by Tia Siren
She just didn't want to say it.
I felt a flash of anger at that. Here I was, having gone out on a limb and declared that I loved her. And she apparently couldn't do the same for me.
But that wasn't fair, I knew. I couldn't be angry at her for being scared or confused. Especially not with hormones raging through her. Especially not when morning sickness had been making her feel so disgusting. Especially not when she must be feeling so confused.
Even if she was the one who had come up with the idea in the first place, I was the one who had made up the contract and asked her to sign. I might have told her the other day that I loved her, but she had probably been dealing with confusing feelings for just as long as I had been, and I didn't doubt she was feeling confused.
Still.
“I think you know exactly how you feel,” I told her quietly, earnestly. “I need you to tell me, though, so I knew where we go from here.”
Paige stared up at me, her lips slightly parted, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her. I held back, though, knowing better than to pressure her. I had a feeling that if I did, in fact, pressure her, the only thing it would do was make her pull away from me even more.
“I'll give you 24 hours,” I told her, even though I wasn't sure that was the best way to go about it. Still, I couldn't hang in limbo forever, and I knew, with the way she'd been avoiding me, that she wasn't exactly forthcoming with her feelings. 24 hours, this ultimatum, might be just what she needed to realize what she really felt about me.
“What happens if I don't tell you I love you in 24 hours?” she asked, her voice sneering, even though I could see only desperation in her eyes.
I shrugged. “I stop trying,” I told her. “I can only try so hard. If you don't tell me how you feel? I have to walk away.”
I hated saying the words, and to be honest, they surprised me as much as they surprised her. But every word was true. I loved her, but if she didn't love me, I needed to move on.
“What about the baby?” she asked, looking scared. “If I don't tell you I love you and you walk away, what happens to the baby?”
I stared at her for a moment, trying to appear impassive even though really, I felt as though my heart was breaking. If she was even considering the alternative, I had to recognize that she probably wasn't going to just admit that she loved me. And she wasn't going to move in with me, even if it meant that she was living in my spare bedroom. Even if it meant that she got out of her cramped studio apartment.
I looked away from her, hoping that she couldn't see the pain in my face. “We have a contract,” I reminded her, even though I wasn't sure I would be able to enforce that contract, not with everything that had happened between us.
If she wanted to keep the baby, I couldn't fight her on it. Not having met her parents and seen how her family interacted together. Not having heard how scared she was of losing the child. Not when I loved her more deeply than I'd ever loved anyone before.
When it came down to it, if she couldn't say that she loved me, I would truly have to walk away from it all. Her, the baby, the contract, all of it. I would go back to being alone.
Paige stared up at me for a moment and then nodded weakly, folding her arms around herself. “Okay,” she said softly, and for a moment, I didn't remember specifically what she was responding to. Suddenly, I had the horrible thought she might claim she loved me just because she thought it was the only way that she could keep her baby.
But before I could clarify, she had disappeared into the back room, and I knew better than to follow her there.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Paige
On Thursday, Erica and I were setting up the bar and getting ready to open. I had been feeling so down. I couldn’t wrap my head around my thoughts and feelings toward Michael. Let alone get a grip on my emotions. The hormones were making them bounce all over the place. One minute I was happy and excited, laughing about something, and the next second I’m crying over something stupid.
I was standing behind the bar, cleaning the glasses and getting them set up for the customers that would be piling inside the bar in just under an hour. Erica was putting out all the chairs that had been stacked the previous night so the floors could get mopped.
I had only been there twenty minutes, and I felt exhausted.
Erica finished with putting the chairs out and walked behind the bar. She looked at me and turned around, opening the mini fridge under the counter we had for our personal drinks.
“Talk to me,” she said, handing me a bottle of seltzer water. My newest favorite obsession since finding out I was pregnant. I didn’t drink enough water before my pregnancy. I needed water with a pizazz to make sure I drank enough now.
I sighed and took a sip. But I had barely swallowed it before I started crying. The tears were streaming out of my eyes before I could even try to stop them.
“Oh sweetie,” Erica said, pulling me into her arms. “Talk to me,” she repeated, her voice even softer.
“I think I'm in love with Michael,” I admitted, clinging to her. “But I've never felt this way before.”
It was weird how saying this aloud, to someone, made it feel so much more real.
“That's not a bad thing though, is it?” Erica asked. She shook her head. “I've never seen you like this before, so upset. Especially not over a guy. You must really like him.”
“I do,” I admitted. “But I'm scared.”
“What are you scared of?” Erica asked. “That he doesn't like you back? Because honey, if that's what you're afraid of, you're an idiot. Sorry to tell you that, but it's true. I've never seen a guy as head-over-heels as Michael is for you.”
“He told me he loved me,” I reminded her.
“Just checking to make sure that you remembered and that it wasn't just some weird dream,” Erica said, winking at me. “So, tell me, what are you afraid of?”
“I don't know,” I admitted. “He told me I had to tell him by tonight if I had feelings for him as well, or else he was going to walk away.”
