by Isu Yin
He returned with a single shovel and dug quietly beside the pond.
“There’s only one? I wanted to help.”
“You don’t need to do this. You’ll get blisters.”
“So? Are you going to treat me like a delicate snowflake?”
He pushed the hair from his eyes. “Don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying it because you’re a girl, or because you’re small. This is something I must do to repent. There’s no reason for you to blister your hands. I know you meant well, so I’d rather protect your good intentions.”
Fate crouched down near the newly forming hole. “I understand. I’ll wait and watch.”
“Thank you.”
Truthfully, she hurt tremendously watching him dig the hole alone, perceiving the pain he was attempting to bury. While she watched, she wondered how many times she’d see him digging holes for people or things he cared about, and whether or not she could prevent it.
Theoretically, he would never have to bury her, as he would likely die of illness if she passed on.
But if I’m Bound to Hero, then how does Solaris fit into this? Wait, how does Leoht even fit into this?
“Hero, will it bother you if we talk?”
“No.” He paused his digging and looked back at her. “I never thought about it before, but you say my name a lot.”
“To tell you the truth, I stop myself from saying it as much as I would like.”
He smiled. “I guess that means you think of me often.”
Out of all the thoughts in her head, the one she still struggled with was the idea that they were Bound, and—of course—the question about how her visions aligned with reality. “Hero, I never really asked you before, but do you even like me?”
“Eh....” His lips parted slightly and he gawked at her.
What kind of reaction is that?
“I thought I was being clear.” He pulled his scarf up to his eyes to hide the flushed parts of his skin. “Sorry.”
“Hey, I didn’t ask for an apology. I asked if you liked me.”
“I do like you... very much. Sorry if that was unclear.”
“Hmm.... you know what that means?” She took the shovel from his hands. “It’s my turn to dig. I like you too, so it’s hard for me to watch you bury your pain. We have to break your bad habits. I’m certainly not expecting you to bounce back just because I said I like you. I just wanted you to think about it. If you really like me, then you should understand how I feel too. I want to protect you.”
“Ah... okay.”
“Just take your time to let everything sink in. I’ll finish digging.”
He crouched down and waved his hand over the bundle. “Do you ever wish you could turn back time?”
“Not really.” She used her heel to drive the shovel into the dirt.
“Even if it means saving the people you’ve lost?”
“Hero, I hate to say this, but knowing you... I don’t think that’d be a good thing. I’m worried that you’d hurt yourself trying to make things right, that you’d assume you have no place in this world. I personally believe that every event in the universe is the result of cause and effect. The things that were meant to happen will happen regardless.”
“You must believe in God.”
“In a way, I might. I like to think there’s someone watching over us, hoping that we climb over the painful hurdles in our lives... but logically, I think God is just an idea like everything else. God is probably just one word for everything that is—the universe, time, fate, chaos, and balance. It’s just a convenient way of summarizing a complex system. That’s what I think.”
“I’ve never heard that before.”
“What do you believe in?”
“Time and space.”
“Oh, like Leoht?”
“I never thought about it, but I guess you’re right. I believe everything can be explained through science and philosophy.”
“That somehow suits your character. You’re cute in weird ways.”
“Thanks for cheering me up.”
“I didn’t do anything.” She stepped away from the hole to measure the depth, and gestured towards the bundle.
He collected Persephone in his arms, and lowered her into her new home by the pond and the colorful fish. “When I talk to you, I feel a little more relieved. I’m grateful for Fortis and Kyou too, though I know I don’t always say so. They’ve helped me through a lot. Most of the time, it’s hard for me to cope. I really miss Abyssus.”
She offered her hand to help him up, and they worked together to fill the hole.
“I’m glad you feel that way,” she said, “but don’t forget: even if I’m here, there are certain storms only you can weather.”
He made a small sound to agree. “I’ll try my best.”
“Me too.”
What will the Capital have in store for us?
Fate and Hero sat on the bed in his room, their eyes focused on the ceiling with no distinct purpose or conversation, until Fate finally spoke. “Hero, would you like to leave for Inoue Com early?”
He rolled over onto his side. “Really? I’d like that. I can show you around.”
“I need to go to the brothel to collect my things and speak with Madam, but you can expect me back by evening.”
“May I go with you?”
“The matters with the Council still need to be resolved, right? It’s better if you stay here so we aren’t accused of something weird.”
“You’re right, but I’m still sad about it.”
“That’s really honest of you. I’ll try and hurry back, okay? If you focus on packing, time will pass faster.”
“I hope that’s true.”
“If you finish early, take a nap!”
“I’m not a child.”
She waved and hurried down the hallway, thinking of the journey to the Capital and hoping it would help explain a lot of the troubles and questions she’d gathered during her stay in Nex. Frankly, she disliked both rulers and wished nothing more than to see them overthrown.
On her way down the staircase, she received a calling and turned back as Lara treaded leisurely down the steps.
“Lo-Laaaara.” Fate had thought of Hero’s frequent mistake and the name just slipped out.
“Is it true that you’re going to the Capital?”
“Um, how did you know that?”
