by Jen Wylie
Gray eyes watched her thoughtfully as she spoke, and once finished, he laughed lightly. "It is you who doesn't understand." He paused. "Does he love you?"
Why did everyone ask her that? Looking away, she shrugged a shoulder. "He never said. Even if he does, is it a crime to love?"
"No," Baelan answered softly. "But it is a weakness, and you have now become his."
His words hit her hard, stealing her breath away.
The Elf looked to Roan and again they conversed silently.
"I will be off, then," he finally said, finishing his drink and rising.
Startled, she rose as well. "But…is that all?" He looked at her, tipping his head to the side in question. "Did he have…is there a message? Anything?"
"Did you expect one?"
Her mouth opened and closed, his words leaving her totally at a loss. She remembered Roan's warning and shook her head. "Are you returning to Rivenward?"
He nodded. "I must report in. However, I will return as the matter of Lord Vesrin is still to be resolved. The court is not pleased he has broken our laws or attempted to coerce the prince."
Please tell him I miss him, she said quietly as he left.
He paused for a moment. With a grin, he almost bounced out the door.
She wondered if he was even sane.
Chapter 22
Fighting and Fighting
The visit with Baelan left her confused, angry, and uncertain. She should have said more, should have asked more questions. As the days passed, she couldn't shake the feeling everything had gone completely wrong.
"Stop pacing, Arowyn."
She turned on Roan, once again sitting at his desk. "Do you think he believed me? About us?"
Sighing, he set down a paper and looked over at her. "You're still thinking about that? Does it really matter?"
"Of course it matters!" She took a deep breath, trying to hold back her temper. "I love him. Having him think I…" She shook her head, not even able to put it into words.
"Have you considered," Roan said quietly, "it might be best for all if he did believe you'd found someone else?"
Of course she had, more than once. Even the boys brought it up when she'd met with them earlier that day. At least Roan kept his word about her seeing them, though he still insisted they meet in a public place and his men accompany her.
When she didn't reply, Roan leaned back in his chair. "Vesrin continues to search for you. I've reports of him hiring a growing number of men to do so. Since we still don't know if the other Elf you wounded lived or not, he too may be an issue. Eventually he will find you."
"You think me being your lover will change that?"
"No. Vesrin now has a personal grudge against you. Yet it would make those who may help him hesitate, and should word spread amongst the Elves in Rivenward, it would prevent others from coming after you."
"If you're so powerful," she snapped, "then why are you here?"
"I'm powerful enough to do as I please," he replied harshly.
"Yet I've never seen you do any magic."
"Magic is not a toy, or a thing to be wasted."
She turned her back on him. He always had the perfect response to anything she said. Arguing with him was as effective as banging her head on a stone wall.
"Don't you worry what people will say, for being with someone like me?"
"I care not what others may think. Who shares my bed is no one's concern but my own."
Of course, such a typical thing for him to say. Why couldn't Prince think like that? An irritated huff left her lips.
"Arowyn…" Casting him a hard, angry look, he didn't finish and went back to his papers.
Pacing around the bookshelves, she paused now and then, fingers tapping against books as she read their titles.
"It seems we will have another long night." When she turned in surprise, he continued with an exasperated sigh. "It's been three days." He nodded toward her fidgeting fingers.
Though part of her cursed, the rest of her relaxed in relief. The dreams would be a welcome respite.
∞ ∞ ∞
A few weeks passed in a blur. The weather turned fair, or back to normal, as Roan said. With the warmer temperatures and the lack of storms, ships once again came and went, and she saw little of Roan.
Slowly, she weaned herself from the riath. When awake, she was allowed to meet with the boys, and even on days she didn't, she still talked to them often. When boredom and loneliness overcame her, Kei remained a silent comfort within her.
Though Baelan returned, he met with Roan, not her, before he once again went back to Rivenward.
With Roan gone she spent more time on exercises and began to practice again, dancing around the room with imaginary weapons.
Even doing that didn't lessen the growing need to fight, to move, to do…something. She felt trapped and alone, restless even when withdrawal symptoms weren't upon her.
The occasional visit from Aya helped somewhat, but even when she convinced the woman to practice with her it wasn't the same as being free, or at home with her boys.
Roan's growing absence left her with mixed feelings. Though she still didn't trust him, she'd become used to his cold presence and their verbal sparring.
After a morning with her boys, she managed to talk Silas and Raythe into returning to her room. Getting them to train with her took some fast talking. She tried using a bit of her command voice on the Were, though whether it worked or not, she wasn't sure. They outright refused to use weapons, which left her a bit disappointed, but hand-to-hand combat was still something she needed to work on.
They began slowly, hesitant and holding their strikes, even only coming at her one at a time. She didn't hold back, and she didn't hesitate.
It didn't take long to pull them in. Soon she was blocking and twirling, taking a few gentle hits but giving back more.
Heart pounding in her chest, sweat soon beaded her forehead as elation filled her. There was nothing quite like the rush of a good fight.
