by Anne Key
She was not going to be all butthurt about it. She had chocolate, her tablet, and both Eli’s and Mari’s numbers, which was rocking cool.
Sammy texted Lacey with, Met someone. Nice. Cute. Took a bus to the mall. Bought a killer dress for Homecoming or Christmas or whatever. Silver and low-cut.
OMG. Pics! Is he hot?
Was he? She sort of thought so. More than superhot, he was cute and dear, and he made her a little breathless. Yeah. Super.
“Seth? Would you be a dear and put the lid on that paint for me? I’m all done in there, and I need to get this dinner going.” Sammy heard the kitchen sink running. “If I can get this stuff out from under my nails. Ugh.”
“Sure. Are you going to stick me with the dishes too?”
“Could happen!”
She shook her head and shut her bedroom door. She’d talk to Daddy tomorrow about how he didn’t have to hide his friends or entertain her. She was a big girl. Once she convinced him to give her a TV in her room, he didn’t ever have to see her on the weekends again. If she was lucky, she’d be busy enough that he could sort of pretend he was childless again. If he wanted to.
She kinda hoped he didn’t want to, not completely.
“Hey, Sammy?” Daddy’s voice could fill the house when he wanted it to.
Didn’t she just close her door?
“Sammy, would you please come down and help with dinner?”
Oh man. She didn’t want to go play nice when she had all the thoughts about today to go over. All the good parts.
Maybe she could just text him. Know u have company. It’s ok. cu@brekkie?
I invited him to meet you. CU in the kitchen. Now.
:P God. Seriously? She checked her makeup real quick, toed off her shoes, and then smoothed her shirt.
She could hear them talking in the kitchen as she came down the stairs, and something sizzling on the stove.
“Oh, you got snow peas. Awesome.” Daddy’s deep voice carried all over the house.
The other voice was softer, lighter. “Asian market, honey. You should try it sometime.”
“It’s just not anywhere near where I work.”
“Well, then you’ll just have to rely on me.”
She kind of peeked around the doorway before going in. Daddy caught her.
“Oh, hey, Sammy. Can you maybe chop up this broccoli?”
“Yes, sir.” She wasn’t sure what that meant, exactly, but she’d watched Top Chef. “All of it or just the fuzzy part?”
Jian gasped. “Jesus, Seth, what are you feeding this girl?” He took Daddy by the shoulders and pushed him over next to a big skillet on the stove. “You stir the chicken.”
“What? I get home late, I bring stuff. Also, she likes soda and chocolate and very little else.”
Jian walked right up and stood next to her. “Well, those things aren’t so bad, either.” He winked at her. “But we don’t want hips as wide as the Hudson, do we?” He picked up a big knife and chopped off the stem of the broccoli and then took a littler one and cut off a couple of pieces of the top part. “See? Like that. Make them look pretty; it’s stir-fry. Think you’ve got it?”
“Uh-huh.” She did her best not to suck in her belly, because what if she was gaining weight? She wasn’t working out so much anymore like she had, but the dress was still a four, and it hadn’t been tight. Okay, so maybe just supper and blow off breakfast and lunch. She could just pretend like she was a cheerleader again too. Start running in the morning before school. If she got up super early, she could take her shower and be ready in time to meet Eli every morning.
That would be cool.
Mari seemed to think Eli was into her, which was cool all around because Mari said she was totally into some guy in college named Carson. College seemed like it was so far away. Years. She liked being able to see Eli a lot, not having to hide him from Daddy.
Jian pulled out a couple of carrots and set a cutting board next to hers. He picked up the big knife again and started slicing the carrot on an angle so the slices were all thin and a cool shape.
“So, your daddy tells me you’re in the drama club at school?”
“No, sir. It’s a class.” She wasn’t sure which clubs were cool, and she wasn’t an actress. Although, that would be so totally cool to be, like, famous. She’d buy herself a Land Rover and wear Louboutins like Ginny Vickery. Ginny was a size zero and blonde and taller than her, but Sammy was fantasizing, so screw Ginny Vickery.