“I overheard the High Queen.” Lara paused to straighten her apron. “I’ve been rude to you since you first came here. I thought it would be strange to let you leave on a bad note. Do you have time for tea?”
“Well, I need to pack. I promised Hero I would be back by evening.”
“It won’t take long.”
“Um, okay, but only for a bit.”
Lara beckoned Fate back upstairs and guided her towards the door beside the music room.
Fate hoped it wouldn’t take long since she’d promised Hero they’d leave early, but she did want to settle her affairs with Lara.
Lara glanced around the hall and ushered Fate into the room. The sitting arrangement had bright crème-based furniture, similar to the setting of the music room.
Fate sat down on a chair facing away from the door and glanced at a porcelain tea cup sitting on the coffee table. “This is a nice room.” Really, she wanted to know why Lara had suddenly changed her tune. From the first time they met, she had wildly accused Fate of heinous crimes.
“The Lady Elaine chose all the furniture,” Lara said, sitting across from her. “Please, try the tea. I’d like to know if it suits your taste.”
“Thank you.” Fate picked up the cup and gazed at her reflection in the blood-red tea. The scent of chai and vanilla tickled her nose.
“I made some caramel. Would you be kind enough to try it?” Lara passed over a dish of square caramel. She stared so long that Fate eventually took one.
“Lara, you said you’ve known Hero since childhood?”
“Yes, that’s right. I didn’t see you around t
hough.”
“Ah, Hero and I didn’t speak when we were children. We started passing messages when we were thirteen.” She automatically reverted to her habits from the brothel and laughed softly to entice friendly conversation.
Lara’s tea cup clanked as she set it on the small dish that rested on her lap. “Hero and I have been friends since we were seven.” She might’ve been Hero’s age then, but now she was a grown woman—there was no mistaking this fact.
Fate had learned a lot about the many types of personalities and behaviors of people. The Madam taught her that asking the right questions would lead to the answers she sought. “He mentioned that you grew up like siblings, and that Firmus saved you from Macellarius.”
“Siblings?” Lara laughed. “No, not that. Firmus did find me in Macellarius, but it was Hero who saved me.”
“How did he save you?”
“Need you even ask? The grace of the Ancients is a sight to behold. If not for him, I never would have ended up serving in Nitor.” She sipped her tea.
Fate set down her cup and caramel. The situation reminded her of when she and Chi had drugged Hero—it was all too strange to digest.
She didn’t answer the question. Firmus is an Ancient. Hell, I’m an Ancient. She’s surrounded by Ancients, so what is this girl talking about? Has the miasma blinded her?
Lara removed a bread knife from her apron and cut the caramel in half. She took one and offered the other half to Fate. “I’m sure it’s hard to trust me after everything I’ve said. I really do want to serve a good purpose. I can only hope that from now on, my life will mean something.”
Fate collected the other half of the caramel. She understood what it meant to want change, to seek the truth and never know anything. Her gaze met Lara’s and they ate the caramel together in one bite.
Fate swallowed it down with tea, hoping to wash out the strong flavor. “Well, I’m sorry that we’ve had our differences until now. Since we’re both friends of Hero, it would be nice if we can get along.” The silence endured for a long time, causing her some discomfort. She fiddled with the fabric of her gown. “I think I should go. Hero’s waiting.”
Lara’s lips curled up. “I despise you.”
“Pardon? I thought—”
“You’re certainly wicked, aren’t you?” She walked slowly around the table towards Fate. “Hero may fall for it, but I see well. How many people will you kill? For how long will you pretend to be innocent?” Lara’s skin turned pale and damp. Her pupils dilated and she lunged at Fate.
Fate rolled out of the way and stumbled back onto her feet into the wall. She grasped her chest as her lungs constricted and struggled for air. “What’s happening?” Her heart raced in her attempt to breathe, and the room shifted. “What have you done?”
Lara pointed the knife, screaming, “I’ll be remembered as the woman who saved Nex! I’ll protect Hero from you if it’s the last thing I do!”
Fate used the wall as support and maneuvered towards the doors. By the time she reached them, her brow was covered in sweat and, seeing double, her hand swiped for two handles instead of one. The two handles danced in her line of vision as her throat burned, but nothing compared to the stabbing affliction in her stomach. She groaned and hunched over, fighting the pain and the feverish burn of her skin. Her body lurched and she spewed black sticky fluid, then lay on the floor gasping for air.
Am I going to die? Like this? Without understanding? I can’t. The Rebellion... and Hero.
Lara stood over her, casting a blurry shadow into the stream of light overhead. She broke into a fit of cackling. “Clever, clever little Fate—so clever, they say, yet it was so easy to trick you. You have taken away everything I care about, and now you will die alone!”
I can’t die here. I can’t.
Fate reached for the door handle again and Lara stepped on her hand. The pain in Fate’s body caused her head to tingle, and her thoughts fell away. It overwhelmed her senses—all the pain and realization of her failure accumulated deep inside her soul. The agony welled up as her hair extended across the floor into winding shadows. She cried out in pain and the darkness spilled out from her body, striking Lara with such tremendous force that she flew off her feet into the opposing wall.