Dodging under a punch from Raythe, she turned on her heel, raising one arm to block a strike from Silas as she swung a fist at his head.
Silas caught her fist, but remained perfectly still otherwise. She froze, seeing his attention locked on something behind her.
Glancing at her quickly, he shook his head slightly as he released her hand. The silence behind her indicated Raythe stood motionless as well.
She really didn't want to turn around.
Wincing, she sucked in a slow breath to calm her sudden nerves and then turned, wiping all emotion from her face.
Roan stood in the doorway, arms crossed and looking entirely unamused.
Seeing he had all their attention, he stepped to the side. "Out."
Heads bowed, the Were made a hasty retreat. She watched them flee the room like two pups with their tails between their legs.
"Before you take it out on them, it was my idea."
"That's not the point, Arowyn," he said harshly. "Have you not listened to a word I've said?"
Head tipped to the side, she gave him a flippant grin. "Which lecture was that?"
"I don't want you fighting."
"I wasn't. I was training."
"You're supposed to be recovering."
"I'm perfectly fine." She shook her head. "You're not helping me with these stupid rules. Our bargain was only until spring. What do you think I'll be doing then? Embroidery?"
"Your tone is not appreciated."
"Neither is yours," she snapped.
"I'm more concerned you brought them in here with you alone."
A laugh sputtered out of her. "Have you been drinking?" When he frowned, she continued angrily, "I might not trust you, but you trust them enough to be my escorts. Besides, they're Were."
"You'd trust a Were over an Elf?"
Her eyebrows rose in astonishment that he'd even ask her such a thing. "I most certainly do."
Unsettling pale eyes stared into hers until he let out a
n amused grunt. "Can you not stay out of trouble?"
"I'm not in trouble," she muttered. "There's just nothing to do. I don't want to rest anymore. I'm tired of reading. I'm dying of boredom."
"That is quite unlikely."
"You know what I mean."
"Very well, you can practice with them."
"And Aya?"
He sighed. "Fine. That is it."
Just to annoy him, she jumped forward and with a girlish squeal of delight, gave him a tight hug.
Not returning her embrace, he scowled down at her.
Grinning broadly, she stepped away. "Thank you, Roan," she said in her sweetest voice.
Returning to his desk, he muttered something under his breath she didn't catch. His discomfort amused her. She'd won this round.
∞ ∞ ∞
As the days passed, she fought her way through more withdrawals, holding out as long as she could. It felt like she'd never be free of the drug. She could go almost five days without it, and now slept less than a day, yet when the need for the drug came over her, the pain and wanting didn't lessen.
Her multitude of questions went unanswered by Roan. He would only tell her she was a unique case and should be happy she lived at all. Not heartening words. She feared her recovery would drag on forever and worried what would happen if she remained addicted when spring finally came. Roan made it quite clear he would not be staying in Westport.
She heard nothing from Damon regarding Kei. She heard nothing from Prince. Despite frequent visits with Bo and Garen, and even Hale, an empty hole grew within her.
Her love for Prince didn't wither or die despite his absence and the words of doubt everyone seemed to try to stick in her head. No matter how hard she tried not to think of him he remained a constant presence in her heart.
Kei's comfort within wasn't enough. She missed him by her side. Losing her best friend continued to leave her shaken, alone, and angry. Even with their connection, not being able to see him, talk to him, hurt just as much as his own pain she would feel.
She vented her frustrations physically, training hard on her own or with Aya or the Were. She even talked the young boy into finding her an old barrel lid to use for target practice. Asking the Were to let her know when Roan returned gave her time to hide it and her throwing knives. Of course, she told them it was so she could put the furniture to rights, since finding his room in chaos irritated him. It wasn't quite a lie. She did push everything back into place.
Once, she asked if she could go out with Roan into the city. The look he gave her was so hard and cold the urge to run and hide nearly overpowered her. She never asked again.
When she'd awoken a few days before, Roan surprised her by stating he would be gone for a few days. She'd stared at him in shock at the time. Never had he left her alone overnight.
He instructed her to not go out while he was gone, which put her in a foul mood. His trip would be for at least three days, if not four. Not being able to see her boys did not go over well. Yet she found herself agreeing quietly. How could she not? Caring for her had disrupted his routine and business.
The nights alone disturbed her more than they should have, and by the fourth day, she became impatient for his return. Even though she found no physical comfort with him, her nightmares had been worse with him gone. Perhaps he'd come to mean something to her, even with all their fighting and lack of trust.
Pacing the room, she forced herself not to contact him to see when he'd arrive.
Miss Arowyn, Baelan is here, Silas said. The captain will be returning shortly. He said the Elf may wait with you, should you so wish?
She smiled. Though I doubt he worded it like that, yes, Baelan may wait with me.
Very well, I'll bring him up.
Being close to dinner, she'd already cleaned up. She didn't really care what Baelan thought of her, anyway.
The beautiful Elf smiled when Silas let him into the room. As before, she found him too well dressed and too pretty.
I will be outside, should you need me.
Thank you, Silas.
"I hope you've been well," Baelan said brightly.