“Sammy, darling, I know you’re Texan and that’s considered polite, but my father is ‘sir.’ I’m just Jian. It’s cool, trust me.” He poked at her with his elbow, smiling, so she figured he wasn’t trying to be rude.
“Hey, the chicken is almost done, I think.” Hopefully, he was right; Daddy was maybe the worst cook ever.
“Oh, good. Pull it off the heat and add the snow peas and those little baby corns. We’ll be along in a minute.” Jian finished up with his carrots. “So, okay, it’s a class. That’s still cool. You like it?”
“Yes, sir. It’s nice.” She shot her daddy a look. Why was this guy talking to her? She pushed the broccolis over. “There you go.”
Daddy just winked at her and went back to stirring something.
“Looks good to me,” Jian said, scooping everything onto one cutting board and heading over to the stove. “This will just take a minute, and we’ll be eating.” Jian took over, and Daddy stepped away from the stove.
“Let’s set up in the living room. We can’t eat at the big table, obviously.” Daddy pulled some silverware out of the drawer. “Can you grab some napkins and maybe a couple of serving spoons, Sammy?”
“Okay.” She got two spoons and napkins, then hurried to whisper to her daddy. “I can go upstairs, Daddy, so y’all can watch football or whatever.”
See her. See her be nice.
“Aw. Thank you, sweetheart, but if I’m going to watch football, I’m going to do that with you. Jian is not a football guy. Anyway, I told you, he’s here to meet you. We’ll explain over dinner, I promise. I even broke down and got you some Dr Pepper. It’s in the fridge.”
“Where are your plates?” Jian asked.
“Get yourself a drink and show Jian where the plates are?”
“Explain what?” What could there possibly be to explain? “Is he like a psychologist or something? Because that’s not cool.”
Daddy laughed. “No, Sammy. He’s not a psychologist. You want to just wait here? I’ll get the drinks.” He walked away shaking his head.
“Sammy is afraid you’re a shrink.”
“Oh my God. Can you imagine?”
“No. Want a beer?”
“Wine.”
“Uh….”
“I brought some. In the cooler.”
“Oh. Good.”
Sammy just stood there while they talked about her like she couldn’t hear them and waited for whatever the big secret was that he couldn’t have just told her about five minutes ago.
A few minutes later, they appeared with plates and glasses and a bottle of wine, and a can of Dr Pepper. Jian set a big bowl of brown rice and a bigger bowl of stir-fry on the coffee table.
She went to sit on the floor so there was room for Daddy and his friend, checking her phone to see if anyone had texted her yet. God, Saturday nights were deadly boring if you didn’t have an official honey.
If Eli or Mari or Lace didn’t text her, it was going to be a long night of On Demand.
“This smells great.” Her daddy poured two glasses of wine. “Help yourself, Sammy.”
Jian was making himself a plate, and then he took it and also sat on the floor, though not right next to her. Thank God. He stretched out his legs, set his plate in his lap, and sipped his wine. “Oh, not bad for a screw top.”
She took a little spoon of both, just enough that Daddy couldn’t say anything about being rude and enough that, if it was gag-worthy, she could just push it around her plate without anyone noticing. She had polite noneating
down to an art. She’d even eaten at Sohail Nayani’s house once and, OMG.
Daddy took a sip of his wine and then about four more before he took a single bite of his dinner. “Okay, so.” He sipped his wine again, and now Sammy knew something weird was going on.
“Honey,” Jian jumped in. “I asked to come meet you tonight.”
“He did. But before we get to that, I just wanted to say that you know that I love you. And I don’t know a whole lot about who your friends were in Texas and what you think about things, but I have not been… completely honest with you. It didn’t matter that much before because you lived with your mom and barely knew me, but now…. I think now that’s not fair anymore.”
“To either of you,” Jian added.
“To either of us.” Daddy swallowed down the rest of his wine in one gulp.
Okay, whatever this was, she was totally not interested. She put her plate down and shook her head. “I’m done eating. I want to go to my room.”
