“They have.” I sniffed. “They’ve been great.”
During the train ride north I had looked up safe haven and adoption regulations on my phone. Our situation hadn’t been ideal. If I had told them that the baby girl wasn’t actually mine, there was no way that Joe and Amy could have kept her. So I lied again. I said Rebecca had been born in the dorm under hellish circumstances because our student health center was so unaccommodating. I’m not sure if my brother believed me, but Amy accepted my story in a tearful hug. When we want something with all our soul, we see a clear path.
“So I was going to let you go in the morning since most of your story checked out. Then I got a call from your lawyer, and he demanded immediate release. Woo. That Laurence J. Stern? He likes to argue.”
“Who?”
“Your attorney from Portland.”
I balled up the damp tissue. I didn’t know what she was talking about.
“He wanted to post bail, but you weren’t even arraigned. I told him to calm down, that you were going home anyway.”
“Okay.” I nodded. It would be good to leave here. My friends were probably worried about me.
“So I do apologize for detaining you. I know you’ve been through a lot in the past few months. I don’t have a resolution on this case or on the matter of who killed Lydia Drakos. But before you go, I want to give you one last word of warning. Your friend Lydia . . . I don’t mean to scare you, but her death was no accident. It wasn’t rough sex or someone spontaneously grabbing her in a rage. We haven’t released all the details to the public, but she was choked by someone with strength. Someone strong enough to overcome her and crush her larynx. The bruising on her neck was extensive. It was brutal.”
Her grim tone muddied the lightness I felt at being released. “You don’t think it was a Theta Pi sister,” I said. “You think the killer was male.”
“I do. So what you mentioned about investigating Tori further? I don’t think it would be productive. Lydia wasn’t attacked by a female.”
“Then why do you still have a cop following me?”
“We don’t. Not since Thanksgiving.”
I frowned. “A new female cop was hounding me today. No finesse at all.”
“What did she look like?”
“Blond hair and strange glittery bronzer on her face.”
“Glitter Face? I met her last night. She’s no cop. That’s Professor Finnegan’s ex-girlfriend, and I’m beginning to think that she’s as crazy as he said.” She explained that Dr. Finn’s former girlfriend had been stalking him and had gotten it into her head that Finn and I had been seeing each other. “She’s the one who told us she saw you going down into the ravine carrying a baby. Finnegan dragged her in last night and made her confess that she’d made it all up.”
“That’s creepy.” I looked forward to giving Dr. Finn hell for his poor judgment in women.
“Well, just so you know, we are not going to have anyone tailing you in the future. Your lawyer, Mr. Stern, he insisted on that, and it wasn’t in our plans. So if you do find someone following you, be careful, and let us know.”
“Can I have my phone back, please?” It was probably exploding with text messages.
“On the way to the front desk.” Taylor stood and opened the door. “Take care of yourself, Emma. Your fans await you.”
I didn’t know what she was talking about, but I kept moving. Signed for my key fob, wallet, and cell phone. Slipped on my fleece jacket with a sigh of relief.
When I stepped out into the lobby and moved past the reception desk, the misery of the night fell away at the sight of my friends. Defiance rose from the chair, strong and determined as a goddess. Isabel jumped up with a sunny smile. Angela opened her arms wide and said, “Come here, girl.”
We fell together in a group hug that brought me back to tears. “You guys, how did you know I was here?”
“We were freaking out.” Isabel’s hoarse voice sounded more childlike than ever. “You disappeared from the face of the earth last night.”
“Defiance found you quickly,” Angela said.
“And Angela’s parents hired you a big-shot lawyer,” Defiance added. “Only it seems like you won’t need him.”
“But he’s there if you need him. Larry Stern. He’s worked with my mom for years.”
“Thanks. I can’t even tell you how glad I am to see you guys.” I straightened my spine, swiped at my tears, and then wiped my hands on the thighs of my jeans. I felt like I’d traveled thousands of miles in the past twelve hours. To hell and back.
