Their kiss deepened, and all thoughts were lost, for the warmth of her lips overpowered him until he wondered how he had managed to live before kissing Charlotte Rosebury.
As their kiss continued, Charlotte was certain she was dreaming, so rapidly her mind swirled. She forced herself to breathe so she might remember every moment of their affection and the feeling of his lips against her own as he coaxed her into a deeper kiss, the cool wind blowing around them.
She longed for the moment to last, to be held in such a way by Gabriel forever, for not only did she feel her own love increasing for the man, she was certain she felt something from him in return.
Their kissing soon slowed, however, and Gabriel pulled back, looking into her eyes as his fingers slid along her jaw before releasing her altogether.
He retrieved his gloves from the balcony ledge, tucking them into his jacket still draped upon Charlotte’s shoulders, and offered his arm with a smile.
“Shall we?” he asked.
Silently, Charlotte laced her fingers through his offered arm, and they walked through the house together, neither making a sound until they reached Charlotte’s door, and she reluctantly returned his jacket.
“Goodnight, Miss Rosebury,” Gabriel said softly before bowing low with a kiss upon the back of her hand. “Sleep well.”
He looked up at her with a smile that caused her legs to weaken before he turned and disappeared down the hallway.
With a wistful sigh, Charlotte turned to enter her room, however, something white upon the floor caught her eye, and she bent down to retrieve one of Gabriel’s gloves.
She made to call after him, but upon catching the gentleman’s scent on the fabric, Charlotte brought it to her nose, and her smile grew.
He kissed me, she thought in wonder as she opened her door, glove still in hand, Mr. Worthington kissed me!
And as her heart fluttered at the memory yet again, Charlotte headed straight to her writing table, knowing she would be unable to sleep a single moment without first writing to her sister about what had transpired between herself and Gabriel Worthington.
Chapter Eighteen
The morning after the ball, Charlotte awoke early with a smile that refused to weaken, and she hurried throughout the morning for the chance to see Gabriel early that day, her heart fluttering each time she thought of the kiss they had shared.
However, as the day progressed, Gabriel was nowhere to be seen. Charlotte fought the unsettling feeling growing within her heart by telling herself the gentleman was simply too busy to attend dinner that evening, or to join them in the drawing room afterward for their usual game of chess.
She repeated the assurances to herself as days continued to pass by without a sight of him, but Charlotte could no longer help but fear Gabriel’s absence was due to him regretting their kiss.
And so, on the fourth day of his absence, Charlotte, becoming tired of awaiting indoors for Gabriel to appear, donned her pelisse, bonnet, and muff before going out of doors and heading toward the stables.
The night before, a blanket of snow had finally fallen upon the grounds of Greyston Hall, and Charlotte took in the white sight before her. Snowflakes still floated down softly from the clouded skies above before landing upon her blue pelisse, and she smiled, despite the cold.
However, when she moved near the stone archway that led to the gardens, she paused, for there walked Gabriel a short distance away, leading his large, black stallion behind him, and her heart fluttered when he looked at her.
Charlotte pulled her hand from her muff to wave in his direction, but her smile faltered when he merely tipped his hat to her and walked away without a glance back.
With discouraging thoughts, she continued to the stables alone, tucking her hand back within her muff as her fingers felt the warmth of the fur immediately, though she had to fight to keep coldness, the despair, from entering her heart.
That night, as Gabriel took his meal in his room yet again, Charlotte spent the evening deep within her thoughts, attempting to explain to herself why the man avoided her.
Was he disgusted by my kiss, she thought with a frown, or is he simply afraid to face me after sharing such affection?
Knowing her company was lacking for Mrs. Worthington, Charlotte soon retired for the evening, first making her way to the library to retrieve her book she had left there that morning, for she knew sleep would elude her that night as her negative thoughts continued.
Does Mr. Worthington truly not care for me? she thought. If so, then surely, I ought to leave Greyston Hall. Surely, I ought to return to Brightwood earlier than planned.
The thought of saying goodbye to Gabriel caused a deep ache within her heart, but she pushed it aside, deciding once and for all she needed to speak with him to discover for herself what he wished her to do.
“But how am I to speak with the gentleman with his continual avoidance of me?” she wondered aloud just before the sound of a mournful melody upon the pianoforte drifted down the hallway toward her.
Recognizing her opportunity at once, Charlotte marched straight to the music room without hesitation, appearing before Gabriel within moments.
Her heart flipped when she took in his disheveled sight, his cravat untied and hanging around his neck where his white shirt hung open to the top button of his waistcoat, the shadow of his dark facial hair upon his jaw, and his dark hair a muss.
“Miss Rosebury,” Gabriel said, standing to greet her with a look of surprise, “good evening.”
Charlotte fought for words as images of their kiss appeared in her mind, but she set them aside and squared her shoulders.
“Good evening, Mr. Worthington,” she said. “I do apologize for interrupting, but I was hoping you might allow me to speak with you for a moment.”
“Of course,” he said, his gaze still focused upon her. “What is it?”
