by Joya Ryan
“You excited?” he asked, his voice coming through the headphones even though he was sitting right next to her.
She smiled wide. They were in the middle of nowhere, on a landing pad, and she had no idea how Blake had pulled this off.
“Where’s the pilot?” she asked.
He grinned and flicked several switches above his head. “You’re looking at him.”
Her eyes went wide. “What?”
“Trust me,” he said, and kissed her cheek. “I’ve been flying a long time. I do this often, and I’d never put you in danger.”
Carrie did believe him. A calm sense of joy spread over her. She’d never been surprised before. Never felt safe in capable hands like this. Never felt seen.
Blake gave her all those things. And all those things were adding up and taking a very real toll on her heart.
He was made of prime boyfriend material. The real kind, not the fake.
He had all the qualities that made up a good man. The kind that could make up a good husband. Father. But Blake wanted none of those things. He wanted his freedom and his lodge. She knew this. And yet when he tugged on her seat belt one more time, she felt cared for.
Felt like he might care for her more than just the fake relationship. Because the last few nights had only gotten more and more intense. There was trust between them. She felt it like a second skin and believed in it.
The best relationships are built on trust.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked. Because like he’d said last night, no one was watching. This wasn’t for a show. Even if the relationship wasn’t real, their emotions were. So why? She had to know. Had to know if there was hope that he could want more with her. Feel more for her.
“I wanted to make you smile,” he said simply. “And I wanted to get you off of this island for a bit.”
She looked at him for a long time. They both agreed that “once we’re off the island the game is over.” Granted, this was a technicality, but still. Maybe he really would never think of more, with her or anyone else. The small amount of hope was hard to ignore, though, because as the chopper rose, so did that light of faith. But reality was also difficult to ignore. She had to stop thinking about what if. Had to stop finding ways to dismiss the reasons they couldn’t be together.
Okay, so she had real feelings for the guy. But she couldn’t tell him that. He would leave her in a heartbeat if she opened herself up like that to him. If she wanted a chance for this fantasy to last—let alone for it to turn into something else—she had to keep her mouth shut.
“Off the island?” she repeated, wondering if he could pick up on her hints.
He nodded.
“But, we agreed that once we’re off the island, we’re no longer in a fake relationship.”
“Well, we’re coming back to the island,” he said, matter of fact.
“So this is like a time out?”
“You make this all sound like a game,” he said.
“Isn’t it?”
He looked at her for a long time. “No.”
That was what she needed. Right there, in that one word, she knew that he felt more for her, too. This wasn’t all fake. There was hope. Hope Carrie had been looking for, not just with Blake, but with her life. She’d been thinking about the kind of life she wanted back in Colorado. The way to go about getting it. How to get the dream job that she’d never told anyone about. Hell, how to just go for her dream. All of her dreams.
She smiled at Blake and truly felt like it was all possible.
“Are you ready?” he asked, the propellers picking up speed.
She nodded happily. “Yes.”
Using the joystick, he lifted them in the air, and she’d never been more terrified, excited, and turned on in her life. Adrenaline was a heady drug, and with Blake behind the controls, he was all things sexy and confident and capable.
There wasn’t a weak thing about him.
And in turn, he made her feel strong.
She just hoped she had the strength to leave the island and the fantasy behind.
…
Damn it, he loved to see Carrie smile. She was looking all around as Blake flew them over the Pacific but stayed close to the island’s edge, getting a bird’s-eye view of the string of islands. He had a plan. He knew he had to tell her about Kevin and Wendy’s engagement, but he wanted her free and happy first before he laid that bombshell out there.
“I can tell you fly all the time!” Carrie said with an impressed tone, looking him over.
Blake nodded, liking that she seemed impressed by him.
He and his buddy had flown together back in the day, and Blake owned his own chopper back in Colorado. Having his license, he called in a favor to his buddy and borrowed the helicopter from his outfitter here. It was just for the afternoon and accomplished what he needed, getting Carrie away.
Then, when he landed them back on the island, he’d tell her everything, including his plan on how to handle Kevin. Because he was coming to realize that Kevin relished throwing everything in Carrie’s face. Well, Blake wouldn’t allow that this time.
“What happened?” she asked, her sweet voice coming through the headset.
He looked at her.
“Huh?”
She studied his face. “You look like something is bothering you.”
He did his best to shake off the look for whatever the hell it was. “I’m good.”
She turned a little to face him, not caring about the scenery anymore, but giving him her full attention.
“Tell me about your mom,” she asked.
Blake glanced at her in shock. “What? Why? Where did that come from?”
She didn’t budge or shrug. She just kept her stare steady on him. “I know her death was hard on you. I don’t know the details other than she passed when you were home with her. I want to know you, though.”
“Sorry, little girl, but that’s not something a fake relationship allows. We talk about our favorite sexual positions and ice cream flavors.”
