I’m not stressed.
I’m not overtired.
I could handle him staying tonight.
Chapter Twelve
Barely Breathing
“Is Claudia okay?” Ezra asks once we are in my room, his gaze taking in the full-size bed, which is much smaller than his king-size one, and sitting down on the purple floral comforter.
“I put a can next to the bed and pills on the nightstand, but I didn’t want to chance leaving her alone in her state.” I am standing less than a foot from him. My heart is pounding hard, and I can’t believe this is the first guy I’ve ever had in my room. I know it may sound childish, but I have had issues for so long.
Growing up, I had very strict parents. Dad was on the police force, warning me that everyone would know what I was doing and it would reflect on his job if I was running wild, and my mom was a psychiatrist, thinking people needed medication to be fixed at the drop of a hat. I had a curfew until I graduated from high school, and I mostly dug deep into the books to keep from acting out. Claudia and I did go out in school, but I chose to not drink much back then. Not when my father had breathalyzers on hand if he wanted to make sure I wasn’t sneaking in drunk.
“I don’t blame you for not wanting to leave her. Azriel told me you two had to carry her to the car.” Ezra reaches out for my hand. I take his gently, letting him pull me closer to his body, his legs pushing mine apart so that his thighs are between mine. His hands rub at my waist, and he focuses his icy blue eyes on me. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be around more tonight,” he says, pulling me down on his lap so I’m straddling him.
“I understand, Ezra. You have a club to run.” I blow out a breath, trying to calm my nerves. It doesn’t work when his hands are running slow lazy circles underneath my cami, his fingers hot on my skin. I could moan at how wonderful it feels to have him here touching me.
“I’m glad Claudia was there with you. I would have hated to have you alone with guys hitting on you while I had to work,” he says, sighing.
“I don’t get hit on much,” I admit to him.
“Yeah right. You forget I run the monitors upstairs and see it all. It was killing me when that guy was too close to you tonight. Carter just about had to tackle me when that guy started talking to you, but then you just shooed him away like he was a fly.” Ezra stops moving his hands, and I feel the tension in his body underneath me.
I don’t know why it makes my heart leap at the admission of his jealousy, but he has nothing to worry about. While I was dancing with Claudia some guy had approached me and wanted to dance. He was nice and handsome with pretty-boy features, but I didn’t feel comfortable with anyone except Ezra touching me. It was nice that the man didn’t press me about my rejection, but I had wished it was Ezra coming to dance with me. I was hoping I would get to see his moves tonight.
“I wasn’t interested in any guy there, but one,” I say, my mouth turning up at the corners.
“Oh yeah?” Ezra’s body relaxes and he gives me a sly smile.
“Mmmhmm…there’s this owner I was looking forward to dancing with, but he was busy. I know he wanted to be with me, but I couldn’t just dance with anyone,” I say in a breathy voice, loving the way flirting with him comes so naturally.
“I see.”
I reach up, running my fingers through his dark hair, feeling how silky it is in my hands, and bringing my face closer to him. My breathing is getting heavier as I adjust my legs around him, and I bump his hard erection, knowing full well I’m turning him on as much as myself. “I really like the owner.”
“He’s all right,” he says wryly.
I take a chance and grind my hips against him, earning a low moan from him. “He’s better than all right. He makes me feel things I’ve never felt before,” I whisper next to his lips.
“I’m glad, because this girl I just met does the same to me.” His eyes are burning into mine, and if I don’t kiss him soon, I think the two of us are going to combust with the fire I’m starting.
“Kiss me, Ezra,” I beg.
Ezra smiles and then his mouth is on mine quickly, tongue dipping into me, reaching mine and dominating my mouth like I’m his next breath. My body explodes with joy at the feel of his hands roaming up and down all while his kiss deepens, making my body temperature rise high. He pushes up my shirt, and I sit back for him to help me take it off completely.
“Mm…” He hums once I’m topless in front of him, his hands cupping my breasts. He kisses me more, moving his mouth down my jaw, trailing light touches down to my neck, and then leaning me back so his mouth can latch onto a nipple.
