by Tia Siren
I cried until my head hurt. A soft knock on the door startled me. “What?” I gurgled.
Sally pushed open the door and looked at me. I had to look pretty desperate, curled up on the bed in the fetal position and blubbering as I was.
“Oh, sweetie,” she said and came to sit beside me.
Her gentleness brought out a fresh new wave of tears. The sobs actually hurt my body as I let out the pain I had endured over the past week. It seemed unfathomable. All I could think about was that I had failed in the one thing Tracy had asked of me. She had given me her daughter to care for, and because I was jobless and renting a room, I couldn’t do it. I had failed miserably.
“Let it out, dear. Let it all out and you’ll feel much better,” Sally said in a soft voice.
I shook my head. It wouldn’t be better. I couldn’t imagine how it would ever be better. Everything was terribly wrong, and I had no means to fix it. I had lowered myself enough to call Jake, and even he had shot me down. I felt like an idiot. I should have known he would never help.
The sobbing began to subside. I could feel my heart throbbing in my skull. Sally rose from my bed and walked away. I instantly felt bereft at her absence and had a sudden realization that she was not long for this world either. How would I live without her in my life?
She returned a couple minutes later holding a glass of water and a bottle of ibuprofen. “You’ll probably need these,” she said gently.
I managed to sit up on the bed, grabbing a few more tissues from the near-empty box beside my bed and wiping away the tears. “Thank you.”
I took the medicine and drank down the glass of water, feeling parched after my crying jag.
“Want to talk about it?” Sally asked.
I shook my head no. “I don’t think I can talk about how much I failed Tracy. I know I did. I failed her and Iris.”
“No, you didn’t. This is a bump in the road. Nothing worth anything in life is easy. We wouldn’t appreciate it as much if it were. It has to be hard to make sure you appreciate it and value it and, most of all, cherish it,” she said with all the wisdom of someone who had been on the earth for seventy years.
“I don’t like the bumps. I appreciated Tracy and Iris just fine. I didn’t need them to be taken away from me to realize that.”
She patted my hand. “I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but there is always something good on the horizon. You have to take these knocks and keep rolling.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know if I can. This sucks. I mean, this really sucks, and I don’t see anything good coming my way anytime soon. At least nothing as good as getting Iris back.”
“Well, I know you are not the kind of girl who rolls over and gives up. You’re the kind of girl who stands up and fights back.”
I chuckled. “I don’t think I am that girl. If I were, I wouldn’t be in bed crying like a baby.”
She shrugged. “We all have our breaking point. Now you know what yours is. You found it, lived through it, and now it is time to dust yourself off and kick some ass.”
I gasped at her language. “Sally!”
She laughed. “Oh, please. As if I’ve never used the word.”
I began to feel a little better. Sally had taken me under her wing years ago. My mom had died shortly after I’d graduated high school. Her death had rocked me a bit, which was why I had decided to live life rather than spend hours in some college classroom. All that living had brought me to where I was today. I was twenty-five and working part-time at a library. That was not exactly the job that said you made it.
“Let’s go get some cheesecake. I could use some sugar,” she said, standing and reaching for my hand.
I nodded, realizing I was hungry. I had received the phone call last night that had turned my world upside down for the second time in a week. I hadn’t eaten since then.
“Sit down,” Sally ordered when we were in the kitchen.
I sat at the table and stared out the window into the backyard. Everything looked so normal. It didn’t seem right. The world should have looked twisted and dark to match my gloomy soul.
“Here you go!” Sally sat down and presented me with a healthy slice of cherry cheesecake.
“Oh my god, this looks amazing.”
I grabbed my fork and took the first bite, relishing in the blast of sweetness that erupted in my mouth. We both scarfed down the cheesecake before washing it down with a cold glass of water.
“Cheesecake fixes everything,” she said with a smile.
I chuckled. “I never knew it was so powerful. I’m going to have to remember this for any future crisis I will endure.”
“Okay, now that we’ve blasted your blood sugar levels and rehydrated you a bit, let’s talk about what you’re going to do,” she said, pushing the plates out of the way and looking very serious.
“What I’m going to do?” I asked in confusion.
She nodded. “Yes. What are you going to do to fight for Iris?”
I sighed. “Oh, Sally. I would love to, but I don’t have what it takes to be her legal guardian. I’ve known that all along. I was hoping they wouldn’t figure it out.”
“Nonsense. I raised two children on my own with barely enough food on the table to feed them. They turned out fine. Women are resilient, especially when it comes to doing what it takes to keep their children alive and well.”
“But Iris isn’t my child,” I pointed out.
She shrugged a shoulder. “Minor detail. Do you want her?”
“Yes!”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes! Of course. I love that little girl more than I’ve loved anyone in this world. How is that even possible?” I asked, only now realizing how much I loved a child that wasn’t even my own.
“Because you’ve been there since day one. You helped Tracy throughout the pregnancy, and you watched Iris take her first breath in this world. You are as much of a parent as anyone can be. You have a special bond with that little girl, and that is worth fighting for.”
