He appreciated what Mildred was trying to do, but no one could understand the position he was in unless they were in the same situation. It would be different if his dad was still alive or if he had brothers and sisters. But he was all his mom had.
“You want me to stay?” Mildred asked.
He shook his head. “You’ve already done enough. Go on home.”
She pulled him into a hug, and he realized how much she’d been like a second mother to him.
“You remember what I said. There’s no need for you to be a martyr.”
He made a sound that he hoped came across like agreement, then stepped through the door. The main part of the house was quiet, so he walked toward his mom’s room. He found her door closed, so he lightly knocked before opening it.
“Mom?”
He found her lying on her side, staring out the window. She looked so incredibly small and frail like that. Since she’d been diagnosed, he could sometimes forget she was sick because she didn’t look ill. But now he saw the toll the disease was taking on her.
Pushing down his sudden urge to cry, something he rarely did, he crossed the room and sat in the comfy chair on the opposite side of her nightstand.
“You should put me in the nursing home,” she said, instantly breaking his heart.
“That’s not going to happen, ever.”
“I might forget who you are and hurt you.”
“Mom, don’t say things like that. You would never hurt me.”
She finally met his gaze. “You don’t know that. I’ve read enough about the disease to know that I’ll forget the people closest to me. I’ll lash out at the people I love the most.”
He scooted to the edge of the chair. “I’m a good eight inches taller than you and outweigh you by probably seventy pounds. Do you really think you could hurt me?”
“I don’t want to take that chance.”
He knew she must have played last night over and over in her mind a thousand times. “You didn’t hurt Julia.”
“But I could have. She’s not bigger than me.” She bit her lip when it started to tremble.
“I’m sorry I left you there. That was a mistake on my part. I won’t leave you alone again.”
“I wasn’t alone.”
“You know what I mean.”
She pressed her eyes closed, and his heart ached that she was probably trying to hold back more tears. “Don’t let me ruin your life.”
“Mom, stop it,” he said, his voice probably too sharp, but he was exhausted, emotionally raw and didn’t like the sound of her being pitiful. It wasn’t her, and she needed to fight to preserve who she really was for as long as she could. Evelyn Millbrook was not the type of woman who felt sorry for herself. She was the woman who worked hard, loved freely and found the best in any situation, no matter how tough. “You’re not ruining my life. If I were the one sick, you’d do whatever you could to take care of me. It’s no different when it’s me taking care of you.”
He didn’t know if he was really getting through to her, but she finally nodded and agreed to leave her room, where she’d evidently been ever since Mildred had brought her home. She tried to go to the kitchen to cook, but he instead steered her to the front porch.
“Just sit out here and enjoy the fresh air,” he said.
She looked as if she might argue, but something in his expression must have caused her to reconsider. Even though he left her sitting on the porch, he made sure to glance out the window every couple of minutes as he set about making sandwiches and soup for them. He wasn’t as talented as his mom in the kitchen and was dog tired to boot, but he wanted her to relax, to hopefully let go of the need for self-flagellation.
Thankful that his neighbors had already taken care of the animals, he spent the rest of the day with his mom, wanting to make up for not being there for her when she had her scariest moment yet. He couldn’t help but feel he was the cause of it in the first place. They ate, then went for a walk that thankfully seemed to help calm his mom and finally sat on the front porch enjoying two glasses of lemonade as the sun set.
“How did your trip go?” she asked suddenly, making him wonder if she could tell his thoughts had drifted to Angel.
“Okay.”
“Was the woman Angel’s birth mother?”
He nodded, then gave a few of the highlights without revealing anything Angel might not want shared.
“You were good to go with her.”
“It should have been someone in her family.”
“Because of me.” Sadness crept into her voice again.
“Because I have too much work to be running off to Oklahoma.” No matter how wonderful his night with Angel had been.
Part of him wished it hadn’t happened at all because now he knew what he’d be missing. Because he didn’t see how there was any way he could continue the relationship, not after the danger he’d put Julia in by leaving his mom in a place where he should have known she could become easily confused. Not to mention the fact that he was going to have to figure out, by some miracle, a way to make more money so that he could hire some in-home care for her so he could work and not leave her alone. He no longer trusted that the next big advance in her disease might not cause her to wander away from the ranch, potentially into the road, or that she might hurt herself in some way without even leaving the house.
Every single moment of his waking hours was going to be dedicated to taking care of his mom in some way, making sure that she was safe. As much as it made him ache inside, that left no time for dating. No time for love.
* * *
Angel wandered into the kitchen still dressed in her pajamas and with hair that looked as if it had been caught in a tornado. She stopped when she saw the chocolate cake sitting on the kitchen table. Her mouth watered.
“What’s the special occasion?” she asked her mom, who was standing at the sink washing her cake pans.
“I made it for you to take to Hunter and his mom.”
