This was why she tried so hard to stay away from him. Because regardless of how much her heart longed for him, he couldn’t commit. So being angry was easier, it protected her heart from acting on impulse with him which would lead to her destruction.
Ryder snaked his arm around her shoulders. At his touch the girl laughed. Not a giggle like most girls. No, this was a freak show of a laugh. Ms. Bubbly redhead sounded more like a hyena than a woman.
Allie and Jared share a horrified look. They had planned on getting Ryder and Cassie under the same roof, but they didn’t predict that he’d bring a date. The boy had only been in town a couple of days, one would think that was too soon to be out prowling for chicks.
Cassie saw the exchange between Jared and Allie and wondered if that look was because of her or because of hyena girl. Ryder leaned close to her, saying something in her ear, and she laughed again. This time it sounded more of a mixture of a hyena and a witch. What did he see in her?
Cassie watched as Ryder swatted her on the backside. She was not going to sit here all night and watch his endless flirting with this girl. Her heart had already been chewed up, spit out, and thrown in a grinder. It had taken her years to put the pieces back together.
Jared cleared his throat, loudly. When Ryder failed to pay attention Jared spoke. “Have you no manners, man?”
“What?” Ryder stopped his groping long enough to look at his friend. Jared nodded in Cassie’s direction. Ryder followed his friend’s gaze and froze. His eyes grew as large as saucers. “Oh.”
“Yeah.” Jared shook his head at his friend’s stupidity.
Cassie climbed out of the pool. She’d forgotten to bring a towel with her. With water dripping from her hair and rolling down her skin, she walked right past Ryder and hyena girl.
She heard him calling her name but chose to ignore him. Protecting herself was top priority.
She entered the pool house. Forget dinner, she’d get take out and go home. She hung the bathing suit up on a hook to drip dry. Smoothing her blouse and skirt out, she opened the door. “I better go. I have a ton of work to do before tomorrow.”
Allie’s face fell, her shoulders slumped. “At least stay and eat.”
“Maybe next time.” She avoided Ryder’s stare as she headed towards the house. She heard his footsteps but continued on her way hoping he’d just give up. No such luck.
He reached out for her arm, halting her before she could reach the handle to the back door. “Cass…” For once he was at a loss for words.
“Hey.” She didn’t turn to look at him. “I have a lot of work waiting for me. I need to go. It was nice seeing you though.”
“Can I stop by later?”
Cassie turned on her heel. She looked over his shoulder at hyena girl who was calling out his name, or rather, screeching out his name. Ryder, unfazed by her shrill voice, pleaded with his eyes. “Get back to your date. I really need to leave.”
He glanced over his shoulder then turned his attention back to her. “Give me an hour to get her back home and I’ll drop by. I really would like to catch up. I’ve missed you.”
“Yeah, I can tell.” She jerked her arm free and continued into the house. Her keys were lying on top of the movie she’d brought over. Hyena girl yelled louder, earning her repulsive glares from both Jared and Allie.
Ryder fell in step right behind her, his date just background noise in his ears. If he’d known that Cassie would be here he’d have never brought that girl with him. Heck, if he’d known that she was so annoying he would have never accepted a date from her. He couldn’t stand the way she laughed or her high-pitched yelling.
To be perfectly honest, Cassie was the one he wanted to spend his free time with. Let’s face it, you don’t love someone the way he loved her back in high school and not carry a torch for that person. Their lives may have moved in different directions but he still very much loved her.
Retrieving her movie and keys, she waltzed out of the house. He stood in the doorway. “I’ll be there in an hour, two max.” She pretended not to hear him. She drove away without a backwards glance.
“How the heck was I to know that the idiot would bring a flipping date?” Jared asked.
He and Allie had planned this barbeque while plotting ways to get Ryder and Cassie together. Those two had some issues that needed to be worked out. What they didn’t expect was for Ryder to bring a girl to the festivities.
“There you are. I was wondering where everyone ran off to.” Ryder’s date came waltzing into the kitchen looking around, presumably for her man.
Both Jared and Allie rolled their eyes. Neither one of them could stand her screeching racket she called a voice.
Ryder strolled into the kitchen after watching Cassie drive away. The moment he came into view his date ran to his side. “There you are, love. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on,” she tugged on his arm, “let’s go for a dip in the pool.”
He gently removed his arm from her grip.
The girl was persistent. She reached for his hand, tugging him towards the back door. “Come on.”
He pulled away again. “Change of plans, babe.” Looking at Jared he asked, “Can I get her number from you?”
Jared sent a text to Ryder with Cassie’s home phone and cell phone numbers.
Ryder glanced at his phone. “Thanks, man.” Placing his hand on the small of her back, Ryder ushered his date out of the house. He’d drop her off and then head over to Cassie’s. Hopefully this visit would go better than the last one.
If Cassie allowed herself to spend any kind of time with Ryder then she’d end up falling madly in love with him all over again and that frightened her. It frightened her because there was no way that she could sit back and be second place to his groupies. And if he did manage to commit to her while he was in town, it wouldn’t last. Eventually, his manager would call with the next tour schedule and he’d leave.
