by Marien Dore
I found a body… and it was my mother’s body. That was not possible! I knew it wasn’t possible, I knew that, but that’s what I was recalling. I knew where my mom’s body was. It was back home and in Craftridge Cemetery. Yet… I saw her!
My eyes on his soon became blurry with tears. I let in a jagged breath as they spilled over before I could even try to hold it in. This was no dream anymore; I saw her! She was here, my loving, sweet mom! I saw her was all I could think. The tears started cascading down my cheeks as I began to shake.
His arms gripped me harder to him when I opened my mouth to speak. “What happened? I… You… saw that… didn’t you? That body,” I struggled.
He looked at me pleadingly. “Yes. I saw the body,” he answered. “I don’t understand. What was that? You just… flipped out then passed out.”
I gaped at him. “Excuse me?” I needed to remind myself not to get upset considering he didn’t know what my mother looked like. Meaning, he thought this was just some random body.
“Before with the flight attendant, you didn’t react that way. Nothing like that actually. It’s like this completely took you over.”
I was breathing shallow breaths, and my tears were running cold. I wasn’t actually positive I was crying until he cupped my cheek, rubbing a thumb over the tears while he balanced me. “Yeah. That was my mom’s body.”
He stared at me, his thumb going still on my cheek. His face went blank of any emotions and his body stiffened. “No, it wasn’t,” he said slowly after a moment.
I stared at him, shaking harder. “It was. How could you know? You never knew what my mom looked like.”
“I know it isn’t her.”
A pressure squeezed around my chest, and I felt myself go cold. How were we even having this conversation? Was I insane? Was he? I watched his face, looking for a sign that he was lying. But why would he and what sounded more realistic? Finding my mom here sure wasn’t realistic.
He groaned and looked uncomfortable, eyeing the distance separating us. Then, he shifted and moved closer to shore with me. Mr. Rush took my arms and returned them to my side, holding one of my trembling hands. He towed me in and up the bank.
Folding himself into the grass, he pulled me down with him by a tree. He rested against the trunk, stretching his legs out in front of him. I followed his movements, sitting next to him. Resting his right cheek against the rough bark, focusing on my face, he spoke. “Janice, that wasn’t your mom. That was the flight attendant.”
My reaction was instant. I knew whatever he had to say would be bad, and it was. Because I knew what I was saying sounded crazy. “No! Just… no. I saw her! I saw that same body when I saw her dead before. She looked exactly the same when I first saw her dead.”
He looked at me sadly and desperately. “Then you… were imagining it. You must have. That wasn’t your mother.” He slid his hand over the grass on the other side of him. He grabbed something that looked like a piece of paper. “You remember the flight attendant, right?” he asked, giving me the damp and worn paper. I saw that it was a photo, the same one we found in the flight attendant’s pocket when we first discovered her body. The little boy in the bent and smeared photo made my heart freeze. Before giving her the best burial we could, we slipped this photo in the pocket of her uniform where we found it.
So how was it in my shaky hands now? How did this photo get here? How did it leave her pocket?
“This was in her pocket, remember?” I nodded to his words in a daze as he continued. “That must mean that it was her body you tripped over earlier,” he said, trying to convince me.
“Wait. After I had passed out, you found that photo on the body?”
“Yes. That is how I know it’s the flight attendant. The body was…” He paused and cringed slightly. Running a shaky hand through his hair, he continued. “Well, the picture was all that could be used to identify her. Even the clothes I couldn’t….” The man trailed off and shook his head. The disturbed look on his face convinced me that he was telling the truth.
“You’re sure?” I asked, a note of pleading. I didn’t want to believe him. I didn’t want to be crazy. “You’re positive that the body was that of the flight attendant?”
“It must be. The picture was there and so was what was left of the clothes. There were no distinct features,” he cringed. “No eyes or a solid outfit. Plus, there wouldn’t be any of that if this is someone that died months ago like your mom.”
I was lost in my mind, trying to understand what I saw earlier. Why had I seen her? Mr. Rush was right, and I knew it before he even said it. If my mom were here – somehow or someway – then her body wouldn’t look like it did to my eyes. Her body would have appeared decomposed. I knew what I saw; it was vividly set in my mind. But… he was right, and I knew it deep down. She wasn’t here. To feel at least a little better and sure though, I wanted to see it.
“Take me to it. I know what you said, and I do believe you. There is no other way. I still want to see for myself, though.”
“You won’t be able to distinguish her body unless you really try.”
I stood up with purpose and stared down at him. “As long as I know that it’s not my mom, I’ll deal with it. I need validation that I’m losing my mind.”
I’ve fought so hard to stay strong through everything. My mom dying unsettled me to no end and still did. Now, it was consuming me. Dad and Alex were crazy. Maybe it was my turn. I wanted to find out for sure, and it meant going back and checking the body.
With my mind set, we walked the few minutes it took to find it. All the while, I wasn’t able to process it or even consider the outcome. I just knew I had to see, which I did when he stopped guiding me through the woods.
Mr. Rush turned me towards him. “Now, it’s ahead of us a few yards. Are you sure you can handle this?”
“We’ll see.”
“Do you truly think it’s your mom?” he asked
“I know that is what I saw. What I saw and what is actually there may prove I am nuts.”
A few steps later, we loomed over the sight of orange vomit on the leaves. There was a large mass of that debris. It was where the body was.
