Lowering his mouth to hers, he gave her a kiss that threatened to buckle his knees and had them both breathing heavily by the time he raised his head. Then, releasing her, he took a step back to keep from reaching for her again.
“As soon as I finish feeding the horses, we’re going back to the house for a long talk, sweetheart.”
“Cade, are you sure about this?” Fin asked, pacing the length of the living room. “Charisma is tied in the competition with The Buzz?”
When she and Travis returned from the barn, Spud had informed her that her cell phone had, as he put it, “chirped like a cricket with four back legs” about every five minutes since she’d walked out the door. After checking the caller ID, she’d immediately phoned the office to find out what was so important that Cade had called her four times in less than thirty minutes.
“Chloe heard it first when she was on break this morning. Then Jessie overheard someone from accounting talking about it in the hall.” Cade paused. “I’m trying to get the official word on it, but from all indications we’ve made up the difference and we’re in a dead heat with Shane and The Buzz.”
The information should have excited her beyond words. But as Cade’s news sunk in, she found that, although she was proud that it looked as if the hard work she and her team had put into making Charisma number one was paying off, it wasn’t nearly as important to her as it would have been three weeks ago.
“As soon as you get the information confirmed one way or the other, I want you to call me.” She glanced at Travis, standing ramrod straight across the room. He was watching her closely, his expression guarded. “I have to go now. Give Jessie my love.”
When she closed the phone and set it on the end table by the couch, Travis nodded. “I take it that your magazine is doing well in your father’s competition?”
“At this point, we’re holding our own,” she said, nodding. “With a little more work, I have no doubt that we’ll pull ahead and win.”
She watched his broad chest expand as he drew in a deep breath. “Then you’ll take over as CEO of your dad’s company in January?”
“That’s the way Patrick has it set up,” she said, careful to be as noncommittal as possible. She hadn’t told anyone that, in the event she won the competition, she’d step down in order to spend as much time as possible with her child.
Travis shook his head. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Should she tell him that it was no longer as important to her as it had once been? Should she admit that her priorities had changed and she wanted nothing more than to be his wife and their baby’s mother?
“I…that is…we—”
She snapped her mouth shut as she struggled to find an answer. It wasn’t in her nature to lie. But she wasn’t certain she was brave enough to tell him the truth, either.
Would he believe her if she admitted that she’d only used Charisma all these years as a substitute for the family she really wanted? How could she put into words, without risking the humiliation of a rejection and a broken heart, how she felt about him? What if he wanted the baby, but not her? What would happen if she told him she’d fallen hopelessly in love with him and wanted to abandon her cold, lonely apartment overlooking Central Park to live with him and their child on the Silver Moon Ranch? Could she survive if he didn’t feel the same?
He took a step toward her. “Fin?”
She gave herself a mental shake. What was wrong with her? She was Fin Elliott, a fearless executive who could face any challenge set before her and come out the victor. Why was it so hard for her to find the courage to tell the man of her dreams how she felt and what she wanted?
As she stared into his incredible blue eyes, she knew exactly why she was finding it difficult to express herself. Travis was far more important to her than Charisma or the CEO position at EPH had ever been or ever would be.
But when she opened her mouth to tell him so, Travis shook his head. “Before you say a word, I have something to tell you.”
“I have something to say to you, too,” she said, wishing that he would take her in his arms and give her the slightest indication they were in the same place emotionally.
“You can have your say, after I’ve had mine.” He pointed to the couch. “You might want to sit down. I’m not very good at stuff like this and it could take awhile.”
Lowering herself to the leather couch, she held her breath as she waited for him to tell her what was so important to him.
“When Jessie first talked about trying to find you, I was dead set against it.”
Fin felt certain that her heart shattered into a million pieces and she wasn’t entirely sure that she’d be able to draw her next breath for the devastating emotion tightening her chest. “I…didn’t know. Jessie never said how you felt about our meeting.”
“I was dead wrong and she was right not to tell you.” He rubbed the back of his neck as if to ease tension. “You’ve got to understand, Fin. I wasn’t sure you’d be all that receptive to meeting a daughter you gave up for adoption all those years ago. You were extremely young and some women want to forget something like that ever happened to them.” He gave her an unapologetic look. “And from the minute my wife and I adopted Jessie, I dedicated my life to protecting her from anything that would harm her physically or emotionally.”
Fin swallowed hard. Jessie couldn’t have been placed with a better family than the Claytons. And although it had been the hardest thing Fin had ever had to do, Jessie had fared far better having Travis for her father than she would have with Fin raising her alone.
She could understand his reasoning, but it still hurt to think that if Jessie had listened to him, they might never have met. “You were afraid I’d reject her,” Fin whispered brokenly.
He nodded. “I spent many a sleepless night before Jess called to tell me how happy you’d been when she finally told you who she was.”
Tears filled Fin’s eyes. “I loved and wanted her from the moment I discovered I was pregnant.”
