He never knew how the vase got into his hand. He had no memory of throwing it. Only when it hit the wall and shattered did he realize what he'd done.
It didn't help one damn bit.
* * *
Danni woke up to find Lyssa huddled into a ball on her side of the bed, trying desperately to stifle her sobs. Danni hastily turned on the lamp, then turned back to comfort her daughter.
"Oh, honey, don't," she said, rubbing Lyssa's back. "I know you were scared, but it's all over."
"It was my f-fault Rafe got hurt," she stuttered out between sobs. "I knew what I was supposed to do, but I messed up. If I hadn't he wouldn't have almost died."
Lyssa's words took her aback. It sounded as though her daughter hadn't been worried at all about her own safety. "No, honey, it's not your fault. It's Rafe's for putting you in that position."
Lyssa turned to look at her. "I wanted to help, Mom. I liked it that he and Seth trusted me to help. I hated Jonathan for what he did to us!"
Danni took a careful breath. "I thought it was Rafe you hated."
Lyssa swiped a hand over her wet cheeks. She had changed, somehow, since Rafe had come into their lives. "I did at first, but even when I said nasty things to him, he never got mad. And he made you laugh, you know? Like Daddy did. Sometimes he made me laugh, too. I kept thinking he was being nice to me on account of wanting to impress you, only even when you weren't there, he was nice. And he talked to me like I was a grown-up and not a kid." Her smile trembled. "He said he respected me on account of how I was so hurt in the accident and had to go through therapy and all. He said he knew how awful it was seeing Daddy in the wreck. He said I was the strongest person he knew next to you."
"I'm glad you like Rafe, sweetie. And he's right. You are strong and brave and so very dear to me. I keep wondering what I did to deserve such a great kid." With a hand that trembled, she stroked the soft hair that had been peach fuzz when her little girl had been born. Sometimes she woke up in a panic, thinking about how close she'd come to losing her, too.
"This whole thing with Jonathan, I'm so sorry I made such a mess of things, sweetie."
Lyssa sniffed. "Rafe said it wasn't your fault, about Jonathan. He said Jonathan had cheated lots of other women, too. He said it was what he did best."
"He was certainly good at it, all right. But now, thanks to you, he won't ever hurt another woman."
Lyssa's eyes glowed with pride. "And Rafe and Seth and Mr. Slocum and the other guys."
"Yes, thanks to them."
Lyssa wiped her cheeks with the sheet. "Can I see him, Mom? Rafe, I mean. To tell him I'm sorry I messed up?"
* * *
Rafe was doing his best to force down some really foul white stuff that was supposed to be good for him when Lyssa walked in. His heart raced as he looked behind her for Danni, but she was alone.
She was wearing shorts for the first time and a shirt identical to the one Danni had worn. She had a scrape on her arm, but otherwise, she looked unhurt. Her eyes, though, were red-rimmed, and she was skittish.
"Hey, champ," he said, managing a grin. "How's it going?"
"Okay." Her gaze darted from the arm they'd stuck in a sling to ease the strain on his shoulder to the contraption holding his leg. "Does that hurt?"
"Only my pride," he admitted with a grimace. "I have to tinkle in a jar."
She laughed. "These are from Rosaria," she said, thrusting a square plastic container at him. "Chocolate chip with pecans. She said they're your favorite."
"She's right. Thanks." He took the container and put it on the movable tray next to the pathetic excuse for breakfast. "Uh, where's your mom?"
"Back at the vineyard. Grandpa Mancini brought me. He's waiting downstairs."
"Does your mom know you're here?"
"Uh-huh. I told her I wanted to come, and she said it was okay, just this once."
He felt as though his heart had been sliced in two jagged pieces. Despite all of his care, he'd fallen for this little one almost as hard as he'd fallen for her mama. He'd come so close to everything he'd ever wanted. A wife, a family. But life wasn't horseshoes.
Later, he would figure out how he was going to get through the next hour, the next day. The next month. Right now, Lyssa was looking at him with troubled eyes.
"So, Ms. Fabrizio, you did it! I'm proud of you."
