by Heidi Lewis
Soaked to the skin, Jack glanced around the interior of the building. Church pews lined the reception area and stained glass windows, depicting religious scenes, decorated every available wall. There was nobody else to be seen. Chills ran down Jack’s spine.
“This place is like something from one of those Stephen King horrors,” said Johnny aloud, before being nudged in the side by his mother’s elbow.
“He’s right! It is frikin’ spooky,” agreed Jack with a hollow laugh.
From the shadows, a middle-aged woman appeared.
“Who’s that? The Grim Reaper?” Johnny whispered to Jack, causing him to burst into a fit of laughter. This resulted in the pair of them receiving curious stares from the lady.
“You must be the Keegan’s?” the lady said, in a peculiarly cheery fashion.
The four of them nodded simultaneously, all stunned into silence by the woman’s enthusiastic demeanour.
“We’ve been expecting you. Follow me, please. I have the room ready.”
Jack and his mother walked behind her, leaving his father and Johnny to bring the luggage. Jack could not help but giggle as he listened to Johnny freely expressing his opinion about the place.
“It’s creepy as hell dad, no point in denying it.”
“I know, but could you please be a bit more diplomatic,” his father said firmly.
“Its fine dad. He’s being honest.” Jack said over his shoulder.
The lady stopped outside a small, Spartan-looking room. At first glance, Jack was not impressed. It was worse than he had imagined. A small six-foot by six-foot room with a large, old-style sash window on the distant wall. Beneath it, there was a single hospital-style bed and, a seemingly ancient leather chair, which filled the opposite corner. A simple wardrobe and a locker stood against the wall nearest the end of the bed.
“Eeek!” Johnny said aloud, winning him a clip round the ear from his father.
“I’ll let you get settled.” said the cheerful woman and she disappeared down the hallway, whistling a tune quietly to herself. The room felt claustrophobic with four adults inside.
Jack noticed a small door and breathed a sigh of relief when he opened it to find a spacious bathroom.
“Thank God for small mercies,” he thought.
Johnny sat on the leather chair engrossed in his phone. Jack’s father fussed other the suitcases while his mother hung up his clothes in the old pine wardrobe. Jack stood staring at the bed.
He felt so tired and nauseous, but for some reason, he was reluctant to lie down. He wondered whether that would that be the bed he would die in. Would that be where he would take his final breath? Say his final goodbyes, hear his loved one’s final words?…. The thoughts were too much to take. A breakdown was imminent.
“I’m just going to the bathroom, I’ll be fine, “he said before hastily shutting the bathroom door and slumping up against the side of the bathtub. Head in hands, he sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. Johnny entered the bathroom and as if for the first time realising the true significance of what was happening, he crouched down alongside his big brother. He placed an arm around his shoulders while wiping his tears with the back of his sleeve.
“I’m sorry bro,” Jack said, almost inaudibly, due to his laboured breathing.
“It’s fine. I’d be crying too if I had to stay in this place,” replied Johnny, causing them to once again erupt in laughter.
“What’s going on in here?” their father said as he entered the bathroom. Seeing his two sons, on the floor, arm in arm and teary-eyed, finished him off. After all, there was only so much a man could take.
It was the first time Jack had ever seen his father cry. It wasn’t a heavy sobbing, just a few lonely tears slipping slowly down his face. Taking a seat on the floor alongside his boys, he put his arm around them both. There was nothing to be said. Just bonds and bodily language which could transcend any speech.
Peering in the bathroom door, Jack’s mother was, for once, the only one not crying. Jack wondered if she had any tears left. She stumbled towards them on the floor, and throwing her arms around her sons and husband, she embraced them all and they were silent.
As the laughter subsided, an awkward silence filled the room and the reality of the grim situation took hold.
Chapter Nine
Maria was dreading her first night in the hospice. The thought of spending the night alone in a creepy place, surrounded by people who were dying, was unimaginable. While her family were informed they were welcome to spend the night with her, Maria felt like she was a big enough burden on her parents without causing them more sleep deprivation.
She reminded herself that she had always been a strong, independent young woman and that cancer was not going to change that. She insisted that her parents return home soon after she had settled into her room. She knew that the longer they stayed, the harder it would be for them to leave her there. And so, reluctantly, she hugged and kissed them goodbye and they assured her they would return first thing in the morning.
As night-time approached, the unfamiliar sounds of the hospice disturbed Maria. She lay on the bed, observing the décor of the room. Nurses paced up and down the hallways distributing medication to the patients. She would be taking her regular meds tonight and tomorrow the medical staff would begin the task of measuring and experimenting with her medication, in the hope of finding a dosage that gave her pain relief without the unwanted side effects.
The only mirror was in the bathroom - she was glad of that as, the last thing she wanted was, to be reminded of how horrid and sickly she surely looked.
After dark, the hospice grew quiet. Lying awake, she tossed and turned until the early hours of the morning. Images of her past swirled around her head; images of her loved one’s haunted her and images of her future, which would soon cease to exist. She had not expected this, not in a million years. She thought back to this time last year when she was a happy carefree, twenty-something, obsessed with partying and going to college, more as a social opportunity than to choose a career path.