I moan loudly at the way it feels to have his mouth on me, sending jolts of pleasure shooting from my nipples straight to my clit. I lean back farther, jutting out my breasts closer to his face, his hand firmly on my waist so I don’t fall back too far. I grind my hips down into his, and it causes him to nip me harder, but there is no pain, only pleasure at his skillful mouth. “Ezra,” I gasp when he does it again.
Ezra smiles against my skin and lifts his hips up into mine, switching his mouth to my other breast to give it the same attention. His other hand moves farther down and he cups my ass, kneading it firmly while pushing me down harder onto him.
My breathing is labored. The more I grind on him the wetter I feel, excitement rushing through me, making me braver. I move my hands down his stomach. I pull his shirt up and run my hands along his hard muscles, feeling him flex under my touch. He pulls back to rip his shirt up over his head and tosses it to the floor somewhere.
Holy hotness! He is sex personified with his bulging muscles and rippling tan skin. I could weep with how happy he makes me feel. He lies back on the bed, scooting us to the middle carefully, and I’m draped over his body. I don’t think my heart can take any more anticipation of just looking at the sexy man beneath me.
I need to feel him. I need to touch him.
I reach out, my hand much steadier since our shower together, and run my fingernails slowly down his chest. My mouth waters at the sight of him, and when I look up at him he is smiling sexily at me, his gaze taking in my breasts as they rub against him. I try to calm my breathing and lean down to kiss his chest softly. I’m a little unsure about my movements at first, but when I hear him whisper a plea to touch him, I feel more confident.
Ezra lies still under me as I trail my hands along his chest. His eyes are half-hooded with lust when I move my mouth to his nipple, snaking my tongue out over the flat disk, and earning a deep moan when I nip him with my teeth. There is something about him letting me explore his body like this that excites me. This is something I’ve never done before, and I don’t know if I’m doing it right, but the way he moans and chants my name makes my core wet.
I kiss along his ribs, softly placing a chaste kiss on his small scar and then moving to his waistband. When I see his erection straining in his jeans, my panic would normally stop me, but it doesn’t, and I want to see all of him. I fumble with his buckle and button, but he reaches down to help me. My heart skips a beat when he pushes his pants and boxer briefs off in one motion, his large, long cock standing up at attention.
I refused to hear Claudia tell me about giving a man a blowjob in the past, but for once I want to know what it feels like to have him in my mouth. I reach carefully with my hand, grasping his cock like I did when we were in the shower, stroking up and down and glancing up to see his eyes closed, with a look of bliss written all over his face. I lean in to take him into my mouth. It’s erotic when I have him slipping past my lips, his member feeling smooth and hot. I hear him moan my name, and I gently move my mouth, relishing the way he feels, soft as velvet but hard as steel.
“Oh, baby,” he says, gently lifting his hips while I suck on him.
I can feel how turned on he is, and what surprises me the most is that my body is tingling with all sorts of sensations. My clit is throbbing with want as I stroke him faster. I can barely breathe with the way I’m sucking and licking at
him, surprised by how much I crave being touched.
I pull him out of my mouth, sitting back on my heels to slip my shorts and panties off, and smiling at him when he gazes at my actions. I throw my clothes to the floor and bring my mouth back to his beautiful cock, stroking him with my hand and slipping my fingers into my wet slit.
“Holy fuck!” he says when I moan with him in my mouth, and my hand slowly stimulates my clit, helping with the craving building inside me “Fuck, baby, that is so fucking hot, but let me help you,” he pleads.
I look up at him, his cock popping out of my mouth as he pulls away from me. I don’t know what to expect when he reaches down for my waist. One moment we’re in the same direction, both lying on the bed, and the next he has me picked up in the air and moved so my pussy is at his mouth. My heart leaps, and I cry out when his mouth latches onto my sensitive nub. He licks and sucks on the little bundle of nerves.
Holy hotness, this is erotic!