Her gaze dipped. "I messed up."
"Heck no, you didn't. You did it exactly right."
"But—"
"Lyssa, no one knows how he or she will react when faced with a loaded gun pointed their way. What you did was exactly what I did first time. Darn near peed my pants, too, I was so nervous."
She blinked. "Really?"
He grinned. "Really." He held out his free hand and when she put her hand in his, tugged her closer. "According to Linc, you pretty much saved my life."
Her eyes glowed, and her cheeks turned pink. "Really?" she asked again.
"You bet. That means I owe you, snooks. Anything you want from me, it's yours."
A cagey look came into her eyes, and her lips curved. He felt sorry for the guy that finally won her heart. His life was going to be anything but tranquil. "Anything?" she echoed.
"Well, I won't break the law for you, but anything else, yeah."
Her smile became a grin. "Will you marry my mom and be my dad?"
Pain exploded inside him, followed by a soul deep bitterness. Now what, slick? The truth? A diplomatic lie? Hell if he knew. He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, feeling the fragile bones and rubbery veins. Her hand was so small, so delicate, so easily broken. Like her heart.
"Lys, I'd like nothing better than to be your dad. And I'm more honored than you'll ever know that you would want me, but it's not up to me. It's up to your mom, and she turned me down."
Dismay crossed her face, and her fingers tightened around his. "But she couldn't have! She loves you. I know she does. I can tell by the way her eyes smile when she looks at you!"
A hole opened in his gut. "It's complicated, Lyssa. You'll just have to take my word that we both tried to make this work. The fact that it didn't doesn't have anything to do with you. I need you to believe that, okay?"
A frown worried the pale little mouth that was achingly like her mother's. "Can't you try again, Rafe? I know she's upset, but she gets that way sometimes. After a while she gets over it."
"I don't think she's going to get over this, Lys. I— God, don't cry, honey. Please don't."
With a little cry, she flung herself at him. Pain shot up through his shoulder, but he ignored it as her tears wet his neck. He curled his arm around her, and let himself pretend she was his. Just for a few minutes.
"Rafe?" she whispered, her breath moist on his shoulder.
"Right here, honey."
"I love you."
His breath dammed in his throat. God was lobbing mortars his way this time. "I love you, too, my brave little warrior," he whispered, rubbing her back. "I'll never forget that you trusted me."
"Oh Rafe…" Her voice choked, and then suddenly, she tore herself out of his arms and ran out of the room, leaving him alone.
Big tough government agents didn't cry, he reminded himself—before turning his head into the pillow.
* * *
Chapter 18
« ^
"This can't go on," Margie said as she sank down next to Linc on the sofa. Because Rafe's townhouse had stairs, they'd talked him into staying with them until the cast came off his leg. "He won't talk to me, and I can get anyone to open up. Just keeps saying he's fine."
"Maybe he is," Linc muttered before taking a swallow of scotch.
"Oh sure. Fine as in thin as a rail, hollow-eyed, brooding. Seth said he darn near took his head off yesterday for even mentioning the concert next week."
Linc hunched forward, his glass cradled in both hands. "I've already tried damn near everything I can think of." He sighed. "He's talking about resigning."
"You can't let that happ
en, Lincoln. His job has always been the most important thing in Rafe's life."
"Not always." He drained his glass before setting it on the coffee table. Turning to the woman who was his whole life, he held out his hand. "I want to make love to you before I leave for Portland."
Her smile was a precious gift. "I love you, you old softie."
He pretended outrage. "Hey, I'm not old."
She laughed as she curled her fingers around his. "I dare you to prove it."
Linc smiled. There was nothing he liked better than a dare.
* * *
"All in all the shelter's not bad," Cindy Habiz said as Danni walked with her to the door of the waiting room.
"It'll be better once you settle in," Danni said as she opened the door. Shock filtered through her when she caught sight of Lincoln Slocum sitting in the corner, reading a magazine.
"See you next week," she told Cindy who waved from the door before leaving.