She could not remember feeling more alone than she did at that moment. Her grandmother used to say, “We are all born alone and die alone.” and for once, Maria knew exactly what she meant. That all too familiar sense of panic welled up inside her. There was no fighting this. It had to be let loose. She sat up in the little single bed and she began to cry loudly. At last, she could let it all out. It was two am and she was alone, so alone.
A sudden knock on the door startled her.
“Who’s there?” she called out from her bed, anxiously awaiting any response.
“Sorry……um, my name’s Jack. I heard you crying. I’m in the room across the hall. I.. um.. just wanted to see if you’re okay?”
A minute passed with no response.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have knocked, I… I’ll just head back to my room. I’m sorry for bothering you.”
Jack turned and walked slowly back towards his room. As he reached his door, he heard the creak of her door opening.
“Hey,” said an unfamiliar voice.
Jack turned back and stared, astounded by the beauty of the young woman who stood before him. She was about five foot four inches tall and she was a specimen of beauty. Her long, brown hair caressed her shoulders and her enormous blue eyes were unguarded and innocent. She wore a simple cream, linen nightdress and she stared in Jack’s direction.
Moving her finger in front of her lips, she motioned for Jack to be quiet and gestured for him to enter her room. He looked over his shoulder, like a guilty schoolboy and then he crept into her room. He watched as she gently closed the door to avoid any unwanted attention.
“I’m Jack.”
“Maria,” she replied cautiously, extending her hand for a handshake.
“Sorry if I startled you earlier. I heard you sobbing and …… well, I… I thought I’d come over and see if you were okay.” Jack replied, looking shyly at the floor.
“Don’t I know you fro
m somewhere?” Maria asked, looking directly into his eyes.
“Yeah, I think I saw you that day a few weeks back… in the oncologist’s rooms,” he replied.
A look of recognition spread across her face. Her mind flashed back to that moment, the first moment she had seen him. She remembered him sitting in the chair alongside his mother. She had been trying to hide her tears that day when he saw her crying and yet, here they were, weeks later and once again he was a witness to her tears.
Standing there in the tiny convent room, they stared at each other -both equally embarrassed and in awe of the other’s beauty.
“Do you mind if I sit down?” Jacked asked, pointing in the direction of the old leather chair in the corner.
“Sure,” replied Maria, whilst secretively studying every feature of Jack’s face.
He slid down slowly into the chair and looked at Maria. As he took a seat, Maria sat on the bed with her back against the headboard and her hands wrapped cosily around her knees. There was so much to say. So much they had in common and so many similarities, yet they were still complete strangers. Their hearts seemed to beat to the same rhythm. Although the moment felt strange, they both shared the reassurance that they were no longer completely alone. Unspoken words created a bond that would be eternal.
Maria was glad to have some company. She stared at Jack from the bed and she sensed that he was gentle. He did not force her to talk or expect her to explain her tears. He didn’t try to make idle chit chat.
She looked at his gaunt, sunken face with yellow-tinged skin, but she saw him as he was before he became ill. He had short blond hair, which stuck up at all angles and his sallow skin complemented his blue eyes. Although his frame had been ravaged by disease, he was still muscular and sturdy. She noticed how boyish he looked in his pyjama bottoms and his white t-shirt, and she wondered how old he was. A strange feeling rose from her stomach she knew it was not caused by her illness. She felt that this guy was different from any man she had met before. Kindness and positivity seemed to radiate from his very soul and she liked him immediately.
“Nice place you got here!” Jack said jokingly, causing them both to snigger.
“My room is sooo much nicer! It’s got a Jacuzzi, a king-sized bed and even a minibar!”
Maria laughed out loud, forgetting that it was the dead of night and the sound seemed to travel down the old tiled corridor. Trying to muffle his laughter, Jack put a single finger to his lips to remind her to keep it quiet. They lowered their voices to a little more than a faint whisper and the subject turned serious.
“So what’s your story? asked Maria.
“My story?” Jack asked, raisied his left eyebrow with a smirk, purposefully pretending he did not know which story she was referring to.
“You know what I mean. You’re……………why are you here? In the hospice I mean?” Maria explained.
“Well, I thought that was obvious,” Jack chuckled to himself. But, then he saw the tears welling up in Maria’s eyes, he decided it best to tell her his real story, not the cancer story - the story about Jack.
“Well, where do I start? My names Jack, I’m…or was a carpenter, I have a younger brother, a dog called Bowser and two parents.”
“That sounds like a pretty simple version,” replied Maria with a grin on her face.
“I’m a simple kind of guy,” Jack said with a cheeky wink that sent shivers down Maria’s spine.
“Now tell me your story?”
“Where do I even start? My name’s Maria. I was a college student and part-time waitress until…………. I’ve got one sister, older, married with two kids, a boy and a girl, they love their Auntie Maria. My parents are great, although devastated that I…….” Maria stopped and stared out the window, the light from the moon illuminated her face.
