“You can’t leave here,” she says maniacally.
“Watch me,” I hiss.
“Nobody leaves here, Shay. We belong to him now, we are his.” She says this as though it were a good thing.
“Who?”
“You know. Look, I don’t want to summon him right now. I want to try to help you accept this,” she whispers, reaching for my hands.
“I’m not accepting this. I’m getting the fuck out of here, and if you’re not going to help me, you need to leave me alone.”
“Alone.” She says it as though it’s all she’s ever known, which could actually be true.
“You know I’m really sorry that things happened the way they did. But there was nothing I could do. I tried to help you; I tried to be there for you. But let’s be honest, that’s not what you really wanted. You were never happy unless you were making me miserable.” My anger’s rising with the prospect that even in her death she blames me.
“No Shay, you were never there for me.” She hangs her head and turns away from me.
“You’re so wrong.”
“Am I? Then stay here with me,” she pleads without turning around.
“No. I can’t. I won’t.” I continue walking in the opposite direction, leaving her behind.
***
I walk for what feels like days, miles, and years. There’s no sign of Aiden. I sit on the bank of the river which makes it look like I haven’t moved at all. I can still see the remnants of the dock. It’s like I haven’t gained any ground at all. I’ve resigned myself that Aiden is gone.
How many times am I going to lose him? Why is it always this way with him, constantly having to say goodbye to an empty room instead of to him? Just once I’d love the chance to tell him goodbye and have it be on my terms and not his. The thoughts continue to ramble through my mind, and it occurs to me that I’ve never had the chance to say goodbye to him because I’ve never had the strength to let go.
I put my fingers to my lips as a single tear glides down my cheek. “One day I’ll get to say goodbye on my terms. Right now, I have a problem to solve.”
Sitting in this spot, I start to go over all the different ways I’ve tried to get out and how and why they didn’t work. Maybe I wasn’t ready to leave; maybe because I knew Aiden couldn’t come with me, I didn’t really want to leave. But now it’s time to stop sitting here like some sort of weakling. I’m not weak; being sad and indecisive isn’t weak. Is it?
Fortifying myself, I stand and walk forward, heavy with purpose. A thousand voices ring in my head. Voices of the dead. My mother, Elise, Alice and Gary, Kevin and many I don’t even know. They are all begging me to stay. Then I hear one voice telling me to come home. It’s Eli.
People start appearing before me in various states of death and decomposition. All the bodies to go along with the voices, Mom grabs my elbow. “Don’t go, dear.”
“Let me go, Mom, I don’t belong here.” I push past her, and her grip tightens on my arm.
“Don’t go, dear,” she repeats in an absent tone.
The need to get away from her boils in me. All I can think of is getting away from all the hands and voices reaching out to me, grabbing at me, pulling me. When I feel pulled under, I fight harder to get out. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a sword; instinctively I reach for it and start cutting at the arms and hands. I can’t look at all the faces, and I keep telling myself this isn’t real. Regardless of how Mom felt about me, she wouldn’t want me to be here. I have to hold on to that, believe it, feel it, know it.
Blood pools at my feet from all the cutting through the arms and vines. Finally, I come to a clearing. Eli and Aiden are standing side by side, and I know with certainty what I have to do to get out of here.
Chapter 28
Heart of the Matter
Eli
“What if he gets stuck in there?” Quag asks with concern as he attaches another electrode to my chest.
“Then I’ll be with Shay,” I say with resolution. That’s all I want is to be with her. To keep her safe.
“You can’t keep her safe in there,” Carl says with a sad smile. “Just be careful.”
“He’s not going to get stuck,” McNab says, and looks at me. “You aren’t going to get stuck. You’re going in, and you’re coming right back out with Shay, do you hear me?”
“Yes. I just have to stay attached to the line, right?” I ask, tugging at the climbing rope.
“You should tell him,” Carl warns McNab.
“No, he knows all he needs to,” McNab returns.
“Tell me what?” I ask, trying not to panic.
