“Can I ask you something without you getting angry?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Is that supposed to defuse it before it begins?”
“Maybe.”
“Shoot,” he replied with resignation.
“Why did you ask her to marry you?” Had he gotten engaged to have the family he’d never experienced?
After a silence that told her he was reluctant to reveal more, he replied, “You mean, what did I see in her that I liked? She was beautiful in a California, sun-drenched sort of way. Her parents adored her—they’d sacrificed for her education—and I thought that meant she would sacrifice for the people she loved. After all, she came from a good background.”
The questions kept popping up in Raina’s mind, and she didn’t know how many more he’d tolerate. “How long did you date before you were engaged?”
Although his jaw tightened, he responded, “About four months. We were engaged another five months, but when I started talking about leaving California, I could see she had other plans. One night I asked if she ever wanted to have kids, and she blew up. That’s when I saw a side of her she’d never shown to me before. In a temper, she said if I was thinking about moving to a hick town in Texas, I could move there alone. She would never allow her body to be changed forever by a child and she wouldn’t be tied down with adopted ones, either. She wanted a lifestyle with maids and servants. She wasn’t going to be one.”
If Shep had really loved this woman, he must have been devastated. “That must have been so hard for you to hear.”
“You could say that. I wondered how I’d been such a fool. So now do you understand why I don’t like to talk about it?”
Without hesitation, she kissed him on the cheek and then laid her head on his shoulder. Shep was a private man, but he’d just revealed more than she’d ever expected.
They began swaying to the music, their bodies moving in unison once more.
This time Shep was the one to lean back. She looked up at him quizzically.
After he studied her for a verse of the song, he passed his hand down her back. “I could kiss you. I could pick you up and carry you upstairs and we could have a great time in bed. But I think all of this is coming from somewhere, and I want to know where.”
With the fall of night, the air had grown cooler and she shivered. “I want us to be able to talk.”
His voice was low and deep above her head. “You said that before. Why is it important?”
Now she was the one who had to be honest. “I’ve been thinking about my marriage to Clark.”
“What kind of thinking have you been doing? Are you regretting—”
“No,” she cut in. “I don’t regret marrying you. I guess it’s just…my marriage to Clark wasn’t so perfect. Even though I was in med school, Clark really wanted us to have kids, and I did, too. I think I would have given up my career to be a mom.”
Shep considered what she said. “So what happened? Why didn’t you have children?”
“I couldn’t get pregnant,” she responded. “Med school was ferociously energy-consuming and Clark’s schedule was erratic. I don’t know what the problem was, but whatever it was, it was coming between us. We didn’t talk about it. If there was just one thing I could change, that would be it. Whether the distance between us stemmed from my insecurities or his desire to have children, I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t sound like you to let something like that go,” Shep insisted.
“You’re right. I was hoping to change things. I planned a second honeymoon, hoping that would help, but then—”
The pictures that had played over and over again on the TV screen were still so very blatant in her head. In spite of her best effort, her throat choked up and her eyes became moist as Shep held her. She let her tears fall. She wasn’t sure where the sadness was coming from—from unfulfilled dreams and the loss of her husband, or from the closeness she and Clark could have had but didn’t, because neither had made the effort or taken the risk.
The call of a night bird carried in the stillness as they stood on the porch, Shep stroking her back, thinking about all she’d said.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I don’t know why I’m so…emotional. Being pregnant, I guess.”
“That’s not all,” he decided, brushing her hair over her shoulders. “You got married a little over a week ago.” Taking her face in his hands, he added, “You have a career and you’re trying to be a ready-made mom. I think you should go on upstairs and get ready for bed. I’ll make you a mug of hot cider and bring up some of those crackers you’ve been eating.”
“Shep, this isn’t what I intended.”
“I know, but isn’t our motto ‘go with the flow’?” He gave her a smile that was meant to make her feel better, but it didn’t. She could see the mood had been spoiled for both of them. She should have just let well enough alone. She should have settled for physical intimacy.