Angel had mentioned to her mom the night before that after giving Hunter three days to get Evelyn settled back at home, she was going to stop by to see how she was. At least that was what she told herself. Of course, it was only part of the truth. The bigger worry was that she hadn’t heard from Hunter other than a couple of responses to her texts. She was worried about him every bit as much as his mom, probably more.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have chocolate cake to pave the way.”
So she hadn’t done a very good job of hiding her worry about Hunter’s lack of communication. “Thanks. Though it’s going to be mighty hard to not dig into this before I get there.”
The truth was her stomach was too tied up in knots to even think about eating as she drove toward the Millbrooks’ ranch an hour later. But when she arrived, it was Mildred who greeted her at the door.
“Hey, Evelyn, Angel is here with a gorgeous chocolate cake,” she called back into the house.
Evelyn walked into view, and Angel saw none of the bright, friendly woman who’d played with Julia as if she were a kid herself.
“I hope you don’t mind my stopping by.” Angel lifted the cake. “Mom made this for you all this morning.”
“She shouldn’t have done that,” Evelyn said.
Mildred stepped back to allow Angel to enter the living room.
“Evelyn, I hope you’re not still worried about Julia. She’s perfectly fine. In fact, she keeps asking me when she can come visit you again.”
“Really?” Evelyn shook her head. “But that’s not a good idea. I don’t want to take a chance I might actually hurt her next time.”
Mildred took the cake from Angel. “I’ll go slice some of this for us.”
“It’s not even lunchtime yet,” Evelyn said.
“It’s never to
o early for chocolate cake.”
Angel smiled. “That’s my life philosophy.”
When Mildred disappeared into the kitchen, Angel walked up to Evelyn and took her hands in hers. “I want you to listen and really hear me. I will admit that I was scared when I heard what happened, but there isn’t a mark on Julia. And by the time I got home, she was playing in the backyard with Maggie. She was more concerned about you.”
“She’s such a kindhearted child.”
“She is, and I’m thankful for that. And I explained to her that you would never knowingly scare her. You obviously care about her too much to do that. We talked about Alzheimer’s disease and how it sometimes makes people do and say things they don’t mean.”
Evelyn sank onto the arm of a chair. “I feel like such a burden.”
“The people we love are never a burden.”
“You sound like Hunter.”
“Well, that makes sense. He certainly loves you.”
Evelyn looked up at Angel. “I think I’m not the only one he loves. And that’s what worries me.”
Angel couldn’t help the jolt that went through her. Did Evelyn think she wasn’t good enough for her son? Was this her disease talking?
Evelyn reached out and clasped Angel’s hand. “That came out wrong. I just know how Hunter tends to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. I’m afraid he won’t allow time for himself.”
The knot of worry that had been slowly growing in Angel’s stomach over the past three days doubled in size. She hoped he still didn’t blame himself for Julia’s scare. Maybe she should have brought Julia with her so he could see with his own eyes that she was back to her happy, life-is-awesome self with no lingering effects.
She wanted to ask where Hunter was, but she figured since Mildred was here with his mom, he must be working. He could be on the far side of the ranch. She should have called first.
When Mildred ushered them into the kitchen for cake, they fell into a conversation about Angel and Hunter’s trip to Oklahoma. It seemed to take Evelyn’s mind off her troubles, and for that Angel was thankful. By the time she stood to leave, Evelyn seemed more like her normal self. She hoped Hunter saw that when he came home and would relax enough to call her and talk for a while. Finding time to be together was going to be tricky, but just hearing his voice would make her days brighter. They’d figure things out because she no longer doubted that she loved him, and she hoped their night together was evidence that he loved her, as well.
Mildred stepped out onto the porch with her. “Thanks for coming by. I can see a big difference in her since you got here.”
“I’m happy to help. I wish I could do more.”
Mildred directed her attention out toward the pasture but didn’t say anything.
“What is it?”
Mildred shook her head. “I don’t understand God’s mysterious ways sometimes. Why do good families have to suffer so much while vile people get to live in luxury?”
“I don’t know. As I told Julia, life just isn’t fair.”
“That’s the truth. That boy has been like a second son to me, and it’s breaking my heart to see him so worried about his mother. I’m afraid the financial strain is going to break him.” She gestured toward the pasture. “He’s gone to see about selling off the herd and may sell the pastureland so he can afford in-home care for Evelyn while he works.”
“If he sells the ranch, what will he do?”
“If I know that boy, as much as he can. If he could work twenty-four/seven, he would.”
As Angel drove home, her heart weighed heavy in her chest. She wished there was some way she could magically make Hunter’s life easier. She’d do anything to keep him from working himself into an early grave and leaving her to mourn the man who meant more to her than she’d ever thought possible. The man who had reopened her heart.
* * *
Angel spent the rest of the day burying herself in work. She weeded the garden, finished printing and matting several photos to be shipped out to customers, and helped Julia work on her family tree project. Julia had decided to do double the work, creating a tree for the family she’d known her entire life and one that included Nora and the family ties they were both just now beginning to explore.