No way she was letting Daddy ruin the best day she’d had since Momma died. No way.
Daddy just stared at her. He opened up his mouth a couple of times and closed it again, which was weird. He looked like a fish trying to get air. Finally, he put his wineglass down and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Not just yet, sweetheart, okay? I….” His voice cracked, and he stopped talking to clear his throat. Then he swallowed hard and looked right at her. “Okay, look. I get that you obviously have a different agenda tonight, and I’m not trying to take up your whole evening. I just wanted… I need to tell you that Jian is my boyfriend.”
So, that was unexpected. Like whoa.
“Okay. Good night.” She grabbed her Dr Pepper and ran upstairs, closing her door behind her and locking it. Oh, poor Momma. No wonder she never dated another guy.
She sat on the floor, her back to the door as she worked on advanced not-thinking about anything that had happened in the last hour.
Did you know, Momma? Did you know he was gay? Did he break your heart? Oh God. He doesn’t want kids here. Why did you have to go?
Her phone buzzed, and she damn near jumped out of her skin, for the first time in her whole life dreading looking at the screen. Mari. Okay.
Hey gurl. We still on 4 2morrow?
Oh God, no. No. That would be bad. cant. Got in trouble. Grounded til Monday. Sux
She didn’t want Daddy to have to explain to anyone. What if he got in trouble or got beat up? What if her friends’ parents found out, and she had to go live… what? In a foster home? Wasn’t she too old for that? Was that a thing? Could she live with him if he was gay? Was that a law or something? She wasn’t ready to live all alone yet. She put her phone away and put her cheek on her knees.
Okay, so she was just going to stay up here until school started on Monday.
Poor Daddy. It hadn’t been that he thought she was better with Momma. She really had screwed up his whole life.
Her phone buzzed again. She figured it was Mari again about tomorrow, so she glanced at it.
Dude save me it was Mom’s night and we’re watching TITANIC. Help?
Eli.
Oh dude. Stream TWD on your phone???
She shook her head, writing him a purely internal note. Dear, Eli, You’re supercute and you already think I’m sorta messed-up and you have no idea. Why do you have to be so cool? Love, Me.
Eli texted back quickly, If I put in headphones she’s gonna know. Maybe I’ll tell her I’m sick. Isn’t DiCaprio like a thousand years old now?
A zillion. He’s like more than my mom’s age. And Titanic was endless, like eight movies squashed into one.
She put her earbuds in and started looking for something to watch. Scream Queens, maybe. That had been pointless, but there was a lot of pretty.
There was a light knock on her door, and then another, stronger one. “Sammy? Sammy, sweetheart, can we talk?”
She shook her head. “I’m good, Daddy. Love you. Night.”
Go away. I don’t know what to say to you, and I don’t think you know what to say to me, either, so maybe we just shouldn’t talk until I’m in college.
“This doesn’t feel like love, Sammy. This hurts.”
What did that even mean?
And why the hell was she the one that had to be all…?
Okay. Just let him yell at her or whatever, and he would go. That’s how this whole thing worked. You let them lose their shit and tell you they’re hurt or disappointed or whatever. Then they laid down whatever punishment, you said sorry, then they went away.
One day, she’d remember this when she was a momma and not waste her time.
She stood up and opened the door. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”
It was always better if you just apologized first, no matter what you were supposed to have done.
“You just reacted. You don’t have to apologize.” Daddy looked like hell. His big shoulders were droopy, and his eyes were all red. “I sent Jian home, okay? He doesn’t have to be here if you don’t want him around. This is your house; you need to feel comfortable too. I just needed you to know—I didn’t want secrets, that’s all, and I guess I handled that wrong. I don’t know what the right way would have been. I’m hoping you can accept it over time, and….” He puffed out air slowly. “That’s it, I guess. And I love you no matter what.”
“I didn’t yell at you or tell anyone to leave. You do whatever.” No. God, no. Don’t talk back. That just makes it longer. Jesus. “Seriously. You do whatever. If you go call him real quick, he can come back or whatever.”
