Zach laughed so hard tears came to his eyes, blurring his view of the monitor.
“Zach? Zach, where are you?” She was already breathing, eyes closed, chin down, her hand reaching for his. He took her hand and held on. “Pant, pant, pant, blow. Pant, pant, pant, blow.”
After that, there didn’t seem to be a break between the contractions. Shelley got no time to rest, and so he didn’t, either. Her back hurt, she said, and he rubbed it with his hands balled into fists. Her feet were cold—he found the socks she’d packed. Thirsty. No water. Hot. Cold. Tired.
“I want to push.”
Zach headed for the door. “Let me get the doctor.”
“No!” She hauled him back with amazing strength. “You aren’t going anywhere. I want to push.”
“Pant, Shelley. Don’t push.”
“Damn you, don’t tell me what to do! You’re always telling me what to do.” But she panted.
“Fully dilated and effaced,” was the next report. “Should be crowning…ah. There we go. You’ve got a baby, Shelley.”
“I need to push.”
“Give us a minute to get things set.”
“Zach…” Her voice approached a scream.
He moved behind her, helped pull her backward and a little more upright on the bed. Arms around her shoulders, he held on. “Go ahead, Shelley. Push.”
He’d only thought what had come before was hard work. The true and total definition of labor became completely clear in the following minutes. He nearly wept with the desperation of the process.
The last push was like the ones before… impossible and imperative. Shelley groaned and bore down, her nails digging into his wrists.
She let go so suddenly, Zach panicked. “Shelley? Shelley, are you okay?” He looked toward the doctor. “Is she all right? What’s going…on…”
The doctor straightened up, holding a small squirming baby. “You’ve got a good-sized boy here, Shelley.”
Within Zach’s arms, his wife stirred. “I want to see him.” Her voice was faint, but nonetheless proud.
“One second.” There was a crowd around the end of the table.
Zach looked down at Shelley, at the sweat on her face. He reached for a cloth. Her eyes met his.
“What’s going on? Why doesn’t he—”
A thin, angry wail split the air. And then another one.
“Oh,” Shelley sighed. “Oh, listen.”
The doctor came over with a bundle of blanket. “Meet your son, Shelley, Zach.” She put the blanket in Shelley’s arms.
Zach looked down at the wrinkled gnome peeking out of the cloth. Dark eyes, open but squinty. A mouth like a flower petal. A shock of wet, brown hair. “I—” He cleared his throat. “Glad to meet you, son. Say hi to your mom.”
Shelley stroked a finger over the dark red cheek. “Hi, baby. So sweet.” She glanced up at Zach. “He looks like you.”
“I’m not sure I’m flattered. He looks like a prune.”
“I bet you did, too.”
“We’ll have to ask.” He gave in to a sudden impulse and probed a little way beneath the blanket A tiny fist, the size of a strawberry, flailed out. “Great right hook. Kid’s gonna box.”
“Not if I have anything to say about it.” Shelley found a foot. “Dancing’s safer.”
Zach couldn’t resist. He put a finger under her chin and tilted her face up. “Is it?” The kiss they shared was a mutual sigh of relief.
“Come to think of it,” Shelley murmured, looking down at their son, “maybe not.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
HOSPITAL REGULATIONS required the baby and be cleaned up and checked over. Zach wandered out into the hall of the labor and delivery suite. The nurse who’d tried to change Shelley’s clothes bustled past. He caught her by the arm.
“He’s here. What do I do now?”
She looked at him sternly for a second, then her face softened. “Do you have family to call? Is anybody waiting outside?”
Within an hour, the entire Harmon clan crowded into the waiting lounge. Shelley’s mom and her grandparents arrived, were introduced all around. Zach had been given a cigar by each brother and a hug by all the women…except Carol. She’d come, but somehow he never managed to catch her eye. The whole bunch of them trooped to the nursery window to see his son.
My son. Zach said the words to himself over and over as he watched the dark-eyed baby cry. What did he feel? Awe? Fear? His mind and emotions had been shaken up, turned inside out. A brother, a lover, a friend, a cop… He handled those roles fine. He knew what to do.