A loud crack echoed through the room, and Lara fell to the floor in a heap.
Fate’s trembling hand swiped helplessly for the door handle. She screamed at it in frustration, lost to the stabbing pain. After a long struggle, her body succumbed and she rested her face against the cold floor, fading from consciousness.
Her eyes moved around the room and finally back to the door, where a figure leaned over her, shouting silent words. A cold hand pressed against her forehead, and her body rose from the floor. When her head bobbed back, she peeked through her darkened view and caught a glimpse of Hero’s face.
His mouth moved and formed shorter, silent sentences. ‘I’m here. Stay with me.’
She closed her eyes. Okay.
Sleep provided no comfort or visions, her only dream portraying the ice cold embrace of her darkness, into which she slowly descended deeper. It wrapped around her body, constricting her so tightly the air left her lungs. Her bones creaked and throbbed, but no matter how she tried, she couldn’t break free.
She breathed steadily to regain her bearings.
It’s just a dream, because I can’t move and I’m hurting in real life. If I wake up... everything will be fine, right? It’s just a dream. Wake up.
The darkness squeezed her body tighter, until her muscles had been rendered completely useless, then she fell even deeper and splashed into a pool of black fluid.
Am I dying? What’s happening to my body?
She sank farther and farther from the surface. Her fingers twitched but her arms refused to move forward.
She remembered the men at the brothel telling her she lived only to serve, and the women around her saying she needed to stand on her own two feet.
‘Young girls mustn’t rely on boys to save them! Daydreams and fairytales tell only lies. Don’t believe them, Fate. You must learn to save yourself.’
She struggled to reach out. Why? Why can’t I ask for help? I’ve always been so strong. Am I going to die without learning the truth? I don’t want to live a fairytale. I just want to stand strong with the people I love. Even if I’m not physically strong, I want to fight with my own abilities.
All her life, she’d listened to what others wanted and followed her loved ones blindly. She didn’t care about attaining power. She would rather have lived her life thoroughly with people she loved, and learned about the world she lived in so she could understand how to help and nurture fractured souls.
Her back touched something hard and rough—the descent had ended. The darkness engulfed her and left nothing but white bubbles that escaped to the surface.
Is this my pain? It’s suffocating. What happened to me? I can’t breathe.
The pain numbed and her vision swayed, but then the surface of the fluid rippled and a figure crashed through the darkness into an eruption of bubbles.
Fate’s head bobbed back as it swam closer, grasped her hand, and pulled her up towards the surface. They burst through the dark fluid and her lungs gave a violent gasp.
An arm supported her neck, and Hero patted her face. “Fate, wake up!”
She moved her mouth and croaked instead of forming proper words. Her throat strained to respond to him: I’m awake.
“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. I promise.” His hand pressed against her cheek, warm against her clammy skin. “I won’t let you die like this.”
Ah, this... isn’t happening here. It’s just a reflection of reality. No matter what I do, I can’t communicate anything to him.
She convulsed, choking up a mouthful of blood. Her lungs fought for air, but to no avail. No amount of fighting would stop the pain, which drowned out the memory of Hero’s arrival. She grasped her abdomen and panted as the dream faded from view, and a sudden drow
siness overcame her. She swayed then fell still and cold. Everything spun overhead—even her head seemed to twist and turn.
Finally, she conceded and drifted off into an abysmal slumber.
Fate stared ahead at a ceiling tinted with lilac-colored light. The first question to enter her mind was whether or not she had really survived the incident. She moved only her head to identify her location, and spotted Hero asleep on a chair by the bedside; the red scarf covered a majority of his face and his head hung slightly to the side.
“Shhh.” Chi lifted a finger to her smiling lips and sat on the edge of the mattress. “I am so relieved to see you awake.”
Fate forced her aching body into a sitting position. Her throat stung and throbbed. She held it while forcing out as many words as possible. “Wh— —ap—ned to —e?”
Chi handed her a mug of warm fluid. “Drink this. It will ease the pain in your throat so you can speak.”
Usually, Fate wouldn’t drink anything she couldn’t identify, but she wanted answers so she quickly gulped down the thick beverage and waited for her throat to clear.
Chi glanced at Hero and fixed the loose strands of hair on his forehead. “I know only how you arrived, not how you became this way. You were in grave condition and he begged me for help. All I know is that you swallowed crystal. Can you tell me how?”
Fate pressed a hand against her head. The pain had lessened, at least enough to muster words. “I just remember having tea with Lara... and caramel. Praise be, I think I killed her. I thought for certain I was dead.”
“You would have been, but Hero kept one of my antidotes. You are fortunate that he studied with me for a long time. I taught him about crystal because it is a part of our history, but it is also a part of our future, especially his.”
“Do you think he’ll ever be able to conjure it again?”
“At this rate, it is going to be hard to keep him out of the Council’s hands. We must not let anyone hear of what happened to you. If anyone asks, pretend you do not know about Lara.”
“But don’t you find it strange? She’s just a Rahma. Do you think she could have planned it by herself? I find it unlikely.”