I looked from Lilith’s pale face to Bane’s even paler one. And the penny dropped. Hard. My stomach clenched and panic bloomed like a mini supernova in my chest.
“I didn’t know about the veil or the daggers,” Lilith said to Bane. “You never told me. I guess you didn’t trust me enough. You told me half the story and we cast a powerful glamour, one that you could only sustain if I siphoned your power every few months. Because if I didn’t, the glamour would crack and your true form would be revealed.”
“No.” Bane’s body was vibrating with denial.
It was Ambrosius who replied. “Lucifer, my friend. It’s time to wake up. Only you can bring the winged forces together to fight this threat. We need you now. Bane has served his purpose, but from this point on, the winged need their general.”
He’d said it, said what I’d just been thinking, and there was no taking it back now. Breath exploded from my lungs.
Bane was Lucifer.
I locked gazes with him, and he shook his head, but the fire had bled out of his eyes. He knew it. He knew it was true. Deep down, he knew …
Lilith’s focus was on me now. “I’m sorry, Serenity. I tried to warn you not to get too attached. I urged you to lean on your cambion nature to soften the blow. The man you fell in love with is a facade, a fabrication. If we are to move forward and overcome this threat, then you must let him go.”
Bane was no fabrication. He was a living, breathing neph with memories and emotions, and yes, I loved him. I fucking loved him, and no one was taking him away from me.
“No.” I walked up to Bane and stood in front of him as if my body could act as a shield to prevent whatever she intended to do. “I won’t let you do it.”
Bane’s hands closed over my shoulders, his familiar warmth seeping into my skin. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Lilith’s smile was filled with sympathy. “You don’t have a choice. Without your power being siphoned, your glamour will crack, and once it does, you will be back in your real body. You will be Lucifer again with all your memories restored. Bane will be nothing but a dream.”
A vise closed around my chest. “No. There has to be a way to stop it. We need Bane, not Lucifer.” I looked to Ryker, Rivers, and Orin for backup, but they looked stunned, confused, and shaken.
Ryker was the first to respond. “Bane isn’t a dream. He’s my friend. I have no idea what this Lucifer is like, and I’m not interested in finding out.”
Rivers crossed his arms. “Find a way to stop it.” His gaze was icy and directed at Lilith.
Orin tucked his chin in, lips pressed tightly together as if holding back a tide of words.
I couldn’t siphon Bane’s power, I was too filled with my own, but Lilith could if she wanted. “You have to siphon the excess,” I demanded.
That sad smile again. “No. I made a deal, and I will not break it. Lucifer told me that he may resist. He made me vow to bring him back. I am here to honor that vow.”
Dammit. I wanted to hit her.
Bane’s grip on my shoulders tightened. “Give us the room. Now.”
The guys filed out of the room, but Lilith lingered a moment by the door. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“The greater good,” Ambrosius’s voice whispered in my ear.
I squeezed my eyes shut, pushing down the tears. “Just go.”
He withdrew, the door to the lounge closed, and I was alone with Bane. He turned me to face him and claimed my mouth. It was a desperate, aching kiss, with the bittersweet taste of goodbye.
“No.” I pulled away. “No …”
He cupped my face. “I have to.” His throat bobbed. “For as long as I can remember I’ve felt uncomfortable in this skin, as if there was something missing, and now I know why. My anger, my discontent … I think they were all a symptom of this glamour. It makes sense now. If not for you, I wouldn’t even be hesitating right now, because Lilith is right. As Lucifer, I can bring the winged together. Lucifer can achieve what Bane cannot. The White Wings will allow him entrance to Dawn. He may be able to get through to them. Bane … Right now, Bane is only good enough for loving you.”
Oh, God. Please. I clasped his jaw. “Isn’t that enough?”
His gaze, which was usually as hard as flint, softened. “Serenity …”
“You won’t be Bane anymore.” I stroked his chest with the palm of my hand. “This … all this will be gone.”
He grabbed my hand and pressed it to his breast bone. “But this heart that loves you will remain the same.” He inhaled me, pressing his nose to my brow. “And this scent is woven into my mind. I won’t. I can’t forget it.”
