“You’re wrong,” he said simply. “I am a different person when I’m with you. And I like who I am when we’re together. It’s not a case of forgetting the past or trying to change. It’s that you bring out the best in me.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“I think you are.”
“Dex! I slapped Cathryn, for God’s sake.”
That made him raise his eyebrows and stare at her. She gave an involuntary giggle at the look on his face.
“Honeysuckle Summers, I don’t believe it.”
“Don’t make me laugh. I’m not ready to laugh yet.”
“Why did you slap her? Other than the obvious—because she was there.”
“She provoked me.”
“I’m sure she did. Still, I find it difficult to believe she riled you up that much.” He frowned. He’d never seen Honey irritated, let alone angry. She was always so calm and unflappable, so patient and kind. Cathryn must have really upset her to drive her to semi-violence. “What the hell did she say?”
Honey met his gaze, then dropped hers to examine her hands. “She talked about your sex life.”
Fuck. “Like what?”
She looked up. The humour had faded from her eyes, and now they looked black in the moonlight. “You really want to know?”
“I want to know exactly what it was that upset you so much.”
“She told me how many different positions you had sex in. How you liked playing with sex toys. That she enjoyed going down on you.”
“Oh jeez.”
“And she told me to buy some lube, because—and I think her exact words were—‘He likes to fuck a girl hard every which way, including—” She blinked. “That’s where I slapped her, because I couldn’t bear to hear...” She looked down at her hands again.
Hatred welled inside him for the spiteful woman who’d tried to wound the gentle girl sitting next to him, just to punish him because he didn’t love her anymore.
Honey unscrewed the bottle again, took a mouthful, winced and passed it to him. She glanced up at him briefly, and for the first time tears glistened in her eyes.
He took a long swig of the whiskey, swallowed, coughed, wiped the top and passed it back to her. Then he thought carefully.
There was no point in saying anything more about what Cathryn had told her. Talking any further about his sex life with his ex couldn’t possibly be constructive. And Honey didn’t want platitudes or flowery declarations of love. She didn’t want him to lie and deny everything, nor sweet it under the carpet and pretend it hadn’t happened.
So what should he say? The only thing left was the truth.
He leaned his head back on the rock and looked up, through the leafy canopy to the glittering stars above their heads. “When I became a police office, I tried to put my miscreant youth behind me and move on, but—as you said—our past doesn’t disappear overnight. I always felt the old me lay beneath the surface. My father and brothers repeatedly told me that you can’t change who you are, and every time that I slipped up— saw my old mates, got drunk, smoked weed—I felt that was the real me, and I was just fooling myself. Cathryn was a part of that—a woman that I felt I…deserved, I suppose. She appealed to the young man who thought himself a degenerate. There was nothing loving or beautiful about our relationship. It was harsh and physical, because that’s all that young man knew.”
He sighed. “I don’t know how to describe my upbringing to you, Honey. At the time I didn’t know any different, but watching the relationship you girls have with Cam, and especially seeing how he and Koru interact, makes me realise how twisted and dark my relationship with my father and brothers was, and of course that spilled over into my social life. Issues were always solved physically, never by talking. It was very much survival of the fittest. Our home was dark, filthy and unhappy. I was often hungry, my clothes were never clean, I always had bruises, and I was frightened of my own shadow half the time, until I grew tall and strong enough to defend myself.”
He looked across at her. She sat quietly, listening, picking at the label on the bottle. Was he making things worse? Making it all about him? It didn’t matter—it was too late to go back now. “Your home is so beautiful. Everywhere you look there’s beauty—not just in you girls, but in everything around you. Beautiful clothes, colourful furnishings. Handmade cushions and throws, Lily’s paintings on the wall. Even the wonderful cooking you all do. Do you know that you always smell sweet? Just like your name?”
She smiled shyly and shook her head.