Erica was silent for a long moment. “I think he's bluffing,” she finally said. “I don't think he would really have it in him to walk away. He can't keep his hands off you, remember? And even on the nights you guys don't have anything planned, he's here, at The Shift, waiting to take you home.”
“What if he just wants the baby, and he's just telling me he loves me?” I asked.
Erica's eyes widened. “Oh Paige,” she said. “He couldn't fake this, not the way I've seen it,” she said. “And it's okay to feel scared. When you feel scared, that's when you know it's real.”
“But what if it isn't real?” I asked. I knew I sounded like a crazy person. But I just couldn’t help it. These were the thoughts I had all the time. It was consuming me.
“Then you deal with that when you get to it, I guess,” Erica said, frowning at me as though she was trying to figure me out. She was quiet for a long moment. “I know the baby’s complicating all of this, but don't you think you're making things too difficult for yourself?” she asked softly. “It's okay if you just like someone, want to have a little fun, and see where it takes you.”
I blinked at her. “But doesn't it hurt when someone breaks up with you?” I asked. Then, I frowned. “But it doesn't for you, does it? You bounce back so easily. You're dating someone new the next night.”
Erica sighed. “Is that what you think?” she asked. “How many pints of ice cream, how many gallons of ice cream, have we worked our way through over the years?” When I didn't answer, she continued. “Of course, it hurts me, just like it hurts anyone,” she told me. “I'm not crazy. But I move past it, and I just keep figuring if it doesn't work out, then there must be someone better out there for me.”
“But what if there isn't?” I asked.
Erica grinned. “Then hopefully I never know it,” she said simply. “Hopefully I keep dating not-so-great guys until I kick the bucket. And if none of them stick, well. At least I'll have
gotten a few free meals out of it.”
I stared at her for a long moment, startled enough that I quit crying. Then, I had to laugh. “You're crazy,” I told her fondly.
“And you're a great girl,” Erica said firmly. “If Michael can't see that, then fuck him. If he doesn't want to be around you and your baby, then fuck him. I'll be Auntie Erica, I'll spoil the squirt mercilessly, and every once in a while, we'll dump the kid on your mother for the day and have a spa day, just you and I.”
I smiled at her. “You're the best,” I said, feeling tears in the corners of my eyes again. We embraced, and then there was the sound of people coming into the bar. Our first customers of the evening had arrived.
“I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” I told her as they began to file in, making their way over to the bar. “Just five minutes.”
Erika nodded at me, and I headed toward the bathroom in the back of the bar. When I walked inside, I looked at myself in the mirror. My makeup had smeared some from the crying. I grabbed a paper towel, turned on the faucet at one of the four sinks, and got it wet. Then I gently wiped away the smeared eyeliner and mascara. I threw the paper towel in the trash can and gave myself a once over. I took a deep breath and headed back out to the bar.
The bar was now swarmed with people, and poor Erica was surrounded by crazy customers asking for drinks. I got back behind the bar and helped her start slinging drinks. The two of us worked so perfectly together. We had a good rhythm going and the tips were flowing.
After an hour of tossing drinks around and making sure our customers were satisfied, I saw him walk in. Michael. He was by himself and looking directly at me. If I wanted to run, I couldn’t. He’d already seen me. My breath caught in my throat. I was so nervous, and the overwhelming feelings came back.
I helped one more customer as Michael made his way over to the bar. He leaned against it and didn’t say anything at first. I swallowed hard. Getting ready for what he might have to say.
“Hey,” Michael said when he saw me. His eyes gave me the briefest once-over, and I was sure he must be disappointed in how I looked. After all, I was just wearing a pair of jeans and a baggy t-shirt. But then, he smiled at me and held out his hand encouragingly. “Come on, the limo's waiting for us,” he said. He looked over my shoulder and smiled at Erica, but his eyes quickly found their way back to mine. “I thought we could go back to my place, where we'll have some privacy.”
I looked at Erica. “Go ahead. I’ll call in Whitney,” she said.
For a wild moment, I almost wanted to insist that we have this out here, where Erica could supervise us. But then, I shook my head and let him lead me along. “All right,” I said.
We were silent until we reached Michael's apartment. He seemed at a loss as we entered the place, and I realized suddenly it was because he wanted to offer me a drink but remembered at the last second I was pregnant. “You can have a drink, if it would make you feel better,” I told him softly.
Michael gave me a surprised look, which rapidly turned sheepish. “I'm a little nervous,” he admitted, and something about the way that he said that made me feel better about this situation.
He poured a glass of wine for himself and a glass of water for me and then joined me on the sofa, overlooking the city.
“I'm sorry for how I've been acting,” I said, swishing the liquid around in the crystalline glass and watching the light refract in interesting ways. I sighed and turned my eyes towards him. “To be honest, you're the first guy I've ever really had feelings for. I don't know what to do.”
Michael stared at me for a long moment and then shook his head. “To be honest, Paige, that's exactly what I'm going through as well,” he said quietly. “You're the first woman I've ever said 'I love you' to. Actually, you're the first person I've ever said 'I love you' to and meant it. I'm just as nervous about this as you are.”