“I know that now.” He smiled. “In fact, the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were nothing like what I’d feared you would be.”
“Really?” she asked cautiously.
He sat down on the raised stone hearth in front of her. “Instead of a corporate executive with a killer instinct, you were warm, personable and sexier than sin.”
She almost choked. She’d never associated herself with the word sexy. “Me?”
“Honey, you’ve had me turned wrong side out ever since I first laid eyes on you.”
His laughter warmed her, but she tried not to let her hopes build. Sexual attraction was one thing, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about loving her.
“I don’t think there’s ever been a doubt for either of us that we share an irresistible chemistry,” she said, nodding.
“But we’ve had some huge problems from the get-go,” he said, his expression turning serious. “You live in New York and my life is out here in God’s country. Your career is glamorous and impressive as hell.” He shrugged his wide shoulders. “I’m nothing more than a rancher, leading a simple, uncomplicated life. I couldn’t see anything coming of the attraction between us.”
Her heart sank. Was he trying to tell her all the reasons that a relationship between them wouldn’t work? That he wasn’t even willing to give them a fair chance?
His gaze dropped to his loosely clasped hands hanging between his knees. “Then we put the cart before the horse. We discovered that I’d gotten you pregnant before we’d even really gotten to know each other.”
She swiped at an errant tear as it slid down her cheek. “You see our baby as a problem?”
“Hell no.” There was no hesitation in his adamant answer. “I couldn’t be happier about our having a child together.” He stood up and walked over to where she sat on the couch. “But what I’m not happy about is trying to juggle time and distance in the raising of him.”
“Or her.”
�
�Right.” He dropped down to one knee and took her hands in his. “I’ve never done anything half-assed in my entire life and I’m not about to start now. I don’t want to be a part-time dad any more than you want to be a part-time mother.”
Her heart skipped several beats. “What are you saying, Travis?”
“I want us to get married, Fin,” he said seriously. “I want both of us to be full-time parents and raise this baby together.”
He’d talked about wanting their baby and his desire to be with the child, but he hadn’t mentioned anything about loving and wanting her. “I…don’t know what to say.”
He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to hers. “‘Yes’ would work for me, honey.”
She had to clear her suddenly dry throat before she could get her vocal cords to work. Being Travis’s wife was what she wanted more than anything, but not without his love.
Touching his cheek, she shook her head. “Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for me.”
Ten
Travis felt like a damned fool. He’d laid his heart, as well as his pride, on the line and Fin had just the same as stomped all over them.
Releasing her hand, he took a deep breath and stood up. In all of his forty-nine years, he’d never dreamed that he could hurt so much and not have something physically wrong. Gathering what was left of his dignity, he squared his shoulders and met her gaze head-on.
“Well, I guess all there is left to do now is figure out who gets the baby on holidays and where he—”
“Or she.”
He nodded. “Or she will spend the summers.”
Suddenly needing to put distance between them, he turned toward the door. “Let me know whatever you think is fair and I’ll go along with it.”
“Hold it right there, cowboy.” Fin’s hand on his arm stopped him cold.
Her touch burned right through his shirt and the pain in his chest tightened unbearably. Glancing down at her soft palm on his arm, then back at her beautiful face, he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and try to convince her that they belonged together. But he’d never begged for anything in his life and, God help him, he’d never been tempted to do so—until now.
“You’ve had your say, now I’m going to have mine.” Her green eyes sparkled with determination and he loved her more in that moment than life itself.
“What do you want from me, Fin? I offered marriage and you turned me down.”
“That’s just it.” She rose to her feet, then pushing him down on the couch, she planted her fists on her slender hips as she glared down at him. “You didn’t ask me to marry you. You offered.”
Damn, but she was gorgeous when she pitched a hissy fit. But as her words sank in, he frowned. “It’s the same thing.”
“No, it’s not.” She started pacing. “There’s a big difference. Huge even.”
He noticed that Spud had walked in to see what all the commotion was about. But one quelling look from the incensed female giving Travis hell had the old geezer retreating back to the safety of the kitchen as fast as his seventy-plus years and arthritis would allow.
“Did it ever occur to you that I might want a marriage proposal that sounded more personal and less like a business merger?”
He frowned. “I didn’t mean for it to sound like—”
She held up her hand. “Save it. I’m not finished.” Looking every bit as commanding as he knew she had to be in the boardroom, she narrowed her pretty green eyes. “It’s all or nothing with me, cowboy. I want it all. Marriage, a cozy home and this baby. And maybe one or two more.”
The tightness in his chest eased a bit. “I can give you all of that.”
“Yes, you can.” Pausing, her voice softened. “But can you give me what I need most of all?”
The tears in her eyes caused a tight knot to form in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t bear to think he’d caused her to cry.
Rising to his feet, he walked over and took her in his arms. “What do you want, sweetheart? Name it and it’s yours.”
“I want you to want me, as well as the baby. I want to be your wife. I want to share your life here on the Silver Moon.” Her voice dropped to a broken whisper. “I want…your love, Travis.”
