by Heidi Lewis
“That’s exactly what I mean!” she replied. “So, spill.”
“There’s nothing to tell. She came over. We had a great night, but I’m paying for it today!” Jack replied while rubbing his hands over his stomach in pain.
“Are you not feeling so good?” Nurse Patricia asked with concern in her voice.
“I’m feeling pretty dizzy and nauseous.”
“Lie back there and I’ll take a look at you, Hon!” Patricia said kindly.
She checked his blood pressure, pressed on his stomach and listened to his breathing. Jack watched her face and he knew that look. The look that doctors and nurses have when it’s bad news, but they can’t say it straight out. He hated that look.
“It’s bad, isn’t it?” he asked.
Patricia looked at him. It was not in her nature to lie and, for some strange reason, she had bonded with Jack, more than she had done with any of her other patients over the years.
“Well, it’s not good, Hon. Let’s put it that way,” she replied quietly.
“Just tell me, Patricia! You know me well enough by now, and I trust you!” Jack shouted in frustration.
“It’s just that, well, Jack your body is shutting down. You’re in a lot of pain and the next step will be the morphine pump.”
Jack was not expecting that. Well, not this fast anyway.
“I see,” he said, trying to hide his fear and sadness.
Nurse Patricia looked him in the eye and said, “I’m sorry Hon. I truly am.”
Jack turned away from her and stared out the window. He wished that somehow, someway, he could bring back all the yesterdays and have an endless supply of tomorrows.
If only.
Maria jumped as she heard her cell phone ringing. She knew immediately who it was! Her sister! Waiting for all the gossip about last night. Excited, Maria reached for the phone hardly able to wait to tell her sister every minute detail.
Chapter Sixteen
When Jack’s parents arrived at the hospice mid-morning, they were expecting to find Jack in high spirits, ready to tell them a little about how his romantic evening had turned out. For a short space in time, they were allowing themselves to be duped into thinking that things could be different – they wished that love could bring their beloved son’s healing. But they were dismayed to find him lying flat in the bed, hardly conscious because of the large dose of drugs that had been needed to relieve his level of pain.
Jack was not alone. There were a doctor and several nurses around his bed, talking in whispers. As soon as they became aware of the arrival of Jack’s parents, they beckoned for them to follow as they all quietly left the room.
“What the hell is going on?” Jack’s father barked at them as soon as they were in the reception area.
“Why weren’t we notified that Jack had taken a turn for the worse?” his mother questioned while trying to hold back her tears.
After settling Jack’s parents in a private room, the doctor explained that it was not the end for Jack yet, but he had had a major setback and he would need a lot of rest and monitoring for the next few hours. The reality of his imminent death sank like lead into their minds.
As they left the hospice, bracing each other against the cold wind and the sickening fear that they felt. Maria watched them from her window and wondered why they hadn’t stayed for their visit.
She knew, instinctively, that something was wrong with Jack. She had been caught up on the phone with Kathleen for ages, telling her every detail of their wondrous, romantic evening, and reliving it in the telling. Although she felt as tired as usual, she also felt strangely well and whole, as though being with Jack had imparted some strength deep into her being.
She levered herself off the bed and slipped on her dressing gown. Padding softly, in bare feet, she crossed the corridor and reached Jack’s door.
She pushed it open, smiled and said,
“So, “Sleepyhead”, was I too much for you…?”
Her voice trailed off as her eyes took in his limp body, stretched out flat and motionless on his bed. She saw the drip attached to his arm with the full bag of drugs slipping down the tube into his arm.
“No! What has happened to you? Why are you so still?”
In her mind, she started blaming herself for causing his condition to deteriorate. She rushed to his side and leaned over him, gently stroking his cheek.
A nurse came in and seeing Maria’s distress, she gently put her arms around her.
“You need to let him rest, Dearie,” she stated firmly and helped Maria to rise and guided her, slowly and reluctantly, back to her room.
“But I want to be with him,” Maria sobbed. “He would never leave me if I were in that state!”
“I am afraid that you have no choice, young lady. If you care about him, you will do what is best for him.”
Maria knew that the words spoken by the nurse were the truth. She knew that Jack’s state was serious and she did not want to do anything to worsen it. So, she did the only thing she could do: she curled into a ball and howled and screamed into her pillow.
It wasn’t the sunshine that woke Jack the next morning. It wasn’t the nurses doing their rounds and doling out meds, wheeling their trolleys noisily down the tiled corridors. No, he had missed all that. He had also missed supper last night and breakfast this morning, but the strong drugs had worked their magic. They had blurred the edges of his pain and taken him to the very edges of Heaven.
But now he was back, in his bed and something was tickling his nose. His first thought was that Maria was still asleep in his bed and that her wig must be tickling his nose as she nestled into his neck. Then he smelt a musty, familiar smell. It was not unpleasant, but it certainly was not the lovely, fragrance that Maria wore. It was a smell that…..he drifted in and out of sleep…… he loved, and enjoyed waking up to…..but it was not the…smell… of…a…woman….It was the smell of a dog!
