by Sienna Parks
“I’m nobody special. Just got money. Does that change how you see me?” My mouth speaks before my brain engages.
“Well, yeah! I thought you were some rugged woodsman, no two pennies to rub together, and a struggling single daddy.” He pulls me into his arms, his hands cupping my cheeks, forcing me to look at him.
“You know me better than anyone has in a long time. Trust me. Please. You don’t need to know about who I used to be. It’s not important.” His plea touches something deep inside me.
“I like you, Travis. Having money doesn’t change that.”
“So you’ll stay for a while?”
“A day or two.” His lips descend on mine in a fierce kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth as if he’s scared I’ll disappear. His lips are firm but soft, tender and yet commanding. His heart beats wildly against my chest as he pulls me closer—my feet don’t touch the ground.
I’m lost in his kiss, the touch of his hand, the warmth of his chest, and his heart beating in time with mine.
A day or two turned into four. Travis has been spoiling me, doing everything he can to ensure I rest my ankle after our arduous journey down the mountain. Looking back to the beginning of my expedition feels like a lifetime ago. So much has changed, and yet I’m still the same old travel columnist with the same old crappy apartment in the city.
As I take in the beauty that surrounds me, I wonder what Travis would think if he were to see where I live. Would he think less of me? My confident exterior can be deceptive. People tend to believe I live a glamorous life—traveling the world and being paid to do it. I don’t go out of my way to correct anyone. Why would I want to share my misery with others?
I’ve been staring out at the stunning view from the living room windows for what feels like hours. Travis disappeared for a shower and hasn’t reappeared. My mind is overflowing with ideas, and now that I have my laptop back, I’m enjoying jotting them down for later. Lost in my own thoughts, I don’t even notice Trav creep up behind me.
“You ready for a surprise?” His hair tickles my neck as he leans in to kiss my cheek.
He’s trimmed his beard, and his hair is still wet from the shower. He looks younger. Gorgeous as ever, but more familiar to me in some way.
“Whoa. Who’s this hottie? What happened to your beard?” I run my hands over his face, enjoying the rough bristles under my fingertips. I can see the shape of his jaw—strong and sexy—just the way I imagined.
“I figured it was time for a change. Do you like it?”
“Yeah.” I’m almost speechless as I try to catch my breath. “Stubble really suits you. Holy crap on a cracker.”
“You’re just wondering what it’s gonna feel like between your thighs tonight, aren’t you?”
“Mind reader.” With a sly smile, I pull him in for a kiss relishing the feel of his stubble against my skin, a thrill of anticipation coursing through me.
“Don’t distract me, woman. I’m taking you on a date.”
“What?” It’s strange to think that we’ve grown so close in such a short amount of time. We’ve shared our bodies in the most intimate of ways and talked about all kinds of crazy stuff, but we haven’t actually been on a date. It hadn’t even crossed my mind until he spoke the words.
“Don’t get too excited. I have something planned out in the gazebo behind the house. No big city lights… or even small-town lights. Just you, me, and a sky full of stars.”
“God, could you be more romantic if you tried? You’re killing me here.” He looks puzzled, and it only serves to make me weak at the knees.
“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic right now. You are a girl of mixed signals.”
“Are you kidding? You are the king of U-turns! One minute, I’m a pain in your ass, and the next, you’re ripping my clothes off. Now, you’re all sweet and cute. Way to make a girl’s head spin.”
“Wildcat, I haven’t even begun to make your head spin.” I press my thighs together, fighting the urge to pull him onto the couch and forget about whatever he has planned. He gives me a chaste kiss on the lips before leaving me bereft. “Now, go and put some more layers on. As much as I hate to cover your… delectable curves… I want you to stay warm.” His words roll off his tongue like a soft, sensual caress.
Twenty minutes later, a few extra layers, and a hat to cover my tangled mess of hair, I’m ready for anything.
Travis appears at the back door, his breath visible in the cold night air.
“Come on, wildcat.” He grasps my hand tightly and slowly leads me outside. In the south corner before the tree line, I can see the gazebo twinkling in the darkness. There’s a fire burning close by giving off an amazing aroma as we walk hand in hand.
“It’s so beautiful out here.” Throwing his arm around my shoulder, he keeps me close.
“It’s nice to share it with someone.” A hint of melancholy is quickly replaced with childlike excitement. “So, I thought we’d go old-school with smores and beer. If you’re lucky, there might be some making-out.”
“How could I say no?” It’s the picture-perfect outdoors. There are log benches around the fire, a red plaid blanket, and a stunning backdrop barely lit by the setting sun and the light of the gazebo. It’s freezing out here, but it adds to the ambiance.
I never appreciated the ‘great outdoors’ when I was younger. My dad was always going on about how we all need a few weeks a year living the simple life. No phones, no internet, no distractions. It’s not in my nature to agree with him… about anything… but this may be a first.
“Your son must love it out here.” At the mention of his boy, Trav’s face lights up.
“Yeah. He loves the outdoors. It’s not like he was going to be any other way. He’s never known anything different.”
“So, why here? Why so secluded?” He shifts in his seat, hesitating before he attempts to answer my questions.
