by Lakes, Lynde
Maybe the problem wasn’t how they parted. She had never given her trust easily, but she had given it to Jay. Had she, deep inside, expected more than she dared admit to herself? In spite of the truth that had been before her from the beginning, perhaps the child within her still believed that just this once the fairy tale would come true.
She’d known what kind of man he was, the past he’d had, and that where emotion was involved, his escape valve had always been flight. That is probably why he had chosen Air Force Intelligence. It was disciplined, rational, and unemotional.
Lisa watched the curtains fluttering in the breeze. It was warm and sunny outside, a day that suggested gardening or a picnic in the park with a lover. But she wasn’t up to gardening. Damn. She needed to get a job, find a furnished apartment, and move away from the memories that this house held. Even the cold, stairless cellar held memories… a taste of him.
She flinched at the knock on her door.
“Lisa, it’s me,” Bud said softly. “You in there?”
She realized then that she had just been sitting there holding the employment section of the newspaper, too deep in her thoughts to finish reading it. Sighing, she opened the door to Bud’s smiling face.
“You becoming a hermit or something?” he asked, bending slightly at the waist and handing her a rose from the garden. “I found an apartment and thought you might take a look at it for me.”
“I—”
“Please don’t say no. I’m not good at making decisions like that. Last time I rented a place, I later discovered there was no toilet. I had to use the one in the main house. And they locked the doors at nine. I almost got arrested for watering the bushes, if you get what I mean.”
She didn’t have time for this, but he’d been trying so hard to be responsible and turn over a new leaf that she couldn’t refuse. “Sure, Bud, give me about ten minutes, and I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Lisa ran a comb through her hair, tied it back in a ponytail, grabbed a scarf and her purse, and went downstairs. Bud was waiting by his primer-painted convertible with a wide grin on his face. Her steps slowed. She hoped going with him wasn’t a mistake.
It wasn’t the kind of bachelor pad Lisa had imagined for Bud. The place had mauve and rose tones, an entry and living room that were open, spacious, and stepping down into carpet that had at least a three inch-thick pile. “Goodness, it’s huge,” she said, glancing around. She ran her hands along the fireplace mantel, feeling the smoothness of the cool marble.
“Is it something you’d choose for yourself?” Bud’s blue eyes glistened.
“Hardly. I’m looking for something temporary. You know, small and inexpensive. If I get into law school, I’ll be leaving Redlands soon.”
His grin faded. He dropped down on the top step of the sunken living room, his wide shoulders slumping. He was silent for a few moments. She could imagine the wheels turning in his head and braced herself.
Finally, he grinned and said, “I have a proposal, Lisa.”
Her mouth fell open. “A proposal!”
“I mean a proposition,” he said, rushing on and making a fast correction. “Since we’re both being kicked out of Grandma’s house, I thought we could pool resources. You know, be roommates. Together, we could afford a place like this.”
Lisa put her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow. “You never stop, do you, Bud? I told you a long time ago that I’m not interested in an affair.”
“That hurts, Lisa. I’ve changed. I really meant we’d be roommates—that’s all. We’re friends, aren’t we? Besides, you’re a good cook, and I’m not ready to come home to an empty place.”
Maybe she had been unfair, assuming he was up to his old tricks. After all, Bud had found a job and this place. But she was not willing to be his cook or his anything else. Besides, with the way she felt about Jay, the sooner she got away from all the Cornings, the better. “It wouldn’t work out, Bud,” she said firmly.
He stood and began to pace. “It’s Jay, isn’t it? You’re in love with him.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “I thought it was just a fling between you two. I didn’t know it was for real.”
“It doesn’t matter, Bud. It has nothing to do with this.”
“I’m afraid it does.” He took a step toward her. His face was serious. “I made a mistake. I fell in love with you myself, tried to cut Jay out.” He shrugged. “You can’t blame a guy for trying.” He went silent a moment. “But it’ll always be Jay, right?”