Just go away and don’t be weird.
“Right. I’ll just, um… I’ll just go do whatever.” He put his hand on the doorknob and started to close it but stopped partway. “Wow, Sammy. Would your mom be disappointed in you.” He closed the door quietly.
The hurt was so sudden and sharp that she felt it tug her abs up.
“Motherfucker,” she whispered, offering him the worst curse she had. What had she done wrong? Nothing. Nothing at all. She hadn’t yelled. She hadn’t threatened to tell on him. She’d even pretended to be in trouble so Mari wouldn’t find out. She stood there for a second, then locked her door again, quiet as she could. Then she called the only person she thought could maybe help her.
“Aunt Frances? It’s me. Can I please come home? I’ll do anything. Anything at all. Just please. Let me come back to Texas.”
Chapter 9
“MARI DIDN’T say why Sammy was grounded?”
“Nope. Just said she was stuck indoors until Monday.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Like, whoa.”
Eli sighed. Well, that would explain why he hadn’t heard from Sammy since they texted Saturday night. Eli couldn’t imagine what she’d done to get herself grounded after he left her house, but then again, she had seemed kind of off. Upset even.
But he was stoked to get the text from Erik about trying out the skate ramps at the park. At least his Sunday wasn’t a total washout. He set his board on the lip of the smaller ramp and took off, testing it out, switching his stance for the ride back.
He loved this part of skating—the rush, the speed, the part where he felt like he could do this whole weird life, at least for a second.
Erik flew by him. He loved to watch Erik skate because Erik was just so confident and made it look so easy. Eli hadn’t even started riding until last summer when he just needed an excuse to get out of the house. He liked the way the skaters dressed—the plaid, the layers—it worked for him, but he didn’t want to be a poser, so he’d decided to actually learn.
He was getting better, but he was glad Erik was cool with teaching him stuff. He wasn’t scared of the speed; he just wasn’t as strong. He was working out, though. He’d get better.
“Yo, that was sick, man.”
Erik bowed for him, grinning wide. “Been working that trick out.”
“Looked great.”
He set his board again, thinking maybe h
e’d try for some air on the turn around this time. Not a lot, just a little wheels-up to see how it felt. He pushed over the edge with a little more speed than his first run and was pretty psyched as he jumped off the lip on the other side.
He totally would have landed it if not for the BMXer that cut him off. His feet caught the board, but he had to bail so he didn’t run into the asshole. He landed on his heels, slid down the ramp, and ended up on his ass.
“Dude! Dude, not cool!” Erik sounded pissed as hell.
Eli got up and went after his board. He’d taken the skin off the heel of one hand, and he knew he’d have bruises later. “What the hell?”
He hated those bikes. They technically weren’t allowed on the ramps, but it wasn’t like anyone was there to stop them.
Two more bikes came off the sidewalk, buzzed Erik, and took off down the ramp.
Eli grabbed his board and headed up the ramp. He didn’t want to be down there with those bastards doing tricks. Those bikes could hurt.
“You okay, bro?”
“Yeah. But that guy’s lucky I didn’t kick my board at his head.” He could talk big, but he wasn’t going to pick a fight. He’d just let the assholes have the ramp.
“No shit.”
Eli heard a bike skid to a stop behind him and turned around. “Fuck,” he whispered. He knew this guy, which meant he knew the asshole’s little posse too.
“We’re going to ride for a while. Stay out of our way, got it?”
He couldn’t tell if Brad recognized him or not.
Erik flipped Brad off. “Go find a nice little bike trail to play on.”
Okay. That wasn’t a good idea. At all. Eli stepped closer to Erik. “Let’s just go, man. Screw them.” Eli had had enough run-ins with Brad to be nervous, and not just because of his lack of testosterone.
“Well you can ride, Slim, but we’ll run your skinny ass over.”
“Dickheads, trying to take over where they don’t belong.” Erik looked like he was going to explode. Boom.