She contemplated turning off every light in the house in hopes that he’d think she wasn’t home. Her car was hidden in the garage, it could work. Knock, knock. She silently cursed. That’s what happens when you try to weigh out your options at the last minute, you run out of time.
She peeked out of the peephole. He wore a black shirt and his ripped faded blue jeans. She also noticed that he was not wearing his ridiculous glove. That was a surprise.
She held her breath and didn’t move a muscle. If she was quiet then he might just go away. Knock, knock. This time his knock was a little louder.
He looked at the peephole. It appeared that he looked right at her. “I know you’re in there.” She still refused to make a sound or open the door. His stare became intense, like he could actually see her from that side of the peephole.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped back and opened the door. “Sorry, I was busy.”
Ryder walked past her. “Sure you were.” He wandered around her living room, looking at her photos. There was one that caught his eye right away, a young boy with Cassie and her brother Nathan. Another photo stuck out, it was a picture of him on stage at his first concert. He was shocked that she’d even have that one.
Cassie cleared her throat. “You came over to talk not to inspect my house.”
“Right.” He sat on the sofa. “So how have you been?”
Cassie stared at him opened mouth. When he said he wanted to talk to her she figured he’d say something to the extent of I’m here to retrieve all my CD’s and whatever else I left with you. She did not expect him to come waltzing in making small talk.
“Okay.” He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. “What’s your problem? I thought that you would be excited to see me. You’ve been nothing but rude.”
“My problem?” She sat down in a chair across the room from him. “Why did you come back, Ryder?”
He stared at her, lost for words. Really, what had crawled up her butt anyway? She was so rude. He did a quick shake of his head to clear his thoughts before answering her que
stion. “My tour is over and I thought I could use a break. I haven’t had a vacation since, well, ever.”
“Yeah, me neither,” she cut him off. Why did this have to be so hard? Her heart hurt so badly just being in the same room with him because even through the heartache, her heart belonged to him. She fought the tears that threatened to reveal themselves. “Why are you here?” She pointed to a spot on the living room floor as to emphasize where here was.
He looked down at the spot she pointed to then back at her, confused. “I came to see you. I thought that you might actually be happy to see me.” His hazel eyes bore into hers. “What is wrong with you?”
“You left me,” she shouted. She hadn’t meant to say it. It made her sound so childish and she hated herself for it. He looked at her, taken aback by her outburst. She stood. “We had just graduated high school. We were planning on getting an apartment together and starting the new chapter of our lives.”
“Yes we did but our plans changed. You always knew that it was a possibility,” he shot back.
She shook with rage, her cheeks heating with boiling anger. Did he not understand a flipping thing? She had loved him, would have traveled to the ends of the earth just to be with him. Tears formed in her eyes and she fought hard to keep them at bay.
When she managed to swallow the lump in her throat, she continued. “When you came to see me that night you said that you had just signed a contract with a record label and were leaving the next day.” She turned away from him. “You just packed up and left town.”
“Dang woman, you’re still upset over that?” He stood, crossed the room to her. “I had a once in a lifetime opportunity. I couldn’t pass that up.” He turned her to face him. “You knew that was my dream when we got together.” After all, it wasn’t like they were married with a family at the time he received the offer to tour the world.
Unable to stop herself, she blinked and the tears fell from her eyes. “Yes, I did.” She wiped her eyes with the collar of her shirt. “I guess I had just hoped that I would be a part of that dream.” She walked around him. If she didn’t find a tissue soon her nose would start dripping.
He couldn’t believe his ears. At the time that he made his decision to leave, she was also pursuing a dream of her own. “If I remember correctly, you were planning to pursue the publishing industry.”
The publishing field had been a dream of hers since she could remember. When they graduated high school she’d already had her classes scheduled for the fall. He was right. She was also pursuing her own dreams at the time.
It had taken a lot of work to land a job at Bradshaw Publishing. She started out answering phones and running errands. After a few months of running errands Mr. Bradshaw called her into his office.
One of his editors had just quit and he was in search of a replacement. He was reluctant but decided to give her a small article to edit. When she turned it in, he was impressed by her skills and gave her the position on a trial bases.
She started to walk away but Ryder took hold of her hand, tugging her body close to his. He ran his fingers through her silky blonde hair. “Man, I’ve missed this.” Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers.
Cassie was stunned by his actions. She tried to fight it but her heart out won her mind. After eight years of absence, he still made her heart beat wildly. She found herself kissing him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. The moment was beautiful, until his cell phone rang.
He pulled away, leaving her cold from the loss of his touch. He fished in his pocket for the phone. He didn’t even read the name on the Caller ID, he just hit answer. “Hello?” He listened to the caller for a minute. “I can’t talk right now.”
Cassie looked at him, the man she had loved since her freshman year of high school. No amount of time had changed that. She knew that she needed to tell him now while she had the chance, he deserved to know.