“Nothing, just remember the line. That’s all you need to know. Get Shay, come back. You hear me? Get her and come back.” He bends down in front of where I’m sitting to look me in the eye.
“This is a bad idea,” Pitch says as he calibrates a piece of equipment that’s monitoring something on me. I have no idea what any of this shit attached to me is.
“Is there any other way?” My heart aches thinking of her being alone in there. I have no idea what to expect other than what McNab has told me.
“No. But that doesn’t make it any less of a bad idea,” he returns. “Eli, it’s the only way, and we have to get her out of there fast or we’re going to lose her. It’s not going well for her in there. We may have lost her already.” McNab never looks up from the screen tracking her motions. There’s pain running through his expression.
“Okay, he’s set.” Quag looks at Pitch. “You done?”
“Yup, he’s ready.” Pitch shakes his head and sits down at a computer screen.
I get up and walk over to where they have the tripods set up on the pile of mud. “Just go through?”
This feels so ridiculous. I’m hooked up to all of this shit, and now I’m going to walk through an imaginary door to another dimension.
“Not another dimension, another plane. It’s a little different.” Carl comes over and puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll be with you all the way on this side. Just try to keep your mind open.”
“You got it, Chief.” I release a breath and move forward, expecting to only walk across the room and not through the invisible door.
To my surprise, I lean forward and find that I’m in a very different place from the other side of the guest room. It’s some sort of swamp. The screaming is deafening, and it’s all I can hear. I put my hands up to my ears to drown out the sound, but it doesn’t help. I take a few steps and have to stop because there’s a pain shooting through my head from the noise.
“Eli, listen to my voice, not theirs.” I can hear Carl in my head.
“How?” It hurts and I can’t concentrate.
“Just stay calm, think of Shay,” he says.
“I am, but it hurts more when I do.” I’m holding my head because of the pain.
“Focus, Eli, you’ve got this.” Carl’s tone is calming. He keeps talking about Shay. Telling me to imagine her smile, her mannerisms that drive me crazy in a good way, and how she smells. God I love how she smells, like she was made for me.
“That’s it. Keep that up and keep walking. You are nearly to her,” Carl says.
“There’s a clearing up ahead and I can see someone,” I call out.
“Eli, do not interact with anyone in there other than Shay,” he warns.
“Got it.” Shouldn’t be a problem. The horror that is surrounding me isn’t exactly conducive to chit chat.
Pushing through the vines, I reach the clearing. “Aiden?” He looks so old and decrepit. I nearly thought it was Oliver.
“Eli,” he says simply without looking at me.
“Are you okay?”
His head snaps in my direction with a hollow stare. “Do I look okay to you?”
There’s a rustling in the thicket directly in front of us. Shay slices through a tangle of vegetation and enters the clearing. The sword she’s holding is dripping blood, and she looks nearly identical to how she did in the drawing. Her hair is
matted and her clothes torn. Her eyes are wild with rage and fear. Her chest is covered in sweat and dirt and is heaving with labored breaths. My heart sinks into my stomach as I wonder if she is going to murder me and everyone else in the house. What if I die in here? What if she stabs me with that thing?
“Then you die,” Carl answers in my mind.
“Thanks.”
Shay’s wild eyes focus in on me, having heard me speak. “What are you doing here?” she says in an angry tone.
“I came to bring you home.” My hand extends toward her cautiously like she’s a rabid animal.
She stands there panting for a solid minute and takes careful steps toward Aiden and me.
“And what are you doing here?” She looks Aiden in the eye.
“I’m here to be with you and help you.” She turns her head to me. I choose to stay silent; it seems like the safe bet. After studying me for a long while, she gently puts her hand on my cheek and caresses my neck. I drink in her touch and try to convey my love to her through my eyes.
Her hand rests over my heart and I don’t dare move. I break a hint of a smile. “It’s yours.”
Without responding to me, she looks back to Aiden.
“Shay, baby, I love you. Come with me.” He reaches out to her, and she drops the sword and moves toward him.
“Shay.” I speak softly. “Shay, please come home.”
