“I guess I maybe want more than a one night stand, but less than a full blown relationship.”
I nodded and waited.
“But I’m older than you and that would be taking advantage of you.”
“I’m eighteen, I can make my own mind up.” I said robustly. “But you are nearly exactly twice my age.”
“Oh God, that’s sounds terrible when you put it like that!” He realised.
“And we’d have to keep it secret I think, because otherwise there’d be talk round the Stocks circles that you were only helping me because you were shagging me, or I was only shagging you to get you to help me.”
He looked at me, his face shadowed, and his body language motionless.
“And we’d have to agree that it won’t affect how we drive against each other one iota. And we’d have to agree that we aren’t going to suddenly start getting possessive of each other and start acting like we’re in a long term relationship when we aren’t.”
“Thing is Eve,” he said apologetically. “I’ve already got two little girls, and you would want your own kids eventually but not for ten years or so if you want a driving career, and then I’d be getting too old to want to start again with more kids…”
“I thought we’d just both agreed we didn’t want a proper relationship, just a period of time where we saw each other occasionally?” I said perplexed.
He suddenly laughed. “I wasn’t aware that that’s what we’d agreed.”
“Well it’s not a done deal yet,” I warned him.
“Do you always discuss things this much before you get into them?” He teased me, sounding more normal again.
“I think it’s best to get things straight, don’t you?” I argued. “Where are you staying tonight?”
“I’m booked into a Travelodge across town,” he said cautiously.
“Shall we go back there?” I suggested.
“Only if you’re sure,” he said looking intensely at me. “I have to know it’s your decision, and that you don’t feel under pressure.”
I thought about it for a moment. “What if I change my mind after I’ve come back with you?” I asked awkwardly.
“Then all you need to do is tell me that you’ve got cold feet and I’ll drive you straight back to your flat,” he said looking me in the eye.
“You absolutely promise?” I said in a small voice.
“I absolutely promise,” he said with a reassuring smile. “I don’t want to hurt you Eve.”
“Ok,” I said. “Let’s go back there then…”
We walked into the characterless room in the Travelodge and shut the door behind us. Now neither of us knew what to do. I sat on the edge of the bed looking around.
“What now?” I asked.
He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. “Oh God,” he said. “Now I feel as nervous as my first ever time!”
“I’ve only ever slept with Pete you know,” I said a bit defensively. “So I’m not that exciting.”
“And I’ve been married for fifteen years so…”
“You never cheated on her?” I asked.
He shook his head swiftly.
“That’s nice,” I said. It made me feel warmer towards him. It meant that how he had been with me just now was out of character. And it made us more equal. Sort of in the same boat. My eye fell on the tiny kettle.
“Cup of tea?” I suggested.
“Because of course a cup of tea solves every problem?” He teased.
“Does a bit,” I said. If nothing else it gives you something to do with your hands.
We waited for the kettle to boil and sat beside each other on the bed drinking the tea, talking about engines. He put his cup down and took mine from me. My heart began to thump hard. He looked intensely at me, and began to trace round the top of my dress with his fingers. He slipped my bolero jacket off and stroked very gently down my arms, fingering the scar that ran horizontally across my left upper arm.
“That was a deep cut, wasn’t it?” He observed. He took my hands in his big ones and looked at them for a while, turning them over, one way and the other, stroking up my inner wrist and arms again. “Your skin’s so soft and smooth,” he said.
I’d never much thought about how he looked. He was a big built man on the lines of Quinn and Rob. Tall, broad shoulders. Bit more like Rob though, loose limbed, big hands, attractive in a craggy virile way rather than Quinn’s exquisitely pretty boy looks. Now he knelt down in front of me where I sat on the edge of the bed so he could look into my face.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said.
“Am I?” I said, a bit surprised. I could feel my cheeks going hot. “No, I’m just ordinary.” I said.
“No, you are just gorgeous, beautiful and lovely,” he said, his eyes looking into mine. He caressed my arms again, my shoulders, my neck, my collar bone, round the neckline of my dress. I found I was quivering at every touch. Like electric currents going through me. He began to unbutton my dress at the back. It had four large decorative buttons down to the waist. He ran his hand up my bare back and I shivered. Then he gently pulled the top half of my dress down to my waist.
“You are utterly gorgeous Eve,” he said voice that sounded like he was finding it hard to speak. And then he kissed me. My insides went like water and I just wanted him to touch me all over. I put my arms around his neck and then buried my hands into his rough hair and I pressed myself hard against him. It was going to be alright. This was going to work out. I wanted this.
If I’d known what was going to happen I’d have taken my work clothes and some overnight things with me. As it was, Tyler dropped me back at the flat at six in the morning so I could be ready for work. I slipped in, dressed in the clothes I’d left in last night, expecting Quinn to be safely asleep, but I’d reckoned without Mariah. A rather tired looking Quinn was sitting at the kitchen table, wearily jigging Mariah up and down on his knee.
“She’s been bouncing off the walls since five,” he groaned. “I need at least ten years before I change another nappy. Remind me of that will you Ginty if I look like hooking up with a broody sort.”
I laughed at him and went to the kettle.