When Shep dropped his arms from around her, she stepped away.
Maybe talking was highly overrated. Possibly the next time, she’d just give in to the desire between them.
But was that the kind of marriage she wanted to have?
Chapter Eleven
“Enough about me,” Gina said on Sunday evening, the night before her wedding. Raina, Angie and Lily had invited her over for some girl talk before the big day. “You’ve learned every detail I can tell you about our honeymoon plans in Kauai. It came together so much more easily, once we decided to take along Daniel and Hannah.”
Although Daniel was Logan’s son, Gina already thought of him as hers. Raina knew the feeling. Her heart seemed to fill to top capacity when she thought about Roy and Joey and Manuel, about the closeness she felt to them and the closeness they were beginning to feel to her. Since Joey’s revelations about the bully bothering him in school, he seemed to gravitate toward her more and was much more talkative. They’d gone shopping for a chain for his medal and he’d proudly shown it to Shep.
“We’ll miss you for two weeks,” Angie said. She picked up the glass of sparkling apple cider sitting on the table next to her on the patio of the Victorian. “To my sister, Gina, her soon-to-be husband, Logan, and their wonderful son, Daniel. All the happiness in the world.”
Sitting close together on the outside furniture, all of the women clinked their glasses and drank their cider.
With the sun teetering on the horizon in a beautiful purple-and-pink West Texas sunset, Gina turned to Lily. “If tomorrow will be too difficult for you, I’ll understand. If you want to sit out the bridal party, if you want to skip the wedding altogether, just say the word.”
Slowly, Lily set down her glass and met their gazes, one by one. “I don’t know what I would have done the past few weeks without all of you, and that’s why I want to be part of your wedding tomorrow, Gina.” She settled her hand on her stomach. “Knowing Troy’s baby is here makes me feel less alone.” She hesitated a moment, then went on. “Something happened today and I—” She cleared her throat. “I want to tell you about it. I received a letter in the mail from Troy—from one of his friends. He’d left it with him in case anything happened.”
“Oh, Lily.” Raina was quick to take her friend’s hand.
“It’s okay,” Lily replied softly. “I cried all afternoon. That’s why my eyes were puffy when I came in. I couldn’t help but cry. He told me how much he loved me, how much the baby and I meant to him. He also said he took a precaution before he left. He asked Mitch Cortega to look after me if anything happened.”
“You and Mitch are already friends,” Raina pointed out. Mitch had always been a special friend to her and Troy, because he’d served in Iraq and had also been a member of the Texas National Guard.
“Yes, he is a friend, and he’s made going back to work easier. I always told Troy I didn’t need anyone to look after me, and he just laughed at that. But it is true. I’ve got to stand on my own two feet, for my sake and the baby’s.”
“
You can stand on your own two feet and still depend on your friends,” Angie insisted.
Lily smiled a little. “I guess so. But I want you to understand, I’m going to focus on the positive. I’m going to remember all the love Troy and I shared and how much he would have loved our baby. Then I’m going to give this little one the best welcome into the world he or she could ever have.”
Lily addressed Gina. “So I will be there tomorrow, walking down the aisle ahead of you, witnessing one of the happiest days of your life.” She turned her attention to Raina. “So tell us what’s going on with you.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything,” they all chorused.
“How long does it take for a man to open up, to share what he’s been through in his life, to share what he’s feeling now? I don’t want to compare, but Clark was very different from Shep. At the beginning of our relationship, Clark was a talker. We spent hours on the phone when we first met, talking about everything. Now I just feel…that I’m trying to open doors Shep doesn’t want opened…that he’s still holding back.”
“Your lives are busy,” Lily pointed out. “And having three kids around doesn’t give you a whole lot of time to talk, does it?”
“No, I guess not.”
“So, how’s your sex life?” Angie asked with a straight face.