But he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand that Bane would be discarded. The man I loved would be ripped to shreds. “Don’t leave me. Please.” My eyes burned and the tears slid free. “I need you. I love you.”
He exhaled through his nose and closed his eyes for a long beat, and then he dropped his forehead to mine. “Fuck, Harker. If I could stay … If the world wasn’t going to shit right now … I have to do this. But I have to believe that I’ll find you again, because, Harker, you’re etched onto my fucking heart.”
The sob trapped in my throat escaped, and I buried my head in his chest, my hands fisting his T-shirt. His arms wrapped around me, holding me so tight it felt as if he would never let go, which was good, because this was where I wanted to be.
He pulled back and smoothed my hair away from my face. His eyes were misty and his voice hoarse. “You won’t be alone when I’m gone. Ryker, Orin, and Rivers are here for you. They care about you. They love you, Harker. You just need to allow them in.” He stroked my face, his eyes scanning my features as if committing them to memory. “Promise me you’ll accept who and what you are. Promise me you will let them love you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded through my tears. My chest ached, my heart ached. This couldn’t be happening, but it was.
“I don’t know how focused Lucifer will be on the MPD, so I need you to step into my shoes. You’re a natural leader, Harker.” His lips quirked in a wry smile. “One of the reasons we were always knocking heads. The MPD will need direction once I’m gone. We need to finish what we started. Promise me.”
I nodded, my throat too tight to speak.
Bane pressed a hard kiss to my forehead and then released me and walked to the door.
He slid it open. “Let’s get this over with. What do we have to do?”
“Not us,” Lilith said. “Serenity.”
Chapter 8
I held Bane’s hand as he lay on his bed. I’d never seen the man anything but confident before, but in that moment, he was shrouded in doubt and nervousness. Lilith placed a hand on my shoulder, and the urge to slap it away was almost too much, but this wasn’t her fault. She was doing what Lucifer had made her vow to do. My head was fuzzy from crying and everything felt numb. It was up to me to force the glamour apart. Up to me to channel my cambion power into him.
“Not the divine power,” Lilith reminded me. “He is a Black Wing and that could hurt him.”
“I got it, okay.” My hands trembled as I laid them on his chest, just over his heart. That heartbeat that I’d teased into a gallop on more than one occasion jumped once beneath my palm.
Bane nodded and closed his eyes.
“Do it,” Lilith said.
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Harker, you have to,” Bane said gruffly.
“Serenity.” My name on her lips was saturated with compassion.
Eyes burning, throat tight, I focused on his face, his beautiful feral features. “Goodbye, Bane.” The words were thick with emotion.
Bane squeezed my hand, and with a deep breath, I channeled my cambion power into him. He grit his teeth, perspiration beading his forehead.
“More,” Lilith ordered.
With a strangled sob, I expelled more power. The relief was immense as the divine power filled the gaps that my own power left. But it was ki
lling Bane. I was killing him. No. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t. I made to pull my hand away and he opened his eyes. Shining bright violet orbs gazed up at me.
“Serenity …” My name was a caress on his lips. “I wish I could …” And then he exploded into a thousand fragments of light.
A scream lodged in my throat. Lilith grabbed me and pulled me back. We hit the floor by the bed as the energy—Bane’s energy—circled like a mini tornado. The air currents whipped my hair into my face, and the room was lit up by a rainbow hue of light. And then it stopped as if someone had flipped a switch.
Lilith rose to her feet and held out her hand to me. She hauled me up and together we moved toward the bed.
My knees trembled, my pulse raced. Bane was gone. In his place lay an ebony-haired, aquiline-nosed, beautiful man. His body was huge, but whereas Bane had been bulky muscle, this guy had an athletic build. Whereas Bane’s face had been ferocious and feral, this dude was perfectly proportioned. This was Lucifer, the Black Wing who had taken Bane from me.
I turned away. “How long before he wakes up?” My voice was flat.