Her focused stare burns through me, then returns her attention to Aiden. Shay looks down at her hand, flexing it. She studies us both again.
Her expression becomes more certain than I’ve ever seen it, and she reaches forward with a powerful push, creating a hole in Aiden’s chest. She pulls her hand back, holding his heart. It beats one time, then stills. She looks at it, then at Aiden.
“Now I can go home.” She drops the heart, and it hits the ground at the same time as Aiden’s body.
Holy fuck what just happened?
“Don’t panic, don’t make any sudden moves.” Carl’s alarmed voice rings though my thoughts.
Shay bends down and picks up her sword and looks at me expectantly.
“Come with me, Shay,” I say it to her in a calm voice even though I’m scared shitless.
“No, I already know the way,” she says as she turns and walks in the opposite direction.
“Don’t let her go,” Carl warns.
“Shay, really, come back with me. Everyone’s waiting for you.” I step toward her.
She turns and raises her sword to me. “I don’t need you.” She disappears back into the thicket.
“What do I do?” I plead for Carl to give me instructions.
“Come back,” he says, defeated.
I make my way back, replaying what happened, and I can’t stop picturing her ripping Aiden’s heart out of his chest. I swear I could hear the last beat it took. It was in her bloodied hand and she dropped it. She just dropped it.
When I come back through to the bedroom, everyone is waiting.
“Did you see her? Is she okay? Why didn’t she come?” McNab is full of questions.
Carl’s head hangs low and he looks completely exhausted. I’m covered in mud and grime. I don’t remember how it got there. All I really remember is what she did.
“She–she–” I stammer falling into a chair.
“She what? Is she okay?” McNab asks. Everyone else in the room is solemnly quiet. As though they know what happened.
“She ripped his heart out and dropped it.” I lean my head back in the chair.
“Jesus Christ. She ripped who’s heart out?” McNab is in my face.
“Aiden, she ripped Aiden’s heart out. And dropped it, just dropped it on the ground like it was a used tissue.”
“Aiden?” McNab questions. “Not possible.”
“He was there. She did it.” I pause, my breath catching in my throat. “Like the pictures, she has a sword.”
McNab kicks one of the tripods. “Fuck me.”
“What now?” I ask, surprised at seeing McNab unhinged.
“I don’t know,” he says. “I just don’t know.”
Chapter 29
Fortified with Pain & Suffering
Shay
The tears that want to escape me choke me instead, and I feel like I can’t breathe. There’s no way I’m showing any kind of weakness. I did what I had to do; nothing in here is real and I had to let it go in order to get out. At least that was the idea, but I’ve been running and cutting through the thicket for what feels like hours. Whether or not I’m any closer to getting out of here is a mystery. But giving up isn’t going to help.
Another clearing comes into my view. I don’t recognize this place at all. It seems strange that this part is unfamiliar, yet every other part of this place was like a warped mirror image of my memory. Cautiously, I walk into the clearing, staying vigilant for any movement. My fingers hold the sword so tight my knuckles are white.
There’s a light coming from the opposite side of the clearing. I cross over and poke the light with the sword, but nothing happens. Exhaustion overcomes me, and I have to sit right where I’m standing. I’m afraid to close my eyes for fear that Elise or Aiden will appear in front of me. Dread fills me as I try to reconcile what I did to Aiden, but something in me knows it wasn’t really him. The way he let go of me, Aiden would never do that. He would only ever go on his terms. Surely this line of thinking is self-serving, designed to make me feel better about my choice to tear his heart out. I don’t know where I got the strength. After pondering for a few moments, I study my hand. “I guess you’ve always had the strength within.”
The space that the light is taking up expands as I speak. Squinting my eyes so as not to end up with my vision obscured, I try to look closer at the light. “Open,” I command. Once again, the space around the light gets bigger.
I scramble to my feet, never taking my eyes off the light. Moving toward it, I stumble a little. “Open,” I say again, and the light becomes more intense, hurting my eyes.
“No,” I command, and the light dims, but the opening stays the same size. I put my hand through but can’t really feel anything on the other side.