Open-mouthed for a moment, Raina finally burst out laughing. “Are you saying that’s a gauge?”
“It could be an indicator,” Gina agreed.
Raina remembered the night when, in some respects, their lovemaking had been hotter than it had ever been. “When we’re in bed, or not even,” she added mischievously, “Shep makes me feel like the most loved woman in the world. But sometimes I wonder…”
“What do you wonder?” Gina asked, gently prodding.
“If all of it isn’t duty on his part. He married me because of the baby. Maybe he’s just making love to me because that’s what a husband is supposed to do.”
“Why did you marry him?” Lily asked.
“Because I love him,” she admitted out loud.
“Then give it all time,” Gina advised her. “After all, it took Logan and me fourteen years to get back together. Both you and Shep are adjusting to a whole new life. Let yourself settle into it.”
But just how long should Raina give their adjustment period before she should really start to worry?
Shep didn’t like feeling front and center, but Gina had insisted he sit in the pew with her brother. Since he was Raina’s husband, Gina now considered him family, too.
At the altar, Gina and Logan knelt for their blessing before the priest. Shep’s gaze reflexively drifted toward Raina, seated in the front pew with the other bridesmaids, her beauty in the candlelight almost socking him in the gut.
This ceremony tonight had been so much different than theirs. The century-old Catholic church had a hallowedness about it that the gazebo on the courthouse lawn couldn’t match. A priest had directed Gina and Logan’s vows, rather than a judge.
What was wrong with him? There were good reasons why he and Raina had married as they had—Raina’s pregnancy, Manuel’s adoption, an urgency he’d felt as much as she had. But this church wedding had shaken him up a bit, nudged him to again think about the questions Raina had been asking. He was sure there would be more to come. She insisted that’s what emotional intimacy was all about.
When in his life had he been emotionally intimate with anyone? Was he going about this marriage all wrong? But how else could he go about it, knowing that her husband had been the kind of hero that Shep didn’t believe he could compete with. Not with his background.
In the pew in front of him, Gina’s mother held Daniel, who was getting restless. The eighteen-month-old saw his mom and dad up at the altar and he wanted to be with them. With this wedding, Gina, Logan and Daniel would truly become a family. He and Raina and the boys were a family. What would happen when the little one was born?
Shep had to admit he couldn’t wait. He just didn’t want Raina to feel overwhelmed, and he’d do whatever he had to to make sure she didn’t. She’d had morning sickness again today. He was afraid she was doing too much with her practice and her new responsibilities. They had a meeting tomorrow night with the adoptive parents group. He’d insisted he could go alone, but she wanted to come, too.
They were a couple.
A happily married couple?
Music began to play and Shep stood, along with everyone else, as Gina and Logan walked down the aisle, their hands intertwined as they smiled at their family and friends. Shep recognized that they shared something that he and Raina hadn’t found yet.
But then he and Raina had married for a different reason than Logan and Gina—a baby.
The guests left the church pew by pew. When Shep arrived in the vestibule, his gaze cut to his wife, who stood next to Angie in the receiving line. At first his attention was caught up in the guests congratulating the newlyweds and Logan holding his son. But as his gaze drifted back to Raina and he saw her sudden pallor, he realized something was wrong. As unobtrusively as possible, he edged behind the receiving line to her side.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured, close to her ear.
“I’m having cramps. They started toward the end of the ceremony. I don’t want to make a scene.”
“A scene be damned. Let’s do what you need to do.” He touched Angie’s arm. “Raina’s not feeling well. We’re going outside.”
Angie’s eyes were troubled. “Should I—”
“Don’t alarm Gina,” Shep said. “I’ll handle this. Raina will leave a message on your cell phone if we leave.”
Lily, who was speaking to somebody she knew, glanced over her shoulder. Raina clutched her arm and said, “I’ll see you in a bit,” and left with Shep, her hand on her midriff.