Ryder moved to the kitchen for some privacy. When he was out of sight she touched her kiss swollen lips with her fingertips. Her heart beat furiously with these raw emotions, until she heard his next words. “Listen Baby, I don’t have time to talk right now. I have this thing in the morning and I need to go.”
Baby? Oh, well that was just great. Then again, she shouldn’t have been too surprised. Earlier she saw him with that redhead making out in the middle of the movie rental parking lot. The same girl he took to Jared’s house, parading around like his little trophy. So he was the typical rock star.
This would be the death of her if she didn’t nip this fling, this one night stand or whatever she was to him, in the bud.
Cassie glared at him when he entered the living room. “Who was that?” She did her best not to sound like a jealous girlfriend. After all they weren’t a couple and hadn’t been for a very long time. Gawd, she needed a vacation.
“Oh, it was just a member of the other band I was touring with.” He reached out to touch her face but she backed away. “Cass, what’s up?” He looked confused by her reaction.
Lies. He was willing to tell her a lie about his call? “I think you should go.” She pointed to the front door. “Don’t come back Ryder, please,” she whispered. Her heart couldn’t go through these yo-yo emotions any more. If he didn’t want to be with her, and only her, then he needed to stay away for good.
Ryder stared at her, stunned. One minute everything was great and the next minute she was as cold as ice. What the heck. Her bipolar attitude was starting to give him whiplash.
He opened his mouth to speak but snapped it shut instead. He couldn’t handle this kind of craziness. Without saying bye he walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him.
Ryder slammed the door to his Mercedes. What in the world had just happened back there? Cassie kissed him, just like old times, but then she went all psycho and ordered him out. He stomped across the yard and up the porch steps.
The front door opened before he could reach out for the knob. Jared greeted him with an ice cold beer. “Here man, looks like you could use this.”
“Thanks.” He sat on the top step, popped the top and took a long drink. “I know you were waiting for me. How’d you know I needed it?”
Jared stepped outside, sitting on the porch with Ryder. “Allie. Cassie called her when you left her place.”
“What the heck is that girl’s problem? One minute she’s kissing me.” Jared raised a brow at this bit of information. Allie hadn’t mentioned that to him earlier. “Then the next minute she’s ordering me to leave and never come back.” Ryder tipped the bottle, draining the beer.
Jared sighed. “Look, a lot has changed since you left.” He sipped on his beer before continuing. “You need to be patient with her. Life hasn’t been easy for that girl.”
“Oh and it’s been so easy for me,” he huffed. “Sleeping while on tour is dang near impossible. Between practice and concerts I barely have enough time to eat.” He couldn’t believe his own ears. That statement sounded very much like a pout, even to him.
“I’m sure there were plenty of women to help relieve some of your stress,” Jared teased.
“Well, yeah, there were women.” Ryder smiled. Jared hit the nail on the head. There had definitely been plenty of women to keep him company. Here recently there was a female guitarist in the band that he had just finished touring with.
Jared drained his beer. “Don’t string Cassie along. She deserves better than that, a player is definitely not what she needs. Her life has changed dramatically since you left, she needs stability.” Jared stood up, said good night, and went in the house.
Ryder didn’t know what to think. Cassie seemed to be doing well. She had a great job in a publishing company just like she always wanted. Besides, what was wrong with reliving some of their past romance?
She didn’t have a ring on that finger of hers or any children for that matter. The way he saw it, they were both consenting adults. If she wanted to get a little freaky with him, what business was that of anyone else?
He sat his empty bottle down. Coming home was the right move. Not only was he able to visit his friends, he was discovering something else. Cassie was still the number one girl in his life. The one that played his heartstrings to perfection.
After Ryder’s visit, Cassie had a restless night’s sleep. Her dreams were a mixture of nightmares and what-might-have-been.
What might have been if Ryder had chosen her over music? The two of them might be living in a nice home with children running around. Most importantly, his arms would be around her every night.
Then the nightmare would kick in. They were no longer happy, their relationship only lasting for a couple of years because he grew to resent her for staying. He ended up hating her for choosing her instead of his dream.
What might have been if she would have given up everything to follow him on tour? It would have been rough and very tiring but she would still have his arms around her every night.
Then like clockwork the nightmare reared its ugly head, right when she felt safe in his arms. This time her dream Ryder didn’t pack up and leave, he just brought his groupies back to the tour bus not bothering to hide them from her. Her dream Ryder would smirk at her as she watched, horrified, while he made out with random fans.
The next morning Cassie woke with the biggest headache. The lack of rest made her grumpy and unpleasant to be around. Work was slow going which only irked her nerves more. Finally the clock struck twelve and she packed up her things to meet Allie for lunch.
The two of them met at the café across the street from Bradshaw Publishing. “Jeez Cassie,” Allie said as she sat down in the booth. “You look like you’ve been hit by a truck.”
Cassie removed her massaging hands from her temples and popped more Ibuprofen. “Oh thanks.” She sipped her coffee. Today was proving to be a very long day and only promised to get worse. “I didn’t sleep well last night. I really wish he would have stayed gone. It definitely would be easier if he had.”
Love Redeemed Page 3