It felt good to be back.
CHAPTER 37
None of us could sleep; we were wired with confusion and worried about the questions that remained. We didn’t want to discuss any of this in Theta House, so we turned in town toward the twenty-four-hour diner, which was usually dead at this time in the morning.
As we walked, our various accounts of Lydia’s pregnancy rushed out. Defiance and Isabel had known. Isabel had even talked with her about it.
“And Lydia was proud,” Isabel said as we walked down Main Street, passing the closed storefronts of a hair salon and a pizza place. “She and Graham were going to get married once the baby was born. She was thrilled.”
“She told Courtney the same thing,” I said. “But I didn’t get any of that story from Lydia. I didn’t even realize she was pregnant. I thought she’d put on a few pounds, and she wore those bulky sweaters. Then, on Halloween, I caught up quickly when they locked me in her room to deliver the baby.”
“They being the Rose Council?” Angela said. “Those bitches.”
“I knew something was going on that night, Emma,” Isabel said. “When you disappeared without a word, and remember? We were supposed to go party hopping together.”
“That was a weird night,” Angela said. “Why didn’t anyone call an ambulance or get Jan when Lydia started to go into labor?”
“Because Lydia was freaking out,” I said. “She didn’t want anyone to know. You know how she pretended to be so proper. At the time I thought she was trying to protect her reputation. Now I realize that she wanted to keep it a secret until she could present Graham with their perfect baby. And then when the baby was stillborn, Lydia couldn’t stand to be connected to it. I think she actually convinced herself the baby belonged to me. And the others went along with it because they could see how much it hurt me.”
“Lydia was kind of a narcissist,” Isabel said. “Her perfect baby, her perfect family, her perfect life.”
“But there’s more to this, girls,” Angela probed. “Why did all of you keep quiet about it?”
The consensus was kindness. None of us wanted to hurt a sister.
“At least, at first, I kept her secrets out of respect. As I got to know her I realized that Lydia tried to learn about people so that she could use them. She blackmailed Tori about her nose job.”
“I knew it,” Isabel said.
“So she gathered secrets.” Defiance held the door of Oogey’s open as we filed in. “That sounds like Lydia. And she had a secret that she could use to stick it to you?”
“Pretty much. I owed her. I owed all of them.”
I grew quiet as we scoped out the diner. With a few skaters seated in the window and a stoned-looking couple at a table by the door, we had our choice of tables. We took a booth in the very back, a good vantage point to see if anyone else came in.
We ordered eggs and pancakes, and then as the waitress backed off I took a long sip of water to focus. This wasn’t an easy conversation, and I kicked myself for not having it with my real friends earlier.
“So Lydia and the Rose Council got their talons into me last year. It was January, and I’m sorry I ever got involved with them. It’s still hard to talk about it, partly because I know it’s stupid to be embarrassed about something that happens to a lot of women. Still . . .”
Keeping my voice low, I told them. I told them about the trauma of finding out I was pregnant, the brush-off fr
om Sam, the difficult decision. About how my skin had burned with shame and regret. About undressing at the clinic and shivering in the skimpy surgical gown. It was a terrible thing, but I didn’t see any alternative. I’d been a fledgling freshman, a lost kitten, but Lydia, Courtney, and Tori had helped me through it. They’d given me money, guidance, and a ride to the private clinic in Hood River. Tori had been authoritative but organized, and I was so desperate I mistook her decisiveness for kindness. I didn’t understand that there were strings attached.
“They helped me,” I said. “And afterward they kept my secret, as long as I did everything they wanted.”
“Like a slave,” Angela hissed.
“Pretty much.”
“Well.” Defiance opened the seam of her tea bag and sprinkled tiny leaves into the hot water. “Those days are over. We’re not taking any more shit from the Rose Council. I have half a mind to report those girls to National for being inclusive and violating sisters’ rights.”
“And for being asshats,” Angela added.