I nodded. “I do. What can I do? That Janice woman all but told me I was an unsuitable parent. I have to have a full-time job and a house. How dumb is that?” I said, realizing how impossible it was. “She wants me to work full-time and keep up a house while providing plenty of nurturing for the baby.”
Sally smiled. “Welcome to motherhood. I think you can do all of it. It is stressful and trying, but it can be done. But, that isn’t for you to prove.”
“What do you mean? I have to prove it, and fast if I want to get Iris back before she heads off to high school.”
“You need a lawyer,” she stated firmly.
I thought about Jake and his army of lawyers. “Jake has lawyers. Expensive lawyers. I can’t possibly beat him at that game.”
“Dear, it isn’t always about who has the most money or the flashiest attorney. It is about who can be the best parent to that little girl. Any sane judge will see that.”
I shook my head. “Sally, I can’t afford an attorney. They require retainers, and I can tell you my bank account is missing a few zeroes to make that a possibility.”
She took my hand, clasping it between her own. “I have plenty of zeroes, and I want to pay the retainer for you.”
“No. I can’t let you do that.”
“Yes, you can. You can pay me back once you find that flashy job you are going to get. Let me do this. You need that little girl in your life, and she needs you.”
“Sally.” I hesitated. “I don’t know. What if it doesn’t work? It could cost thousands of dollars, and I may still lose.”
Sally sat up straighter. “Well, quite frankly, I don’t ever plan to lose. If that happens, then you will at least have the satisfaction and comfort of knowing you tried. You gave it your all. That will bring you some peace of mind.”
I sat back in the chair and mulled over the idea. I wasn’t well-versed in family law. Janice could be steamrolling me and I would never know it. Jake’s lawyers were goi
ng to be looking out for his best interests. I had to do what I could to protect Iris. That was what Tracy would want me to do, even if it meant I was in debt for the rest of my life.
“I’ll do it. I want to take you up on your offer. I will pay you back, Sally. Somehow, someday, I will pay you back every penny for everything you have done to help Iris and me,” I vowed.
“Good. I was hoping you would say that. I made an appointment for you with one of the top family law firms in the city,” she said with a smile.
“Sally!”
She laughed. “Sweetie, you need to do this. I can’t sit back and let this happen. Us girls have to stick together. I’m in your corner, and I’m ready to fight.”
I jumped out of my chair and wrapped my arms around the small woman. “Thank you, Sally. I am so glad you are in my life. I seriously don’t know how I would ever survive without you.”
“Me either, dear,” she teased.
“I’m going to take a quick shower and then get busy applying for more jobs. One of these companies is going to hire me. I’ll make them hire me!”
I could hear her laughter as I walked to my bedroom. Sally had given me back the fight I knew I had. I wasn’t going to be so easy to beat. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Jake’s and Janice’s faces when I strolled into court with my own fancy lawyer.
Chapter Ten
Jake
It was technically after hours, but with the amount of money I paid George every month, he could make the time for me. I had called twice, getting more pissed by the minute each time his secretary told me he was still in court and would return my call the minute he was out.
I had been pacing my hotel room, ready to climb the walls. I hated not working. Today had been a bitch of a day, and I needed to blow off some steam. I couldn’t do that until after I had talked to George.
When my phone rang with a California number, I snatched it up, practically shouting hello.
“Jake. George here. Sorry about the delay. Had a doozy of a court case. What’s going on?” he asked.
I growled in frustration. I quickly gave him the rundown, explaining that my only living family member had been tragically killed, leaving behind a child I wanted to raise. I could tell by the various sounds he was making as I talked that it wasn’t going to go as I had hoped.
“Well?” I asked. “How are you going to make this happen?”
George let out a long sigh. “It isn’t quite so easy. Family law is no joke. I’m going to need to call in a colleague to help me with this one.”
“Who?” I asked, not pleased to have someone else wading around in my private business.
“He’s a good guy and knows Arizona. That’s what you want on your side, trust me. Anyway, from what I know of the family court system, they’re sticklers for rules. There is no bending anything.”
“What does that mean? I’m out of luck? George, you know damn well that is not an answer I’m willing to accept.”
He cleared his throat. “Not saying that at all. I’m saying you are going to have to play by their rules.”
“Bullshit. Who could be a better guardian? I have the money. I can buy a home. I can give her everything she wants and needs. I don’t understand why I even have to jump through hoops to get this done,” I said with exasperation.
“It isn’t about who has the most money, though that certainly is a factor. They want to know the child is going to be safe and loved. They don’t want to know a team of nannies will be bringing up the child. Hell, that’s basically what the foster care system or an orphanage is. They want a real daddy and preferably a real mommy in the picture. They have this idea of what a happy home looks like, and that’s what they want to see,” he explained.
“Bullshit!” I repeated. “How can they be so backassward? This is the twenty-first century. Are any kids raised in a two-parent household anymore?”
“I know, I know. You’re angry and frustrated. Let me make a few calls, and I’ll get back to you with my colleague’s information. We’ll get this taken care of. In the meantime, keep your nose clean and don’t do anything that will make them hesitate about giving you the child.”