At that moment Jack realised that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Her brown hair highlighted her prominent cheekbones and, although slim, she did not look frail and ill. Her eyes were blue and her full lips seemed to cry out to be kissed. Turning her head, she looked back at Jack and they could both feel the strength of the chemistry between them.
“Your story sucks!!!” replied Jack with a cheeky grin from ear to ear. Maria seemed puzzled by his response.
“Excuse me?” “What did you just say?”
“I said you story sucks, mine is so much better.” Jack could hardly control his laughter.
She knew he was only joking and trying to make light of an awful situation. His giggles were contagious and she could not help but laugh. Once the laughter died down, she gestured for Jack to come closer. He rose from the old leather armchair and walked towards the end of Maria’s bed. He then sprawled across the end and, resting his head on his elbow, he tried not to stare at her.
“Are you scared?” asked Maria.
“Of you? Not really!” Jack smirked.
“Not of me, you goof. I mean of …. of … dying.”
It was the first time Jack had been asked about death. Although he had had cancer for months, nobody had ever mentioned the dreaded “D” word. Thinking back to all those conversations with so many consultants and family members, he realised that everyone had avoided using the term “death.” They used other terms, such as stage 4, stage 5, the end, until your body gives in, until it is your time, until you pass on, until you’re gone…. The list was endless, but nobody had ever used the word dead.
“Honestly?” he asked. Maria nodded her head. The mood was serious and they both knew now was not the time for jokes.
“I’m pretty terrified, but I try not to think about it. As stupid as it sounds, I just want to try to enjoy the time I have left, instead of spending the time worrying about what’s to come.”
“I know. I feel the same. It’s just so unfair…. I can’t get my head around this. It feels like a nightmare and I just keep praying to God that I will wake up soon.”
Maria was overcome with emotion and tried to hide her face in her hands. Once again, she was embarrassed to be crying in front of Jack. Moving up to the top of the bed, he put his arms around her shoulders and held her tightly as she cried herself to sleep.
Chapter Ten
Jack was awoken the following morning by a strong heat on his face. When he opened his eyes, his confusion seemed to grow. A strong morning sun beamed through the window, directly onto his face. He covered his eyes with his hand as memories of the previous night’s events came flooding back. He could see Maria sleeping soundly, leaning against his chest. He dared not to move an inch for fear of waking her. The sound of the nurses moving up and down the corridor bothered him. The nurses would soon be entering the room to start dishing out the day’s medication, so he decided it would be best to make his way back to his room.
Slipping quietly out of the bed, he placed Maria’s head carefully on the pillow. He kissed her gently on the cheek and pulled the sheets up cosily around her. At the door, he turned around to get one last glance of a sleeping Maria. She looked so happy and peaceful that it took all his willpower for Jack to leave her. For some reason, he wanted to stay there, in that room with her. I wish last night could have lasted forever….
He scurried across the corridor and laughed as he realised that he felt more alive than he had in months. He made his way to his bed and he opened the blinds. He looked out at the grounds and noticed how beautiful the gardens were. Old oak trees were shading the lawns and the sun’s rays looked like ripples of gold on the lake. Some graceful swans drifted idly by. Breathing in deeply, he looked up towards the cloudless blue sky and wondered what lay beyond.
***
Maria opened her eyes slowly. The room looked blurry and she felt dizzy. The strong morning sun felt intensely hot on her sensitive skin. She forced herself to sit upright. When she saw the leather chair in the room, memories of last night, came flooding back.
Was I dreaming? Was that guy really here?
A masculine scent from her pillow confirmed that the e
vents of the previous night had indeed occurred and she was thankful that she was not losing her mind after all.
The last thing she could remember was crying in his arms. The memory sent her stomach into knots. A strong image of him danced around her head and she remembered that he was handsome, caring and cheeky. He was perfect.
The sounds of the hospice coming to life dragged her back to reality. Nurses were scurrying around the hallway and muffled conversations seemed to be coming from all directions. As she stared out the window, she could not help but notice the beauty of the hospice grounds.
Old oak trees lined the long windy entrance. A large flower bed full of red and white roses, with the odd magnolia here and there, seemed like a gift from God. It was the first time she had noticed the true beauty of nature. She regretted being so caught up in materialism for the past few years and she wondered about the wisdom of her grandmother’s words:
“The best things in life are free.”
She took a deep breath and, as she gazed at the cloudless blue sky, she wondered what lay beyond them.
***
Jack was disturbed by a knock on the door. His heart pounded and he secretly hoped it was the girl from last night. He jumped to his feet and made a feeble attempt to flatten his hair, which was standing up straight on his head. An unfamiliar face appeared around the door, and then a person appeared, dressed in a white nurse’s uniform. Disappointed, Jack sat back on the bed, feeling foolish for thinking Maria would want to see him again so soon.
“Now Jack, my name is Nurse Patricia. Did you sleep okay?”
He could not help but smile as he replied: “Yea, I slept like a log.”
Looking rather perplexed at his response, she motioned for him to lie back on the bed. Staring at the drip holder, he looked at the bag full of what was, presumably, another cocktail of drugs. Nurse Patricia could sense his anxiety.
“This one is anti-nausea and the other one is for pain relief.”