“Well, you do. I noticed that the first time we went out. Everyone I’d ever known in my youth smelled of alcohol, smoke, weed or B.O. But you girls all smell of flowers and perfume and cakes. Even Koru smells of cookies, along with his aftershave. Light surrounds you all, but especially you, Honey.”
He caught her gaze and held it. “You know why I think I kissed Cathryn? Because I wanted to see if she still had any power over me. It’s not an excuse and I’m ashamed of it, but seeing her there standing outside the school, I didn’t feel pleasure or excitement, just dread. And she gave me a similar talk to what she gave you, about sex and how good it had been, and part of me remembered how she’d had this hold over me, and I suppose I wanted to see if any of that still remained. So when she kissed me, for a brief second I didn’t pull away. But I didn’t feel happy or turned on. I felt disgusted and dirty, and terribly, terribly unhappy that I’d done something that might have hurt you. It lasted seconds and I walked off and left her there, which made me feel a bit guilty at first, but now, knowing what she said to you, I wish I’d driven her to Cape Reinga and let her walk home.”
Honey swallowed and finally dropped her gaze.
“I’m not trying to make excuses,” he whispered. “Or to say what I did was justified. Or to say that there’s an evil demon inside of me and it’s all his fault—although that’s what it feels like sometimes. All I can say is that I regret what I did deeply, and I hate her for coming to see you and for making you feel bad. But I don’t want to think about her. I love you, Honey Summers, and I want to marry you and carry on loving you every day for the rest of your life. I know you’re not perfect, any more than I am. But you’re sweet, gentle, kind and loving. You’d be a wonderful mother to my children, and if you became my wife, I’d want to grab a loudspeaker and shout it to the world.”
She started to cry, and he gave into his urge to take her in his arms. She curled up against him, pulling his jacket close around her, and sobbed into his shirt, and he let her, holding her securely, kissing the top of her head and murmuring soft words of comfort until she finally quieted.
“Can I take you home now?” he asked her.
She nodded, wiping her face on his sleeve, so he stood and pulled her up with him, kept a tight arm around her and started to lead her back to the house.
Once they’d cleared the bush and started up the paddocks to Stormwind, she began to lean more heavily on him, and when he looked down he saw she was nearly asleep. The emotion had worn her out, and the whiskey was finally taking its toll.
Bending and slipping an arm under her legs, he lifted her into his arms and carried her the short distance to the house.
As he neared the large glass sliding doors at the back, they slid open and Cam and Koru came out, concern on their faces.
“She’s okay,” Dex said. “Just tired. Shall I take her to her room?”
Cam nodded, and Dex carried her through the living room, noting that all the girls save Daisy were there, watching him cautiously as he passed by. He didn’t say anything but took her through to the west wing of the house, hearing Cam behind him talking to the girls.
He walked along the corridor to her room, pushed open the door and carried her to the bed. The moonlight streamed through the curtains and fell across the cover in a sheet of silver.
He bent and pulled back the duvet and laid her carefully on the mattress, removing his jacket from her shoulders, and covered her over. Then he kissed her c
heek.
She opened her eyes. “Don’t go.”
He studied her for a moment. “You want me to sleep next door?” Daisy’s room lay empty unless she came back for a visit.
“Here,” Honey said.
For the first time that evening, emotion overwhelmed Dex and he had to swallow down the lump in his throat. He nodded and toed off his shoes, took off his tie and hung the jacket over the chair in front of the dressing table. Then he climbed onto the bed—on top of the duvet—and lay next to her. He lifted his arm and she curled up beside him, and he laid his arm around her and pulled her tightly to him.
She was asleep in seconds.
He looked across the room to the window, seeing the moon hanging in the sky like a wheel of cheese with a chunk sliced off the end. A small noise brought his attention back to the door, and he looked over to see Cam standing there.
Cam met his gaze, nodded, gave a small smile and backed out, closing the door behind him.
Dex kissed the top of Honey’s head, enjoying her warmth and hoping it wouldn’t be the last time he would hold her in bed like this.