Charlotte frowned. “Well, frankly, I should like to speak about your unhappiness,” she said, and Gabriel’s expression remained unchanged as she continued. “I know you are displeased with our…” she hesitated, a blush spreading across her cheeks, “with what happened between us the night of the ball, therefore you must wish for me to leave Greyston, or you would not take to avoiding me so greatly. To rectify this situation, I have decided to write to my parents and return home directly. I have so enjoyed my time spent with you and your mother, but I believe we know it is now best for the both of us if I gather my belongings and leave Greyston Hall once and for all.”
She paused, taking a deep breath at the end of her speech as she stared at Gabriel, and surprise filled her when a soft smile spread across his lips.
“Do you find what I say amusing?” she asked with a frown.
“Quite,” he responded, “for I am not unhappy with you at Greyston Hall. I thought I revealed as much to you the night of the ball.”
Her mind swirled with the information he shared. “If you are not unhappy with my presence, then why have you avoided me for days?”
She watched him carefully as his eyes darted away.
“Well, I…” he paused, “for that, I must apologize, as I have been occupied with my own thoughts recently. You mustn’t blame yourself, though.”
Her eyes narrowed as her heart still refused to believe him.
“May I ask you a question with your promise of an honest reply?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Do you wish for me to leave Greyston Hall?”
She waited in silence until his gaze focused intently upon her, and she held her breath until he spoke.
“No,” he responded, “no, I do not.”
The truth in his eyes and in his words reached Charlotte’s soul, and she nodded. “Then I shall stay. Thank you, Mr. Worthington. I bid you goodnight.”
She moved to leave the room, but his voice came once again to stop her.
“Are you…” he began, “are you at liberty for a moment?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I thought you might like to sit for a moment or two while I play.”
Charlotte’s brows raised at his invitation. “Oh,” she glanced over her shoulder at the darkened hallway, “is it not too late?”
“Perhaps another time then.”
Charlotte stared at the crestfallen look upon his face before shaking her head.
“I am not so very tired, though,” she said. “I would love to hear you play.”
She returned his smile before taking her usual spot near the pianoforte, and Gabriel began his performance as she listened intently to the piece he played.
The music began quiet and slow before growing in energy until Charlotte’s heart stirred with emotion as his fingers flew over the keys in a way she had never before seen.
When the piece ended, Gabriel leaned back upon his bench and watched her from the corner of his eye, and she shook her head.
“Did you not enjoy it?” he asked.
“Oh, no,” she responded, “it was beautiful. I am only astonished again with your abilities. Your playing becomes better and better each time I hear it.”
Gabriel glanced away. “Thank you,” he said. “I must admit, when I stopped playing years ago I did not think I would ever enjoy it again, but now that I play every day, I cannot believe I stopped for so long.”
“Did you stop when your father and brother passed?” she asked, and he nodded. “When did you begin to play again?”
“In truth?” he said softly. “I avoided music altogether until my time at Brightwood.”
Charlotte’s brows raised. “Truly? What inspired you to begin anew?”
“I should think it rather obvious, Miss Rosebury,” he said in a soft voice.
Charlotte met his gaze in surprise, his bright blue eyes staring at her intently until she glanced away with a fluttering heart.
“Would you like to play a duet together?”
Glancing back up, Charlotte shook her head. “Oh, I have told you before I do not play.”
“Might I teach you a song?” Gabriel suggested. “It is one I created as a boy, quite a simple tune, really.”
She hesitated until he slid to the far end of the bench, patting the spot next to him, and finally she stood, placing her book upon the pianoforte before taking her place next to him.
“We will start with the simple notes,” Gabriel said, and Charlotte attempted to focus despite her arm tingling with pleasure as she brushed up against his sleeve. “Play them in repetition.”
She watched his fingers move across the higher keys effortlessly, and she repeated his movements without fault.
“Very good,” Gabriel said. “Now try to play a little faster with the addition of your other hand.”
He showed her the extra notes, and she played without error until Gabriel shifted his leg to rest fully against her own, and the discordant sounds echoed throughout the otherwise silent room.
“Oh, dear,” she said. “I told you I could not play.”
Gabriel shook his head. “Come now, if you are able to ride a horse after experiencing the trauma you did, and you are able to stand up to Miss Filbee in all her critical glory, you can most certainly play a simple tune. Try again.”
She sighed, her fingers repeating the motions until she managed a steady stream of music, however, when she watched Gabriel’s masculine hands begin to play next to her, her notes again faltered.
“I am sorry,” she said, embarrassment overcoming her.
“That is all right,” Gabriel said, reaching in front of her to correct her fingers’ positioning upon the keys.
She tried once again, but the distraction she felt with Gabriel’s proximity, and the love she felt growing for him, prevented her mind from focusing, and her fingers shifted keys so she could not find her place.
“That sounded awful,” she said, feeling Gabriel’s grin upon her.
“Here,” he began, his arm reaching around her shoulders to show her the notes once more, “this is how it should…sound.”
He played the correct notes merely once, his words trailing off as Charlotte struggled to breathe, for his strong arm around her, his cheek so close to her own, caused her head to spin.
“I do not think I can play it,” she whispered, her heart pounding in her chest as she kept her gaze upon the keys.
