by Lia Lee
“Getting ready for bed,” he said, and she shook her head.
“No. No. This is too confusing as it is. You can live at the cottage. You can pay all the delivery fees, and you can buy as many baby things as you want, but that does not buy you entry to my bed!”
Donovan’s face clouded over, making her think of the storm that had driven them into the barn what felt like so long ago.
“Do you think that was what that was for?” he growled. “Do you think that I would pretend to be providing for my child when I was really trying to buy its mother?”
“What am I supposed to think?” Carly asked, lifting her chin defiantly. “You walked into my cottage as if you owned it, and then you walked into my bedroom the same way.”
The silence between them stretched out, and there was something dangerous about it. Carly sought for a way to diffuse the situation.
“Look, it’s too confusing for me. I always thought that perhaps I would get married some day to someone I loved and who loved me. We would have a child in a city most likely, and then we would move out to the suburbs. It sounds so simple, and now... Well, it looks like I am having a child out of wedlock with a man who... Well, never mind. But I can’t.”The last words were more whispered than spoken, and to her surprise, Donovan softened immensely. He touched her hand with his fingertips, and on sudden impulse, she wrapped her fingers around his. She might not have been ready to welcome him into her bed, but the contact between them was still warm, a connection to something that she still dreamed about on some dark nights.
“All right, pet. I apologize. I was not thinking.”
She did not want to dwell on his kindness, not at all. She didn’t want to think of his understanding. It could open the door to too many things that frightened her. She couldn’t be that vulnerable to him. She couldn’t.
“I saw the linen closet, and the couch looks comfortable enough, certainly,” Donovan said practically. “I can make a bed there as easily as anywhere else, though perhaps I might like something a little more space in the future.”
“There’s room for at least a small bed in the study,” Carly said. “It wouldn’t be terrible.”
“We can discuss that later,” Donovan returned smoothly. “Why don’t we put you to bed. I sit with you a bit, and then see myself off to the couch.”
Carly gazed at him with a frown. “That’s all you want? To sit with me for a little while?” He grinned at her, and despite the fact that she was carrying their child, she could feel a pulse of need run straight through her. How was it possible that she still wanted him so much, even in her condition?
“Well, certainly not all I want, not from you, but it will do for now.”
“And the rest?”
“The rest, perhaps we will talk about sometime.”
With that, she had to be content, and true to his word, he saw her to bed, turning off the light before he came to sit on the edge of it. She had wondered while brushing her teeth if it would be awkward. Instead, the moment the light turned off, she felt a deep drowsiness come over her. When Donovan started to stroke her back, her eyelids grew even heavier. She wanted to stay awake and speak with him some more, to somehow make the months that they were missing disappear, but the drowsiness was like a fog, only allowing one of three thoughts to surface.
“I like you here,” she said with a yawn, and his hand stilled for a moment before continuing to rub her back.
“Do you?” he asked, his voice determinedly neutral. “I could not quite tell.”
She laughed a little, a muffled sound as she burrowed farther into the pillows. “I didn’t know myself,” she admitted. “I thought if I saw you again... Well, then I did, and it was like the sun coming out on a cloudy day.”
“Oh? I believe I might know something about that,” he said with a chuckle.
“Do you?”
“When I saw you, it was like rain on parched earth, cool and perfect, returning life to the land.”
“Poet,” she said, only half joking. “I hope our child looks like you.” She was certain she said more, but then sleep took her truly, and she was tumbling down into the deep slumber that had seemed to be her lot since she had realized she was carrying their child.
***
When she woke the next morning, Carly was fuzzily surprised to find herself alone. She reached across the sheets, and when there was no strong body there, her heart felt as if it was squeezing tight. It was an unpleasant reminder of the first few days after Donovan had left, and for a moment, she was puzzled as to why she should feel that way again.
Then she remembered what had happened the day before, and her eyes widened. Donovan was in Loch Naine again. He was going to stay with her, at least until the baby was born, and then who knew what in the world was going to happen.
Faint hints of the words that had passed between them the night before surfaced in her mind again, and she blushed. That was too much, too fast, she knew, but she couldn’t deny that the words were true. If she were honest with herself, they had lurked in her heart ever since Donovan had left, even before.
She decided that if he could ignore them for now, she would. The way things were between them felt so new and fragile. There was nothing she could do about what she had said last night. All she could do was ignore it and hope that he did as well. That might be the coward’s way, but if she were honest, she did not feel tremendously brave this morning.She showered, and then before she got dressed, she paused to address the growing rise of her belly. It was a good thing that she had a doctor’s appointment two days from now. It felt as if she was growing faster than the books told her she should, as if everything was oddly accelerated.
“Your daddy’s here now,” she whispered, and she was shocked by the feeling of contentment and wellness that tugged at her heart. Hurriedly, Carly dressed in one of the cheerful embroidered smocks and legging sets that she had been wearing so much as she had grown. For a moment, Carly stared at herself in the mirror, shaking her head.
