by Lauren Dawes
With each thrust, he drove his body deeper and deeper into hers until the burn of an orgasm tightened his balls and filled up his body. His shaft burned with his release, travelling up the length of his sheathed cock and into her body. His seed was pumping into her and there was not a damn thing she could do about it. With that thought, he came again. As his body shook for the last time, he slid out of her, not wanting to be inside her for any longer than he had to be. She collapsed onto the frozen ground, curling herself into a shaking ball of shame. He pulled up his pants, redid the belt and threw his leather jacket back on. He pulled some green from his pocket, dropping it next to her head.
‘Thanks baby girl,’ he said before stalking away from their hiding place. Her sobbing followed him out of the alleyway, which only made him feel like he needed a drink more than he had ever needed one before. Without one last glance behind him, he pulled one of his hand-rolled cigs from his jacket pocket and lit up. Smoke trailed in his wake as he made his way over to the bar. He was hoping it was going to be quiet. All he wanted was a damn drink in peace. He shouldered his way into the bar a quarter of an hour later.
‘The usual Buddy?’ the bartender asked when he planted his ass on a stool at the bar.
‘Yeah,’ he replied, looking at his reflection in the glass behind the bar and hardly recognising the face staring back at him. Before depression dragged him down, a whisky with a beer chaser landed in front of him. ‘Thanks,’ he mumbled.
The bartender nodded as he began wiping down the top of the bar. Buddy threw the shot back and let it burn his tongue before swallowing it.
‘Did you get into another fight?’ the bartender asked.
‘What?’
He gestured to his knuckles. Buddy looked down to find them grazed and bleeding. ‘Oh, yeah. Some cocksucker tried to start something with me at work,’ he drawled casually, patting down his pockets in search of another hand-rolled. When he finally found one, he balanced it between his lips and lit up.
‘Those things will kill you someday you know.’
‘What are you, my mother? Just get me another whiskey, will ya?’
After getting numb so he couldn’t feel anything else, Buddy slid off the stool and stumbled to the door.
‘You want me to call you a cab?’ the bartender called.
‘I’m good,’ Buddy called back and began staggering back home again. When he finally made it back, the effects of the alcohol had started to wear off, leaving him with the stench of the whore all over his body. A shower, he decided, was what he needed. Stripping off, he began the hot water and stepped inside the cubicle.
The bitch had left three, huge scratches on the inside of each forearm, and when the hot water hit them, they stung like fire. ‘Goddamn—’ he muttered as he ran the bar of Solvol soap over the wounds, killing his buzz, ‘bitch,’ he finished with a hiss.
Chapter 20
Indi’s eyes flickered open when she felt someone touching her hand. Sleep had sucked her in so completely that she couldn’t tell if she was really awake or if she was still dreaming. She’d been having strange dreams; dreams about vampires and drinking blood and battles. Her blurry eyes focussed on Doctor White. His warm fingers were at the pulse on her wrist, his brown eyes focusing on the second hand on his watch. With nothing but silence in that room, all Indi could hear was the seconds ticking by like a gun being fired next to her head, the sound of his breathing like sandpaper grating on her eardrums.
She squeezed her eyes shut—trying to block it all out—but when she did, a wet, slick thudding sound started to overtake the other two, filling the sun-filled room with a mouth-watering thump, thump, thump that made Indi look up at the good doc’s carotid artery pulsing along his neck. His skin looked so thin, almost as if she could just tear it open if she wanted to. She licked her lips, fighting the overwhelming urge to bite. It filled her up like a cup threatening to overflow. Swallowing down hard on her desert-dry throat, she forced her eyes to look away, but they soon found their way back to his throat. She visually marked where she would bite as if she’d always known that the sweet spot where the neck meets the shoulder was always there.
The sweet, heady smell of his blood was all that she smelt, heard and felt; her body humming with anticipation. Her desire was spilling over now, running down the side in a warm wash of fresh blood …
‘Oh, Indi. Good, you’re awake,’ Doctor White said. Her eyes shifted to his face reluctantly. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Thirsty,’ she replied with a rasping voice. He nodded once before leaning over to the trolley beside the bed and bringing the plastic cup to her mouth. Indi sucked up one mouthful of water—the desire to pierce flesh with her teeth subsiding a little.
‘I’ve called Jerry to come and take you home,’ Doctor White said, putting the cup down and turning back to her.
‘When will he get here?’
He checked his watch again. ‘He said he’d be here in the next half an hour or so. While you were sleeping last night, he came by to visit and left you some clothes in a suitcase. One of the orderlies placed it under your bed.’ He pointed at the end of the bed, giving her an unsteady smile. ‘Before you leave though, I’d just like to check your blood pressure again, if that’s alright with you.’
She shrugged. ‘If it gets me out of here faster …’
Sliding the cuff on with clumsy fingers, he pressed the pre-warmed stethoscope under the cuff and pumped up the black balloon. Shaking his head again and looking grim, he deflated the balloon and looped his stethoscope around his neck.
Fuck. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, folding her arms across her chest.
‘It’s still quite low.’