Needing to stretch her legs after sitting at the kitchen table with Julia for a couple of hours, she walked down the driveway to the mailbox. Light was fading in the west and her thoughts drifted back to Hunter. She wondered if he’d found any buyers for his herd. Her heart ached at the thought of his having to sell off a big part of his own heritage in order to take care of his mother. She wondered how Evelyn would react when she found out, because Mildred had said Hunter hadn’t told his mother what he was going to do. No doubt she’d feel guilty even though it wasn’t her fault. No one chose to get Alzheimer’s disease.
When she reached the mailbox, she pulled out the stack of flyers and envelopes. As she started back toward the house, she flipped through that day’s postal offerings. She stopped in her tracks and her breath caught when she saw the envelope from West magazine. Her heart thundering, she ripped it open, giving herself a paper cut in the process. She cursed but didn’t slow down. She unfolded the single sheet of paper inside and speed-read it. Then she went back and read it again, afraid she’d not seen the words correctly the first time.
Nope, they were still the same. She squealed and did a spirited happy dance in the middle of the driveway. Then she ran all the way back to the house and nearly burst through the door without opening it first.
“What’s wrong?” her mom asked as she hurried into the living room from the kitchen.
Angel waved the letter in the air. “West magazine is going to print some of my photos, an entire feature. Mom, they’re going to use one on the cover!”
After Angel, her mom and Julia did another excited dance in the living room, Angel knew she had to call Hunter. She hoped it wasn’t insensitive to share her happy news when he was facing such an uphill battle in his own life, but he’d been so supportive. And other than her family, he meant more to her than anyone in the world.
Wanting some privacy, she headed back outside and walked past the barn until she reached the gate that led into the pasture. She pulled out her phone and dialed Hunter’s number. Unable to stand still, she paced as it rang and rang and rang again. She expected the voice mail to cue her to leave a message just as Hunter said, “Hello.”
“Hey, how are you?”
“Tired.” He paused, and it was the kind of pause that caused a little ball of dread to form in Angel’s stomach. “I heard you came by today. Sorry I wasn’t here.”
“It’s okay. I should have called, but I had a nice time with your mom and Mildred.”
He didn’t respond, but she heard the closing of a door in the background and then what sounded like a breeze. Maybe he’d stepped outside for some privacy, as well.
“I’m calling with some good news. West magazine is going to feature some of my photos. And they’re giving me the cover.”
“That’s great. But they’re not giving you the cover. You earned it.”
She smiled despite the fact that the distance in his voice didn’t match the supportive words.
“That’s sweet of you to say. I was hoping maybe we could do something to celebrate. I know you can’t leave your mom, but I thought—”
“Angel.”
She did not like the way he said her name, and that dread inside her ballooned in size.
“I hate to do this, but I can’t be in a relationship right now. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”
Everything in her screamed, “No!”
“Hunter, I understand you don’t have much free time.”
“I don’t have any. As in not one minute. My mom told me I should put her in the nursing home, and it damn near broke my heart. Not only will I not do that
just to make my life easier, but I couldn’t afford it anyway.” He took what sounded like a shaky breath as tears pooled in her eyes, distorting her view of the darkening world around her. “I knew this was coming, told myself I shouldn’t get involved with you, but I was selfish. I’m truly sorry about that.”
“Hunter—”
“I don’t have anything to give you, Angel, and you deserve so much. You and Julia.”
“We can find a way to make this work,” she said. “True, it won’t be easy, but you know what they say about things worth having.”
“You have no idea how much I want that to be true. And believe me, I’ve run it over and over and over in my head until I’m sure I’ve formed ruts through my brain. But right now, at least, I just can’t see how to make it work. I have no idea how Mom’s disease is going to progress, at what pace, but she has to be my main focus. There’s no one else. And, Angel, I know you say we can make it work, but you deserve more than an occasional few minutes I might be able to scrape together.”
“I could help.”
Though she couldn’t see him, she imagined him shaking his head. There was something in the air that caused that picture to form.
“Your time should go to your career, to Julia, your family. And it hurts to think about Julia getting closer to my mom only to watch her gradually forget her.”
Angel understood everything he was saying, maybe even agreed with some of it, but it hurt nonetheless. She wanted to say she had enough love to sustain them both no matter what came their way, but she swallowed the words. She’d thought that once before, but it hadn’t been true then. And it wasn’t true now. Yes, she loved Hunter, but he evidently couldn’t meet her halfway. He might not be leaving Blue Falls so fast he left scorch marks behind, but he was leaving her just the same.
He said something else, but her ears were roaring so much that she couldn’t make out the words. The next thing she heard was the dial tone. Feeling as if she’d been taken to the peak of the highest mountain only to be tossed off, she sank to the ground and let the sudden, all-consuming grief overtake her. She’d allowed herself to love again, even more deeply this time, only to be abandoned once again. It wasn’t the same circumstances, of course, but that didn’t make the pain ripping her apart from the inside out any less excruciating.
Home on the Ranch: Texas Cowboy, Be Mine Page 17