A dark shadow comes toward me, moving at a menacing pace. My instincts tell me to run, but I stand my ground. I’m trying to figure out if this light is the way out of here, and this thing coming at me is telling me that I’m probably getting close. It comes through the light, stopping in front of me. I watch as the image of the Specter solidifies.
“Why?” he asks simply.
Fear surges through me, threatening my resolve. “I don’t belong here.”
“But my love, I need you here. I brought you here for us.”
“No us, only me.” I push past him toward the opening but run into an invisible barrier. I can see something resembling normal through the portal.
“But I can be whatever you want.” His dark features morph into Aiden’s face. “Is this what you want?”
In silence I push hard against the barrier, never looking the Specter in the eye. His face changes to Eli’s, and I shudder a little but continue trying to break through.
“My love, look at me. I can give you everything.” He motions to the dark twisted world around us.
Anger takes me over and I scream out, “I don’t want any of this. I don’t want you in my life at all and I will go home.” With a final push, I fall through the invisible barrier and through the portal.
The sensation of falling feels interminable. Everything passes me by in a blur and I can’t make out any of the images or shapes. Hands wrap around my neck and squeeze, pulling me back. With my arms flailing, I try to find anything I can grab on to so I won’t be drawn back to where I was. Even though I have no idea where I’m going, it has to be better than where I just was. Fighting and scraping at anything I can hold, I break free and gasp for the air I was being deprived.
With a thud, I land. The light is hovering above me, and without even thinking, I yell out, “Close.” The light disappears.
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The silence feels as disconcerting as the screaming in that nightmare land. It takes a few moments for me to acclimate to the quiet and warmth of where I am now. With eyes closed, I inhale deeply and know immediately that I’m in Aiden’s bedroom in the Roth family home. I’m scared to open my eyes for fear of finding it’s just another illusion. I pull my knees into my chest and work on building the courage to see if I’m really here.
Slowly, my eyes open. Not a thing out of place and not a speck of dust on any of the trophies hanging on the wall. A wild boar, a few deer, a big-mouth bass and a small shark adorn the walls as a testament to Aiden’s hunting and fishing prowess. I take in the scent again and fall into the comfort of the smell of him.
Trying to run my fingers through my hair, they catch in a matted tangle. I look down at my clothes covered in mud, blood and God knows what else. I go into the bathroom adjacent to Aiden’s bedroom and strip my clothes off, leaving them in a heap on the floor. After turning on the shower, I study my body in the mirror and find many scrapes, cuts and bruises.
“That’s going to leave a scar.” I run my fingers carefully over a large gash on my arm and one on my belly. The mirror begins to fog up and I step in, letting the hot water run over me, I realize how thirsty I am as I start drinking from the shower head. For several minutes I just let the mud and grime wash down the drain. I worry about the false sense of comfort I have, hoping and praying that this isn’t an illusion. The shampoo feels like heaven. I wash my face and body with Aiden’s soap. His scent is all I can smell, feel and think about.
The truth about where Aiden is still eludes me. Is he dead? I really don’t know. The memory of pulling his heart out of his chest plays in my mind. The horrified look on Aiden’s face as his heart beat one last time. It wasn’t really him, I tell myself. Nothing there was what it seemed. I had to do it to get out of there, to loosen the grip the Specter had on me. The water starts to run lukewarm. A dry laugh escapes me as the droplets run over my face. “The Specter.” I really must be going mad. Satisfied that all the mud and conditioner is out of my hair, I turn off the shower and wrap myself in a towel. For lack of a better idea, I go to Aiden’s closet, grab a t-shirt from a drawer, pull one of his thermal hoodies off its hanger and bury my face in it to take in the scent of cedar and laundry detergent that is Aiden. The aroma is distant and a little stale since I’m sure Aiden hasn’t been here for awhile. The pain of his absence tries to surface, but I have things to take care of and push it back down. I slip into a pair of his sweat pants and go back into the bathroom.
INK: Vanishing Point (Book 2) Page 19