“Would you believe me if I told you I closed my eyes and pointed to a spot on a map of the United States?”
“No.”
“It’s the truth. I needed to get away. Somewhere that I could… breathe.” His eyes glaze over as he stares off into the distance.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s okay. I’ve just not spoken about any of this. You’re the first person I’ve felt comfortable with.” His candor throws me off-guard. There are no words I can say that come close to how grateful I am that he opened up to me.
Cupping his new scruff in my hands, I crush my lips to his, the sweet taste of beer on his tongue. With the last of the sun gone for the day, the darkness envelops us in its silent embrace. Alone and together, we lose ourselves in each other.
“I love it out here. We could be the only two people left on the planet right now.”
“As much as I would enjoy the process of repopulating the Earth with you, I think you’d get sick of me after a while.”
“Hmm. I can’t imagine tiring of the way you kiss or the feel of your lips on my body.” Without another word, he scoops me up into his arms, holding me close. Leaving the warmth of the fire behind, he carries me back to the house.
A single light catches my eye along the way. I didn’t notice it when we came out earlier, but underneath one of the trees, a floodlight shines on a memorial of some sort. It reads…
ANGELA THORBURN. Beloved daughter, wife, and mother. Forever, my Angel.
I’m distracted by the rapid beat of Travis’s heart against my cheek, anticipation crackling in the cold air between us.
Back in the warmth of his bedroom, he strips me bare, lavishing his tongue over every inch of my skin. It’s then that it hits me.
I realize how naked I truly am.
Thorburn… that was his wife.
Oh my God!
His name is Travis Thorburn.
The Travis Thorburn.
Star quarterback for the LA Rams who dropped off the face of the planet after the tragic death of his wife. The man I let myself
get close to is the holy grail for sports journalists throughout the country.
As Travis lies asleep next to me, I can’t help but stare at him. I want to memorize every detail before I have to leave this bubble and return to my normal life. He looks so different with his beard nothing but stubble and his hair styled to messy perfection. He looks every bit the football star—a pin-up sex god. Now that I know, I can’t believe I didn’t see it earlier. I should have pieced it together. He has the body of an athlete, the right age, and a wife that died when his son was born.
I’ve spent the past two days trying to find out more about Travis. I’ve told him things about myself that no one else knows because I trust him, and I want him to feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth. The intimacy we’ve shared is more than physical. We connect in ways I’ve never felt before. But, I’ve lived with half-truths and lies, and I won’t do it again.
“What are you thinking about?” He peeks one eye open and holds his hand out, welcoming and protective. I nestle myself in the crook of his arm enjoying his warmth.
“Just that I need to go back to reality soon.” He strokes my hair placing a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“Why can’t this be your reality? Couldn’t you work from here? Stay. Meet Eli. Be with me.”
“Is this really your reality? Where would I live while I find a writing job? How would I pay for food?”
“I can cover any costs. Hell, I can buy you an apartment or build you a house next door if you want. If it weren’t for Eli, I’d move you in here with me.” I push up onto his chest resting my chin on the smattering of hair that covers his pecs.
“It’s too soon for any of that, and I would never let you pay my way. You’re enjoying the sex right now, but in the cold light of day, it could have been any pretty girl up there. You were in the right head space to take that step forward, but I’m not expecting fairy-tale endings and undying love from you.” His brow furrows at my words, his body stiffening beneath me.
“Is that really what you think this is? Right timing… and a willing pussy?”
“It’s crossed my mind. I am pretty forward when it comes to what I want, and you’ve shut yourself away for a very long time. I don’t know any guy who can go longer than a few weeks without sex.”
“You obviously surround yourself with high-caliber men. Fucking hell, Jules. I thought you understood, but you have no idea. I’m not that guy.” He pulls away, reaching for his clothes.
“Trav, don’t be like that. We only have a few days left together. Let’s make the most of them, and then maybe we can work something out. I can come visit. You could come to LA. We can see how it goes.”
“I can’t go to LA. End of discussion.”
“Why not? What are you not telling me?” I know I’m pushing him, but he can’t hide forever. Not if we have a snowball’s chance in hell of making a relationship work.
“Nothing. I’m not some great big problem for you to solve, Jules. I’m a guy who wants to be with you, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for you.”
“I never said that! I want you. But, I want all of you. If we want this to work, especially long distance, we need to be honest with each other.”
“Fine. Why were you really on that mountain? Let’s get honest.” Anger ripples from every fiber of his being. An impenetrable wall.
“I’m a travel writer. You already know this.”
“No one is that stupid! A mountain like Bear Paw could kill you and all for some crappy column about hiking?” Now, I’m angry.
“Yes! That’s exactly it. I’m trying to make a career for myself, and this is just part of it.”
“I bet it is.”
“What the hell is your problem, Trav? You know why I came. I’ve been completely honest with you. Can you say the same? You live up there like some scary half-human, half-beast man. But, get to the bottom, and you’re some rich guy with more money than sense who thinks he can buy my affection?”