“Total asshats,” I agreed.
“I’m so sorry we weren’t there for you.” Isabel leaned closer to hug me.
“It’s not your fault. You were always there. It was just that Lydia got to me first. She caught me buying a home pregnancy test at the pharmacy, and she wouldn’t let it go.”
“Bitch.” Angela shook her head, the row of diamond studs in her right ear glimmering. “I don’t know, girls. What do you think about splitting from Theta Pi next year and striking out on our own?”
“I’m in,” Defiance said, “if we don’t kill the Rose Council first.”
“Or, we could stay and rebel against their evil,” Isabel said. “Turn everything around. They’re out of here at the end of the year. We can make Theta House a good place to be again. Full of love.”
“You go, girl!” Angela high-fived her. “Our little Izzy has found her voice.”
Our food came, and while we ate we joked about ridiculous ways to get back at the mean girls. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I dug into a stack of buttery pancakes dripping with blueberry syrup. We did some damage to the food, talking nonstop the whole time.
“I know this is a tangent, and don’t lose your appetite, but what happened to the body of Lydia’s baby?” Defiance narrowed her eyes. “It’s not in the house; I would feel it stirring there, a lost soul, and things would be happening. Doors opening and closing, a rapping on the wall.”
“Oh my God, that’s scary as shit,” Isabel said, hugging herself.
“Please, just let that go,” I said. I had known this was coming, and though I longed to tell my friends the entire story, I needed to protect Rebecca. It had been different telling Dr. Finn and Kath; they weren’t able to connect the dots. My loving friends meant well, but they were smart, and they already knew too much. “I promise you, Lydia’s baby was handled lovingly and respectfully. And I never want to talk about it again.”
In the silence that followed, Isabel squeezed my arm and Angela nodded.
Defiance studied me, trying to read between the lines. At last, she lifted her mug and held it up, as if toasting. “We will never speak of this again,” she said, then took a drink. “But there are other things to discuss. The police will be back.” Defiance stared down into her mug. “There is still the question of who killed Lydia.”
She was right. “Can you see that in the tea leaves?” I asked.
There was a hint of a smile as Defiance put the mug aside. “Maybe. And I heard the cops talking while we were waiting. Because they are embarrassed now. All these suicides they can’t stop, a murder, and now the body of a baby.”
“I never paid much attention to Lydia, so I’m lost on this.” Angela nibbled on a slice of bacon. “Do we think it was the pregnancy and childbirth that put Lydia over the edge?”
“I think she suffered postpartum depression after . . . after she lost the baby.”
“And her depression would have been worse if Graham broke up with her during that time.” Isabel twirled a strand of hair around one finger as she stared across the restaurant. “Graham promised to marry her. But maybe he backed off when she lost the baby.”
You promised. You promised.
The words swirled in my mind. When had Lydia said that?
On the bridge.
“Oh my God, I think Graham killed Lydia.”
* * *
I so wanted to sleep in the next day, and I probably could have gotten excused from my classes by Dean Cho. But my phone alarm went off at eight thirty and I forced myself out of bed and down to the dining room in my flannel jams and sweatshirt. I wasn’t hungry for breakfast, but I was hoping to snag Tori.
Last night we had decided that I would be the one to talk to her. It made sense since I had been the one to accuse her of killing Lydia. I’d been wrong about that, I knew that now, but I didn’t have high hopes about our exchange since Tori wasn’t the conciliatory type.
Most of the sisters weren’t morning people, so the dining room was relatively quiet as sisters served themselves from the buffet of eggs, toast, sausage patties, and fruit. I was yawning over a mug of coffee when Tori appeared. Her hair was combed into a ponytail and her pink silk pajamas were elegant, but the red in her eyes and the dry skin around a blister emerging on her lip revealed her stress. She was cracking.
“Well, if it isn’t our own Theta Pi jailbird. Is orange really the new black?”
That got the girls’ attention.