“I don’t know. Would you like to stay with him until he wakes?” Her tone was soft, hesitant.
“No. I don’t know who that man on the bed is. The man I loved is gone.”
I walked out of the room, a tsunami brewing in my chest, and bumped into Rivers’s taut chest. His hands came out to steady me.
“Serenity?”
I nodded. “It’s done. I just … I can’t be with him when he wakes up. I can’t …”
Rivers released me, his back straightening. “Then I’ll do it for you.”
My throat closed up with emotion, and on impulse I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed the side of my head to his chest. His heartbeat picked up and then resumed a steady, strong beat. And after a moment, his arms wrapped around me, and he squeezed me back.
“It will be okay, Serenity,” he said. “We’ll make it okay.”
I pulled back, the throb in my temples, the need to scream and cry building, ready to explode. “I have to go.”
I walked to the end of the corridor, and then I ran.
***
He would never wrap me in his arms and take me for a moonlit flight. We’d never share our favorite chocolate biscuits again. I’d never hold him and breathe in his scent, and I’d never hear him say my name, rough and irritated but indulgent at the same time.
We never even got to have that date. When people talked about a broken heart, I’d always believed it was metaphorical, but it wasn’t. It really wasn’t, because mine was breaking now, and it bloody hurt.
My pillow was soaked with tears, my eyes swollen shut, and I didn’t even hear them enter my bedroom. It was their distinctive scents that tipped me off, that and the dip of the bed as they climbed on. Orin was cinnamon and sugar, reminding me of the rolls he loved to bake. My throat tightened with nostalgia. Ryker was a summer breeze that filled me with yearning for the sunlight. They snuggled up on either side of me, cocooning me in my grief. Ryker pulled me against his chest and pressed kisses to my brow. He smoothed back my hair, forcing me to look up at him through swollen, slitted eyelids. I was snotty and gross. A tissue appeared in front of my face, held by Orin. Ryker plucked it from his fingers and gently wiped my face clean. Orin’s arm wrapped around my waist and he tucked in his chin to press his face against the nape of my neck. Our legs tangled, and a sigh, part sob, part laugh, rattled my chest. They were here, just like Bane had said they’d be.
“Drayton’s gone and now Bane too.” I clutched at Ryker’s shirt with one hand and fumbled for Orin’s hand with the other. “I can’t lose you too. Promise me you won’t leave. Promise.”
In that moment, I didn’t care how desperate or weak I sounded. In that moment, my heart was an open, weeping wound that only they could heal.
“I’m not going anywhere,” Ryker said, his gaze crystalline-clear and determined.
“Me either.” Orin’s grip on me tightened. “I swear it, Serenity. You’ll never lose me.”
“We’re here,” Ryker added.
Orin shouldn’t be making these promises. He shouldn’t be pledging himself to me, he had Cassie, but the thought was fleeting, buried under my need for him—his warmth, his compassion, his arms like foundations holding me up. And Ryker, the man who knew my heart. They held me together when the temptation to fall apart was at its worst.
My breaking heart swelled with a new sensation, not grief, not loss, but love—overwhelming and breathtaking. And with it came another sensation, sharp and greedy—mine, it said. They were mine.
The door opened with a snick.
“Orin?” Cassie’s voice trembled.
My body tensed and my grip on Orin’s fingers tightened reflexively.
He squeezed my hand. “Not now, Cassie. Not now.”
“But—”
“We’ll talk later,” Orin said.
The door closed. Ryker pulled the throw over us. “Sleep, babe. We’re here.”
I’d lost Drayton, and I’d lost Bane, but I’d be damned if I’d lose Rivers, Orin, and Ryker. We were a team, and it was my job to keep us together.
Still hope for Drayton, my daimon whispered. Still hope for Bane. Her optimism was soothing, and my muscles slowly unknotted. I closed my eyes and allowed exhaustion to claim me.
***
I awoke to lamplight and warmth. I must have turned over in my sleep because now it was Orin whose chest I was lying on and Ryker who was hugging my back.
“Serenity. Serenity, can you hear me?”
