by Marni Mann
I reached the sidewalk just as Paulie was walking out of his apartment. It was dark out. The light from his phone, held so close to his face, showed that he was scowling. His movements were exaggerated and as dramatic as mine.
“You okay, Paulie?” I asked.
When he saw me, he shoved his phone into his pocket and dug around until he finally found his keys. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I waved. “Okay. I’ll see you later.”
I walked past his front steps on the way to my place and bit into a doughnut. The powder soaked into my tongue and tickled the back of my throat. I almost coughed. I loved when it did that—when clouds of white came out of my mouth because something tasted so good.
The clouds always made me and Garin laugh.
“Hey, Kyle?”
I turned around.
Paulie was standing at his car door. “Has your brother been around?”
Paulie and Anthony were best friends. They talked to each other as much as I spoke to Garin and Billy, which was certainly more than I chatted with my brother. If Anthony was around, Paulie would have already known.
“No,” I said. “I haven’t seen him.” I scanned the cars that were parked in front of my apartment.
Anthony hadn’t been home when I’d left for Garin’s, and even though it was hard to see, it didn’t look like he had returned.
“You talked to him though?”
I tried to think of the last time.
“Nope. Not today.”
I watched as a car took a left onto our street and started driving toward us. It was hard to see the make and color; The Heart wasn’t well lit. Most of the streetlamps were out along with the lights outside our front doors. When the city replaced one of the bulbs, it would be stolen within a few hours. Lights showed faces; they showed dealings, they showed illegal things being exchanged between hands… they showed evidence. The Heart didn’t like that. The things that happened here needed to stay in the dark.
“Have you tried calling him?” I asked. “Maybe he just lost his phone or something.”
“He didn’t lose his phone. He…” His voice trailed off as the car got closer, and Paulie started walking toward the road.
The parked cars were blocking most of my view. But I was able to see Paulie’s profile and how the headlights were lighting up his legs and jacket and face.
I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t drag my eyes away from him.
Something felt off—in the scowl on his mouth, in the questions he’d asked, in the way he moved farther into the street. In the way the car was coming toward him, driving so slowly.
Whatever that something was, it told me not to move. It told me to keep watching Paulie. It made everything inside me shake.
I’d lived in The Heart all my life. I knew how dangerous it could be. I’d learned at an early age to trust my gut. So, why the hell wasn’t I listening to it? Why were my feet moving me toward Paulie?
I felt the packet of doughnuts fall out of my hand just before I jumped over the curb. “Hey!” I yelled to get his attention. It didn’t work; he stayed facing the car. “Paulie, come here!”
Didn’t he see how slowly the car was moving? Didn’t he feel what I felt?
I had to reach him. Warn him. Grab his hand and pull him back inside his apartment.
The headlights turned off. The light was suddenly gone.
Another warning.
I was running out of time.
“Paulie,” I gasped, trying to find my footing, my legs not wanting to move as fast as the rest of me. My breath came out in huffs. “Come back here. Come back—”
There was noise. More than just the sound of the engine. This was a grinding, like the window was rolling down and the tracks needed to be greased.
Oh God.
Something poked out of the open window. It was thin. Circular. Dark. It got longer and longer.
The barrel of a gun.
“Paulie…no!”
Why wasn’t I moving faster? Why couldn’t I find his hand?
“Kyle, get back.”
I heard him so clearly. I knew how close I was to him.
Just a few more steps.
I finally saw his hand, close enough to reach. I clasped my fingers around his thumb. “Come on, we have to go.”
He turned a bit and then pushed me back with both hands. “Get out of here, Kyle.”
I stumbled. I tried to catch my balance, but I slammed into one of the cars along the curb. “Paulie—”
The car with the gun had almost reached him.
“Paulie, get down!” My shoulder ricocheted off the door, and I fell to the ground.
Paulie didn’t listen. He stayed right where he was, his body facing the car. The gun was pointed directly at him.
He didn’t say another word. He didn’t duck; he didn’t try to hide. He didn’t reach for his own gun, the one I knew was tucked in the back of his jeans. He just walked toward the car. And then he went completely still.
He knew.
Somehow, Paulie knew…and he did nothing.
My arms wrapped around my stomach as I cowered against the side of the tire. My whole body tightened. I held my breath, and I waited for the sound. I waited for the explosion. Whoever was about to hurt Paulie was going to come for me next.
No witnesses. Not ever.
Not in The Heart.
This was the end…for both of us.
BANG.
Paulie fell to the ground. It felt like the pavement vibrated underneath me, but I knew it hadn’t. I covered my head with my arms. No breath. No air. Through the small space between my forearms, I saw the blood start to pool out of the side of his body.
Where was the second shot? Where was the pain in my chest?
“Paulie,” I cried. “No.” It came out as a whisper. “Paulie. Paulie, stand up. Paulie…”
He didn’t move. Didn’t twitch. Didn’t cry out. There was silence, except for the sound of the engine idling, and stillness, other than the growing puddle of blood.
“Get up, and get in this car, Kyle.”
That voice…I knew it.