“Wow.” I forced a smile. “You stop in at the police precinct and people start talking.” I rose from the table to be eye-to-eye with Tori. “Can we talk? Privately.”
“No.” She spooned eggs and sausage onto a plate. When she held a coffee cup under the spout, her hand trembled.
“I’ll just be in the living room when you finish eating.” I went to the room next door and sat in the corner spot where Lydia and I used to talk. Poor lying Lydia. Her dysfunctions had contributed to the disease that was now gripping Theta Pi.
I didn’t have to wait long. Tori came stomping in, pausing with her hands on her hips.
“What do we have to talk about? Aside from you going to jail for dumping a body.”
“I told you, that body had nothing to do with me. And . . . do you want to sit?”
With a huff, she sat down beside me, arms folded.
“I actually wanted to apologize for what I said.” I lowered my voice. “For thinking that you could’ve killed Lydia. It was wrong to think that about you. I know you would never do that to a sister.” A major lie, but I had to make my case. “When I was talking with Detective Taylor, she shared some evidence. It’s clear that Lydia was killed by someone with strength. They’re pretty sure the killer was male.”
“They are?” She covered her hand with her mouth, then jerked it away, I think, when she touched that sore.
“More homicides are committed by men than women.” I kept my voice low. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I know we came up with that list of guys Lydia dated. But I keep getting stuck on one. She was in love with Graham.”
“No.” Tori shook her head. “She loved that Nick guy from back home.”
“There was no Nick. Graham was the one she planned to marry.” I was almost whispering now. “It was his baby. He promised to marry her because of the baby. But when she lost it, all bets were off. At least in his mind.”
“How do you know this?” she snapped, glaring at me.
“I think she met him out on the bridge to talk. To reel him in. But instead, he got angry. Maybe she tried to blackmail him, too. He wanted to break it off, but she wouldn’t listen.”
She was on the verge of firing back at me, but she froze. One of those dawning moments when the tide rushes in all around you, soaking, overwhelming.
“You know Rory heard her yelling just before she died. She kept saying, ‘You promised.’ ” I reached over and touched Tori’s satin-covered knee. “She was shouting at Graham, because he was
breaking his promise. His promise to marry her.”
Her mouth hardened into a scowl as her gaze sank to the floor. “No, that’s wrong. You’re making it all up. That’s not what happened.”
“How do you think it happened?”
“I don’t know, but it wasn’t like that. Graham is heartbroken over her.”
He didn’t seem too upset in the car the other day when he’d been trying to get into Tori’s jeans. But I held back the venom. I needed her to see the threat he posed, for her own protection.
“I don’t trust him, Tori. And I’m worried about you.”
“Seriously?” She turned her cold blue gaze on me. “You just want to hand the police a suspect to get you off the hook.”
“I told you, they think the killer was a guy.”
“Right. And you spent most of the night in the police precinct so that you could have a pillow fight with the cops?”
“I’m not a suspect. I’ve been cleared.”
“Goody for you.”
“But, Tori, you’ve got to be careful.”
“I am not breaking up with my boyfriend because the dumb-ass cops can’t get their shit together. Lydia was killed by some random guy who saw her out there blubbering. That is all.”
Was that possible? Yes . . . no. Lydia’s murder wasn’t random. There was only one reason she would have left Theta House after days of lingering in her bathrobe.
“You need to leave me alone.” She stood up and tossed her hair in my direction. “And watch what you say. Graham’s family can’t have people smearing their reputation. They’ll come after you.”
“Tori, wait. I’m sorry, I—”
She turned back in the doorway to say, “Apology not accepted.”
CHAPTER 38
Maybe it was worse because of sleep deprivation, but the image of sexy Graham with his hands around Lydia’s neck was now branded into my mind. A phone call to Detective Taylor didn’t help, as she told me that Graham had an alibi for the night Lydia was killed.
“Who? Where was he?” I demanded. “Because I know his Gamma Kappa brothers would lie for him. Tori would, too.”
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