“You on top and mint chocolate chip,” she said instantly. “And you’re right, that is the basic fake conversations we have in our fake relationship. But we’re not on the island. You said so yourself, we get to be real, at least right now. So please, have just one real conversation with me.”
He looked at her, those big dark eyes pleading with him. And he couldn’t say no. He also felt a knot in his stomach form where he held the memory of his mother and that day. But for the first time, he actually trusted someone enough to say something. The truth.
He trusted Carrie.
“It was my fault,” he said.
She frowned and covered his hand with hers. Not saying anything. Just letting him get through it.
“She was diagnosed with cancer when I was a kid. She fought it for years. Our dad wasn’t there, so it was up to me to be there for her. It was up to me to make sure she survived. I couldn’t even do that.”
He turned the joystick to hover across the pineapple field they’d explored when they first got there. He tried to tap into that happy memory, instead of the haunting one when his mom passed in the bed, her face gaunt and white.
She squeezed his hand. “That’s not your fault.”
He shook off her words. He knew better. Knew that saying this out loud wouldn’t change anything. It reminded him why he didn’t do any commitment with any woman. He couldn’t be responsible for not being there. All day, every day. Moments here and there were one thing. But to have another life count on him? For him to have the chance to fail and lose someone again? Never. He’d never do that.
He’d never lose love because he’d never have it.
Never lose a child.
Never lose a wife.
None of it.
Because he couldn’t handle that kind of failure again. He wasn’t good enough to save his mother. And he was supposed to save Carrie from this heartbreak, this asshole Kevin, and even himself. So far, he wasn’t exactly gett
ing an A+ in those categories. He just knew he couldn’t face the kind of loss that came with his failure again.
He was okay with this fake relationship because deep down, so long as it stayed fake, he didn’t have to risk his heart or losing her.
He hovered near the launch pad, slowly coming back to reality.
“You’re a strong, wonderful man. You should be happy.”
He landed, officially back on the island. “I’m happy with where I am right now,” he said, and judging by the look on her face, she knew that “real talk time” was over.
He shook off his admission and plastered his best fake smile.
“My favorite sexual position is one we haven’t tried yet, and double chocolate ice cream.” There, back to a fake conversation.
She glanced up, and the propellers slowed as he focused on powering down the chopper.
“Back to the fake relationship, then?” she said
He nodded. “Yes.”
She looked at him, and before she took her earphones off, she leaned over and kissed him gently on the mouth.
“It’s not your fault,” she whispered. And kissed him one more time. “Thank you for telling me. And thank you for always making me feel safe.”
With that, she unbuckled and stepped out of the helicopter and back onto the island ground. And Blake knew that everything had shifted, he just didn’t know in which direction.
He would make sure it went the right direction. Especially for what he was set to propose. Literally, propose.
He watched her walk along the path and felt the need to go after her. To pull her into his arms and beg her to say that again. That he made her feel safe. Instead he yelled, in the most unromantic way he could muster.
“I want you to marry me!”
She stopped ten yards away and turned to face him. “What?
He cleared his throat. “I’m going to propose to you.”
Though there was distance between them, he saw her eyebrows furrow hard. “Explain.”
She started slowly walking his way, and he slowly walked hers.
“I have to tell you something, but I don’t want you to be hurt, or to cry, so just hear me out. I have a plan so that you’ll be happy.”
“Oh yeah? So you just plan everything in this covert way so you can babysit my feelings?” There was a snap in her voice, and she hustled her stride until she was face-to-face with him and he was staring down two angry, confused, dark eyes. “Tell me what is going on right now, Blake. No more of this preemptively sparing my feelings or whatever it is you’re doing. Just shoot me straight.”
Fine. He would.
“Kevin proposed to Wendy last night. They’re getting married.”
Carrie’s lips parted, and those brows that were so heavyset a moment ago, lifted just enough to showcase vulnerability and shock all over her beautiful face.
Shit, it was the look he was afraid of. The kind where he could see the pain shoot from her heart to her eyes. And he hated Kevin. Hated himself for telling her. Hated that he still hadn’t mastered how to protect her.
“How… I mean…” Her words were a whisper, and she frowned at the ground as if she were looking for answers. “How do you know this?” she finally asked.
Blake took the smallest step until their toes touched. “I ran into them earlier. They told me.”
Carrie nodded absently.
Blake cupped her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “But I have a plan,” he offered.
That made her raise her head and look him in the eyes. “Plan? Does it involve luring Kevin out to a pool of sharks?”
He smiled. “That was my first thought. But I kind of like this plan B that I came up with better.”
She waited for him to explain, and he took a deep breath.
“We’re in this fake relationship to show Kevin you’re okay. And if it’s okay with you, I’d like to take our fake relationship to the next level.”
“What does that mean? You want to adopt a fake dog and raise him together at our fake house?”
“I want to fake propose to you…in front of everyone. But mostly in front of Kevin.”
Her mouth opened. “You want to one-up him?”
Blake shrugged. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing? And enjoying?”
That got a smile out of her, and she even bit her lip when she nodded her head. “Parts have been enjoyable,” she said.