“Fine.”
“Jake?”
“Yes?”
“I’m really sorry about your sister. I lost a brother to the war. It’s a tough business,” George said softly.
“Thank you,” I said and hung up.
I needed a drink. Preferably several drinks. I’d had no idea how much trouble I had been in for when I decided I was going to raise Iris. I had assumed I would waltz into Phoenix, pick up the baby, and go home. Court and lawyers and all the other bullshit had not been on my agenda. Nothing should have been this hard as far as I was concerned.
I grabbed my credit card and key card and headed down to the hotel bar. It wasn’t quite as upscale as I was used to, but liquor was liquor, and I needed to take the edge off. I walked into the bar and instantly felt eyes on me. They weren’t the looks I was used to.
I looked down and grinned. I wasn’t getting the looks I was used to because I didn’t look like I usually did. I was in shorts and a T-shirt and my tats were visible. I kept them covered in business meetings because I dealt with a lot of stuffy old guys who couldn’t pull their heads out of their asses and see my success. All they saw were the tats.
Here in this bar, I got to be the old Jake. No one knew who I was. It gave me a new kind of freedom, and I was going to enjoy it for a while.
I sat at the bar and waited for the young bartender to make his way over to me. “Whiskey, straight up.”
The guy quickly poured me a drink. I slammed it down, loving the way it burned as it slid down my throat and hit me in the gut. “Another, please.”
The second glass I took a little slower. I stared into the amber liquid, knowing there were never any answers at the bottom of the glass but enjoying the mission regardless.
“Let me guess, football?” came a woman’s voice from my left.
I looked up to see her smiling at me.
“Excuse me?” I asked, not sure I had heard her correctly.
“You. You’re in the NFL. You’re too stocky to be in the NBA or the MLB.”
“What makes you think I play football?” I asked, interested to hear her opinion of me.
She turned her stool to face me, her crossed knees exposed in the short skirt she had on. “I know my men.” She winked. “You’re sitting in the bar in the best hotel in the city while dressed in casual attire. If you weren’t staying in the hotel, they wouldn’t have let you in here dressed like that.”
I glanced around and noticed I did stick out like a sore thumb in a room full of suits and ties. “You’re observant.”
She smiled, clearly encouraged to continue. “The arms say it all. Only football players can pull off that rugged look.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You think so?”
The woman reminded me of a cat purring between my legs, begging for affection. I had a feeling she was either a groupie or a prostitute. She was dressed for sex. She was skilled in the art of the pickup, which had me leaning toward hooker.
I drank down the rest of my whiskey and caught the eye of the bartender, holding up my glass. The woman purring beside me was waiting for me to buy her a drink as well.
“I’m not a football player,” I told her. “I’m visiting a friend. I could never afford to stay in a hotel like this. In fact, I just got out of prison. He’s helping me out while I look for a job. Know anywhere that’s hiring?”
The look on her face was awesome. It was as if I had poured ice-cold water over her head.
“No, I don’t,” she said before spinning around on the stool and heading to the other end of the bar.
The bartender was grinning when he brought me my drink. “I was wondering how that was going to play out. Miss Violet is a regular in here if you know what I mean. We’ve asked her to leave so many times, but she keeps turning up. I can ask her to leave if you want,” he sugge
sted.
I laughed. “She isn’t going to bother me anymore. She’s fine. A girl’s gotta work,” I said with a wink.
“If she figures out who you really are, she’ll be coming back,” the bartender warned.
I looked at him carefully. “You know who I am?”
He nodded. “This is my night job. I’m in school to become a computer programmer. I know who you are.”
I smiled. “Stay in school—unless you develop something; then drop out and get it out there,” I said with a grin.
He laughed. “I wish. Everything I have been trying to develop is either buggy or has already been done.”
I shrugged a shoulder. “If it were easy, I wouldn’t be as rich as I am.”
He nodded his head. “I know, I know. I have to find the one thing people don’t know they’re missing.”
“Exactly. I would suggest getting out on the street and talking to people. Ask them what it is they want. Then you have to figure out how to beat me to it,” I said, chuckling again.
He rolled his eyes. “One of these days, I’m going to be sitting across from you in what I imagine is a very big conference room. You’re going to be begging me to work for you, or you’re going to want to buy the software I’ve developed.”
I smirked. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that did happen. Happens every day in my world.”
The young, eager man walked away to pour another drink, leaving me with my own thoughts. They weren’t happy thoughts. My release earlier today had helped somewhat, but I still felt miserable. The one thing I knew to do to prove I meant what I had said about making up for lost time was being kept out of my grasp. I had to get Iris. I had to do right by her to make up for the shitty things I had done to my family.
I had thought I could count on Avery to help me, but she hated me as well. That wasn’t hard to believe. I should have expected as much. I had been a dick to her. I smirked, thinking about the look on her face when I had proposed marriage to her. If it had been in any other situation, it would have been funny. Unfortunately, the reality was that she was my last hope for getting Iris.