I lean down and slip him back into my mouth all the while he kisses my most intimate area, slipping his finger inside me, his teeth nipping me in all the right places. I’ve never experienced this level of intimacy, and it makes me feel wild with abandon, grinding against his mouth and taking him deeper with mine. I don’t know where this new girl came from, but I like that he is bringing her out of me. I feel free and new. I feel so freaking much like I am about to explode above him.
“Ezra,” I gasp, feeling the tiny coils of pleasure building higher and higher in my body. I can’t concentrate on his beautiful cock when he sticks his tongue farther into me, his finger curled in a come-hither motion, hitting a spot I never knew existed. He does that a few more times, and then I’m bursting at the seams, his mouth sucking on me the whole time my body spasms with the intense orgasm.
Once I come back down, I feel weak in the knees, my body still bowed over his face with him continuing his ministrations to my pussy. Damn, he is talented with his mouth and fingers.
Ezra rolls us over and moves so his body is aligned with mine, his eyes burning with dark desire before he kisses me deeply again. I taste the saltiness on his tongue, and I moan into his mouth. Tasting myself is something I had only heard of doing in the dirty romance novels I read occasionally, but holy hell, it tastes just as erotic as it sounds on paper. My heart starts thundering hard. When he presses his body down over mine, his cock nudging my slick entrance, I tense underneath him.
“Baby, what is it?” Ezra gazes at me as my breath comes out in short puffs, and I feel like I’m going to explode. He sits up on his heels, his arms holding him up as he peers at me, and there is concern etched into his handsome face. “Lanee? Baby, you’re shaking.”
I can’t breathe. I roll over, pushing him away from me to bury my head in the comforter so he can’t see me. My head is pounding and my chest is tight as if I can’t suck in enough oxygen, but I can’t face him. I can’t look at the man who a moment ago made me soar to life with pleasure because I’m having a panic attack with him on top of me.
“Do I need to get Claudia?” he asks, his voice laced with concern, and I shake my head fast. I just need to get ahold of myself before I can speak. I need the images of that horrible night to stop flooding through my mind like a projector showing me brief glimpses. I know Ezra won’t hurt me, but my body is in panic mode. “Talk to me. Did I do something wrong? Are you okay? What can I do?”
When I hear him shooting off question after question with sadness, tears start rushing from my eyes. This isn’t fair to him. I thought I was past this. I know he won’t hurt me. This is Ezra, and he’s already had me once, but I can’t get myself under control. My body is still shaking, and I try to will myself to stop. It takes me several minutes, maybe more, before I can sit up. I am ready for him to bolt after my mini meltdown, but I still can’t face him. I keep my eyes downward so he doesn’t see the tears. I wish this was just a dream, but it’s not.
“Lanee,” he says, pained.
“I’m sorry… I…” My throat closes up with fear of telling him why I can’t handle him being on top of me. I want to say something. I should explain I was attacked and I have issues, but I can’t get my voice to work.
Ezra is quiet for a few minutes. He finally moves slowly into my vision, pulling me into him and lying so we are facing each other. He licks his lips, and I watch his beautiful mouth as he speaks softly to me. “Whatever it is that happened to you, I’m sorry, Lanee. I wish it didn’t happen, but I’m not going to do anything to you. I’m patient and I really like you. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be right here, but I’m sorry about causing you pain.”
I look up at him with bleary eyes, my heart breaking that he feels bad for me, and I know I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. I’ve felt sorry for myself for seven years, and I can’t have him do that too. I wipe the tears away and let out a deep breath. I fear telling him everything, but his confession that he likes me warms me up deep inside. “I…I was attacked a long time ago. I have issues, E-Ezra.” My words wobble.
He cups my jaw in his hands, and I’m stunned when I don’t see pity but compassion in his icy blue eyes. And a mix of something else too. His warm breath fans my face, and I close my eyes briefly.
“I can’t be held down. It makes me feel like I’m suffocating. It is also the other part of why I don’t like to be touched. I’ll understand if you want to get dressed and never see me again,” I say slowly, pain stabbing my heart at the thought of him leaving me. I know this is new to us, but I like being near him. Up until minutes ago I never felt panic in his presence.
