by Lia Lee
She wouldn’t talk to me about it, either. I asked her a couple of times what was wrong, and she always told me everything was okay. But I wasn’t stupid, I could see something was up.
“I think we should chat,” I said after she woke up. She had slept in a lot later than I had. She was exhausted lately.
“What about?” Anna asked and looked suspicious.
“About what’s going on,” I said. “You’ve been so off lately, and I have no idea what’s going on with you.”
“Nothing’s going on,” Anna said.
“You’re so tired all the time. And you’re distant and switched off. I know it’s none of my business, you can be the way you want to be, but I’m worried about you, and you’re so closed off from me compared to how we were when you first arrived here.”
Anna nodded, looking toward the window where the snow was softly swirling from the sky.
“It’s my time of the month,” Anna said. “I’m struggling with cramps and headaches and mood swings, and I don’t want to make it your problem. It’s really crappy, I know. I’m sorry about that. It will be over soon, and then everything will be fine.”
I sighed. She sounded convincing when she said it, but I wasn’t sure I believed her. Something was up, and I couldn’t tell what it was, but I had a feeling it wasn’t only her period that was the problem.
I wanted her to talk to me and tell me what was wrong. It was as if she had shut me out and it drove me crazy. I could handle a lot of things but when I was emotionally involved with someone, which I had become with Anna, I needed communication. I had realized very early on she was my weakness, and I needed to know how I could help her if nothing else. But she wouldn’t talk to me.
“How about we have a cup of coffee together and then start on breakfast?” Anna asked. It was the first time she had offered to do something together in a few days, and I nodded, jumping at the opportunity.
We walked to the kitchen together. We had a little routine where Anna made the coffee, and I made the fire, and we worked together in silence.
When the coffee was ready, Anna brought it to the couch, and we sat down together.
“Have you seen signs of the mountain lion again?” Anna asked.
I shook my head. “Not since I scared it off that last time, thankfully.”
Anna nodded. “Do you think it’s still around?” she asked.
I shrugged. “It might be. If there’s been enough food for it to stick around, then it wouldn’t have moved on despite the weather. But if there’s no food and it got a scare, it might have left. Let’s hope for the best.”
We sipped our coffee in silence. Anna pressed the back of her fingers against her mouth, and she looked pale.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Anna shook her head. She closed her eyes and breathed through her nose. When she opened her eyes and removed her hand, she opened her mouth to say something but a look crossed her face that I couldn’t place and she jumped up, putting the coffee cup hard down on the table before she ran to the bathroom. The coffee splashed onto the coffee table, and a moment later, I heard her throwing up. I walked to the bathroom and knocked on the door.
“Anna? Can I get you anything?”
“Go away,” she said in a strained voice before more vomiting sounds followed. “I’ll be out in a minute.” And more vomiting.
I sighed and walked back to the couch, sitting down. What was going on? If she was sick, I had to make a plan to get her to a doctor. Unless it was morning sickness.
Something clicked in my mind, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. She was throwing up; she had been distant; she was tired all the time. What if Anna was pregnant?
I thought about the ripped condom. God, I should have thought about that. I should have taken her to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill.
My stomach turned at the thought. How would she raise a baby? How would I be a dad if I was on the run all the time? This wasn’t the life for a child. I should have been more responsible.
I waited for what felt like forever before Anna came emerged from the bathroom again. She looked pasty, her eyes drooped, and she collapsed on the couch again, her eyes closed. I watched her, unsure how to word it. I wanted to talk to her about it, but it wasn’t the easiest topic to broach.
“Are you pregnant?” I blurted out after I tried and tried to find the right words.
Anna froze, opening her eyes to look at me.
“What?” she asked.
“Pregnant,” I said again.
Anna shook her head. “I’m not,” she said. “I told you—I’m on my period. I can’t be on my period when I’m pregnant.”
I nodded. That made sense. Relief washed over me. I didn’t know what I would have done if she was pregnant. I wouldn’t have wanted her to get rid of the child, but I couldn’t imagine a life where I had a child with someone. I couldn’t see how we would give that child the life it deserved. I felt silly for asking now that the shock was over and it turned out there was no threat of any kind.
Maybe it was better to leave the whole thing. I was driving myself crazy wondering what was going on with her when maybe nothing was going at all. I thought of something.
“You’re tired often, though. And you just threw up.”
Anna nodded. “I think it’s a stomach flu. I feel sick a lot, and you’re right, I’m sleeping more than usual.”
It wasn’t the first time Anna had told me she was feeling sick. I should have taken that into consideration.
“If you’re getting sick we should take care of that,” I said. I felt better now I knew what was going on and there was something I could do about it. “I don’t want you getting any sicker.”
Anna nodded. “I’m trying to rest and take it easy,” she said.
I was in caring mode, now. I felt better now that I knew what it was, and I could take care of a sick person better than I could handle the possibility of fathering a child.
“I’m going to make you soup,” I said, walking to the kitchen. “You just take it easy.”