“So you and Tyler made a night of it I see,” he nosied eventually. “I figured you would.”
“Well I didn’t expect to!” I exclaimed. “I had no intention of it.”
“Yes you did,” Quinn thrust. “That’s why you put those clothes on. It was a done deal from then on. The minute Tyler saw you, he definitely wanted to. That’s why I sent him in for a shower. Couldn’t have him pawing you all sweaty and unshaven, could we now?”
I stared at him. “No Quinn, I honestly had no intention of…”
He smiled slowly at me. “Not consciously maybe. But your libido had made the decision already.”
I turned back to pour boiling water into my mug and yawned.
“Didn’t get much sleep huh?” Quinn teased.
“Oh shut up,” I said.
I sat down at the table with them. “Please don’t tell anyone Quinn. You know how bitchy people get. We’re not in a relationship, just a – a –”
“A regular occasional shag situation?” He looked glintingly sideways at me.
I sighed. “Ok. I’m sorry. I’ve been a high and mighty judgemental cow haven’t I?”
He smiled. Mariah’s head suddenly dropped sideways like a rag doll and he sighed. “Now she’ll sleep for two hours and I’ll be completely knackered instead!”
“Do you want some toast?” I offered.
“Ta, that would be nice,” he accepted.
As I made the toast and wandered around fetching plates and knives and butter and honey I remarked. “He kept telling me I was gorgeous and lovely and beautiful.”
“So he should, because you are,” Quinn said generously. I glanced at him surprised. He looked down at Mariah and avoided my eyes.
“Pete never said anything like that,” I said.
“I’m rapidly going of
f Pete,” he commented disapprovingly. “And I was pretty well off him from the start.”
“They’re not a very demonstrative family,” I defended him. “Tight knit and steady, but they don’t splash out on the compliments.”
“Did I ever compliment you?” He asked suddenly. He glanced at me. “When we were going out?”
I thought about it. “I think you said I had nice tits and that you fancied me,” I dredged up.
He grimaced.
“Yes, you were completely crass,” I condemned. “You’d clutch at my tits and clamp your hand between my legs and complain I was refusing to sleep with you.”
He hung his head in exaggerated shame. “God I was horrible wasn’t I? What an idiot!”
He shifted Mariah into a more comfortable position then looked across the table at me. “I completely blew it with you didn’t I?”
I nodded but said nothing. No point in rubbing it in.
“But I did tell you I loved you, didn’t I?”
I nodded. “Lots of times in the beginning. You even went on about marrying me. I decided you’d completely flipped!”
“I guess I thought that’s what you did with a girl – marry her.” He pulled a ‘silly-me’ face.
“We were only sixteen Quinn,” I reminded him. I suddenly smiled as I thought about him attempting to serenade me outside my bedroom window. “You were really romantic for a few weeks, flowers, songs, declarations of love!”
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “So did Pete tell you how much he loved you then?”
I frowned, wracking my memory. “No, he never once said he loved me…”
Quinn’s eyebrows raised. “I’m gobsmacked. How can he never have told you how much he loved you? If you were mine I’d tell you it every day!”
I felt like Quinn had just punched me in the stomach. “Maybe that’s his family undemonstrativeness again.” I reasoned. “You’re very open and uninhibited yourself…”
“Or maybe he didn’t actually love you…” Quinn suggested with a flash of anger in his eyes.
Tears sprang into my eyes and I felt sick. Never once had that thought crossed my mind. It suddenly felt like another foundation in my life had just had an earthquake gouge a chasm through it.
He saw the dismayed shock on my face and looked really upset. “I’m sorry Eve,” he said hurriedly. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I wasn’t being mean. I was just working through the rational conclusions, that’s all.”
I jumped up from the table and ran to my room.
“Please Eve,” he called after me. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I wasn’t trying to score points. I was just talking aloud!”
At work that day, I suddenly said to Jo, “Did Pete ever love me do you think?”
“Why are you suddenly asking that?” Jo gave me an odd look. “You haven’t mentioned Pete for months.”
I shrugged. “I just suddenly wondered, that’s all.”
Jo looked awkward. “I don’t know, Eve. I don’t know how you tell. What’s sex and what’s love? It always seems so tangled up. I’m the wrong person to ask.”
Entwistle came over. “There’s someone trying to get in contact with you Eve, via the garage’s Facebook page. I think it’s about your new business.”
Jo and I looked at each other. Jo went a bit pale and I swallowed hard. We had just got our first customer.
Since she lived locally we met up with her at a town centre pub the next day. She turned out to be much older than us, about thirty five, neatly dressed, professional job. She already drove in the Autocross format, was a member of the BWRDC (British Women’s Racing Driver’s Club), and had watched Thrills and Spills and fancied a bit of a change.
“But you don’t seem to have a website or anything, so I figured I’d try and get hold of you through your workplace.”
She didn’t seem bothered by our relative youth. She’d followed the whole series of Spills so knew we came with good credentials.
Afterwards, Jo and I continued sitting there with a second drink.