Would she ever forgive him? He hoped he’d pleaded his case well, and so far the signs were good and she hadn’t thrown him out. There was one final thing he could do to try and make sure the wedding went ahead on Saturday, and he lay there in the dark, planning how to go about it.
It was some time before he finally fell asleep.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Honey awoke slowly, conscious of the sunlight streaming through the open curtains and falling across her face like a warm blanket. She opened her eyes and peered at the clock on the bedside table—nine thirty. Jeez, almost lunchtime!
She pushed herself up onto one elbow. The bed was empty. The faint smell of Dex’s aftershave lingered on the pillow.
She’d woken a couple of times in the night, thirsty and needing to pee. The first time she’d slipped from the bed, changed into her pyjamas in the bathroom and returned just as quietly, only to find him waiting for her, his arms tightening around her as she curled up to him once again. He was still fully dressed and on top of the bedclothes, but she didn’t ask him to undress, and he didn’t suggest it. They didn’t speak, but he stroked her hair and back until she dozed off again.
The second time, when she returned he was still asleep. She sat up in the bed for a while, watching him. He lay sprawled, still gorgeous in his blue shirt and trousers, ruffled and sexy even in sleep. She watched him for a long time, her gaze lingering on his face, the stubble on his cheeks and chin, his large, strong hands resting on his chest, bare of the ring he would be wearing should they get married on Saturday.
Then she curled up and fell asleep again, conscious as she drifted off of how safe she felt having him with her, as if nothing could go wrong with him by her side.
He’d probably gone to work, she thought as she got out of bed and slipped on her dressing gown. A shame he didn’t wake her, but she’d obviously been in a deep sleep.
The night before was a jumble of moonlit shapes and murmured words, blurred by sleepiness and the numbing effect of the whiskey. She could remember everything he’d said, though, every heartfelt word he’d used to try to convey his guilt and his sorrow over what he’d done. But could she forgive him? And even if she did, would she have the courage to go through with the wedding with Cathryn’s words ringing in her ears: He’s already left one woman at the altar… Aren’t you worried he’s going to do it again?
Refusing to think about it for now, she padded out to the living room, expecting to find it empty, and stopped in surprise to see Daisy sitting on the sofa, drinking a cup of coffee.
“Hey! What are you doing here?”
Daisy looked up, stood and walked over to her with a smile. “Come to see my baby sister.” She put her arms around Honey.
Honey stood stiffly for a moment, shocked. She’d never been as close to Daisy as to her other sisters. The fact that they were so near in age probably had something to do with it, but Honey had always disliked her sister’s superior manner, her bossiness and her cold-hearted attitude toward everything, especially money and her relationship with Chase, who Honey adored.
Still, she knew Daisy hadn’t been planning to come home until the next day, so one of her sisters had obviously spoken to her. And in spite of Honey’s coolness, Daisy didn’t relax her hug but instead squeezed her sister, kissed her hair and stroked her back. The only time she’d done that in the past had been when Honey had walked out on Ian.
So Honey relaxed and returned the hug, resting her cheek on Daisy’s shoulder. “Nice to see you,” she mumbled, realising it was true.
Daisy gave her a final squeeze and stepped back. “Want a coffee?”
“Sure.” She followed Daisy out into the kitchen. “Is Reuben here?”
“No, he’ll come up tomorrow.”
“Who called you?” Honey wondered.
“Dex,” Daisy said. She turned and leaned on the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil. “He told me everything. Said he wanted me to hear it from himself. I understand he gave the same speech to everyone else last night, before he came and found you. Apologised to everyone and said he hoped they would forgive him.”
“Oh.”
“He’s pretty sweet.”
Honey picked at a sticker that someone had left on the tabletop. “I guess.”
“He loves you.”
“I know.”
“You shouldn’t let him go, Honey.” Her tone—as usual—was slightly superior, scolding even.
“Says the woman who dumped the love of her life,” Honey said, unable to hold back the retort.