“Yes,” she said softly. “It will always be Jay.” She frowned. “But what do you mean, you cut him out? He left because he had other plans, plans that didn’t include me.”
“You’re wrong about that, Lisa. He wanted to marry you.”
“Jay wanted to marry me? Explain yourself, Bud. Now!”
“Okay, it’s like this. I told a little lie. No big deal, right?” Bud tried to take her hands, but she pulled away. He frowned. “What’s Jay got that I haven’t, anyway? I have a job now… both feet on the ground. And I’m here.”
“What did you tell him, Bud?” What could he have told Jay that changed his mind? That she was a tramp… had a disease? “Tell me!” She narrowed her eyes.
“That you were our sister.”
“Why would you say something like that? Why would he believe you?”
“We had a sister about your age who was adopted… and, you know, Grandma put you in the will.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “It was all I could think of at the time to stop Jay in his tracks.”
Lisa stared at him, speechless.
“I told Jay that Hendricks had hired a detective to check you out and Grandma had the proof, and that was why she’d put you in the will.”
“Dr. Hendricks had me investigated?”
Bud shook his head. “Not that I know of. I made it all up.”
“Why? You must have known Jay would find out.”
“Yeah, but I was buying time. I called Grandma’s hotel and bribed the desk clerk not to accept any calls. I told him that she had been seriously ill and needed a good night’s rest.”
“My God, Bud. Don’t you have a conscience?”
He shrugged. “We used to do things like this to each other all the time when we were kids.”
“You’re not a kid anymore.”
He laughed. “But it still works… mostly.”
“You’re impossible! You can’t go through life lying, even to yourself.”
Bud’s eyes clouded. “Damn it, don’t you see?” His voice sounded choked. “I’ve never bared my guts to anyone before. Doesn’t that count for something?”
Lisa fought the urge to feel sorry for him. She wasn’t going to fall into that trap. Bud needed someone he couldn’t manipulate, but she didn’t want to be that someone. “Just try the whole truth from now on, Bud.”
“You like that honesty stuff, huh? Okay, here’s the rest of it.” He paused. His eyes looked uncertain.
Her throat went dry. She swallowed. “There’s more?”
He nodded. “Jay’s been calling several times every day. I made sure I always got to the phone first and told him you didn’t want to speak to him.”
“Oh no!” Her stomach tightened. When Jay had finally gotten through to her, she had told him they had nothing more to say to each other.
She grabbed Bud’s collar, trembling with anger. “Do you know how to get in touch with Jay?”
He shrugged. “By now, he’s probably on his way to Germany.”
Suddenly she felt empty, defeated.
Lisa had spent a sleepless night listening to the summer rain, unable to forget her loss. Sticky from humidity and lethargic from the lack of sleep, she rose and went to the bedroom window. The sky was as gray and gloomy as her thoughts. With her finger, she followed a trickle of rain as it made its way down the other side of the pane. The street was shiny, the gutter a swelling, muddy stream. A car pulled into the driveway. Someone got out, but a bougainvillea bush blocked her view
. It was probably Emily.
Lisa turned away from the window and stared at the telephone, wishing it would ring, wishing it would be Jay. Yesterday afternoon she had tried every way she could think of to locate him. In desperation, she had even contacted the Red Cross. If anyone at Langley knew where he was, they weren’t telling. She’d expected that. After all, he was in intelligence.
Once he accepted the assignment to Germany, there wouldn’t be any future for them. She couldn’t sit at home pining away while he played spy somewhere. Still, she needed to hear his voice one more time… needed to say good-bye.
The front door slammed. Rapid footfalls came up the stairs. It didn’t sound like Emily’s footsteps. Bud? Someone rapped heavily on her bedroom door. Go away, she thought. She was still in her pajamas, and certainly not in the mood to see anyone. The knocking persisted. Oh, hell. She gave her hair two strokes with a brush and slipped into her robe.
“Lisa, I have to talk to you!”