I couldn't help staring right back at him, wondering at his words. But it made sense when I thought about it. I'd seen him, after all: all those nights at The Shift when he went home with different girls. I knew that committing to one woman wasn't normal for him.
I started to wonder whether I could even trust him when he said that he was in love with me. But of course, I believed him. I could sense it in his actions. In how gentle and tender he was whenever we had sex. In the sincerity in his eyes, when he'd told me he loves me.
The thing was, I didn't even think he had meant to say it. It had accidentally slipped out that he loved me, and I had to believe there was truth in that.
And we were both feeling the same thing. I swallowed hard, realizing we had to work through this together. It was the first time that either of us felt this strongly about someone else. I had to trust we could work through this.
“I love you,” I said softly.
Michael stared at me for a moment, as though waiting for some caveat. But there was none. After a moment, he gave me a dazzling smile and then leaned in to kiss me. I immediately opened my mouth to him, letting him explore.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Michael
I felt Paige press herself into me as our tongues continued to move around each other. She wanted it just as bad as I did, if not more. My hands were on her head, and I moved them down to feel along her body. I let my hands explore, searching every inch of her. Her kissing turned needier, and I bent down and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist, our mouths never stopping, and I carried her to my bedroom.
“I want you to have control,” I said to her as I set her back down on the ground. The thought of her being the one in control was so fucking hot. I wanted to see what she could do. What she might come up with. I wanted to see the look in her eye as she told me what to do.
She nodded her head and put her hand on my chest. She stepped toward me, pushing lightly so that I would scoot back toward the bed. I removed my shirt and laid back onto the bed, my head landing on a pillow.
Her hands went to my belt, and she undid it, followed by unzipping my pants. She grabbed the belt loops and started to pull my pants down. I lifted my hips off the bed toward her to help her some. She did the same thing with my boxers. Tossing both onto the floor somewhere. I didn’t really care where they went. Not with the hungry look that was in her eye.
She bit her lip and grabbed onto my hard, throbbing cock. It felt so good to have her hold it. She moved her hand, very slowly, up and down the length of me. Her grip, firm but not tight. Then I watched as she positioned herself between my legs. She licked her lips and then brought her mouth down to the tip of my cock. She put the head in her mouth and then slowly moved her head down, taking me farther and farther in.
She moved her head back, pulling me out of her mouth and flicked her tongue across the head of my dick. My cock twitched, and she did it again. Then she smiled at me, the eye contact was fucking sexy, and put my dick back in her mouth. This time, she didn’t pull out when it was inside of her mouth, instead, she moved her head so that she began to deep throat me.
She pulled her head back and grabbed my cock with her hand. I watched as she began to twist her hand around the shaft and then put just the head of my dick back into her mouth and she sucked.
“Oh fuck.” I moaned and placed my hands on the back of her head. I helped her move her mouth up and down on my cock. Swallowing it inch by inch.
I felt my cock hit the back of her throat over and over again. I was fucking her mouth just like I would fuck her pussy. The more I did it, the more I felt like I was going to fucking cum. Blow my load in her mouth and be done with everything. I didn’t want that. I wanted to fuck her first. I wanted to slide my cock inside of her warm, wet pussy and fuck her till she came at least twice.
That was my thing. At least twice. I always wanted to make sure she came more than once. If she didn’t cum at least two times, I’d feel like the job wasn’t completed. But her pussy was super sensitive, and she always came at least two times. Our chemistry together was more intense than anything I
had ever experienced before in my life.
She pulled her head up and looked at me. She scooted backward off the bed and stood up. I watched her in anticipation as she took her clothes off. She didn’t do it slowly, she did it rushed like if she didn’t get her clothes off in time, she’d miss out on her chance. It was hot.
“Let’s 69,” Paige said as she climbed back onto the bed, crawling toward me in a super sexy-seductive manner.
“Okay,” I said, excited to have her pussy and ass in my face.
She swung her leg over me and straddled my body. I helped her move back toward my face until her pussy was in the perfect place for me to taste it. I felt her grab my cock with her hand and move it up and down. I slid my middle finger into her hole and heard her moan. Then I felt the warm wetness of her mouth on the head of my cock.
I pulled my finger out of her and started to lick her. Her pussy was right in my face, and I got after it. Flicking my tongue across the top of her clit caused her to wiggle her ass. I pressed my tongue harder into her clit and started to lick it in circles. I had found how crazy this drives her. I moved my tongue in circles, and she began to wiggle her ass on my face, grinding into it.
It was so fucking hot to have her pussy shoved in my face like that. I thrust up into her mouth making her gag. She pulled my cock out of her mouth, and I expected her to say something about what I did, but she shoved it back into her mouth just as fast as she had taken it out.
I started licking in and around her hole, and I felt her moan on my cock. The feeling made my cock twitch in her mouth. As she went to pull me out of her mouth, I felt her teeth on my cock. I cringed for a moment but realized how great it felt and that she was doing it on purpose. I grabbed her hips and pushed her pussy more into my face and began to suck on her clit. I sucked hard, and she started moaning with my cock in her mouth even more.