“She couldn’t be more perfect for our first customer, could she?” I enunciated, utterly relieved. “She’s already an experienced driver, she has plenty of money that she’s already spending on her racing hobby so she doesn’t need us to find her sponsorship. All she needs is for us to source her the car which she’ll have no trouble paying for, keep it up for her, and induct her into the world of F2 Stocks.”
Jo nodded. “Yes, she’s self contained, doesn’t need lots of psychological hand holding, just needs advice and technical support.”
“I was worried we were going to get lots of ditzy sixteen year olds who we’d have to do absolutely everything for!” I confessed.
“What, like you were, you mean?” Jo said dryly.
I hung my head. “Yes I was, wasn’t I? And I still haven’t dared ask your Dad how to take over my own sponsorship and finances yet!”
“Well I think we both need that talk with Dad don’t you?” Jo said. “Maybe we should go to him right now. We need to get everything on a proper footing.”
I gave her a loving hug. “You’re such a wonderful family, Jo. You really are! You’ve done everything for me. Quite literally fed me, clothed me, housed me, provided my cars, transported me everywhere, funded me, promoted me, supported me…”
She smiled at me and put an arm around me and I put a head on her shoulder.
A man passing by our alcove glared over the divide and muttered, “Fucking dykes!”
I stood up aggressively. “Piss off,” I snarled.
He rocked on the balls of his toes, “Oh yeah, and how you gonna make me?” He was a bit drunk already, despite the early hour.
I picked up my nearly empty glass and smashed it on the side of the ironwork table and took a threatening step towards him. Another man standing behind him looked horrified. He grabbed his friend’s arm and pulled him away. “What are you doing you stupid tosser?” He berated as he dragged him away. “That’s that racing driver from the telly who’s stabbed someone you idiot. And they’re not even dykes you daft twat!”
The pub had gone extremely quiet and Jo was looking appalled.
“Time to go, I think,” I suggested, swinging my bag over my shoulder.
Once safely outside, Jo said, “Shoot, Eve, what the hell made you do that?”
I shrugged. “You have to make the first move, or you won’t gain the upper hand. Shock tactics.”
“Well I’m shocked for sure,” Jo muttered. She glanced askance at me.
I opened my hands. “What?” I challenged. “I’m sorry Jo, I’ve got a temper. You know that.”
“Yeah but I hardly ever see it in action,” Jo said, her arms folded defensively across her chest.
“That’s cos you’re so nice, I never feel angry around you,” I told her. And I hugged her again.
Paul happened to be free that evening so he was happy to sit down at the kitchen table with us and go through everything.
Jo asked if we could rent a place in the barn off him, so that we could keep Fay’s car there.
I asked him for advice for how much we should be charging her for our services. When he heard that she was an unmarried dentist with money to spare for her expensive hobby, he gave us a suggestion for what he said was the high end of a fair price, leaving us room to negotiate if necessary. “And given her situation, and the fact she lives so close, I would tell her she needs to buy a trailer and transport the car herself to the tracks, so you don’t get into extra shenanigans, having to lug her car around for her.”
“Good call,” Jo said, her eyes narrowing.
I felt a bit sick suddenly. All this had been my idea and now it was becoming reality and I was realising how much responsibility it was. Sole traders working in tandem or did we want to set up as a partnership? Did we want Paul to be a trustee or official advisor in some capacity? Setting a mileage fee to pay Paul whenever we used one of the vehicles or the Beast for our business rather than
for my own personal driving career, and setting up a method of recording it? How to register as self-employed and how to systematically file and keep receipts for the HMRC? Was there any way we could also make our business benefit Entwistle’s so he wouldn’t get arsy about it looking like we may be leaving him? How to set about finding the right car for her?
“We just abandoned that first car that Eve trashed,” Jo suggested. “What if we refurbished it? It was the engine that was the problem, not the chassis wasn’t it? And that new engine we bought for Eve is just sitting there. It would be a way of us all getting some of the money back wouldn’t it?”
“That’s not a bad idea, Jo,” Paul agreed. “If Tyler hadn’t stepped in, we’d have sorted the engine out and put Eve back in that car, it’s a decent car.”
At the sudden mention of Tyler, my heart gave a hard jolt. I hoped I hadn’t blushed. “That reminds me,” I dropped into the conversation. “Tyler rang up last night to say he’d sourced me a new engine and will be bringing it over next week so we’ve time to test it and tune it perfectly before the beginning of the season.
Paul glanced between our faces. “Has he now?” He said dryly. “So was this one of the other things you neglected to tell me about? Has this anything to do with the news that Pete’s new car is on its way by any chance?”
“You can’t avoid a bit of an arms race starting up,” I pointed out reasonably. “Pete’s gone a bit…” I stopped and sought around for the right word.
“Fanatically competitive all of a sudden?” Jo supplied helpfully with a grimace at her Dad.
Paul smiled. “Although Eve has been a bit of an atom bomb going off in the middle of this family, I can’t help but think it’s done both you and Pete the world of good.”
Jo looked a bit askance at him.
“Look at you now, Jo, setting up your own business. And look at Pete. Finally he’s getting his arse in gear. Eve shooting by him in every Final and wiping her feet on him in the national points table has given him the kick up the arse he needed to light the blue touch paper.”
The Way Barred Page 9