But nothing had prepared him for the immensity of being a husband and a father. In the space of a few hours, he was totally and forever changed.
“Mr. Harmon?” A nurse threaded through the group. “Your wife can have visitors now.”
“Thanks.” He found Dorothy’s gaze and nodded. She blew him a kiss, then she and Shelley’s grandparents went into the new mom’s room.
His brothers and sisters left, promising to be back the next day with flowers and candy and words of advice. The crowd dwindled down to just his mother and himself, staring at the new arrival.
“He’s a fine boy,” Mary Harmon said. “Strong. Just like his daddy.” She linked an arm through Zach’s. “Are you okay?”
“Sure.” He drew a deep breath. “I didn’t do any of this the right way, though.”
“You followed your own path—as always. Face it, son, you thrive on challenges and excitement. And with Shelley—with your son—you’re in for the ride of your life. I know you’ll be fine.”
He closed her in his arms. “Thanks. Have I mentioned I love you recently?”
“Not recently enough. Now—” she drew back and patted his shoulders. “—I’m going home. Tell your wife I love her and I’ll come see her tomorrow.”
“Will do.” He watched his mother walk down the hall, then turned back to his son, who had fallen asleep. Minutes could have passed, or hours. Claire had told him, but he hadn’t understood at the time. Who knew watching a baby could be so fascinating?
“Zach?” He turned at the sound of his name. Carol stood about ten feet away, her arms wrapped around her waist. “Can I…can I talk to you?”
“Sure. Have you met your nephew?” He beckoned her over. “Kid snores, but everybody has their bad habits.”
“He’s so sweet.” She stared into the glass. “I’m sorry, Zach. Really sorry.”
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t mean to be so awful. I just—”
He waited.
“I just thought Shelley liked me, like a friend, you know? Not like a little kid. We went shopping and everything, and we talked.”
“I know.”
“And…and since dad died, I pretty much counted on you to be there. You got me through so much these last couple of years.”
He glanced at her sideways. “You helped me, too, Carol. We’re family and we love each other.”
“So when I found out that you and Shelley…that you’d been…you hadn’t told me everything, or even the truth—”
“You were mad.” Zach shrugged. “I can understand that.”
“Really?” She looked up with tears in her eyes. “I feel like scum.”
He put an arm around her shoulders. “Not that bad. Fungus, maybe. Not scum.”
She gave a watery laugh.
“But you did say some cruel things to Shelley.” He kissed the top of her head. “You’re the one who has to undo that damage.”
“I’ll do anything, Zach. I’ll wash all the diapers. Baby-sitting for life. I like Shelley, I really do. I want her for a sister.”
“Baby-sitting for life sounds good to me. I think you’ve got a deal.” He grinned and gave her a squeeze. “I want to check on the new mom. Wait for me and I’ll give you a ride home.”
“Sure, Zach.”
When he looked in on Shelley, she’d fallen asleep. He stood for a few minutes, just watching. She wore her own gown and her hair
was brushed, her face smooth and clean. Already her stomach was flatter, and the fullness in her face had lessened. She’d be back to her old self in no time.
And where would that leave him? They’d worked together for the birth of a baby. Could they work together afterward? Would Shelley let him into her life? Was there anything she needed that only he could give her?
The answer to that question escaped him. Zach bent to give his wife, the mother of his son, a kiss. And then he left her to her rest.
A STRANGE VOICE woke Shelley to a room in darkness. “Mrs. Harmon? Your baby’s here.”
Shelley pushed herself to sit up. “What time is it?” Every muscle in her body ached.
“About five-thirty.”
“In the morning?”
“That’s right.” A lamp switched on, painfully. She felt disoriented somehow. Confused. She didn’t remember falling asleep, didn’t feel as if she’d slept at all.
The nurse came toward the bed. “Here he is.” Shelley made a cradle of her arms, which was filled with a small, squeaking bundle. “He hasn’t had anything to eat yet. You might try to nurse him. Or here’s a bottle of water, if you’d like. Do you want me to stay?”
