cowboy hat, which he tipped at her. Why?

  She cleared her throat to speak, trying to make her voice come out low. “I just finished another job for Sabu, watering the elephants. I was hoping you’d give me a ticket now for the matinee.”

  “You did, did you? Well, now…why don’t you just sneak under the tent like the rest of the lot lice?”

  Lot lice! Boss Man’s words took her breath away. “Because…because I want a proper seat, that’s why!” Emma could feel her stomach burning as if she’d swallowed the fire-eater’s torch. “I want to see everything…feel a part of it, like I belong, not like some nose-picking…rube!”

  Boss Man laughed and that made her face burn even more.

  “I’ve worked hard! Ask Sabu. I’ve earned that ticket!” Emma cried, her voice breaking.

  Boss Man smiled. Then he opened up his wallet that hung by a chain on his belt. “You’re right, kid, you’ve earned it,” Boss Man said, handing her a general admission ticket. “But you can take off that hat now…missy.”

  Chapter Nine

  Under the Big Top

  You know I’m not a boy?” Emma asked, horrified.