I started on the soup, browning meat and onions before I added water and started adding vegetables as I chopped it. I was in my comfort zone. I could make a mean soup and nutrition was exactly what Anna needed. When I looked over my shoulder at her, she had fallen asleep on the couch. It was good that she rested.
When the soup was ready, I dished it into a bowl and added bread to it that I had browned with oil in the oven. I carried a tray to her and gently woke her up.
“Here,” I said. “Eat this. It should help settle your stomach and make you feel better.”
Anna looked at the soup before looking at me.
“People don’t usually take care of me like this,” she said.
“I’m not them,” I said. “I take care of you. And it’s a crime that they don’t, anyway. You’re precious.”
Anna blushed.
“I’m going to run to the store,” I said. “I’ll try to make it fast. I want to make sure we have what you need, and I’m going to get ginger tea and ginger ale to soothe a sour stomach.”
“I’ll be okay, here,” Anna said.
I nodded and kissed her before bundling up and leaving the cabin. I was worried about leaving her alone. Anna was feeling sick, and even though I was relieved it wasn’t anything more serious, like a baby, I was worried about how she would cope without me. At least, she was capable of caring for herself and chances were that she would sleep the entire time I was gone.
I hoped she would eat the food I had made for her, first. I knew she didn’t have much of an appetite, but she had to get food into her system to heal.
I was also worried about the people that were after her. I was sure they wouldn’t find her at the cabin—I had been safe there for months on end—but if they did find her and I wasn’t there to protect her, I would never forgive myself.
I made my way to Dillon as fast as I could so I could get back to her again. I want
ed to be there for her. I wanted to take care of her, and I wanted to keep her safe.
The store was quiet, thankfully, and I picked up everything that I thought she might need. In no time at all, I was headed back. The road was quiet as well—the storm kept most people indoors most of the time—and I made good time. Because there were so few cars out, I noticed the black SUV behind me almost the moment it appeared. At first, I didn’t think it was strange. But when it followed me out of Dillon and into the middle of nowhere, I started to wonder if they were suspicious. Was someone following me? And if they were, then why? Maybe I was a little paranoid after what had been going on with Anna and how she had been worried about someone finding her, but it was in my nature to be careful since I had been running for so long.
So I tested it. I drove past the road that led to the cabin to be safe. Instead, I turned into a dirt road a few miles further that no doubt led to someone else’s cabin.
The SUV followed me. It could still be a very rare coincidence. I knew the land well enough, knew that the dirt road split off into several forks and I sped up a little so I could move between the trees before the SUV reached me. It didn’t take long before I was between the trees and I couldn’t see the SUV anymore. Which meant they wouldn’t be able to see me, either.
I waited a while before I turned back to the road and looked both ways. The SUV was nowhere to be seen. I was sure they had gone on and taken another fork in the road, trying to find me.
I steered back onto the main road and headed toward the cabin, keeping my eyes open for them. I drove past my road one more time to be safe, but I had successfully lost them.
When I turned into the road that led to the cabin, I was worried I might see the SUV there already, and I was relieved to find that wasn’t the case.
I didn’t know who those people had been and what they had wanted, but they had been following me. They had wanted to know where I was going and now I wanted to know why. Were they here for Anna? If they were, how did they find her? Or were they here for me? It was more likely that the mafia had found me. To think that they were this close was chilling. But I wasn’t going to pack everything up and run, not right away. I would keep my eyes open and see if the threat was recurring. If it happened again, I would know, but I had been hiding out here for a year and I had been safe.
When I arrived at the cabin, Anna was awake.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
She nodded. “So-so. I’m glad you’re back.”
I walked to her and kissed her. “I’m sorry I took a little longer,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell her about being followed. There was no reason to make her panic until I knew for sure what was going on.
Chapter 21
Anna
When I woke up on Monday, I felt like shit. My head throbbed dully. Unless I had been drinking heavily, I didn’t usually get a headache. My stomach turned with the first signs of morning sickness, and even though I hadn’t eaten yet, I had terrible heartburn. I had aches and pains all over. So, this was the wonderful world of early pregnancy symptoms? How was I going to get through the next nine months like this?
The idea that I was going to have to do this alone, that having a baby wasn’t a phase, but the rest of my life had changed, made me panic. I wasn’t ready for this. How was I going to raise the baby? I barely had a grip on my own life never mind creating another.
I heard Luke move around the cabin outside the bedroom, and I was relieved I was alone in the room. Tears rolled down my cheeks and everything ahead of me seemed blacker than black. I tried not to cry. I had to keep it together. I wiped my cheeks and walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I dressed and walked to the living room. I managed to push the tears far enough away that I could force the smile that Luke would buy.
“Can we go to town so I can call Lizabeth?” I asked, sitting down on the couch.
Luke shook his head. He was leaning against the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in his hand. Just the smell of the coffee made my stomach turn.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Luke said.