She almost believed he was sincere. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Taking a seat, the Elf shook his head. "Please join me. Your captain hasn't allowed me to see you again. I would like for us to talk."
"He's not my captain," she said automatically, sitting across from him. His words set her on edge though.
Baelan grinned, drawing her attention back to him. "So you've said."
"You don't believe me?"
"I'm not blind, my lovely."
"Don't call me that," she said forcefully. "And you should know, what you see isn't always the truth."
"True," he agreed, his grin widening. His amusement lit his face, leaving crinkles around his sparkling eyes.
"You're too happy for an Elf," she muttered.
He laughed. "I suppose Roan has told you a few things about me? I'm not bound to the court. I am free of the politics and nonsense."
"Are you?"
His eyes narrowed slightly and his grin vanished.
"You're here," she continued.
"So I am." His head tipped to the side as he regarded her thoughtfully. "I wish he'd let me see you more. I've so little to base any opinion on."
"I don't really care what you think of me."
"You should."
She shook her head. "What would it matter? I'm quite aware of how Elves view us."
"If you had support within the court–"
"It would mean nothing at all," she interrupted. "One person, a dozen people, will not change how I would be viewed. Prince…Shael is the one who needs support now, not me."
"I'm quite certain the prince can take care of himself."
"Then you don't know him," she said flatly.
Baelan started and then gave her an assessing look. "I know him better than you."
The childish rebuttal made her laugh.
"We were friends once," he continued softly.
Even she understood what that meant. Prince had no friends, and hadn't for a very long time.
He continued in the silence. "We played together as children. We learned together as we grew, and yes, I can say we were friends."
"Until?"
He smiled ruefully. "Until we were somewhat older than you. The court, the politics, his duties, got to him then. He became untrusting and cold, as most do." The Elf looked off to the side, lost in memories. "He pushed everyone away." He shook his head. "I suppose it was for the best, given the life he was to lead and power he grew to hold."
"Everyone needs someone," she said quietly.
"You think I didn't try?" Looking away, a frown crossed his beautiful face. He brushed a silver lock of hair away and shrugged a shoulder. "Time has not changed what we had, not for me."
"Does he know that?"
"You ask too many questions," he muttered. "I was supposed to be learning about you."
"You have been." She smiled at the confusion crossing his face. "I love him, and he knows that. No matter what you may have told him, or what you may believe, he is the one I gave my heart to. I fell in love with him. Not his crown or his power, just him." Leaning back, a weary sigh escaped her. "I'm so tired of having to explain myself."
"It is unfortunate you aren't good enough for him."
Even though she knew his words were true, at least from an Elven point of view, they still cut her deeply. No matter what she did, how hard she trained or what power she learned to control, she would never be an Elf and she would never be immortal.
Clenching her jaw, she kept her chin up. What they thought didn't matter. What did was how Prince reacted to it. Perhaps he was the one not strong enough if he wouldn't fight for her. She looked down at her clenched fists. Honestly, she didn't know if he would, or if he'd let his ideas of duty win over her.
"Such expressions on your face. What are you thinking?"
His smile was soft,
kind…and she didn't trust it for a moment. "Want to make another try at reading my thoughts?"
Sultry lips twisted into a wry grin. "I think not." His head tipped slightly to the side and his gaze dropped to the floor.
Recognizing someone was speaking with him, she kept quiet.
"The matter of Lord Vesrin should be settled soon enough."
The comment surprised her. "Settled in what way?"
"He and those working with him will be returned to Rivenward, dead or alive. Either way, you will no longer need to worry."
"Dead or alive?"
"You must understand the royal family will not tolerate their insubordination and what they have done to our prince."
She knew they didn't care about her, she being merely a pawn Vesrin used against Prince, but their lack of caring rather rankled. "Yet they only sent you?"
Baelan laughed gleefully and clapped his hands. "You are quite amusing."
She didn't understand what he was laughing about. Were there others, or was he quite simply powerful enough to deal with Vesrin and his men alone?
"I too, will not tolerate the pain they have caused him." Leaning forward, his sweet beauty distracted her once again. "It would be wise to remember this. I will ensure the safety of my prince."
The sudden coldness of his tone startled her, leaving her once again at a loss for words. "I don't–"
Roan interrupted her. Arowyn, remain in the room.
I…what? Why?
Sudden shouts made her look toward the door.
Baelan stood. "Ah, they have arrived."
"Who?" She scrambled to her feet in alarm.
Just. Stay. There. Baelan will protect you until I arrive.
A loud, rumbling crash shook the entire house. Yells and screams grew louder.
Baelan adjusted his sleeves, appearing unconcerned about the havoc going on within the warehouse. "Vesrin and his men are attacking." His eyes crinkled as he smiled. "Have you any weapons?"
Chapter 23
The Rush of Battle
By the time she grabbed her belt from Roan's drawer, the other from her pack, and buckled them on, Baelan paced before their closed door. The sounds of fighting didn't lessen, but grew louder and closer. The house shook again and she braced herself on a bedpost.