To Warm A Wintered Heart (Regency Romance)
Page 25
A new wave of pain compressed her heart, so she moved toward Horatio and rested her head against his strong neck, praying for relief from the foolishness she felt in having fallen in love with Gabriel.
Soon, however, she felt Horatio’s head move, a soft nickering deep within his body, and she looked over her shoulder to see the very gentleman of her thoughts heading straight toward her. His confident stride was undeniable, even in the darkness, and Charlotte’s heart thudded in her chest with love for the man.
Love? she questioned. You should not love him.
And yet, she did, and acknowledging her foolishness only made her frustration grow.
She faced the horse again, wiping away her tears to prevent Gabriel’s knowledge of her emotion when she finally heard his footsteps stop behind her.
“Why are you out here, Miss Rosebury?” he asked, his voice soft.
“Are my actions vague?” she replied, running her hand along the horse’s nose. “I am visiting Horatio.”
“And this could not wait until morning?”
“I am afraid not.”
Silence met her, and she fought the urge to look over her shoulder, only being able to imagine the expression upon his face.
“Would you like to return indoors where it is a little warmer?” he eventually asked. “We could visit the horses together tomorrow, if you would like.”
Why does he now speak with me? Why does he now offer to occupy his time with me? she thought, her brow furrowing. Does our friendship only exist when it is convenient for himself?
“Thank you, Mr. Worthington, but I would rather not.”
After another moment in silence, his voice came from behind her again. “May I ask why you left the party?”
Charlotte clenched her fists together. “I preferred the company of Horatio above all others.”
“And why is that?”
Suddenly, anger flared within her at his questioning, and she whirled around to face him, Horatio pulling back in surprise.
“I really owe you no further explanation, Mr. Worthington,” she said as she glared in his direction, ignoring the fluttering in her heart as the lantern light flickered across his handsome face. “Now, if you would be so kind as to leave me, I would really much prefer to be alone.”
Her frustration grew as Gabriel responded calmly. “I would not be a gentleman if I left you here unaccompanied.”
“Gentleman?” Charlotte scoffed. “If you are a gentleman, why have you behaved in ways contrary to one?”
“Would you care to elaborate, Miss Rosebury, how I have caused you offense?”
“Are you truly so daft as to believe you have behaved perfectly toward me since the moment we met?”
Much to her surprise, a small smile crept across Gabriel’s lips.
“Of course not,” he said, “I only wished to see what you might have remembered before I brought forth old, forgotten grievances.”
She felt her heart beginning to soften at the man’s smile before she caught herself, and she shook her head with disbelief.
“This must end, Mr. Worthington,” she said. “We…I…” She sighed, pausing to gather her thoughts. “I do not know if our relationship can continue, for I am afraid I do not understand how you can show such kindness to me, such thoughtfulness in bringing my family here, and share such,” she paused, glancing away as she turned red, “such affection with your kiss, and in the next moment, you avert your gaze when I enter the room and speak to everyone apart from me.”
Tears filled her eyes, and she attempted to blink them away as she continued, no longer caring what feelings her words revealed.
“And above all,” she said with a quivering voice, “I do not know how you can show such bravery in rescuing me, more than once, and yet you lack the courage to merely speak honestly with me. Me, the simple fool who has remained your friend, who has stood by your side, no matter your cruel behavior.” She swiped angrily at the tears sliding down her cheeks. “I know I am at fault, for I should not have allowed myself to hope you might change, but your actions…Do you know how they have hurt me, Mr. Worthington, how you have hurt me?”
As she concluded her words, Charlotte stared at Gabriel, only then noting the look of emotion upon his face, his brows turned up, regret clearly written in his eyes, but she shook her head and turned away, no longer allowing herself to hope.
However, when he approached her soon after, his deep voice speaking softly next to her, she could not help but look at him once more.
“I do,” he began, his voice breaking, “I do know I have hurt you, though, I never intended to. And I cannot begin to express how deeply I regret my behavior. I am sorry for how selfish and senseless I have been in my actions toward you.”
Charlotte ignored the tears that came with Gabriel’s apology, for she had heard his contrition before, and yet, still he did not share with her what she longed to hear, what she needed to hear, and embarrassment filled her for revealing so much of her own feelings when he did not.
“Thank you,” she muttered before looking in the direction of Greyston Hall, squaring her shoulders and wiping away her tears in an attempt to numb her feelings. “I suppose we had better return to the party now. Your guests might begin to spread untrue tales of the both of us.”
She walked past him but paused when he did not follow, and she turned to face him when he spoke over his shoulder.
“What would you say if I told you it matters not to me if they did speak such things?”
Charlotte frowned. “Then I would say, I do not believe you, for I know nothing is worth more to you than your life as a bachelor.”
When Gabriel remained silent, his gaze facing away from her, she continued. “Is that not true, Mr. Worthington?”
Finally, he turned to face her with a stalwart gaze.
“No,” he responded, “it is not.”
“Then what is the truth?”
