by Duncan James
***
The phone rang.
"Good", said Robin Hood, who was both startled and pleased at the same time. Startled because he wasn't expecting it, or indeed used to it. It had only been installed in his flat that morning.
He had a mobile, of course, although he didn't take it with him to lectures. It was frowned upon, for obvious reasons. And because he wasn't in the habit of taking it around with him, it was more often than not left switched off, even when he wasn't at lectures. At home in the evenings, or at weekends - times like that.
Which is why Marian had suggested he should have a phone put in, in his flat. The landlord didn't mind, so long as he paid for it, and here it was, ringing already.
So he was pleased it seemed to work, and thought it must be Marian trying it out. It had to be, really, since no one else had the number.
Robin carefully saved what was on his laptop computer before answering the phone.
"Hello, my darling," he said.
"I'm not your darling," replied Rupert. "What's wrong with your mobile, then?"
"Not switched on, that's all," said Robin. He was glad Rupert couldn't see him blush. "How did you know I was on the phone, anyway?"
"The lovely maid Marian told me, of course. And gave me the number. So I thought I'd try it, since your mobile is never switched on. I sometimes wonder why you've got one at all. I use mine all the time."
"What did you want, anyway," demanded Robin, now rather annoyed to have been disturbed by anyone other than Marian.
"Actually, we wondered if you would like to come out for a bite this evening," replied Rupert.
"Who's 'we'", asked Robin.
"Me and Freddy," came the reply. "And Jim Farlow said he might be there, too."
"It already is 'this evening'", observed Robin. "And I had thought I would stay in and do some work."
"Don't be stuffy," said Rupert. "Work tomorrow, and enjoy our company this evening instead, while it's on offer."
"Oh, all right then. Where are we going?"
"Good! I always said I was a smooth talker!" Rupert sounded pleased. "We thought Chinese would be nice," he said. "Cheap and filling - specially made for impoverished students."
"Sounds OK," agreed Robin. "Which one?"
"We usually go to the 'Opium Den', or the Mongolian place next door, but we thought we could try the new 'Golden Wok' for a change. Someone said it's quite good."
"Suits me," replied Robin. "Where shall we meet?"
"How about outside," replied Rupert. "Or even better, inside. I can't get in since you've had the door fixed, and what's this damned great brass '9' doing on it, anyway."
Robin opened the door, and Rupert, leaning on it with his mobile still glued to his ear, nearly fell in. Freddy laughed.
"The damned great brass'9', as you put it, is there because that's the number of the flat," said Robin, "and the door's been fixed to keep people like you out! I've also had one of those spy-hole thingies fitted, so I can see who's there before I open it."
Rupert and Freddy walked in.
"Good God, just look at this place!" exclaimed Freddy.
"What's the matter with it?" asked Robin.
"It's tidy," said Rupert, sniffing the air. "And it smells - well - kind of clean."
"It never used to smell like this," observed Freddy.
"Especially not when you were ill," added Rupert.
"And just look over here," said Freddy to Rupert. "This shiny thing."
"If you ask me," said Rupert, which nobody was, "If you ask me, that's a new toaster."
"If you ask me," said Freddy to Rupert, "Robin's been seeing far too much of that Marian lately."
"If you two have quite finished," cut in Robin, "let me remind you that it was you who introduced us."
"Where's all the dust?" asked Rupert.
"And the washing up?" added Freddy.
"And what's this thing?" Rupert inquired.
"Will you stop being nosy," demanded Robin. "You know perfectly well that's a steam iron. Now please put it down before you drop it"
"What's it for?" asked Freddy.
"Ironing," replied Robin.
"What's ironing?"
"It's for getting the creases out of things, like shirts." It was Marian, standing in the open doorway. "Not that you two would know anything about that, by the look of you," she added.
"We were just talking about you," said Rupert, kissing her on the cheek. "We've just persuaded your Robin here to come out for a bowl of Chinese, in spite of the fact that he had apparently planned to stay in this evening and do some work."
"No doubt you've come to help him," said Freddy, knowingly. "So now there's nothing for it but to come with us."
"Believe it or not," said Rupert, "we've dressed up specially."
"Hoping you might be able to join us, of course," added Freddy. "This is my best T-shirt," he said, plucking at the hem.
"Only because it is slightly less creased than the others," said Rupert.
"As it happens," said Robin, "I have news for all of you, and a little something to celebrate this evening, so I'm rather glad you all came round."
"Especially Marian," Freddy suggested.
"Especially Marian," agreed Robin.
"So what's happened?" asked Marian.
"Well, for ages now - before I came up to Oxford even - I have been playing about with a modification to a bit of computer software, and I heard today that Microsoft have agreed to incorporate it in their new domestic computer programes," announced Robin proudly.
"Wow! That's fantastic - well done, indeed," said Marian.
"My first commercial success," boasted Robin.
"Does that mean you've been paid for it?" asked Freddy, thinking that perhaps the Chinese might be free.
"Not yet," replied Robin. "I have to sign a contract or something, but they will either pay me royalties as a percentage on the sales of it, or a cash lump some up front in exchange for exclusive use."
"Go for the cash, if I were you," advised Rupert.
"I plan to, subject to further advice," replied Robin. "Apart from anything else, the sort of sum they're talking about will help to pay off my student loan and leave a bit over for a trip to Africa."
"When are you going there, for goodness sake," demanded Freddy.
"Do let's have our Chinese first!" pleaded Rupert.
"Well I had thought," Robin said, looking at Marian, "that since I came here straight from school, I would have my gap year after graduation if I could afford it, and I've always wanted to tour Africa."
"Good for you," said Marian, slipping her arm through his. "Now let's go out and celebrate."
"I shall treat you all to a glass of wine," announced Robin.
"Ironing, eh?" muttered Freddy, pulling the door closed behind them. It shut with a satisfying 'clunk'.
"Whatever next," he said, shaking his head.