‘Can I still go home?’ She didn’t like the sound of desperation in her voice. She swallowed down hard. ‘Well?’ she added with a sharp tongue when he didn’t answer fast enough.
He picked up the chart and flicked through a few pages before scribbling something down. ‘Sure. I think you’ll feel much better once you get home, but if you feel light-headed at all, I want you to come back in and see me, okay? I’ll leave you to get changed now.’
Her relief was palpable. ‘Sure thing.’
‘Is there anything else you need to ask me?’
‘Nope. I’m good.’
After a firm nod from the doctor, Indi was left alone to get dressed. Sliding the suitcase out from under the bed, she flipped the lid open and stared down at the immaculately-folded clothes. Glancing over her shoulder, she stood up from her crouch and went to her pillow; pulling out the dagger she’d hidden there. Taking the knife out of its sheath, she looked over the hilt and blade, checking for any signs that she’d used it before she’d ended up in hospital. Yet there was nothing. It was still as clean as it’d been the last time she’d seen it.
Laying her knife on the bed with a sigh, she went back to the suitcase to find some underwear. The black lacy bra and panties set screamed of Jerry. Indi ignored them, deciding it was better to go without if she had a choice. After pulling on her jeans and t-shirt, she sat on the bed to put her socks and boots on. As soon as she strapped her knife to her ankle, she felt complete again.
She’d left the small TV in the corner of the room on just for a little background noise while she changed, so when the breaking news story started, the headline caught her attention.
‘I’m here outside Buxton General where another victim of the Buxton rapist was admitted last night. A police officer on duty in downtown Buxton found the woman staggering out of an alleyway with lacerations to her face and body at around eleven o’clock yesterday evening. The woman claimed that she’d been threatened with death before being beaten, raped and left in the alleyway.
‘When the police cordoned off the backstreet to collect evidence, they discovered a sum of money that had been left for the woman. Forensic testing is underway to determine whether or not any fingerprints or any DNA evidence can be found to link the recent spate of rapes in the downtown area of Buxton
to this newest attack. Police are still warning women not to walk alone at night, and to avoid going out at night completely. With the recent escalations in the attacks, they fear he may take bigger risks to get his victims.’
A small knock on the door couldn’t even drag Indi’s attention off the TV. They were showing a picture of the alleyway where the woman had been found, and it sent a chill down Indi’s spine as her own memories tried to break through the fog of her mind.
‘Come in,’ she called without looking.
She heard the door open then hush shut. Indi knew that it was Jerry without having to see him. He smelled just like he always did; mandarin, bergamot and orange, but this time the scent was stronger.
‘Hey Jer,’ she said as she fiddled with the straps on her ankle sheath until they were just right. But when he didn’t answer, her eyes locked on his. ‘Oh my God,’ she breathed.
Jerry looked as if he’d been dragged through Hell backwards. His strawberry-blond hair was wild around his face, sticking in matted clumps to his forehead and neck. His facial hair had comfortably moved from being a five o’clock shadow to the beginnings of a beard, and he smelled as if he hadn’t showered in a week.
Indi went to him. ‘Jer? What’s wrong? Tell me,’ she urged. He shook his head at her, not meeting her eyes yet. She could have sworn that she saw a tear roll down his cheek though. ‘Is it your mother? What’s happened?’
‘Can we go back to your place and talk?’ he asked in a gravelly voice, still refusing to meet her eyes.
‘Sure we can,’ she replied, scooting out from under his arm to close the suitcase. ‘I’m ready. Let’s go.’
Chapter 21
‘Are you going to put your contacts in before we leave?’ Jerry asked as Indi hastily crammed things back into the suitcase he’d brought her the day before. She looked up, but he dropped his gaze to the floor. When her eyes were on him, he felt stripped bare––like she could see down into his soul. But it had always been like that with her, but today was worse. He was afraid to look her in the eyes because if he did, she would know, and he wouldn’t be able to keep his emotions contained. He had to be the strong one for her.
‘Fuck,’ she whispered under her breath and flipped the suitcase open again.
‘They’re in the top pocket,’ he said.
‘Thanks,’ she replied. There was a smile in her voice. He didn’t have to see it to know it was there. ‘I’ll just put them in quickly.’ The door to the small, private bathroom in the corner of her room opened and shut quietly.
When she was gone, he felt like he was drowning in his sorrow again. He’d been treading the black waters of his depression for too long, barely able to keep his head above the surface. But whenever he was around Indi, the feeling lifted and he felt better; felt like he could breathe again. But now the cloying sensation was creeping back over him again and he felt like breaking down.
‘Jer? Are you alright?’ Indi asked. He looked up into her blue eyes for a second and breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t even realised that he was clutching the side of the bed with one hand and his heart with the other.
‘I’ll be okay,’ he murmured.
She looked as if she didn’t believe him, but she let him have his lie. ‘Are you ready to go?’
He gave her a rough nod. She slid one arm around his back, swinging his other arm across her shoulders; supporting his weight effortlessly even though she was the one who was just getting out of hospital. She was so strong and he wasn’t even close to having that kind of strength.
