by Jules Court
A voice sounded from above him. “I think they leave their coffee on the burner too long,” Elizabeth said. She gave him a transparent smile, but the happy happy joy joy routine wasn’t tricking him anymore. She wasn’t any more unaffected by their separation than he was.
She’d changed out of her scrubs and into jeans and, in deference to the new chill in the air, a sweater. In the past week, the last remnants of summer had faded.
“You want to go somewhere else? We could go to my place,” he offered, even though he knew she wouldn’t take him up on it. And he didn’t know who he was fooling, not himself, because if they went back to his place, talking wouldn’t be happening for a while. It’d been too long since he’d been inside her.
She glanced around the coffee shop, at the other patrons that lingered, sipping coffee and eating muffins. “Let’s go,” she said, to his surprise.
They took his truck, leaving her car in the hospital lot. Ostensibly because parking in his neighborhood was a bitch, but deep down he knew he’d insisted because he wanted her to stay at his side. They were both quiet on the ride over, which was new. But he didn’t want to joke or tease or say something to lighten the mood. This wasn’t the quiet of two people with nothing to say, but the quiet of things yet to be spoken.
He looked over at her. She gave him a half smile before resting her hand on his thigh. She might as well have placed it right on his cock for his body’s reaction. He gripped his hands tighter on the wheel and focused on making it home in one piece.
* * *
When she walked into the coffee shop, it was only to say that she’d enjoyed their time together but it was over now. Unfortunately, her traitorous body hadn’t signed on to that plan. The moment she’d set eyes on him all she could think about was touching, and tasting, and feeling. Of flexing muscles and burning green eyes as he drove himself inside her. Just one more time, her body cried out.
When he wedged his truck into a spot in front of his building, she’d jumped out before he’d even turned the engine off. He fumbled for his keys at the front door and she couldn’t resist grabbing his butt.
“You’re not making this any easier,” he said with a mock growl, and opened the door.
“It’s your fault for having a cute butt,” she said, following him into the entryway.
“That’s it,” he said, and scooped her up, making her squeal, and slung her over his shoulder in the classic fireman’s carry.
“You better not drop me on my head,” she said as he took the stairs at a fast pace. He didn’t even seem winded and she might be thin, but she was no lightweight, not at her height.
“So little faith,” he said in an even voice. “I can carry another person wearing full gear that weighs more than you. You’re not the only one who saves lives.” He managed to get his apartment door unlocked and opened without even jiggling her. He kicked it shut behind him and, instead of putting her down, carried her straight to his bedroom.
He unslung her and dropped her on the bed. “Get naked,” he ordered in a voice that turned her insides to liquid.
She wriggled out of her jeans and underwear, wrenched off her sweater, and unclipped and tossed her bra faster than if they’d been dipped in acid. He stripped without finesse, but it was still the most erotic thing she’d ever seen, especially when he pulled a condom from his nightstand and rolled it over his hard cock. She lightly stroked herself and her fingers came away slick with moisture.
“I want you inside me,” she said.
He covered her with his body and she nuzzled his neck. When she felt the head of his cock press against her entrance, she spread her legs wider to welcome him, wanting him with a need that was almost frantic. He slid in with a few shallow strokes that had her needing more.
He pulled out and she almost cried except that he quickly flipped her on her front. An arm under her stomach guided her to her knees. He entered her from behind, drawing a startled gasp. He was so deep inside her, his throbbing cock pulsing against her walls. He moved, slamming into her, and a guttural moan erupted from her throat. Again and again he pounded, so deep and thick, his cock rubbing against her clit on every stroke until she thought she couldn’t take any more.
And then he leaned forward, draping himself over her while continuing to thrust. One hand snaked around her body and his fingers found her clit. He rubbed it in a rhythm that matched his pounding cock.
She spiraled higher and higher to teeter on the precipice. She was a being of pure sensation, the only reality the weight and heat of his body and pleasure-pain of his relentless penetration, and the clever fingers rubbing her engorged clit. Until her body tensed, muscles locking, her vagina clamping down on his cock as she orgasmed. She felt him follow, his body tensing, and then he groaned.
They collapsed together on the bed. He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him so she nestled into his body. “No, don’t fall asleep,” he said.
“Mmph,” she replied, wanting to drift away, warm in his arms and, for the moment, happy. She didn’t want reality.
He kissed her temple. “We need to talk.”
It pierced her safe bubble. Nothing good came from those words. She opened her eyes, tried to pull away, but he kept her anchored tight. “I’m trying to understand why you won’t return any of my calls. Why you don’t want to let me in?”
Her first instinct was to deny and just brush it off. She opened her mouth, but the words died. She turned her head away from eyes that saw too much.