Rafe's boss rose, a surprisingly kindly smile creasing his weathered cheeks. "Hello, Dr. Fabrizio. I hope you don't mind my coming by without an appointment."
A sudden fear sent chills running through her. "Why did you?" she asked curtly, afraid of the answer.
"The simple answer is to talk. The more complex answer takes longer." He glanced toward the door. "I was hoping you'd allow me to buy you dinner."
"How do you know I don't have another appointment?"
"Do you?"
She thought about lying. "No. Cindy's the last."
"Good. I made a reservation at Allegro's. I understand it's your favorite place."
"How do you know that?"
He smiled again. "You'd be surprised what I know about you, Daniela."
* * *
"I know that you thought your First Communion dress was ugly and deliberately spilled punch on it so that your aunt would let you wear the one you'd bought with your allowance. I know that you had a crush on your ski instructor and ended up breaking your arm trying to impress him." Linc took a sip of a really fine Mancini Cabernet Sauvignon. "I know you cry at commercials and carry spiders outside rather than kill them. I know—"
"Stop," Danni said, her thoughts in turmoil. "What's your point?"
"Obvious, I think. I'm trying to show you how much a part of Rafe you are. How much a part of him you've always been."
"You're saying he told you all those things?"
He lifted a graying eyebrow. "Of course. How else would I know?"
She let her skepticism show. "Please don't treat me like an idiot, Agent Slocum."
"After Rafe was shot the first time, infection set in and he was delirious for a time. Margie and I took turns sitting with him. Part of the time his mind was back in Oregon, with you. That's how I know."
He sat back. The bar was packed with the regular Friday afternoon crowd, but the dining room was still half empty. It was Michela's evening to cook, and vintage rock pulsed from the speakers.
Too upset to eat, Danni pushed her plate away, then took a sip of water. It soothed the dry membranes of her throat, but did nothing for the nerves pulsing just below the skin. "All right, you've made your point. Rafe has obviously talked to you about me. So what?"
"So the man is besotted with you. My wife, who I admit has a tendency to speak in hyperbole, says he's lovesick all the way to the bone. Me, I just see a man who's about to blow his life apart because of what you did to him."
What Rafe did or didn't do was none of her business. It would be a mistake to even talk about it. God knows, she's made enough of those. "Why do you mean, what I did to him?" she demanded when all of his words sunk in.
"He's thinking about turning in his badge. For years his job has been what he is. Who he is. I can't imagine how he'd survive without it."
There was a knot in her stomach and a hard lump wedged in her throat. "What does this have to do with me?"
For the first time real anger surfaced in his deep blue eyes.
"Don't play the naive game with me, Daniela. We both know you cut the man off at the knees. I thought he'd pull out of it, but he hasn't." He leaned forward to make sure she got the point. "To tell you the truth, I think what you did was pure chicken … manure."
Danni's breath hissed out, and heat rushed to her face. "I beg your pardon?" she said coldly.
"You live in a sheltered world, Daniela. For the most part people in your world follow the rules, care about each other. I'm glad that you have that luxury. One of the reasons you do is because people like Rafe and Gresham stand between you and sociopaths like Jacob Folsom."
"I know that," she said impatiently. "It's the way Rafe did it that was wrong."
"Bull! It was the only way he could make sure the man didn't blow you away. Make no mistake about it, Folsom would have gotten to you. If not before the trial, then after he got out of prison. The way the system works now, that wouldn't have been all that far down the road. Two, three years, probably."
Danni hadn't considered that. It was the trial she'd been focused on, but not what might happen afterward. "But why should he care then? He would be out, free."
"A normal person would think that. Folsom wasn't normal. He had no sense of conscience, no thought for anyone who stood between him and what he wanted. In his mind you had done him wrong, and he wouldn't rest until you paid. He would have come at you then. Without warning, when you least expected him. Maybe you would have opened the door like Alice MacGregor did and had your face blown off the way she did. Or maybe your daughter would have opened that door. It wouldn't have mattered."
Danni felt horror race through her. "I admit I … hadn't considered that."