Usually Daisy would have answered with a snidey remark, but this time she just looked at her shoes. Honey cursed out loud, leaned on the breakfast bar and sank her hands into her hair. “I’m sorry. Ignore me. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
“It’s all right, it’s not you.” Daisy turned and made the coffee. “Reuben and I had a row last night.”
“Oh, why?”
She slid the cup over to Honey. “He says I always put my family before him.”
“He was angry because you wanted to come up a day early?”
“Yeah. He’s right of course. I do put my family first. I can’t explain to him how much I miss it up here.” Daisy bit her lip.
Honey stared at her, shocked beyond words at this uncharacteristic display of emotion from her sister. “We all miss you too,” she said softly. “But I thought you loved the city.”
Daisy looked out of the window. “I do. I like the lifestyle. The bars, the suits, the busy-ness of everyday life. It’s so…slow up here. And yet, when I come back, I feel like I’m coming home. Which is crazy really, considering we’ve only been here a few years.”
“I know what you mean. I feel the same.”
“But when I come here, I always see him and then…” Her words tailed off and she cleared her throat. “It just makes things more difficult.”
She meant Chase, Honey thought. Daisy still loved him. They were such an unlikely pair. But who could stop Cupid when he had his eye set on a couple?
Daisy smiled. “Anyway, enough about me. I’m going to run you a bath and do your hair, and then Koru’s coming to pick us up and we’re going out to lunch.”
“Shouldn’t I go to work?” Honey protested half-heartedly, finishing off the coffee.
“No, no. Dad’s asked Aroha to help out in the café and she’s also got a niece who’s a pretty good cook by all accounts, so they’re fine. You don’t have to worry about a thing.”
Daisy bullied her into the bathroom, then out of it again an hour later, helped choose her outfit—a pretty, long dress in a light blue that gave her skin a warm glow, and sat her in front of the mirror and proceeded to braid her hair the way she used to when they were girls. Honey wondered whether once again Daisy felt guilty for not being there when all the drama occurred. When Honey had left Ian, Daisy had been away on a trip to France,
although she’d returned the moment she heard what had happened. It wasn’t her fault, of course—what could she have done if she’d been there? This really wasn’t something that someone else could sort out for her—not Koru, not her father, not any of her sisters. Honey had to decide her course of action for herself.
“So what are you going to do?” Daisy asked as if reading her thoughts. She was finishing off braiding Honey’s hair, and their gazes met in the mirror.
Honey opened her mouth to say I don’t know, but at that moment her phone—which she’d turned on again earlier—buzzed on the table. She read the text. It was from Dex.
Are you up yet?
I’ve been up for hours, she replied, finishing with a ;-)
Lazybones.
Yeah, that’s what happens when you ply me with alcohol.
LOL. You looked lovely sozzled. Miss you.
Miss you too.
She waited, wondering if he would press her to see if she’d made her mind up about Saturday, but the phone didn’t buzz again, and she placed it on the table. He was at work, so he was probably busy.
“Well?” Daisy pressed, wrapping an elastic band around the bottom of the braid.
“I don’t know,” Honey said honestly. “Wow, that looks nice.”
Obviously realising she didn’t want to talk about it, Daisy slotted a blue flower clip into the side of her hair and held up the mirror. “You look lovely. If a bit pale.”
“I’m hungry,” Honey realised.
Daisy smiled. “Come on then. Koru will be here soon.”
Honey wasn’t sure quite why they were taking her out to lunch. She presumed they wanted to talk to her about the wedding, maybe try to convince her to go ahead with it. After all, everything was planned and paid for—her father had given her a generous budget, which was no mean feat considering she had six siblings that he also had to put money aside for. Not that she could ever imagine Koru getting married, since it meant settling down with one girl and forsaking all others.
Her brother turned up within ten minutes. He looked smart, she thought. He’d exchanged his usual jeans for black pants and wore a dark dress shirt instead of a T-shirt.
Sweet as Honey (The Seven Sisters) Page 14