God, this is going to send him running right back to the models and starlets the tabloids always say he’s with, she thought ruefully. It wasn’t that she looked bad. In fact, she rather thought that deep honey yellow was a good color for her. It was just that one didn’t think of men like Donovan Reilly as being all that interested in women wearing smocks embroidered with sunflowers and green leggings.
Well, it was who she was, and it would have to do, though a part of her wished for her pre-pregnancy figure again. She sighed a little, and made her way to the living room.
Carly could see that Donovan had slept there the night before. There was a dented pillow and folded blanket piled on one end of the couch, and the remote was moved from where she normally kept it. The man himself was nowhere to be seen, however, though he had left her a covered dish in the kitchen and a note. She picked up the note first, unfolding it with curiosity.
Have you really been eating oatmeal and chicken breast only? Dear God, that sounds depressing. I called the grocer in town and had them send up some decent groceries, if only for my own sake. I left you some food, eat up.
It was signed with a careless “D” and for a moment, Carly simply traced the swooping line of ink with her fingers. Then she pulled the cover off of the dish and smiled with delight.
She hadn’t trusted herself with fruit at the beginning. The morning sickness made it too likely that she would cut up something good only to find that she couldn’t stomach the smell of it, let alone eat it and derive nourishment from it. Now that she was past the morning sickness, she supposed that she had just forgotten about it, continuing with her regiment of bland but dependable foods.
The fruit salad included watermelon, strawberries and cherries, three of her favorite fruits. She even remembered telling Donovan that what felt like a lifetime ago.
Carly knew that she should go looking for the missing man, but she couldn’t resist sitting down with the fruit salad first. It felt amazingly luxurious to eat somet
hing that she hadn’t made for herself, especially something this good. The crisp cool fruit, the red of the meal itself and the sweetness of the wholesome dish made her sigh, and when she finished, there was something in her that felt sated.
Well, I’m sure that that was good for the baby, that’s likely why I feel so satisfied, she thought. She ignored the tugging at the back of her mind that suggested that that wasn’t the entire story.
She picked up the old shawl she had found in the closet and wrapped it around her shoulders before venturing outside. It took a little hunting, but she finally found Donovan in the small shed behind the house. She had investigated the shed early on, but there had not been much there to interest her. Some old tools, some old buckets, things that were meant to help maintain the property. Donovan’s interest was stronger, it seemed, because he had a few buckets of nails and bolts out, and was now examining the elderly tools with interest.
“Did you find breakfast?” he asked.
“I did, and thank you,” she replied. “The oatmeal and chicken was nourishing enough but quite dull.”
“I saw you were taking vitamins as well, but there’s no good substitute for plain good eating,” Donovan said, nodding.
“You sound like quite the expert,” she teased, and Donovan shot her a wry look.
“After you went to bed, I had a decent amount of time to think about everything that had happened. I could either panic because I am going to be a father, or I could do something about it, so I started reading. Folic acid, fiber, both are things that will help you.”
She blinked at that. Whenever her friends back in the states had become pregnant, there were so many jokes about how disinterested or fearful their husbands had become. Donovan, once again, seemed to be cut from a different cloth.
“Thank you,” she said.
“The grocery is going to send up fresh food every other day, that should see us fairly well,” he continued. “If I can’t tend to the food myself, I’ll find someone who can.”
“Well, I suppose that will leave me more time to work,” Carly mused, and Donovan’s head shot up.
“Yes, I had been meaning to ask you about that,” he said. “I knew that you couldn’t have a lot of savings from what you told me before. How are you supporting yourself?”
“I’m working as a virtual assistant,” Carly said with a shrug. “It’s more or less what I used to do, only now I have at least a few hundred to a few thousand miles between me and irritating clients. I schedule things, I make sure that things don’t get forgotten, I mind deadlines, things like that. It’s good work, and I don’t think the pay is terrible. It could always be better, of course.”
“Quit.”
She stared at him, blinking a few times. At first she was certain that she could not have heard him correctly.
“I beg your pardon?”
He barely looked up from the wrench he was examining. “I think you heard me. Quit. There’s no good reason for you to be working right now. All it will do is sap your energy at a time when you need it most.”
Carly hadn’t realized that she had wrapped her arms defensively around her stomach. Now she forced her hands down by her sides, letting them curl into fists.
“I’m not some indentured servant or meek little wife that you can just order about. I didn’t suddenly became frail or wispy because I’m pregnant!”
Only now did Donovan look up, and his expression was one of irritated confusion. “Dear God, do you think me such a skinflint that I wouldn’t provide for you while you were pregnant?” he demanded. “I’m not going to send you out to earn your keep while you’re doing something this damned important to me.”
“I’m not doing it for you,” she fired back.
“Are you saying you would rather slave away for men who can’t keep their own days straight rather than concentrate on trying to keep our child safe and healthy?”
She stuck her chin up at that comment, even if a part of her agreed with him. The long days and irritating clients took more from her than she would have believed, especially after the first few months.