She waited impatiently, hoping, praying the man would say something to give her cause to remain where they stood, to give her love reason to grow toward him, however, as time passed, Gabriel averted his gaze, and she sighed.
“As I expected,” she said, shaking her head.
She moved to turn away, but Gabriel’s words stopped her again.
“What is it?” he asked. “Why do you leave now?”
“Because of this,” she said, motioning between herself and Gabriel as a feeling of emptiness took place in her heart, “you and I, our inability to share our feelings with one another. I cannot live in such a way. It is madness.”
Gabriel stared at Charlotte in silence, noted her cheeks and nose rosy from the cold as she stood tall and poised, though pain dulled the light in her eyes.
He wished he could embrace her, apologize again, but he knew his regret could not fix all of the damage he had done, so he took a deep breath and began anew to right his wrongs.
“You are correct, Miss Rosebury,” he began, “it is madness, and the madness has been caused by me. However, if you will allow me to, I would very much appreciate the chance to change that.”
He noticed the skepticism flaring within her eyes, and his heart stung, for he knew he alone was to blame for her disbelief.
When she motioned for him to proceed, however, he nodded, determining again to regain her trust.
“Do you recall my behavior when we were first introduced at Brightwood?” he asked, taking a step toward her.
“How could I forget?” she replied, the smile still gone from her lips. “You glared at me the moment you walked through the door.”
Gabriel cringed at the memory, as well as Charlotte’s clear recollection of it, but still he nodded.
“Indeed, I did,” he said. “I behaved in such a way because I, well, I had never before met a woman who I considered a threat to my decision to remain single…until I met you.”
He saw the surprise in Charlotte’s eyes as he continued honestly, praying she would recognize the truth in his words.
“However, when we did become friends, I was still the coward, for I knew I would soon leave Brightwood, never to be tempted by you again. This is why I reacted so angrily when you returned with us to Greyston, for I knew the trouble you would cause me in my own home, as I would not be able to keep away from you, which is what I learned at Brightwood.”
“Is this why you criticized me and avoided me further?” she asked with only sincerity in her eyes.
Gabriel nodded solemnly until a small smile spread across his lips. “However, I could not seem to keep away no matter how hard I tried, as I longed for your company. If you ask my mother, I am certain she will tell you how she has seen me more this month past with you here than she has since my birth, for I lingered after meals so we might have the chance to play chess or read together. I attended dinner parties and balls simply to dance with you again or converse with you further. Indeed, I did wish for you to become comfortable around horses, but my first thought when offering my help was that I would then have the excuse to be near you.”
He paused when he saw Charlotte’s eyes filled with emotion, but before he gave in to his desire to comfort her, to prevent any further tears from her, she looked away.
“But if…” she hesitated, and Gabriel nodded in her direction, “if you longed to be with me, why did you fight it so?”
Gabriel frowned, regret still tugging at his heart to have caused, and to still be causing, such pain for the woman he loved.
“I am certain you remember,” he began, “of our ride when you spoke of my family not regretting their time with their loved ones.”
Charlotte nodded. “Yes, my words were too harsh—”
“No,” Gabriel interrupted, taking a step toward her, “no, you said just what I needed to hear, for until then, I had not realized how deeply my father’s and brother’s passing had affected me. Days afterward, I still held on to my anger, but when my stubbornness melted away at last, I came to the realization that my vow to never marry had little to do with protecting my loved ones, and everything to do with protecting my own self from heartache.
“So to answer your question, why I fought my desire to be with you, I was afraid to be hurt.” He paused, his brow furrowing. “However, as my heart hardened, it was you who suffered. Each time I saw the smile leave your lips, the brightness fade from your eyes, how my heart would ache, for I knew your sadness was my doing. And I knew it had to end.”
Shaking his head, Gabriel closed the final distance between them, unable to keep from reaching out to cup Charlotte’s tear-stained cheeks in his palm. “If only you could know, Miss Rosebury, how I regret my behavior, my fickle actions, how I wish I would have stopped sooner. Perhaps then you might believe me when I say to you again how truly sorry I am.”
Charlotte felt Gabriel’s callused thumb gently stroking her cheek, saw the regret and emotion shining within his eyes, and suddenly, the walls around her heart faded away, though her mind still spun with everything he had shared with her, the reasoning behind his words and actions, and her heart fluttered as she smiled softly in his direction.
“Thank you, Mr. Worthington,” she began, “thank you for being so honest with me. Of course I believe you.”
Gabriel smiled at her then, relief filling his eyes, and a happiness filled Charlotte’s heart before she shivered, a cool breeze blowing past them.
“Allow me,” Gabriel said as he quickly removed his jacket to place it around her shoulders.
“Thank you.” The scent upon his jacket swirled around her, causing her heartbeat to quicken as she said, “But will you not be too cold?”
“I am a man, Miss Rosebury.”
“And men do not ever feel cold.”
She smiled up at him as she finished his sentence, but when his expression grew serious, she awaited his words in silence.