However, when Gabriel’s left hand moved to her cheek, urging her to face him, she could not fight her desire any longer, and she stared up at his eyes delving into her own until, suddenly, he leaned in and kissed her.
Her pulse raced, and her mind swirled with joy, for gone were her uncertainties from before, replaced merely with love for the gentleman whose arms wrapped more tightly around her as she shifted upon the bench to face him more fully.
He pulled her closer, their kiss deepening with passion until she allowed her fingertips to reach up and caress his cheek, and suddenly, Gabriel pulled away in a sudden motion.
“Forgive me,” he said as he frowned. “I cannot. I cannot do this.”
He released his hold of her, standing from the pianoforte and moving away, and Charlotte stared at him in stunned silence.
“I cannot,” he repeated. “A gentleman ought not share in such affection unless he means to wed…”
Her heart dropped at his words, and tears sprang to her eyes.
So he has not changed, she thought. How could I have been so foolish?
When Gabriel looked at her, his brows raised as he shook his head, Charlotte immediately stood from the bench and scurried toward the door as quickly as her legs would allow.
“Miss Rosebury!” she heard Gabriel’s voice call from behind, but the tears spilling down her cheeks and despair filling her heart caused her pace to increase.
She fled faster down the hallway when she heard his footsteps coming up behind her, his deep voice still calling her name, before she darted into a nearby, empty room, hiding behind the open door with a quickened heartbeat.
His footsteps paused outside of the room, and she held her breath until he, at last, continued down the hallway, and only when she was certain she was alone did she throw a hand to her mouth to muffle the sobs escaping from the ache within her heart.
How could I have allowed myself to fall in love with him? she thought, crying into her hands. How could I have knowingly fallen for someone who would never fall for me in return?
After a moment, Charlotte steadied her breathing, fought her tears, and wiped the moisture away from her cheeks, and with deep breaths, she exited the room, all the while praying she could hold off her tears until she reached the privacy of her own bedroom.
From around the corner, Gabriel silently peered at Charlotte as she left the room she had taken refuge in, her tear-stained cheeks clearly visible before she disappeared down the hallway opposite, and his heart contorted with pain.
He returned to the music room, and he stared at the pianoforte, the image of Charlotte kissing him appearing in his mind until he noticed the book she had placed atop the instrument before they had played their duet.
He recognized the book as the compilation of Shakespeare’s plays Charlotte had read to him mere weeks before, and he could not help but hear her soft voice echoing in his ears until frustration boiled within his heart.
In one movement, he reached for the book and hurled it across the room, watching as it slammed against the wall, papers fluttering from the binding and falling to the floor.
Instead of feeling his desired satisfaction, regret filled him, and he sighed as he moved to pick up the pages scattered around him before a small letter caught his eye.
He made to stuff it with the others pages haphazardly in the book, however, when he noted the paper having become unfolded in the chaos, his name written upon it in Charlotte’s handwriting, curiosity overcame his conscience, and his eyes roved over the letter to where his name was mentioned.
Mr. Worthington has been absent these few days past, and as I do not know why, I can only pray it is not my doing, for I cannot imagi
ne so terrible a feeling as the gentleman becoming tired with my presence. Oh, Julia, he has been so kind to me, and I value his companionship more than he will ever know. I wish him nothing but happiness in his life, as he is more than deserving of it, and I pray, one day, he may find his courage.
The letter continued, but Gabriel could not read further. He refolded the paper and tucked it and the other pages into the binding before placing the book back onto the pianoforte.
He ran his fingers through his hair as he approached the window overlooking his estate, but the darkness prevented any sight beyond seeing his own miserable reflection staring back at him with utter disgust.
“Miserable,” he said aloud, “that is what you have become, and that is all you deserve, for there is not a kind bone in your body.”
He thought back to the kiss he had first shared with Charlotte, the elation he had felt in those brief moments together when his heart had been brought back to life, but fear had caused him to push the woman away, just as he had done moments ago, rejecting her affection.
He hated himself for causing the heartache that dulled the light and kindness in her eyes.
I have not seen such pain in a woman’s eyes since…
“What have I done?” he muttered aloud, his eyes slowly closing as realization dawned and a sharp pain pierced his heart. “What have I done?”
For so long, he had sworn to never marry, convincing himself he was preventing another’s pain, as well as his own, unlike his father and brother had done, and yet, there he was doing the very thing he had longed to avoid.
“What a heartless fool,” he said, “what a selfish coward I have become.”
With an aching heart, Gabriel sat upon the chair next to him, his forehead resting upon his interlaced fingers as regret filled him yet again.
Regret, he thought to himself, regret does not alter what has already occurred. Only change will help you to never hurt Miss Rosebury again.
And as images of Charlotte’s warm smile and bright eyes appeared before him, thoughts of their friendship and her joyful spirit bringing life to his otherwise lifeless soul, Gabriel knew there was no one else on earth who was as deserving of his improved behavior, and there was no one else he would rather change for more than Miss Charlotte Rosebury.
To Warm A Wintered Heart (Regency Romance) Page 20