“I get it. You’re scared,” he said in a gentle voice. “You lost your parents. That sucks.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That more than sucks. I can’t even imagine—I don’t even want to think about losing my parents. And obviously it’s left a mark. You were scared to lose anyone else. You made Megan your whole life because that was safe. Not only did you lose your parents, but you lost everything. Your friends, boyfriend, the future you thought you were going to have. And now Megan’s gone too.”
She sat up. “Megan’s going because I want her to. I want her to have a future.”
He propped himself up on an elbow. “The future you missed out on?”
“My life is fine.” She snatched her sweater from off the floor and pulled it over her head. Fished her jeans from the end of the bed and wriggled back into them.
Will seemed unconcerned with his nudity, not bothering to put his clothes back on. “Except for the part when you’re so afraid of losing anyone else that you’re running away from something real,” he said. “We’re good together and we could be great.” His voice held a conviction that felt like an icepick to her heart, the pain was immediate. She didn’t want to hurt him. Why couldn’t he just accept that she wasn’t relationship material?
In desperation, she lashed out. “You have some ego. Maybe I just don’t want to be with you.”
“I don’t believe that.” His voice remained calm and steady.
“No, because you’re so full of yourself you can’t conceive of someone not wanting you.”
“You want me. I think we just proved that.”
She fumbled for her shoes, but couldn’t answer him. What could she say? He was right. She did want him. And she wished to God she didn’t. Her vision was growing blurry and she blinked, trying to clear it. Lately, it was as though every tear she hadn’t cried had just been backed up waiting to fall. If she started crying again, it could be years before she stopped. She had no time for that sort of self-indulgent bullshit.
She blinked again and turned to face him with a smile. “You’re a fantastic guy. Any woman would be lucky to have you.”
“What if I just want you?”
“I have to go.” She ran to the door with her shoes in her hand. She didn’t look back. She was too weak to face the damage she’d done. She just wanted to keep running. If she ran fast enough and far enough, no
thing would ever hurt her again.
* * *
Will had done it. He’d told her how he felt and she’d taken off like the hounds of hell were on her heels. He’d always imagined that when he told a woman he cared about her after they had mind-blowing sex that more mind-blowing sex would occur. Not that she’d be horrified.
He trudged to the shower to clean himself up and rubbed his chest against the ache he felt. “Fuck you, Brian, and your terrible advice,” he said out loud.
Trying was overrated.
Chapter Twelve
For the following two weeks Elizabeth had kept herself busy working double shifts and meticulously planning every detail of her trip. She’d worked out everything from tourist attractions, roadside diners, and quaint bed-and-breakfasts right down to creating the perfect music playlists for each leg of her journey. She’d decided that she’d lived long enough without seeing the Grand Canyon. It was on the other side of the country, but she had plenty of time to get there. No reason to rush back to Boston. She could stretch the trip out for as long as she had the time off and the money.
Her car had been serviced, she’d bought old-school maps to augment her GPS, she decided what clothes to take, and she even bought trip snacks. There was nothing left to do but leave. Even Megan didn’t need her to stay.
She’d just finished changing out of her scrubs when Priya entered the locker room. “You want to go get dinner?” she asked. “I’ve been on call since noon yesterday. I haven’t eaten anything except chips from the vending machine today. Brian brought me dinner last night, but he’s working tonight.”
“I know what Brian brought you,” she teased. There weren’t many secrets in a hospital and the fact that Dr. Shah liked to have quickies with her boyfriend was too juicy not to have made the rounds.
“A girl has needs,” Priya said. “So, tacos?”
“Tacos are life.”
They walked over to the small Mexican restaurant two blocks away. Priya waited until Elizabeth had dug into her carne asada and was halfway through her margarita before bringing up the subject of Will. Which was exhibiting super powers of restraint since Elizabeth could see the questions hovering on the tip of Priya’s tongue since the moment they’d sat down.
“Seen Will lately?” Priya asked with forced casualness.
“Haven’t you talked to Brian about it already?”
“Brian doesn’t know anything. Will’s clammed up.”
Elizabeth took a healthy swallow of her margarita, instantly regretting it when the ice gave her a cold freeze headache. Served her right.
Priya wasn’t deterred by silence, she kept right on going. “You’ve seemed off these last few weeks, too. Like you’re about to break. And this trip?”
“You know I’ve wanted to travel. I couldn’t because of Megan.” Her voice sounded overly defensive event to her own ears.
“It seems a lot less like traveling and a lot more like running away.”
She needed to get dumber friends.
“Are you at least going to the MacGregors’ party tomorrow night before you leave?” Priya asked. “Will’s about to break an arm patting himself on the back, but I know you did a lot of work on that.”
“I don’t think I’d be welcome.” There was no way Will would want to see her. She’d taken his feelings and flung them back in his face. She’d been like a hurt and cornered animal snapping viciously at the person who wanted to help her.
“Whatever happened between you and Will, we won’t take sides. And it could be a good opportunity to clear the slate. Maybe you guys can start over as friends?”