“Um…” Surely she could manage this on her own. “No, thank you.” The door dropped into place and she was alone with her son. Zach’s son, staring back at her with wide, dark eyes. He was beautiful, the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, except for Allyson. As she watched, he scrunched up his little face. And let out a plaintive wail.
“Hungry?” She fumbled one-handed with the front of her gown. “Guess we’d better figure something out quick.” She teased his mouth with her nipple, as the books had instructed. He didn’t notice, and cried harder. “That’s not the reaction I wanted, you know.” The books counseled patience. “Come on, buddy, we can work together here.”
Thirty minutes later, she was crying, too. “At least take some water, okay?” But the baby only wailed. She pressed the call button several times. Finally, a nurse came in.
“Is there a problem?”
Shelley sniffed. “I can’t get him to nurse. Or take the water.”
“Let me try.” Taking her son away, the nurse sat down in a chair and offered him the bottle. After just a minute, she sighed. “That’s good, isn’t it, little boy?”
Shelley sat up. “He’s drinking?”
“Uh-huh.”
She flopped back on the pillows. “Great. Just great.”
When he woke again at seven, they repeated the program, with the same results. “Maybe I can’t do this,” Shelley muttered, wiping more tears off her face.
“Nonsense,” a different nurse told her. “Nursing just takes persistence. Perseverance.”
“Or magic.” She watched the baby sleep. “I’m your mom. Why won’t you eat for me?”
She didn’t realize she’d fallen asleep herself until a knock on the door woke her. “Um…come in.” Was this Zach? She brushed her hair back, wondering what in the world she looked like.
But Carol stepped in. Shelley took a deep breath and held it. I can’t do this. Not today.
The girl stopped at the bassinet. “I told Zach I’d baby-sit for life,” she said to the baby, “if you would let everything between us be okay again. I want to tell you I’m sorry. I was messed up…I’m not anymore.”
Shelley let her breath out, as the tension left her body. Holding out her hand, she smiled. “Let’s forget that afternoon, okay? Neither of us was at her best.”
Carol looked at her hand for a few seconds, then finally took hold. “Really? We can do that?”
“We have to. Allyson’s depending on you to teach her how to bat next year. And I’m definitely going to need a lifetime baby-sitter. You’ll have to go to college in Denver, you know.”
Carol laughed, and suddenly she looked like Zach. “Whatever you say, Shelley. Can I hold the baby?”
A new voice entered the conversation. “First rule—let sleeping babies lie.” Zach strolled into the room carrying a sheaf of blue and white blooms. “Don’t wake them up for love or money.”
“But—”
“But nothin’.” He stood at the end of the bed and gave Shelley a quiet smile. “How are you?”
“Pretty good.” Not nearly as good as he was. He looked rested, he’d shaved and showered and changed. His sweater echoed the blue of his eyes. She remembered the strength of his hands, holding her during childbirth. She remembered his voice, leading her through a maze of pain.
“Well…um…I think I’ll be going.”
With a start, Shelley broke away from Zach’s gaze to see his sister backing toward the door. “You’re welcome to stay until he wakes up.”
The girl shook her head. “Nah, that’s okay. I’m supposed to be at school, anyway. Later, Zach.”
“Sure.” He didn’t move when his sister left. Then he held up the flowers. “Jimmy sent these. He doesn’t do hospitals.”
“He told me. They’re gorgeous.”
Zach looked at them with surprise. “Yeah, I guess they are.” He put the bouquet on the dresser and came to the bassinet to put a hand on the baby’s back. “This little guy still doesn’t have a name.”
“I know. I—I wasn’t sure…”
“Horatio? Horatio Harmon has a certain ring to it.”
She stared at him. “Be serious.”
“I am. Rudolph’s always been a favorite of mine.”
“Horatio Rudolph Harmon?”
He nodded. “I like it. H.R.H., we could call him, for short. His Royal Highness.”
His nonsense lifted her heart. “Then let’s go for it.”
Zach grinned. “You’re humoring me, aren’t you?” Rounding the bassinet, he pulled the chair up close to the bed and sat. “Seriously, what did you have in mind?”