“Jared already left for the reception,” she told Shep as they stepped outside.
“Do you want me to call him?”
“No, I will. My cell phone’s in my purse in your truck.”
“Have you ever had cramping like this before?”
She shook her head.
That was all he needed. He swung her up into his arms and carried her to his vehicle. By the time he climbed into the driver’s seat, she was already calling Jared.
“Jared, it’s Raina. I’m cramping. What should I do?” After another pause, she responded, “Are you sure?” She looked at Shep. “He wants me to meet him at the emergency room in Lubbock.”
Shep’s whole body was tight with tension and his heart was doing double time. “Whatever he thinks is best. We’ll be there in ten minutes.”
When she closed her phone, she said, “Jared warned you to drive safely.”
“As if I’m going to do anything to put this pregnancy in jeopardy,” he muttered. He backed out of the parking place and headed up the main street of Sagebrush while Raina called Angie.
Ten minutes later, he parked at the emergency room lot and carried Raina inside. She didn’t protest, and that told him more than anything else that she was scared. The fact that she was scared almost panicked him.
Jared must have arrived just moments before them, as he was at the registration desk already, talking to the clerk. She recognized Raina. “Dr. Gibson…McGraw. I’ll do this as quickly as I can.”
Shep tapped his foot, unable to define all the turmoil raging inside of him, unable to express to Raina what the thought of losing their child did to him.
The three of them made a sight, standing there in their wedding finery. Only a half hour ago, he’d been comparing his wedding to Gina and Logan’s. Only a half hour ago, the possibility of losing his child hadn’t entered his mind.
Finally Jared said to Shep, “Why don’t you wait out here until I examine her and do an ultrasound. I’ll send someone for you when we’re through.”
Shep wanted to be inside there with Raina, but he didn’t say so. She was sitting in a wheelchair now, looking a little lost, and he j
ust wanted to take her into his arms and tell her everything would be okay.
“Why don’t I wheel her back? I’ll wait outside the exam room, but I’ll be right there.”
Madison looked from one of them to the other, then agreed. “Okay, follow me.” Shep took hold of Raina’s wheelchair and pushed it, following Madison, remembering the night he’d brought Manuel to the emergency room, the night he and Raina had really connected.
By the time Jared beckoned Shep inside the cubicle, Shep had removed his suit jacket and opened two buttons of his shirt above his bolo tie. He didn’t care how he looked. He only cared what was going on in that room.
Piercing Jared Madison with his hardest stare, he asked, “How’s the baby?”
“From what I can tell, everything looks fine. A few cramps and a little spotting aren’t necessarily anything to be alarmed about. But pregnancies are always in a state of flux. So I’d like Raina to take a couple of days, rest, put her feet up and just give her body a chance to adjust to everything that’s going on.”
“Physically, you mean?”
“Emotionally, too. She’s had a lot of stress.”
“Good stress,” Raina interjected.
“Good stress is still stress, and you know that. Fortunately, you said you have a housekeeper to take care of the boys. Right now, take advantage of that,” Jared suggested.
“Can she do steps, ride in the truck?”
“What I’d like is for Raina to rest through Thursday. Can you sleep downstairs for a few nights?”
“There’s a guest bedroom downstairs, where Eva sometimes stays. Raina can sleep there,” Shep informed him, his chest tight with worry about Raina and their child.
“Terrific. Call my office tomorrow morning and make an appointment for Friday.”
“Can I drive?” Raina asked.
“I’ll drive you to the appointment,” Shep cut in. “There’s no use taking any chances.”
Raina’s voice seemed a little thick as she responded, “All right.”
With a compassionate expression, Jared glanced from Raina to Shep. “I know this is scary, but what happened tonight doesn’t mean there will be any trouble. Let’s just take this a day at a time.” He patted Raina’s shoulder. “If you have any more symptoms, or if the spotting gets worse, you call me immediately.”
The Texan’s Happily-Ever-After Page 15