“I don’t know if that’s possible.” There was no way she could be around him and not want more. But at the same time, she was too much of a coward to be more. She’d thrown up excuse after excuse as to why she couldn’t be with him.
“If not for Will, then come to be moral support for me. My family will be there.”
“That’s great. That must mean things are going well with you.” Despite her own personal drama, she felt genuinely happy for Priya. Priya had been estranged from the family she loved for too long, all over lies told when she was teenager. Not much younger than Megan was now. And you were never too old to not need your parents.
“It’s never going to be like it was,” Priya said. “But I’m hoping that maybe things can be better. I was always hiding myself from them, trying to be perfect. But now maybe I can have a relationship with my parents and with my brother as myself, warts and all.”
“I’m really happy for you. Really.” It was selfish to turn Priya’s happiness into a requiem on losing her family, and she pushed back the ache from fruitlessly wishing her mother were here and she could talk to her one more time. “What are Will’s—Brian’s parents like? I’m assuming your parents haven’t met them yet.”
“Not yet. They’ve met Brian on a handful of occasions and I think they’re at grudging acceptance with him. His parents are kind, funny, and welcoming, so I think they’ll all get along. My parents weren’t wrong to be angry with me. I betrayed their trust badly and it takes time to repair something like that.” She scooped a chip into the bowl of salsa and paused before putting in her mouth. “It’s never too late to change,” she said before crunching into the chip.
Elizabeth knew that last bit was directed at her. Was it too late? She wanted Will, but she was embarrassingly scared. It’d become glaringly obvious that she’d never actually dealt with the loss of her parents, and as Will pointed out, she’d also lost her friends and her imagined future along with them. She’d just pushed it down to fester all these years.
But maybe she could start by just telling Will that he’d been right. She was scared. “I’ll go,” she said with a decisive nod. She instantly felt lighter.
Priya beamed at her and Elizabeth knew she’d made the right choice. It was time to stop running.
* * *
Everything was coming up Will. The party he’d planned was a success and he’d even been able to fit into the suit in the back of his closet that he’d worn to his sister’s wedding, thus negating the need for the dreaded clothes shopping. He should be happy.
He sipped his beer from a red Solo cup and watched as his father escorted his mother across the makeshift dance floor to the sound of Frank Sinatra’s crooning. Their heads were bent together and his father whispered something in his mother’s ear that made her laugh and give him a teasing swat on the shoulder. Emily and Sophia had their daughter, his feisty niece, cradled between them and were dancing her around to her obvious delight.
Despite the short notice on the invitations, the hall was packed with friends and relatives. He could pick most of his cousins out from the crowd because of the distinctive red hair. He had a feeling there must have been a bit of inbreeding somewhere back in the MacGregor family tree because that particular genetic trait had stayed consistent.
Even Priya’s family had come. They were standing in the corner with his brother, who was obviously trying very hard to charm them, his hands weaving about as he told a story. Next to him, Priya wore an expression of naked hope.
His one regret was that he’d never finished the portrait of his parents. Instead, he’d had some old photos of them blown up to poster size and hung them around the hall. The cake was three tiers of flowered buttercream perfection, currently in danger from his Uncles Joe and Mike, who were arm wrestling way too close to it. Will was about to intercede and tell them to relocate when his attention was caught by a new entrant. The last person in the world he expected to see strolled through the door like she was walking onto the red carpet to collect her Oscar for Best Actress.
He halted in his tracks. She bestowed a wide smile upon him as she glided his way on high heels wearing a short dress. Her legs were his Kryptonite. What was she even doing here?
When she r
eached him, she gave him a long, assessing look and licked her lips. “I’m Elizabeth,” she said. “On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight?”
It was so unexpected that he had to laugh. “Touch my shirt,” he said. She raised an eyebrow but did what he asked. “Feel that? It’s boyfriend material.” If they were playing bad pickup lines, he played to win.
She gave him that dirty, mischievous smile he loved. “Are you from FedEx? Because I’d sign for that package.”
He deliberately licked his finger. Slowly, he leaned forward keeping eye contact with her the whole time to touch the strap of her ridiculously sexy silver dress. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.”
In a husky voice, she said, “Big sale in my bedroom right now. Clothes are one-hundred percent off.”
It was so easy to get sucked back into the fun and teasing with her, but he reminded himself that he wanted more. “Are you trying to woo me with these lines? Because if you’re not all the way in, then this isn’t going to work. I want to have fun with you, but I also want something real.”
Her expression was serious and she took a deep breath, seemingly bracing herself. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You were right. I was—am scared. But I like you. And being with you is fun and exciting and all those things I told myself couldn’t happen in a relationship.”
“Just promise me that if you’re going to freak out that you talk to me first.”
“I don’t freak out. Much.”
“Want to try that again?”
“I won’t run.” She said it in a way that sounded like a promise.
“I get to meet Megan. With my clothes on this time.”
“You drive a very hard bargain.”