“And I want to give you those parts for the rest of our trip.”
She giggled, and Blake had to laugh, too.
“Well, I’m okay enjoying your parts for the rest of our trip, too. But maybe we should just…leave early,” she said with defeat in her voice. Which was what Blake was afraid of. He didn’t want all the progress Carrie had made to be for nothing. She was getting over the pain Kevin had left her with. He wouldn’t let this last-ditch effort of that douchebag wreck her and undo all the progress she had made.
“This is your fantasy,” Blake reminded her. “This whole trip, it’s yours. To live and feel however you want. If you really want to leave now, fine. But that is no fantasy. And you deserve every part of the fantasy you want.”
Her eyes met his, and there was a renewed ambition in her eyes. That’s the Carrie he liked to see. The strong, tenacious woman who refused to be kept down.
She lifted her chin. “I want my fantasy.” She trailed her eyes over the length of him, leaving him feeling hot and desperate to take her right there. “And that includes my fantasy proposal.”
With a smile, Blake nodded. “Then saddle up, little girl, because I’m going to give you the best fake proposal this island has ever seen.”
...
Blake had just gotten back to the suite when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He motioned for Carrie to go inside. He’d join her in a second.
He took his phone out and found the reminder of why all of this was a fucked-up situation.
“Lane,” Blake said into his phone. “How’s everything going in Colorado?”
Lane exhaled into the phone. “I finally got everyone to chill out. Got that deal taken care of. I owe you big time. I appreciate your text a few days ago about being with Carrie. Honestly, you gave me the peace of mind to finish this deal without worrying whether someone was taking advantage of my sister. I owe you, brother.”
Blake ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t mention it,” he said, unsure of how to begin talking to Lane after what had happened between him and Carrie. He couldn’t lie to him, but he couldn’t tell him the truth, either.
“So what’s happened? Is she getting over the asshole?” Lane said.
“I don’t even know where to start,” he said honestly. At some point he knew he’d have to deal with telling Lane all of this. Tell his best friend that he was seeing his baby sister. Well, he was banging her, which he’d get punched in the face for, rightly so. But everything was spiraling out of control, and Blake didn’t know what the hell he was doing.
“Is she okay?” Lane asked.
“Yes, she’s safe,” Blake said, realizing his main goal was coming true. He was keeping her safe. Carrie felt empowered. Check, check. He just needed to keep his head straight. He’d figure out how to talk to Lane about the rest later. For now, he needed to keep his sights set on what he came to do. Keep Carrie out of trouble and get her home. All without letting Kevin beat her. But he still had to say something to Lane.
“It’s just that her ex is here. With the mistress,” Blake told Lane.
“Jesus fucking Christ. Does that asshole have no shame? I’m glad you’re at least with her, then.”
“Yeah, about that, I just hope me being here is a good thing and not awful.”
“What? Why would it be awful?”
“I just worry about her,” Blake said. He’d seen the light come and go in Carrie’s eyes this week. Seen the moments where she felt better and the moments where she’d been stomped on. Worry was an understatement. He was genuinely afraid he couldn’t help in the
way she needed. But he was trying. The small voice in the back of his head kept flicking him. Maybe he was useless once again to watch a woman he loved suffer while he couldn’t do a thing.
Love?
Not love. Well, not in that way. Of course he loved Carrie. He grew up with her. Cared. But he was not in love. This whole trip was supposed to be her fantasy. He wouldn’t send her screaming for the hills by telling her he had real feelings for her but couldn’t follow through on them. Not the way she needed. Not the way she deserved.
He exhaled loudly before talking to Lane again. “Her self-esteem has been better and there’s a glimpse of her strength, but Kevin is fucking everywhere, and now there’s a rock on his mistress’s finger, and I can’t keep Carrie avoiding him forever.”
Which was why he was going to allow the fake-engagement plan. Hoping someday Lane, if he ever found out, would understand.
Deep down, he was worried that no matter what, Carrie would be hurt. He wouldn’t be the one to do it. And after that little—all too real—chat in the chopper, he was feeling itchy and his chest was aching. This was why he didn’t open his heart. Here he was pretending to care about her, and he’d gone and fucked it up by developing real feelings. The ache of walking away from her would be hard enough, let alone if he actually lost her for good.
“Fuck, thank you for telling me,” Lane said. “I’m so glad you’re there for her. If she was there alone, I can’t imagine how bad she’d feel. Hell, how bad anyone would feel.”
“No shit,” Blake agreed. “She’s faking a lot right now, but this can’t be easy. Kevin basically acting out their honeymoon with someone else.”
Blake left out the part that in doing so, he was now Carrie’s pretend boyfriend doing the same thing. But for different reasons. Kevin was a selfish prick, and Carrie needed support. It was taking everything Blake had not to flee before he could ensure Carrie left the island in one piece.
“Don’t leave her side,” Lane said.
“Haven’t this entire time.”
“Good man.”