However, there was something terrible about the idea of giving in to Donovan. She wasn’t someone who was going to be dictated to, and she certainly wasn’t going to be commanded by a man who hadn’t even been there when she was going through the worst of her morning sickness.
“You cannot tell me what to do,” she said, and her voice was so dark and deadly that he narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have the right. No one does.”
He regarded her for a moment, and Carly had no idea what they were going to do now. It seemed as if they were at an impasse, a place where neither could win. They were both so strong-willed that she wondered if she had put them in an impossible place, one where one or the other could yield. Finally, it was Donovan who broke the silence that stretched between them.
“Do you truly wish to keep working?” he asked, and this time, his tone was reasonable, inquisitive without being accusing.
If he had lashed out at her, if he had shouted or demanded, she would have rebelled. It was in her nature to do so. She was not a woman who gave way easily to threats and demands, but this was neither. This was an honest question.
“What are my choices?” Carly asked opening her hands wide. “I have to work. There’s food to pay for—”
“Food that I am providing now,” he reminded her.
“And this cottage to maintain. And doctor’s visits, and supplies, and God, who knows what else.” In that moment, she wanted to cover her face and declare it all too much. Her meager salary was stemming the tide of bills, and she was beginning to have the sneaking suspicion that it would not be enough.
“I’m here,” Donovan said, and it was as simple as him stating that the sky was blue or that water was wet. “I’m here now, and I will take care of those things.”
The look she gave him must have been frankly incredulous, because he sighed, stepping away from the shed to come to her. They were new to each other all over again, but she didn’t flinch when he moved towards her and cupped her face in his hand. His touch was warm enough to reach the very core of her, and almost subconsciously, she tilted her face towards him, her eyelids fluttering closed.
“I wasn’t here for the first part of this, and I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t. But I will be here for the end of it. Let me do what it is in my nature to do. Let me lift this burden for you. What are you afraid of?”
There were a dozen things that came to mind. There was the idea of being dependent on a man who might decide that he had no interest in helping her any longer. There was the sound of contempt in his voice as he talked about that other poor woman who said she was having his child. There was the fear that if he got inside her again, and she had to tear him out, she would die.Instead of giving a voice to all of those things, however, Carly only sighed. “I wish things were easy,” she murmured. “Like they were when we first met. Arguing over the cottage, God, doesn’t that sound so easy in retrospect? This is fearsomely complicated.”Donovan laughed softly. “Let me in. Let me help,” he murmured. He leaned close so she could feel his breath fan across her cheek. It made her shiver, and she swayed towards him. The only thing that kept her from leaning up for a kiss was some remaining piece of desperate self-preservation.
“Yes,” she breathed, and he rewarded her with a kiss. It wasn’t the assault it could be sometimes, more like a storm than a man. There was nothing hurried or frenzied about it at all. It was a soft touch of his lips to hers, but the river of desire that had flowed between them had never run dry. She thought it would, but here it was again, roaring fit to drown the pair of them. She gasped, opening her mouth slightly, and Donovan’s tongue slipped in, sweet and commanding and needy just like she remembered.
She raised her hand and his came up, wrapping around her wrist and holding her effectively still. She had forgotten what this was like, what they had been like together. Her body had been given over to the business o
f making life for the past few months. Now it raged up, powerful and vicious in getting its way. Her body wanted Donovan, and her heart did as well. Carly gave in without a sound, the kiss consuming her.
It was only when his hands moved to her sides, sliding down to her hips, that she found the strength to push him away.
“No,” she said, her voice soft and aching. “No.”
Donovan started to say something, but Carly couldn’t bear it. She clapped her hands over her ears, and she ran for the house.
Chapter Eleven
Carly felt ridiculously exposed in her paper gown. She fiddled with the tabs to make sure that it was secured to her as tightly as it could be, and she tugged at the edges because she swore that it was not enough to wrap around her hips.
Donovan, standing beside her, stilled her hands by putting his on top. When she looked up to meet his eyes, his gaze was stern.
“You’re fine,” he rumbled. “If you keep that up, you’ll do yourself a mischief.”
Carly made a face. “I feel like... I don’t know, like a hamburger wrapped up in paper,” she murmured. “Like at any moment, I’m just going to fall right out of it.”
Perhaps that was not the smartest thing to say in light of what had almost happened at the shed yesterday. Her skin still felt over warm, sunburned or as if it still remembered his melting touch. Now his pale eyes were brilliant, and if they were not in a doctor’s office, there was no telling what he might have done.
“Wouldn’t be such a terrible thing,” was all he said, however, and then the doctor entered.
Dr. Vargeese was a spare and narrow man with a stern manner about him. He was not pleased that it had taken Carly so long to follow up with him. It had been several months since she had seen him, and she flinched from the strict looks that both men gave her.
“I felt completely fine,” she said. “If something had happened, I would definitely have come in to see you. I felt good, though, and everything was going well.”