“Jay?” A shiver slid down her spine. She ran to the door and threw it open. It was Jay, handsome in his Air Force uniform, with brimmed blue hat tucked under his arm. His wet black hair glistened like diamonds, and raindrops clung to his spiked eyelashes.
He tossed his hat into her bedroom. It sailed like a glider and landed on the bed. She laughed. Then she was in his arms, absorbing his warmth, his strength. His scent was of summer showers and musk. His arms tightened around her, and he lifted her off her feet, swinging her around in a circle. After a moment, her bare feet met the floor again, but she still felt like she was spinning. “How did—”
His mouth closed over hers, demanding, achingly familiar. She felt his heart beating against her breast. Her spirits soared. No matter what happened, he loved her and was here instead of over the ocean on his way to Germany. His kiss deepened. Her thoughts dissolved. He took her with him as he stepped farther into the room and kicked the door shut. With lips and bodies locked together, he swept her off her feet and carried her to the bed.
He looked at her with dark, smoldering eyes. His pupils seemed to dilate as he smoothed back the tresses framing her face. “I’ve thought of nothing but making love to you again,” he said, his voice throaty. She touched his lips with her fingertips. He groaned and captured her mouth again, pressing her deeper into the soft quilt of the bed. Flaming heat shot into her breasts, her thighs, and down to her toes. Lisa drew him tighter against her. The familiar throbbing against her thigh heightened her rising ardor.
He untied her robe, laying it open slowly, methodically. A tension-charged silence hung between them. She quickly unbuttoned his jacket, his shirt. She touched his flesh and felt him draw in a deep breath, his chest expanding beneath her fingers. She ran her hand over his muscles, feeling his pliant strength, his beating heart.
Jay bent and leaned toward her until she felt his breath on her mouth. She moistened her lips. His eyes glinted with mischief. She waited, trembling as he hovered so near, sharing the scant layer of air between them. He unbuttoned her pajama top, one button at a time, driving her crazy. “Your self-control can be maddening, Jay Corning,” she said in a deep, throaty tone meant to drive him as wild as he was driving her.
“I know.” His voice was deep, confident. When he unfastened the last button, she arched. He captured her bare breasts in his hands, kissing them.
She clung to him, kissing his shoulders, absorbing his warmth as he slipped her pajama bottoms down over her hips. Her moist core tensed in anticipation. Frenzied, she helped him shed the rest of his clothes. Wanting to know all of him, she slid her fingers down his side, along the hard plane of his hip in slow, featherlight traces. His skin was smooth, hot. She sought his tight buttocks, drawing him firmly to her.
He caressed her back, shoulders, breasts while his fiery, demanding tongue probed her mouth. When he trailed kisses down the arch of her neck, she pressed into him, twisting her body, begging for more. He moved down—kissed the tip of her toes, working his way over every inch of warm, silky flesh until he was again kissing her lips.
“Now!” she whimpered. His thrust was strong and sure. She undulated wildly, feeling rushes of electricity surging through her, then a dizziness, then only pleasure. “Yes, yes,” she screamed in unison with his moans of joy.
Jay held her for a long time. The rain stopped. Somewhere outside a bird chirped. Jay bent over her and kissed her eyelids, then the tip of her nose. “Wow,” he said grinning. “That was some welcome! Especially considering the brush-off I got when I finally reached you.”
She chuckled. “If only you’d told me about Bud’s lie.”
He propped himself up on his elbow. “I wanted to hurt him for that. But I got over it. I don’t want to end up like Tom. Prison gray isn’t my best color.”
She glanced at Jay’s jacket tossed on the floor. He’d been striking in Air Force blues. “That uniform makes what you do seem more real,” she said softly, remembering that in his street clothes it had been distant and easy to believe he wouldn’t really go away.
Lisa smoothed her hand over Jay’s warm, firm chest, idly fingering and toying with his curly tangles of dark hair. Her fear of losing him had been so intense that it had released all the pent-up desire she’d had for him. Now, reality seeped in. This time together would be it—he would leave her. An ache rose in her so strong that her eyes filled with tears.