He pushed himself up to a sitting position and buried his head into the fur of Bowser, his beloved dog. Feeling completely confused and disorientated, Jack just gave into the joy of having Bowser’s tongue lick his face and feel his wriggly body trying desperately to get Jack to scratch him all over – in all his favourite places. For a short time, he suspended all thought and he just immersed himself in the unadulterated love that was given and received between him and Bowser.
“Yeah, Boy!” I know you love it there. And there,” he whispered into the dog’s ear as he used his once strong, hardworking hands to scratch and tickle until he could no longer continue.
Only when Bowser curled up at his feet on the bottom of the bed, did he look up and see the concerned, yet delighted faces of his parents and Johnny.
“See, I knew that would stir him!” his dad announced proudly, punching the air with his fist.
“Yeh, and scare the crap out of him when he thought his new love had very bad, morning breath!” Johnny laughed.
They could all see that bringing Bowser to see Jack in the hospice had been an excellent idea, and it had not taken much organisation once they had explained everything to Nurse Patricia.
“Of course that will be just grand!” she had said on the phone when they had called her last night, just before her shift ended. And so, Bowser had been bathed, brushed and had his hygiene standards brought up to a whole new level before being put in the car for his very special mission.
“I want Maria to meet him,” Jack said quietly. “Would that be okay?”
He did not realise how close he had come to leaving them for good, nor that he could make just about any request right now, and everyone would do their best to make it happen.
“I’ll just go and find out whether it’s a good time for her,” his mother said, glad to have a moment to nip into the Ladies and wipe the smudged mascara from under her eyes. With all the crying, she constantly had to dab her eyes and she made a mental note to forget about using mascara because even the waterproof one could not cope.
&nbs
p; Jack’s mom knocked quietly on Maria’s door. She was afraid that the past evening’s antics might have left Maria in a bad way too and she did not want to cause any more anxiety. But, Maria instantly called out for her to enter. She seemed a bit surprised and then distraught when she thought that Jack’s mother had come to bring her the bad news. But Jack’s mother smiled at her and her fears melted away.
“I have been sent to fetch you,” she said gently. “Jack wants to show you something.”
“I have been so worried. I know something bad has happened to Jack and I am not ready to lose him and …..”
“Sshh!” Jack’s mother held up a hand to silence her, and also to take a moment to look at the young woman who had dropped into her son’s last days of life and brought him so much happiness.
“Yes, Jack has had a rough twenty-four hours, but he has been well cared for and seems to be stable at the moment. He has asked for you to come and join us in his room. Can I help you with anything?”
Maria pointed to her dressing gown hanging on a hook behind the door. Jack’s mother fetched it and carefully helped Maria to slip her thin arms into the sleeves. She could have wrapped it twice around her frail body. Maria took a quick look in the mirror, straightened her wig and followed Jack’s mother across the corridor and into Jack’s room.
The sight that met her eyes filled her with pure joy as she saw Jack sitting upright, stroking Bowser’s silky fur.
“Come and meet my best friend,” he said and tried to move over and make space for her on the bed.
She only had eyes for Jack but gave a quick nod of recognition to his dad and Johnny before enveloping both Jack and Bowser in her delicate arms. Bowser started to lick her cheek and Jack smiled into her eyes. Everything he wanted or needed was right here in his arms.
“So, you like your visitor then, young man?” asked Nurse Patricia as she walked briskly into his room. “We had an idea it would be just the right medicine to perk you up!”
“Right now, I need everyone to leave the room while I check this young man out and change the meds. It’s a lovely day out and you are welcome to walk the dog on the grounds – on condition that you don’t leave any “gifts” behind!”
Bowser jumped off the bed upon hearing the word “walk” and headed for the door. Before she left, Maria leant over him and said,
“I’ll be back,” and gave him a saucy wink.
“I look forward to it,” he grinned and knew that he would be counting the minutes until her return. Knowing that their lives were reduced to seconds, minutes, days but not much more, Jack began to have some very serious thoughts about his relationship with Maria.
Maria sat on the chair in front of the window and she had a perfect view of Jack’s family out on the lawn with Bowser. Johnny was throwing pine cones for him to fetch. Jack’s parents were walking towards the bench on which she and Jack had sat, just days before. The swans were gliding across the water and two of them, with necks entwined, and they seemed to be embracing, as they had done before. Jack’s mother pointed and Maria saw her smile for the first time.
Then, her mind wandered back to the swans. She remembered that Jack had said that they mate forever. She knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Jack could be her forever mate – if only they had the privilege of time.
Chapter Seventeen
After Jack’s parents had taken Bowser home, and Maria’s parents had spent the afternoon fussing over her, Maria waved them off and did what she had wanted to do all afternoon…… she went to see Jack.
She felt a tiny bit guilty about the fact that her mind had been on him the whole time that her parents were visiting. She hoped that they had not noticed. It’s not that she didn’t appreciate their visits and kindness, but now that she had Jack in her life, she wanted to spend every moment with him.