Why wasn’t I dead? I should have been. I should have been slumped against the car that I was leaning against, my blood flowing into the street to meet Paulie’s.
The window rolled down even more, and the set of eyes that stared back…
No. This wasn’t happening.
Not with that voice…not with those eyes.
“Kyle, get in this car right fucking now.”
“I…can’t. I ca-can’t mo-move.”
I couldn’t leave. Paulie needed me. He needed me to call the police. No one else around here would do it. If they had heard the sound of the gun, they would back away from their windows. They wouldn’t come outside. They wouldn’t check to see who’d been shot. And if they happened to see something, they wouldn’t tell the police. They wouldn’t tell anyone. That was how it worked around here. So, I needed to stay. I needed to pound my hands on his chest and breathe into his mouth and do something to get him moving.
“I’m not going to ask you again. Get in the goddamn car.”
“No—”
“Don’t make me come out there and get you.”
I’d heard his threats before. I’d seen the results of the people who didn’t listen to him. But until now, I didn’t know that The Heart had sliced open his chest, ripped his heart out, and left him soulless.
It sounded like, if I didn’t get off this pavement and get into his car, I’d be joining Paulie.
I pushed myself off the ground, my knees wobbly, my feet unsteady, as I ran to the passenger door. He opened it from the inside, and as soon as I reached the doorway, he pulled me in. My shoulder smashed into the console; my head banged into the middle armrest. He didn’t wait for me to be seated before he shut the door and took off.
“Stop fucking crying,” he snapped. “Paulie doesn’t deserve your tears. He deserves to be dead, so wipe your goddamn face, and get it to
gether.”
Get it together?
I still hadn’t processed that I hadn’t been shot, too, and I definitely hadn’t processed Paulie’s murder. But every second of it, every bit of detail, was flashing in my head.
Paulie was practically family. I’d seen him almost every day since I was a kid. He’d walked me to the bus stop whenever Garin and Billy skipped school. He’d given me rides, gotten me food. He’d even kicked a kid’s ass when the kid had tried to rob me on my front steps.
Paulie was nicer to me than my own brother.
And I was supposed to stop crying and get it together and act like it had never happened?
Impossible.
This was so deep, deeper than I could even wrap my head around.
Billy. Oh God, what was this going to do to Billy? And to Garin?
And to all of us?
It hurt. It hurt and it stung and it made my stomach churn, and whatever was inside of it was now rising to the back of my throat.
“I have to get out of this car,” I moaned, wrapping my arms around my belly.
“Not a fucking chance.”
“Pull over, or I’m going to puke on your floor.”
“You’re kidding.”
I rocked back and forth, my mouth watering more as each second passed. “No, I’m definitely not.”
He weaved between lanes, already several blocks outside The Heart. “You can puke out the window. I’m not pulling over.”
I hit the button, waiting for the glass to roll down.
There was grinding. This side made the same noise.
Grinding…window…gun…BANG.
It all came back so quickly.
I leaned my face out the window and opened my mouth. Vodka poured out. I’d taken a few sips before I had gone to Garin’s. It was supposed to help take the edge off, so I’d finally have the courage to tell him how I felt.
But nothing could take the edge off of this.
“Don’t get any puke on the fucking car!” he yelled.
I hardly heard him.
All I could think about was that Paulie was dead.
Twenty-Two
Kyle
“Ahh!” I screamed as something freezing and sour-smelling splashed onto my face.
My eyes snapped open and immediately closed again. The mysterious liquid stung my eyes something fierce and burned the hell out of my tongue. It was inside my nose, running down the back of my throat, so potent that I gagged.
“Air,” I gasped. “I…can’t…breathe…”
Something was squeezing my chest, constricting my airflow. I opened my eyes to see what it was, and tears poured from my lids. I tried to blink out whatever was burning them; it only got worse. My vision was blurry, and the light in here was dim, but I was able to see the ropes. They weren’t just on my wrists and ankles. They were circled around each breast, meeting in the middle and weaving into a braid that traveled down my stomach, under my pussy, through the slit of my ass, up my shoulders, and met again at my breasts.
It was a jumpsuit of rope. Tight, scratchy, unforgiving rope. And, every time I moved, the rope tugged against my clit, squeezed my breasts…and prevented me from taking in any air.
“I’ve missed you,” Breath whispered from behind me, his lips pressing against the back of my ear. He tugged my hair, so my neck flew back, my face now pointed toward the ceiling. “I heard you while you two were fucking. You sounded so good; you made my dick hard.”
He rubbed his erection across the back of my head. It was a pathetic hard-on. Disgusting. And it smelled revolting.
“I hoped you were using your fingers. Sticking them into that sweet cunt of yours. Balling them together, so you were giving yourself your whole fist. That’s what it sounded like, so I had to see it for myself. I had to see if I could fit my entire fist in you.” He wrapped his hand around my hair and pulled down even harder. “You know what I found, puta? I found Garin’s cum in your ass…and I didn’t fucking like it.”
His nails dug into the backs of my ears, and it felt like he was piercing my lobes.
“Did you hear me? I didn’t fucking like it. I’m going to make sure my cock is the only one that will ever be inside your ass again.”