“That’s not what I was doing. I want you to stay because I like you, and I thought we had something. But, I guess you don’t see it that way. Just a warm pussy and a willing mouth for my cock.” How dare he call me out as dishonest when he’s hiding a whole other life.
I stop myself from blurting out everything I know about him. If he wants to talk to me like piece of trash, then I’m not sticking around to hear it. I grab my clothes and the few things I brought with me from the B&B.
“I’m leaving.” He throws his arms in the air pacing the room as I pack.
“Wow. Really mature. You’re just going to run?” That stops me in my tracks.
“I’m not the one who’s running. You need to take a good, long look at yourself, Travis. You shouldn’t throw stones when you’re living in an almighty glass mansion!”
My heart is thundering in my chest as I make my way out of the bedroom—my ankle protesting with every step. Travis runs after me blocking the front door.
“Don’t go like this.” The scent of fresh laundry and cologne is enough to stop me for a moment—a headrush of sensory overload. His arm barricades the door, and everything inside me is screaming at me to stay.
“Move.”
“Not until you tell me why you’re leaving.” I take a deep breath and brace myself for a truth he doesn’t want to hear.
“Travis. You found me lost on that mountain, but you were lost up there long before I came along. Until you find yourself, we could never work.”
“Juliet…” My name dies on his lips, along with my hopes of pushing him to open up to me. I can’t live in the shadows with him, and I don’t know how to bring him into the light.
“Goodbye, Travis. I hope you find what you’re looking for.” Without a word, he steps aside, his eyes to the floor. He won’t even look at me as I brush past him. I don’t want to go, but my pride won’t let me stay.
The door slams behind me, and as I stand alone in the cold, anger, hurt, and confusion boil inside. I’m lost all over again, and this time, Travis won’t be there to save me.
12
TRAVIS
Elijah is full of energy today. He was bouncing off the walls of the cabin like a squash ball, so I decided to it was the perfect day for a hike. We’ve been out here for hours with no sign of him tiring anytime soon.
“Daddy, why do you make saw faces?” He forages for new leaves to add to his collection without giving me a second glance.
“I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. Wots and wots. Not before. Since I got home fwom the wake.” An unsettling melancholy takes residence in my chest. I’ve been trying to push it aside and focus on getting my life back to normal—the life I’ve created with Eli.
When I first brought us here, I was at the lowest, desolate point in my life. I had no idea what I was doing or how to be a father. It’s the hardest job in the world—clichés exist for a reason. The first year was the hardest. Day and night blurred together for months at a time in a haze for diapers, feeds every four hours, and an endless quest for sleep. In the few hours I’d grab here and there, I dreamed of Angela—the life we were supposed to have as a family.
Lately, my dreams have been consumed by the same questions. What would my life be like if I made other choices? What if that last conversation with Jules had been different? Maybe, it wouldn’t have worked out. It could have been too much to expect of such a new relationship to survive the distance. Or maybe, just maybe, we were fated to meet, and the stars aligned to help us find our way to each other.
I’ll never have the opportunity to live out my dreams with Angela. But, I’m choosing to forfeit my chance with Juliet. How many times do we find someone to truly love in our lives? Once, if we’re lucky, and I’m throwing away a second chance out of fear. I’m terrified to give another woman the power to break my heart so completely that I can’t piece myself back together. I’ve done it once… barely. I’m not sure I could do it again. But, is that a good enough reason not to try?
No.
&nbs
p; “Hey, champ. What would you say to going on a trip?” He jumps up and down, clapping his little hands in excitement, the leaves he’s been collecting all day exploding in a cloud of burnt orange and green.
“Yay! Where?”
“To see your other gran and pop.”
“Will you come with me?”
“Yes. I’m going to take you. I’m going back… to LA.”
We gather our stuff and head back to the cabin to pack. First thing tomorrow, I’m taking back my life. I’m going to find my Juliet.
“Daddy, I wike pwanes. I want to do it again! Can we? Can we?”
“Sure, champ. You know how it works. We’ll get back on the plane when we want to go home.” Eli loves to fly. Whenever he spends time with Angela’s parents, they fly to Montana and bring him back here. He likes LA, but it’s been a while since he’s been here, and I don’t think he remembers much.
Everything is an adventure for him—new and exciting. Right now, he has no idea anything is missing in his life. He’s never known it any other way. Today, I feel like my life could be new and exciting, too. Making the decision to come here after two months of wrestling with my feelings is daunting, but I know it’s the right thing. I need to tell Jules I want us to be together. Since the day I found her on the mountain, I’ve seen hints of the man I once was—the man I want to be again.
My plan is to drop Eli off with Angela’s parents, spend some time with them, and figure out how to convince Jules I’m worth taking a chance on. I don’t want Eli staying at our house. After all this time, I’m not sure how I’ll react to going back there. Even the remote possibility that someone could see me arrive is enough of a reason not to have Eli with me.
As I drive through the Hollywood Hills, I’m reminded of so many happy times. I called my best friend, Fletch, to tell him I’m back, and we’ve arranged to meet up for drinks later. I could use some advice when it comes to navigating the whole dating thing again. I was nineteen the last time I had to deal with this stuff.