She tiptoed up to his door and peered around. To her delight, he was sitting up and gestured for her to come and get under the covers with him. She slipped in and snuggled up against his chest. She breathed in his warm, familiar smell and signed.
“How are you feeling now?” she asked, meaning since his bad turn.
“Mmm, slightly aroused and wondering when I am going to be kissed,” he replied, lifting her chin with his finger.
She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him long and hard until they had to break apart or cease breathing altogether.
“You had me so worried! But I see you have made a come-back,” she said saucily.
“I believe we have some unfinished business, and as time is of the essence, I think we need to fast-forward this relationship a bit,” Jack replied, mysteriously.
Unbeknownst to her, he had had a long conversation with Nurse Patricia, that afternoon, about the possibility of a wedding in the hospice. She had told him that it was quite possible and that they would do everything necessary to make it happen. She knew that they had to apply for a licence and after that, it was just about making the arrangements. Jack was surprised at how simple she made it sound, and that made him even more determined to make it a reality for him and Maria.
Being a convent, there was a beautiful chapel in the basement of the building. It was tiny, having room for no more than ten people and with its marble altar and arched, brick ceilings, it was a perfect and romantic place for anyone to make their vows. Jack was not surprised to learn that it had been used quite a few times in past years when a terminally ill person had wanted to achieve the one goal of marrying a loved one before dying. Although Nurse Patricia said it would be a first when two terminally ill people got married there, that would be even more special.
Jack decided to keep this information to himself but had already started planning how, when and where he was going to propose. This explained his rallying from near-death and had given him a sense of excitement, purpose and, for a brief time, a feeling of being a normal young buck.
Jack started to caress her back and his hands moved down to encompass her tiny bottom. He imagined what she must have been like before her illness, and he felt saddened that he had not known her as a sexy, young woman.
Maria responded to his gentle touch and she could feel tingles starting from her toes and moving up her legs to the place where his fingers were stroking delicately. This felt so natural, so uncomplicated. She could relax in his embrace knowing that neither of them wanted to be anywhere else or with anyone else. She longed for those fingers to explore the rest of her body, but she became aware of the nurses’ footsteps in the corridors and realised that it was time for them to start their rounds.
Jack sighed. He stopped and looked deeply into her eyes. He knew that they were on the edge of going to the place of no return, and he did not want that to be interrupted by the harsh realities of where they had chosen to spend their last days.
It was then that the plan began to unfold in his head.
“I’ve got it! He murmured.
“What are we talking about now?” Maria asked, releasing the cosy, sexy feelings she had been having and raising herself up on to her elbow. “What exactly have you got? And I hope it’s not catching,” she added with a giggle.
“You’ll see, you’ll see! Now, go wench, before I get kicked out of here for improper conduct. I think a nurse in about to burst in and stick something strong and unpleasant into my arm.”
Maria reluctantly lifted herself from the bed and sashayed towards the door. She knew that she too was due for her meds and needed a moment to recover before she was prodded by the very unwelcome fingers of the nurse.
“I’ll see you later,” she said, blowing him a kiss.
“I wonder what is going on in that head of his.” She thought to herself.
Chapter Eighteen
All night long Jack pondered the details of what he had come to call “The Proposal”. How different it was to what he had imagined the process would have been if he had met a girl before his illness. He had always been a romantic and, although he had not been short of a few one-
night-stands, he knew that he had always been looking for the One, Maria.
Now, no matter what obstacles were before them, he still wanted to give her the best that he had to offer- all of him.
He had a checklist:
• Venue for the proposal
• A ring
• And leave the rest to her because that’s what women love to do!
Nurse Patricia marched in, ready to finish her night shift and get home to her children. She had watched the relationship between Jack and Maria blossom, and with all her experience of working in the hospice, she knew that it would end in tears, but she hoped that there would be some happiness for them both before that.
“So, Romeo, how are things going? I have to check your heart rate. Shall I wait a few moments for it to calm down after your visit from a certain young lady?”
Jack couldn’t wait to talk things through with Nurse Patricia. Although he had such a good relationship with his mother, he felt that she had just about had enough of Jack-related issues and it was good to have another sympathetic ear to share his ideas with. Besides, Nurse Patricia understood the urgency and she had the inside knowledge on how to make things happen in the hospice.
When she had finished her nursing duties, he asked her to sit awhile. He drew the big leather chair closer to his bed, and she listened to his ideas.
Her eyes grew wide as she listened, and then she too started to get excited as she realised how serious he was.
“So, you’ll need a pass to leave the hospice for twenty-four hours. And then you need a taxi to be waiting right outside the door for you. I will have to make sure that the medication is pre-ordered and checked by the pharmacist….”
She was making mental notes and thinking of all the strings she would have to pull, but she kept smiling and projecting positivity, although she knew that the plan was mad.
When Jack’s mother arrived the next day, laden with grapes and fresh pyjamas, she was pleasantly surprised to find him sitting in the chair by the window with a huge smile on his pale, sallow face. His eyes lit up when he saw her and he welcomed her with an affectionate hug.