He was going to make sure?
“Did you do something to Garin? Where’s Garin? Don’t—”
He yanked the rope until it tightened against my pussy and around my breasts. I felt my skin start to split. When I opened my mouth to scream, he slapped his hand over it.
“I’m going to give you the biggest load your ass has ever gotten. And, while I’m coming in your ass, you’re going to get my fist in your pussy. How would you like that?” He moved to the front of me and straddled my waist, blocking me from looking at anything but him.
The pressure on my thighs tightened the rope. My clit was about to burst.
“Don’t you dare scream,” he warned. “If you want the pain to stop, then you’d better start obeying me.”
I shut my mouth and screamed on the inside instead. I blinked away the tears. I tried to find the tiniest bit of air to fill my lungs. And I searched for the memories of Garin—his face, his eyes, his presence, whatever would get me through this.
Breath leaned forward, his rancid tongue tracing the outer edge of my mouth. When he finished the second lap, his scent stayed on me. It was the only thing I could smell. It felt like I was stuck inside a toilet. No air, just his tongue and the foulest stench.
He grabbed his dick through his pants and rubbed it. “Are you ready for me, Kyle? Ready for me to be inside your ass?”
I shook my head.
“No?” He laughed. “Then, tell me what I want to hear.”
Telling him the truth would only get more people killed. I was sure he was going to kill me, so why not just take the punishment and die with the secret? Why get more people involved? I was as guilty as the murderer anyway because I hadn’t told anyone what he had done.
“No.” I knew the consequences of giving Breath that answer. I knew things could probably get much worse. But as long as he was only hurting me, then I’d take it. I’d take it to my grave, and I’d save Garin. I’d die without anyone else having to die, too.
“Wrong answer.”
His nails stabbed the top of my nipple. I felt him go through the skin. I felt the skin snap open. I felt the blood seep out.
“No!” I yelled. “I still won’t tell you.”
Garin was there, behind my lids. That scruffy beard that tickled my cheeks as he kissed me. Those hands that gripped my face, not allowing me to look at anything but him. Those beautiful eyes that held me with a type of strength I’d never felt before. I didn’t know where the air came from, but it huffed through my nostrils as I breathed through the pain. And the scream stayed inside me. It simmered, it festered, but it didn’t come through my lips.
Paulie hadn’t screamed. In those seconds it took him to die, he had held it in.
I’d hold it in, too.
“Tough girl, huh?” Breath hissed.
His hand dipped to my pussy. I didn’t think it could do any more damage, and I didn’t think the rope could squeeze my clit any tighter.
I was so wrong.
“Oh, puta, this is going to feel really good.”
He pushed the lips of my pussy against the nylon, so the sensitive skin on the inside ground into the roughness of the rope. I was raw. My clit felt like it had been chewed off. And just when I thought it couldn’t hurt any worse, he shimmied the rope back and forth as though he were trying to start a fire.
The memories of Garin were gone. The air…gone.
I couldn’t keep the screams in. They shot up my throat and shouted from my lips, spit pooling in the corners, tears falling in my open mouth.
“I knew it would feel good.” He stopped and looked down at my lap. “You’re bleeding. But you’re not bleeding enough. I want more of your blood. I want to know you’ll never feel pleasure again. And anytime something touches you down ther
e, I want it to hurt. I want it to always hurt.”
“Do-don’t do this to me-me.”
“Why? Because you’ve been such a good girl? Because you’ve given me everything I’ve wanted? Because you’ve answered every question I’ve asked?” His hand disappeared behind his back and returned with a knife. “You haven’t done any of those things. So, puta, I’m going to make you my own personal coloring book.” The tip of the knife stabbed into my breast. “I’m going to try real hard to stay inside the rope.”
As the knife pierced the skin at the top of my breast, blood squirted from the small hole and sprayed him in the face.
“Stop,” I begged. “Please…stop.”
He stuck his tongue out and caught the drops as they fell from his lip. “I’m just getting started.” His eyes were demonic as he dragged the blade across my skin. Sick and beyond demented.
“I can’t…” It hurt so badly. My tongue didn’t want to work. My voice was gone. My courage and my hope were slipping with each drop of blood that poured out.
When he reached the bottom of my breast, half of it now cut, he smiled from his handiwork. “I’m headed for your pussy next. Do you want to know what I’m going to do to it?” He moved to the side, so I could finally see what was across from my chair. “I’m going to make your pussy look like this,” he said.
When I realized what I was looking at—who I was looking at—I screamed with every bit of strength that was left in my body.
Twenty-Three
Garin
Fifteen Days Ago
I was stepping into my private elevator when my cell phone rang. I knew it was Billy. He usually called around this time, right before I was about to get my dick wet. Tonight was no different. The slut on my arm was some chick who worked at the club downstairs. I wasn’t sure if I’d fucked her before, but she met all the requirements—thick ass, decent rack, eyes that told me she’d take whatever I gave her.
What I was about to give would tear her the hell apart. I wanted her screaming as loud as she was moaning. And when she walked out of my condo, I wanted it to hurt.