If he could have managed it, he would have kicked his own tail end. He might have been proposing marriage, but he hadn’t bothered to tell Fin how much she’d come to mean to him, how he loved her and needed her more than he needed his next breath.
Holding her close, he lowered his mouth to hers and gave her a kiss filled with the promise of a lifetime of everything she wanted. “I’m sorry, honey. I told you I wasn’t good at this stuff.” Using his index finger to tip her chin up until their gazes met, he smiled. “I love you more than you’ll ever know. I have since the minute I first saw you.”
“Oh, Travis, I love you, too. So very much.” Wrapping her arms around his waist, she laid her head against his chest. “I was afraid you wanted the baby, but not me.”
He kissed her silky auburn hair. “I never again want you to doubt that I want and love you. You own my heart, Fin Elliott. The baby is an extension of that love.” Leaning back, he smiled. “Even though I don’t deserve you, will you do me the honor of being my wife, Fin?”
“That’s more like it, cowboy.” She gave him a watery grin. “Yes, I’ll be your wife.”
He felt like the luckiest man alive. “I promise to spend the rest of my life making sure you don’t regret it, sweetheart. But are you sure you want to live here on the ranch? What about your career? Your apartment in New York? Won’t you miss them?”
“No.” She placed her soft palm along his jaw and gazed up at him with so much love in her eyes it stole his breath. “When I was a child, my dream in life was to have a husband and family. But after Jessie was taken from me, I made Charisma my baby. I nurtured it and watched it grow. But it’s time to let my ‘baby’ go. I’ve raised her to be a strong force in the fashion industry. Now it’s time for me to step back and let someone else guide her while I devote myself to my first dream.”
“You won’t miss New York?” he asked, still unable to believe that she wanted to give up life as she knew it to marry him and raise their child under the wide Colorado sky.
She shook her head. “I belong here with you on this beautiful ranch.” Her smile caused him to go weak in the knees. “I want to raise our children here in this wonderful place. I want to make love with you every night in that big bed upstairs. And I want to sit with you on the swing on the front porch and watch our grandchildren playing in the yard.”
He would have told her that he wanted all those things, too, but he couldn’t have forced words past the lump in his throat if his life depended on it. Instead, he showed her by placing his lips on hers and kissing her with all the emotion he couldn’t put into words.
When he finally raised his head, he smiled. “Who do you think your dad will appoint as editor-in-chief at Charisma?”
“I’m not sure.” She grinned. “But he’d better do it soon because other than occasional visits to see Jessie and Cade and the rest of the family, I’m not going back.”
“How do you think your dad will take the news?”
Fin nibbled on her lower lip as she thought about her father. She’d held a grudge against him all these years, but it truly had been a waste of spirit and energy. It hadn’t brought her baby girl back to her. Only time had taken care of that. And if she were perfectly honest with herself, she wouldn’t have met the love of her life and had a second chance at motherhood if Patrick hadn’t insisted that she give Jessie up for Travis and his wife to adopt.
“Why don’t you give him a call?” Travis asked, as if reading her mind.
She sighed. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“Start by saying hello.” He led her over to the phone. “The rest will take care of itself.”
As she dialed her parents at The Tides, Travis disappeared into the kitchen and she knew he was giving her the privacy he tho
ught she needed for the difficult phone conversation. She loved him for it, but he needn’t have bothered. She didn’t intend for there to be any secrets between them.
“Hi, Mom.” Fortunately, instead of the maid answering the phone, her mother had picked up on the second ring.
“Finny, ’tis good to hear your voice.” The sound of her mother’s Irish lilt caused Fin to smile. Maeve had always been the glue that held the Elliott clan together, despite their share of problems.
“It’s good to hear you, too.” After exchanging a few inconsequential pleasantries, Fin asked, “Is Patrick home from the office?”
“Yes, dear. He returned from the city about an hour ago.”
Fin closed her eyes as she gathered her courage. “Could I speak with him, please?”
When her mother handed the phone to Patrick, his booming voice filtered into her ear. “Hello, Finola.”
Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to bring up the subject that had driven them apart over twenty years ago. “I want you to tell me the truth, Patrick. Have you ever regretted forcing me into giving Jessie up for adoption?”
His sharp intake of breath was the only sound she heard from him for several long, nerve-wracking seconds. When he finally spoke, there was a gruffness in his voice that she’d never heard. “I thought I was doing what was best for you at the time, Finola. But in hindsight, it was quite possibly the worst decision I’ve ever made.”
Patrick’s admission that he’d been wrong was the last thing she’d expected him to say. “You never told me.”
There was a short pause before he spoke again. “I never knew how to tell you how sorry I was that I put my pride and concern for social appearances ahead of your happiness.”
“In all fairness, I don’t think I ever gave you the chance,” Fin said, admitting her own part in the rift.
Dynasties:The Elliots, Books 7-12 Page 71