I didn’t even argue with Luke about why it wouldn’t be a good idea. I didn’t want to know. Getting into town to talk to Lizabeth was essential. I was freaking out, and I needed the steady voice of reason of my best friend to pull me through. I couldn’t talk to Luke about what was going on. I couldn’t afford the one person who had been willing to put me up to turn his back on me.
“Please, Luke,” I said, and I couldn’t hold back the tears as well as I thought. They welled in my eyes and fell over my cheeks. “I really need to talk to Lizabeth.”
Luke frowned, and he looked like he was going to ask why. I willed him not to go there. I didn’t want to speak to him about it. I didn’t want to have to lie to make up an excuse. I just wanted to go to town and speak to my friend.
“I guess we can go, but you have to make it quick,” Luke said after he considered it. I wasn’t sure what his reason was for saying no at first—maybe the weather was playing up again—but I didn’t care. I was freaking out, and I needed Lizabeth to ground me.
We drove into town, and I noticed that the sky was clear and the weather was crisp. There was no pending snow. I didn’t comment on it.
I walked to the payphone I had found before when Luke stopped in front of the store. He went in to buy a couple of things, and I dialed Travis’s number. I waited anxiously and asked for Lizabeth when he answered. I was in luck, Lizabeth was with Travis, and he handed the phone to her right away.
“I was wondering when I would hear from you again,” Lizabeth said. “You’re safe, right?”
The last time Lizabeth and I had spoken, she had warned me to stay away from Steamboat Springs because my dad was on his way to Colorado.
“I’m safe,” I said. The kind of trouble I was in was different than my dad finding me.
“Are you okay?” Lizabeth asked, picking up right away that something was wrong. She was my best friend, and she knew me better than anyone.
I shook my head, the lump in my throat rising even though I had told myself not to cry. “I’m pregnant,” I blurted out. Tears ran freely now.
“What? That’s impossible,” Lizabeth said.
“I took the test. It was positive,” I said crying. “My period was late. God, Lizabeth, I don’t know what to do.”
“This can’t be. You barely had sex. People do it every day and still struggle to get pregnant. Maybe you’re just late. Let’s work it out.”
I agreed, but I knew it would be futile. Not only had the pregnancy test been positive, but I was also suffering all the symptoms. I gave Lizabeth the date of my last period and let her calculate it.
“And?” I asked when Lizabeth was silent for a while on the other side of the line.
“Either you’re very late, or you really are pregnant,” Lizabeth said.
My crying had stopped, and even though it was close to the surface, I was able to gain composure.
“I’m pregnant,” I confirmed. “I’m getting morning sickness and heartburn and headaches and everything. I’m so tired all the time, all I do is sleep. I’m not even trying to be optimistic about it and hoping for a late period.”
Lizabeth was quiet on the other side of the line, and I could picture her frown as she tried to figure things out on my behalf. God, I missed her. I wished I could be with her right now. Lizabeth had been my support system for as long as we had been friends, the person I turned to with all the questions I would have asked my mother, had she still been around. Anger replaced fear, and I resented my dad for being such an asshole that I had had to run away, that I’d had to leave behind the life and the support I had. Anger was easier to digest than fear. Anger I understood. I was relieved it had changed, and I felt a little more on top of things, now.
“What are you going to do?” Lizabeth asked.
I opened my mouth, about to tell Lizabeth that I didn’t know what to do when I spotted a black SUV
parked across the road from me. The car was so suspicious, all big and black and ominous and out of place in the small town of Dillon that it was impossible to miss. Everything I wanted to say to Lizabeth left my mind, and a terrible terror overcame me.
“Are you still there?” Lizabeth asked when I didn’t answer her.
“I think my dad is here,” I whispered into the receiver. “He found me.”
“Oh, my God!” Lizabeth cried. “Get out of there, Anna!”
“I’ll call you when I can,” I said and slammed the receiver down. I had to get out of there as soon as possible. I had to find Luke and run.
I left the phone booth and ran down the road, looking over my shoulder at the black SUV. The windows were tinted, but I got a glimpse of the driver’s face, and I was almost a hundred percent sure it was my dad. I would know those hawk eyes, that thin pursed line of a mouth, anywhere.
When I ran into the store Luke had entered, it didn’t take me long to find him between the shelves. He looked up when he saw me and frowned.
“He’s here,” I breathed. “My dad found me.” I was out of breath, both from the exertion and the fear. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, and I couldn’t think about anything other than getting away.
“Oh, shit,” Luke said. He put the basket with all the supplies he had collected down on the floor and left it there. He took my hand, and we hurried out of the shop together. I looked over my shoulder before I climbed into the truck. The black SUV was still there like an omen, reminding me of the past that was catching up with me.
Luke threw the car into gear and peeled out of the parking spot. He floored it, tires squealing and flew down the road. I looked over my shoulder and saw the black SUV doing the same, pulling into the road as fast as Luke was.
“They’re following us!” I cried.
“Don’t worry, I’ll lose them. I have before,” Luke said.
“What do you mean, before?” I asked.
Luke shook his head. “They followed me back from the store the other day. It’s why I didn’t want to come into town in the first place.”