Ezra leans up on his elbow, his brows slanted down while he strokes the delicate skin of my cheek soothingly. “I’m not leaving unless you want me to.” I shake my head. “Good, because I told you I like you a lot. I can be patient.”
I apologize softly. “I’m sorry, Ezra.”
“For what, baby?” He sits up with his back against the headboard.
“Ruining the moment.” I shrug.
Ezra smiles at me and kisses me chastely on the lips. “I’m just glad you’re okay. I thought I got carried away and did something wrong.”
I smile. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. But it scared the hell out of me to see you panic like that.” His fingers trail along my jawline and then he runs them through my hair. I let out a contented sigh. He asks, “Is the scar on your thigh from the attack?”
“Y-yes,” I stammer, closing my eyes when I feel fresh tears brewing. “But…but I don’t want to talk about it, Ezra, please?”
“Open your eyes, beautiful girl.” His voice coaxes me, his fingers still in my hair. I do as he asks, smiling weakly when I see the fierceness in his eyes. “Don’t hide your face from me. I don’t want you to be ashamed of anything. You were attacked and you survived. You are too beautiful to let that ruin you. I think you’re very brave for still trying to live like everyone else.”
My heart soars at his words, but I don’t think I’m very brave. I’m sure he wouldn’t think I was brave seven years ago when it first happened. I hid from people, medicating myself to hide from the pain and pushing my parents into hell the whole way. I had shut down. It took time for Claudia to help me, trying to get me out of my shell. Especially when my dad committed suicide a year after my attack. I wasn’t getting any better, and he blamed himself for letting me go off with a complete stranger. None of us knew that the rich-looking guy I met at the hotel would turn out to be so deranged. He looked like any nice boy with nice, charming features, clean and proper clothes, and his parents were on my mother’s committee at the hospital.
But…I didn’t want to remember that anymore. I wanted new memories that I could treasure. New memories that would take away the pain that caused me to feel isolated from the world for so long.
“Ezra?” I ask softly, my eyes finally meeting his.
“Yeah, baby?”
I sit up slowly, climbing onto him so I’m straddling him. Feeling his hard body under me is
a relief, and I could scream with joy that the panic is gone. I lick my lips slowly and try to make my voice sound more confident than I really feel. “Can we try again?”
“Are you sure?” he asks when I grip his already erect cock in my hand.
“I want you, Ezra. I want this…but I can’t be under you yet.” I hate that my voice comes out softer, but I needed to tell him that. I need him to understand, and when he nods at me, I smile at him.
“Anything you want, baby. You’re on top and in control.” He growls when I rub faster and harder with my hand.
I lean forward and kiss him, my tongue slipping past his lips, finding his warm tongue waiting for me. He raises his hips slightly while I stroke him, his cock growing harder under my touch. I move my hips up, aiming him at my entrance. I see the lust fill his eyes as he watches our bodies join together, and I lower myself down his hard cock.
“Oh,” I hiss out when he is fully inside of me, my walls stretching to fit around his large cock. My breath is coming out in short pants, and I love the way he fills me completely.
“Are you okay?” he asks, cupping my jaw with both hands, tilting my head up so our eyes meet again.
I breathe out. “Never been better.”
Ezra gives me a sexy smile and then kisses me on the lips. “Mmmm…me either, baby.”
I need to move. I need to feel him like this.
I rise up with my hips and slam back down, earning a moan of desire from him, and his hands go to my waist. I love the way he feels in this position. I pick up the pace, his fingers digging into my sides as he helps me, thrusting his hips up when I come down. Our bodies are heating up with sweat, but I don’t care. I’m too lost in the bliss he is eliciting in my body. This time is different from the shower. Deeper. My inner walls squeeze around him, and I can feel the pleasure building higher and higher, waiting to be released. He moves his fingers to my clit, his thumb rubbing delicious circles while he pumps his hips faster.
“I’m coming!” I cry out as the orgasm bursts through me, his arms crushing me to his chest as he pumps twice more before spilling into me.
Taken By Ezra (The Lanphear Men Book 1) Page 8