They shuffled out of the room with the suitcase in tow, navigating their way to reception. The woman behind the desk had one of those in-fashion bob cuts that women seemed to have right now. Her sleek, corn silk hair was shiny and straight. It was only the pale brown of her eyes that softened the look, but Jerry thought she’d gone overboard with the gold eye shadow. Her name tag read ‘Brenda’.
‘I’m checking out,’ Indi announced, smiling at her own joke.
‘Your paperwork?’ Brenda asked perfunctorily. Indi handed it over and waited. A moment later, Brenda produced a print-out and a pen. ‘Has your doctor given you any medication to take?’ Indi shook her head. ‘Then sign the bottom please.’
‘So, spill,’ Indi demanded once they were in the car.
Keeping his eyes focussed on the road and occasionally the rear view mirror, he said, ‘Can we … can we talk about this when we get to yours? I’m afraid that I’ll …’ He’d meant to finish the thought, but he just couldn’t. He could feel the tears choking him already.
Indi rubbed his back softly. ‘Sure. Let’s just get home, okay?’
Driving under Hell’s Gate and into the pit of depravity Indi lived in seemed to worsen Jerry’s mood. He’d wanted to take her back to Waterside, but she had never felt comfortable there. He could also understand her need to be back home again, even if it was a hovel. By the time he was parked in front of her apartment building, he was bogged down in the stickiness of his hurt, anger and betrayal. Indi got out of the car first, showing absolutely no fear for her own safety. He followed, locking the car after himself and praying that it would still be there in its entirety by the time he returned.
When she opened her apartment door she said, ‘You cleaned,’ her voice sounding accusatory.
‘Yeah. I cleaned up a little,’ he replied, collapsing onto the sofa in front of the TV. Indi joined him, curling up beside him until he lifted his arm to invite her to come a little closer. She’d always fit so perfectly against him like she’d been made to fit him; the missing piece of his puzzle.
‘So tell me about it.’
‘About what?’
‘Don’t give me that shit, Jer. Whatever the hell has happened. Tell me,’ she urged.
‘It’s Mark.’
‘You’re ex, Mark?’
‘Yeah.’ A very fine shudder rolled through his shoulders and down his spine as he began crying. He thought he’d cried as much as his body could take, but he’d been wrong. With the end of her t-shirt, Indi started to wipe away the tears. He could see the scarring on her stomach from where she’d been used as an ashtray when she was a kid, which somehow cleared his head. If she had made it through all that stuff, then he could get through this.
So he told her everything that Mark had told him, pausing to wipe the tears away every sentence or so. Indi stayed silent for the most part, but the sound of her grinding her teeth was something she couldn’t muffle.
‘How did you find all this out?’ she asked when he was done.
‘Mark told me. Actually, I demanded that he tell me after the way he left me. He was at the hospital, always around. I thought it was for me, but it turned out he was only waiting to check up on my mother.’ Guilt seized his throat suddenly, shutting up tight until he couldn’t breathe anymore. He was gasping for air and when he turned to Indi he could see her mouth moving, but he didn’t understand the words. What was she trying to say?
‘Jer? Breathe,’ she said, her voice breaking through the roaring in his ears. He was leaning forward now, head between his legs while Indi rubbed circles on his back. ‘Are you alright?’
He drew in a deep breath, just checking that he could. ‘Yeah. Panic attack. I’m sorry.’
‘Hey, don’t apologise to me. You can’t help it.’
Jerry righted himself and turned to Indi. ‘No. I’m sorry that I didn’t come and find you that night that you were admitted to hospital. I realised that you were missing, that you weren’t answering your phone, but I got distracted by this whole thing with my mother and Mark and—’
Indi stopped him with a finger on his lips. ‘It’s alright Jer. It all turned out alright in the end.’
His eyes narrowed. ‘How do you figure?’
She grinned at him. ‘Well, I’m here, aren’t I?’
He settled back into the couch and laid his head back, his eyes sliding shut. So he didn’t have Mark anymore. At least he knew the reason why now.
‘I c
an’t believe she would do that to you Jer,’ Indi said, breaking the silence. ‘That was a line that should never have been crossed, not by her. She knew how much he meant to you.’
‘It takes two people to betray a lover Indi. I can’t blame her anymore than I can blame him.’ And it was true and that made the betrayal hurt even more. Yes he was angry at Mark for disrespecting their relationship, but it was his mother who had gone along with it too.
Indi sat quietly for a long minute before saying, ‘You’d still take him back, wouldn’t you?’
The accusatory tone in her voice made his head snap around. ‘He was—he is—the love of my life Indi. I can’t just forget about him. I know we were only together for a year, and I know that it sounds stupid to say that, but it’s still true. I love him. I’ll always love him.’
Indi frowned; her mouth tightening like she wanted to say something else, but she held her tongue and looked back at the TV.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asked gently.
She turned back with a look in her eyes that could raze cities. ‘You don’t want to know what I’m thinking right now Jer because it’s not pretty.’
‘Are you upset with me?’
‘No. I just think that people in love make the shittiest decisions sometimes.’
‘It’s not like that Ind. Life isn’t just black and white.’
‘So, let me get this straight. You’re willing to take that asshole back because of love? Come on! Where’s the self-preservation? Why do you do things that you know are going to hurt you?’