She forced herself to leave the warmth of his arms.
“Where are you going?” Jay asked.
She turned her back to him so he wouldn’t see her tears. “Nowhere.” Her voice trembled. She took a breath to gain control. “But you can’t say the same, can you?” She snatched up her robe, drew it tightly around her, and went to the window.
Jay pulled on his pants, zipping them up, and followed her. He turned her around, then tilted up her face and ran a thumb down her cheek. “Look,” he said, “I made certain commitments before we met… before we fell in love.”
“I know,” she said softly, knowing that no matter where he was, he would be in her heart and soul forever.
He drew her to the bed and sat down next to her. Lisa’s breath grew shallow, and her heart skipped a beat. She had never wanted to believe in the impossible so much in her life. She longed for more than this good-bye interlude. She longed for the chance to dream, to make memories, to have him in her arms, her life—forever.
She met his gaze. His brown eyes were gentle, tender. Her heart swelled with love. Jay was an even more caring man then he knew. “You came when Tom called. Deep down you even cared for him.”
“You’re wrong about that. I came only for Grandma. I couldn’t let it go, even though Tom’s entire story didn’t gibe and I had trouble believing that stuff about Bud putting undue influence on Grandma.”
Jay paused and took her hands in his. “We’re talking about everything but us.”
“How can there be an us with you in Germany and me at law school in L.A.? We won’t exactly be in the same neighborhood.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Law school? When did you decide that?”
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about for some time.”
“There’s so much I don’t know about you, so much I want to know.” His intense brown eyes glistened with interest. “What kind of degree? What kind of law?”
“JD degree in criminal law.”
“If you want it, go for it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t work something out.” He brushed kisses along the side of her neck, leaving tiny, flaming trails.
She didn’t want to spend her life without Jay, but she refused to deceive herself. “I’d like to work something out, I really would, but—”
“No buts! I’ve been thinking a great deal about what’s really important. Life isn’t just about discovery and overcoming the past. Although I’ll admit that has been the main thrust of my life so far. But since meeting you, I realize it’s about caring for someone so much that you’d do anything, give up anything, to make a future together work.”
“You want me to give up law school?”
“No. I’ll give up Germany, my promotion. But I still have a tour to finish. You’ll have to be patient about that.”
“You’re not thinking this through. If I let you give up your dreams—dreams you’ve had for over five years—you’d come to resent me. Our lives just don’t match.”
“Listen, Lisa. I never expected to find love. I definitely wasn’t looking for it when I came here. But I’m not giving it up. We’re going to work this out… together.”
“How?”
“I don’t know. When does this law school start anyway?”
“In the fall, if I’m accepted.”
He winked. “You’ll be accepted. Come with me to Germany now, and we’ll figure out the rest as we go along.”
A giddy hope rose in her. “It’s so impulsive, so reckless.”
He grinned. “So what? From the way you took Grandma’s place, ready to face a killer, you’re definitely the impulsive, reckless type.”
“Maybe you should be the lawyer. You certainly know how to present a case.” Lisa rested her forearms on his shoulders and locked her fingers behind his head.
“Even that isn’t impossible,” he said. “I could take more law courses, pass the exam. We could be a team. We’re good together.”
She smiled up at him. “Yes. We are. Very good.”
He brushed a tendril of hair off her face. “How does a wedding in one of those quaint inns nestled in a remote Alps village sound?” Jay looked sure of himself, sure of her. He lightly traced the lining of her ear. The tingling, teasing sensation made her draw a shaky breath. Suddenly the sun broke through the clouds and brightened the room. The windowpane, still glistening with rain prisms, reflected rainbow lights against the walls, promising hope. That small sign was all she needed. She drew back slightly. “Okay. You’ve convinced me.” After a pause she laughed and said, “Quite easily, I might add.”
The End
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