“It’s hard to choose.” Alone, that was. Suddenly, nothing seemed too hard to accomplish. “Garrett? Tyler? Timothy?”
“Hmm.” He picked up her hand and toyed with her fingers. His hands were warm, gentle around hers. “Not Tyler, okay? I got beat up by a Tyler once. Timothy Harmon. Garrett Harmon. Stiff names for such a little bundle.”
At that moment, the little bundle jerked, then jerked again. Zach looked at Shelley. “Can I?”
“He’s your son. Of course.”
His experience with children showed immediately in the sure control of his hands, the easy way he settled the baby into the crook of his arm. “There we go, big guy. What’s going on, huh? Wanna catch a hockey game?”
Shelley’s throat closed. She’d never deserved this—Zach and their baby together, father and son. What could she possibly do to make this last?
The cry she was learning to recognize broke over them. “He’s hungry,” she said. “But I’m not having much luck.”
“More luck than I would, probably.” Zach grinned at her and put the baby in her arms. “At least you have the right equipment.”
“Sometimes equipment isn’t enough.” But she would try, and keep on trying.
Except the baby—what would his name be?—didn’t want to cooperate. Zach handed her the water bottle when she asked, but she couldn’t get that to work, either. Going back to nursing, she felt her face heat up. She couldn’t feed her own child. Even dogs and cats…
“Hey, Shelley. Calm down.” Zach’s palm covered the back of hers as she held the baby. “There’s no hurry. He’s got some fat to last him until he gets the hang of the process.”
“That’s never going to happen.” Her voice thickened with tears. “I’ve been trying all morning.”
“Maybe too hard.” Before she realized what he was doing, he’d set the chair against the wall. “Let’s get rid of a couple of these.” He pulled pillows out from behind her back. “That’s better.” Slipping off his shoes, he sat down behind her, as he had last night in the birthing room. With a few adjustments, he settled her against his chest, warm and solid. “Better?”
Shelley nodded, afraid to trust her voice. In h
er arms, the baby still fussed.
“Now just relax. That’s right.” Zach’s hands covered her shoulders, massaged gently. “You’re so tense. Kid doesn’t want his mom all tense.” Shelley held her head up by force of will, as the massage loosened her neck and back. “He’s waiting for you to ease up, so he can. He had a hard day yesterday.”
Shelley choked on a laugh.
“He did. You try being born. Not an easy thing to do.” His hands kneaded, stroked, and she could feel herself flowing into him, as if Zach and the baby and she were all one.
Like magic, a sparkling sensation grew in her breasts. When she looked down, a drop of liquid had escaped her nipple to tremble on the baby’s lips. He smacked his mouth, worked around with his tongue. She put up a hand and guided the nipple over his lips, and another drop fell. The baby opened his mouth wide and lapped. After a few seconds, he began to suck enthusiastically.
“Oh, Zach. You did it.” She was crying and couldn’t help it. “Why did I ever think I could manage this without you?”
“Beats me.” His arms tightened. “At least now you know different.”
“I don’t know much about anything these days. Zach, what are we doing?”
His mouth pressed against her hair. “We’re picking a baby name right now. How does Alex strike you?”
“Alex Harmon?” She liked the sound. “Alexander Harmon? That’s nice.”
“And maybe Henry, after my dad, for a middle name?”
“Alexander Henry Harmon. Alexander H. Harmon. That feels right. I like it. You’re a real problem solver today, aren’t you?”
“I hope so. Is old Alex there finished?”
“He’s gone back to sleep.”
“Smart kid. I’ll have to raise his allowance.” He loosened his arms. Shelley sat up, swung her legs over the edge of the bed and put Alex back in the bassinet. But after covering the sleeping baby with a blanket, she didn’t know what to say to her husband.
She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to lie back against him, to believe that somehow this would all work out and they would become a family—a loving, forever family.
Caught up in her wish, she was startled when Zach put his hand on her arm. “Come back to earth. What are you dreaming about?” His eyes searched her face as she turned.
Expecting the Best (Harlequin Superromance) Page 22