"But Rafe had, and he couldn't stand the thought of you being hurt. So he figured out a way to keep you safe." His face turned frighteningly hard. "Yes, there was a very slight risk Lyssa could have been hurt. About the same risk we all take crossing a street. But Rafe didn't make the decision alone. He ran it by Gresham and then by me. We all agreed it was the only way."
He took his napkin from his lap and put it on the table before rising. "I love the guy like a brother. Of all the men I know in law enforcement he's the one I would chose to take my back in a tough spot. The fact that he chose you above all women to love is the only reason I won't let myself despise you for what you've done." He took out a money clip, peeled off a hundred dollar bill and dropped it on the table before walking out.
* * *
Propped up with one crutch, Rafe was shaving in the Slocums' guest bathroom when someone tapped on the door. Before he had a chance to find out who it was, Margie walked in, a portable phone in her hand.
"Hey, there's a half-naked man in here," he grumbled, rinsing his razor under the hot tap.
She grinned. "And such a fine physique he has, too, but alas, I'm still hooked on the old guy," she said before waving the phone in his face. "Call for you."
He frowned. "Who is it?"
"Lyssa Fabrizio."
* * *
The cab dropped Rafe off in front of the Tacoma Dome where the concert was being held. The cast on his leg had been replaced by a plastic-and-metal splint that was lighter but still gave him fits. Worse, he still needed crutches which made getting around a pain.
According to Seth who'd flown to Portland two days ago in order to attend Lyssa's kick-boxing meet last night, the three of them would wait for him in front of the main ticket window. The next few hours would be rough, but he'd prepared himself. Lyssa was the one who had invited him to the concert. It was Lyssa he'd come to see. He needed to remember that.
The area in front of the Dome was organized chaos, with cops and security maintaining a visible presence. The crowd streaming in was mostly composed of teenagers and young adults in a party mood, although, as he made his way carefully through the rush of bodies, he was surprised to see a number of adults his age or older salted in with the kids.
Sweat was trickling down his back by the time he spied the ticket window. "Rafe!" He turned to see Lyssa running towar
d him, her hair flying. She looked taller, or maybe it was the skinny jeans and tight top she wore. A lump formed in his throat as he braced himself on his good leg. "Hey, champ," he said as she folded herself into his arms.
"Oh, Rafe, it's so good to see you!"
"You, too, honey."
She drew back but kept her arms around his waist. "You got skinny."
He'd dropped a few pounds, yeah, but he wasn't about to tell her that he'd been pining away for her mom. And her. "Us government types call that lean and mean."
She giggled. "Mom's gotten humongous. Kind of like a blimp, you know? And real sensitive, 'specially about her tummy. She thinks she looks like an elephant from the back. Only don't tell her I said, okay?"
"Too late, young lady. I already heard."
Rafe had himself well in check. Still, the sound of Danni's voice wrecked his insides, sending his heart racing and his gut into a spasm. As Lyssa's arms fell away, he turned in the direction of her voice and watched her walking the last few feet that would bring her to him.
Humongous had never looked so good, he realized, his gaze skimming her big belly. But it was her face he needed to see. The dark, liquid eyes that could snap with anger or warm with a smile. Or turn sleepy with passion. The little nose with those seven freckles. The lips that felt so right beneath his.
It had been a month since he'd seen her. A month of trying not to remember the feeling of contentment she'd given him that single night they'd slept together. Of fighting the need to see her one more time. Of trying not to worry about her and the delivery that was coming up in less than a month.
A month of living with guilt wedged like a jagged bone in his craw. A month of pure hell.
He frowned thinking about the way he'd screwed up his second chance, and the corners of her mouth that had started to turn up froze. Behind her Seth shot him a disgusted look.
"Have any trouble getting here, partner?" he asked as he joined them.
"Darn near drove security crazy with this cast, but I flashed my badge and pleaded line-of-duty injury. Impressed the heck out of the ladies. The guys just looked bored."
Seth grinned. "I scoped out the section where we're sitting. It's got ramps instead of stairs so you should manage okay."
DADDY WITH A BADGE Page 24