“Ambrosius?” I carefully extricated myself from Orin and Ryker and sat up. “Why can’t I see you? Are you a ghost?”
“No. Not a ghost. I’m … something else. But you can see me if you use your aether-sight.”
Shit, of course. I switched sight and the world went gray. “Where are you?”
“Right in front of you.”
There was no one there. “I can’t see you.”
“You need to shift gears, cycle through the layers of the aether.”
“What are you talking about? What layers?”
He sighed. “Are you telling me you’ve been stuck on one channel?”
“I didn’t realize there was more than one, and since when are you such an expert?”
“I don’t know. Knowledge flooded me when you severed the cord binding me to Merlin’s body. I just know things. Try peeling back a layer.”
“And how do I do that?”
“It’s like looking deeper.”
Okay. It was worth a shot. I focused on one spot and pressed with my mind—deeper, further. The gray bled into blue and a figure appeared—tall and broad with a neatly clipped beard. He didn’t look like the massive monolith Merlin who’d stepped out from beyond the veil. He looked young, probably mid-twenties.
This had been the voice inside my head? A tired smile tugged at my lips. “Hello, Ambrosius.”
He returned my smile, but his gaze was concerned. “I’m sorry if my knowledge brought you pain. I never meant to hurt you in any way, Serenity. During our time together, I have grown to care deeply for you.”
“It’s not your fault. These events were set into motion over a century ago. You were just as much a pawn as me.”
He sighed and walked closer to the bed. “But you aren’t alone.” He looked from Ryker to Orin. “You will never be alone. And that is good, because the road ahead will be hard. You are our sole weapon against the shades, and you will need to remain stoic and strong.”
“That’s the last thing I feel right now.”
“Take this moment to grieve, but then you must pick yourself back up and get back in the fight, because without you, we are all defenseless.”
He was right, and I hated it. With Bane at the helm, things hadn’t seemed so bad, but now he was gone … Who would lead us? Not Lucifer. He was a Black Wing. He was one of the winged, not a neph. Who’d tell me that I was being difficult, or un
reasonable, or just plain pigheaded? I closed my eyes. I’d have to do it for myself. I’d have to keep my promise and lead.
“There’s something else you should know,” Ambrosius said. “The humans here are being fed on.”
I was instantly alert. “What? By who?”
“By the dead. There are souls here. Ghouls who have attached themselves to the humans and are feeding off their life force and their energy. If they are not stopped, then the humans could die.”
Something niggled at the back of my brain. Something someone had recently said to me … Rivers! He’d said something about the humans being weakened so it was easy for the shades to take over their conscious minds. Oh, God. All the sick humans in the hospital were being fed off psychically. Were the ghouls deliberately working with the shades or was it just a happy coincidence for the shades? It didn’t matter, because it was time to put a stop to it.
I quickly filled Ambrosius in. “Marika is working on figuring out a way to separate the humans from their shadows, to stop the shades from accessing the humans. But even if she finds a way to do that, we still need to stop the ghouls from killing the humans.”
His gaze sharpened. “You cannot strip a human of its shadow. The shadow is bound to the human soul.”
“But the Sanguinata don’t have shadows, so there must be a way.”
“The Sanguinata are neph, and nephs are different. For nephs, the shadow is a useless appendage, like the human appendix. We don’t need it. The Sanguinata must have evolved to shed theirs naturally. But a human without a shadow will die just as surely as if you’d cut his throat.”
Oh, fuck. “Then what do we do?”
“The shades were cast out of this world by God.”
“They were?”
Ambrosius nodded. “Yes. Merlin knew this from his vision of the future. There will be places on this plane where they cannot walk. Hallowed ground. We must focus on finding hallowed ground, and once we do, we must move as many humans as we can, as many as will listen, to safety. Then we can focus on ridding Midnight of the ghouls.”
It was a solid plan, and purpose washed away the lethargy infusing my limbs. Bane would have expected us to carry on and get this shit sorted, and I knew just how to do it. The clock told me it was six in the morning.
Shades of Midnight_an Urban Fantasy novel Page 7