“That is not quite true, you know,” Gabriel said, his deep voice barely above a whisper, “for I was cold, cold in my behavior toward you, and cold in my own heart. But that has changed now, and it is only because of you.”
Charlotte’s heart quickened, her breathing becoming shallow with his words, the look in his clear, blue eyes causing her knees to tremble.
“You, Miss Rosebury,” he said softly, taking a step toward her, “with your friendship, your patience, your sheer courage in the face of adversity, and your never-ending kindness, have been the only one able to warm a wintered heart such as mine, a heart so determined to be alone, yet longing to be with another.”
Tears rolled slowly down her cheeks before Gabriel reached forward to wipe them away as he held her face gently between his hands.
“And I will be forever grateful to you,” he said, “for your help in overcoming my fears. You have given me a reason to live, Miss Rosebury, so you must know, please know, I love you and always will.”
With a heart full of love, Charlotte stared into Gabriel’s eyes, praying to remember every detail of the moment she had feared would never come, and she smiled through her tears.
“How I have longed to hear you say such words, sir,” she said, reaching up to place a hand upon his cheek, “to hear you say you feel the same as I, for I love you, Mr. Worthington, more than I could ever begin to convey.”
Gabriel smiled at her, moisture causing his blue eyes to shine until he leaned down to kiss her, and her heart beat wildly at the feel of his lips, her legs weakening and mind swirling with love.
His hands moved to her back, pulling her closer as she wrapped her arms around his neck, relishing in the comfort, the joy she felt in knowing she had the love of such a gentleman, a love unlike anything she could have ever imagined.
Gabriel’s jacket slipped off of her shoulders, and though the cold swarmed around her, a freezing breeze rushing past her neck, she had never felt warmer as she did within his loving embrace.
Eventually, their kisses slowed, and Gabriel pulled back, resting his forehead against her own as they breathed in the cold air around them.
“I have had many regrets in my lifetime,” he said, “but none so great as how long I have wasted in my fears and lies, convincing myself I did not wish to marry you, for I do.”
Charlotte’s breath caught in her throat, and she could not help but smile through her tears.
“I wish to be with you for the rest of my life,” he continued. “No matter how mad we drive the other, no matter the arguments we undoubtedly will have, I wish to marry you. And my only hope is, despite my flaws, despite everything I have put you through, I might still have the chance, you might still give me the chance, to prove to you how I love you, and how I shall always strive to make you happy. Will you allow me such a chance, Miss Rosebury? Will you marry me?”
With his forehead still against her own, Charlotte shook her head and whispered, “No,” before Gabriel pulled back abruptly with a perplexed look upon his brow, and she laughed.
“I only tease, Mr. Worthington,” she said, still laughing, “of course I will! Of course I will marry you!”
And to her delight, Gabriel smiled with laughter of his own. “I ought to withdraw my offer after that, my darling,” he said, “but, I cannot, for I refuse to live another day without knowing you will be mine forever.”
“Then let me assure you, Mr. Worthington, I will be.”
Gabriel smiled at her before pulling her in his tight embrace, and when he lifted her off the ground to spin her around in circles, she laughed joyfully in his ear.
“I love you,” he said when her feet touched ground again, and he kissed her until their smiles prevented fu
rther affection.
“Come,” Gabriel said, retrieving his jacket from the ground and pulling it on before lacing Charlotte’s hand through his arm, “let us return indoors before we both freeze.”
Charlotte smiled, tightening her grip on his arm as she followed his lead.
“Are you happy?” he asked next to her, and she smiled up at him with a nod.
“More than ever,” she said. “I only wish we would have shared our feelings sooner so we might have felt this way earlier.”
Gabriel nodded. “Indeed,” he said, “but it was not for my lack of trying.”
Charlotte tilted her head. “What do you mean?”
“When I finally realized how foolish I had been, and how in love with you I was, I knew I needed to tell you, but one thing or another continued to prevent me. Do you remember the night before you were to leave Greyston, our shared kiss in the carriage outside of the Proddle’s home?”
“I do,” she said, before her eyes widened. “You mean to tell me you were going to propose before your mother arrived?”
Gabriel nodded. “I was,” he said, “and when it did not occur, I intended to ask you after the storm. Indeed, that is why I sought you out in your room that evening, for I had every intention of asking for your hand, no matter the hour, but then I discovered how worried you were for your family’s safety.”
Charlotte nodded, listening in awe to his words, wishing she would have known how he felt sooner. “And that is when you decided to find them and bring them here?”
“Indeed,” he said, their feet crunching in the snow as they drew closer to Greyston Hall, “and when we returned, I knew then I could not pull you away from your family or admit my love without first asking for your father’s permission, so I retired early, deciding to wait until today to ask you.”
“Then you did ask for Father’s permission?”
“Yes,” he said, “that is why I was preoccupied this morning. I longed to speak with you, but I knew if I said a single word, I would not be able to keep myself from requesting your hand in marriage, so, after finally finding the courage to do so, I spoke with him during our ride together.”