I felt my stomach rise again. It was as he described it. Deep black abysses existed where eyes use to be perched. A mouth was half there. The skin was visible, but it was torn and not a natural color. Some of the body looked rotted away and other parts didn’t. It was clear that the storm did not at all help this dead body’s condition. The face looked mostly gone. I couldn’t tell if what I was looking at were ears or not. The stomach of the thing looked almost caved. The body was clothed shredded and in dark material. Just like the uniform that flight attendant wore.
I felt my heart take a U-turn for the worst. At my feet rested a body that made my skin crawl and my eyes grow. It was an extremely disturbing image. It was the flight attendant, I had no doubt. Despite looking at it, you could figure it out. Clearly a woman, actually close to where we laid her to rest, and she was actually on this empty island. Could it be anyone else? No. Especially not my mom.
Chapter 26
The disturbing sight had a lasting impression. I could not believe that it wasn’t my mom just because of how clearly I saw her. Obviously, it couldn’t be, and now, it was proven so. All I could think was that I had to be going insane. What else could have made me hallucinate like that? I felt more than sane, but I didn’t know how to explain why I saw my mom’s dead body.
I tried blocking out my concerns but didn’t know how. Silence growing between us as we stood next to each other, he glanced over to me. “Do you think you were hallucinating? Or did you want to see your mother that badly that you made it happen?”
I shook my head, so lost on the subject. “I don’t know.”
“I don’t understand why you started walking this way to begin with. You just felt like you should? For no reason?”
Jesus, I did not even want to think about that part! That was even freakier and bizarre.
“I just felt something off and that I needed to go this way,” I mumbled. I felt absolutely defeated and nuts admitting to that.
It was apparently clear how terrible it made me feel. He inched closer to my side and brush my arm after a second. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Let’s get back to the lake.”
“No. No, we…” I groaned. “We need to give her a proper grave again.”
“Janice,” he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.
“Please,” I said, defeated already. This would hurt, not only the sight but once again knowing that this was all that remained of that little boy’s mother.
“Okay,” he said softly.
A few hours later, I was walking back with him in a daze. Her body wasn’t hard to bury in the sand out on the beach. Not when a lot of the body wasn’t even there.
The whole thing was a haze. I couldn’t recall much of the process, thank God, but I did remember a few awful things. Like wrapping the remains in a few of those giant leaves. It was easy to move, easy to lift… Oh god, I couldn’t think about it any longer.
“Please talk about something,” I asked as we moved through the trees, getting closer to camp.
“Like what?” he asked, worried.
“Distract me,” I said sharply, really needing that.
“Um, I started thinking about another way we could get food,” he said in a hurry.
He did well. “What do you mean?” I asked, stepping over a few branches.
“There are birds here. Birds lay eggs.”
I considered it. “I guess that is possible. If we can get up high enough. We will also need to find a way to cook the eggs.”
“We could figure it out. It was just an idea, though,” he nodded.
His distraction made the wheels turn in my head. I had a couple ideas too that I thought about a few days back. “I was also thinking about something. What if we find the plane?”
“The plane that we crashed in,” he said, stressing the fact that it is in the ocean. I knew how crazy it sounded. To be fair, though, I might be crazy.
“Imagine how much we could recover from that plane. One random suitcase helped us a ton. Imagine what all the other luggage—”
He cut me off with a violent shake of his head. “No. You do know that the plane is in the ocean, right? Not only is it in the ocean, but it’s also at the bottom of it. Then there is another factor: we don’t know where at the bottom it is. Sorry but that is impossible and would be stupid to try.”
“Wow, way to bring me down, sir. I just wanted a freaking distraction.”
“Don’t call me sir,” he mumbled as we stepped through the last few trees before we could see the lake a couple yards away.
We could see the sky better now that we were in a more open area. The sun was setting, and darkness started to creep in. We were lucky to be dry now since we were in the lake earlier. It gave me the okay to put a shirt back on. I found the olive green one from yesterday, which was no longer damp. I didn’t want to put on the damp one with my puke on it.
As I did that, Mr. Rush started on the fire. A little bundle of sticks and dry wood were nestled together and ready to be lit. About an hour later when the stars became visible, we had a steady and hot fire going.
Munching on some berries we picked earlier, we sat there in the wonderful warmth of the fire. I don’t remember ever feeling this warm when the night was settling in. We could thank the area we were in. We weren’t just dry and had a fire, we were away from the ocean too.
Gazing up at the smoke, the silence between us was getting to me more. I didn’t want time to think about the ugly images stuck in my head. I didn’t want to think about how we buried a body or how I might be crazy. I didn’t know that the pain was displayed on my face until he turned to me and grasped my hand. “Look, it’s normal. To have that happen, to see something that isn’t there, it’s natural for people who have been through so much.”
“Yes, but it was so clear!” I said louder, feeling a little relieved to get that out.
“So were your dreams.”
I raised an eyebrow. “What are you getting at?”
He shrugged, and I noticed his deep eyes fold themselves into mine. “What I’m getting at is that this has been happening for longer than you think. The same kind of thing has been occurring in your dreams, where you see your dead mother. All that changed is that it pushed beyond your dreams so now you see it when awake.”
“What does that mean? Am I’m going insane?”
He looked firmly at me. “No. No, you are not! You just need to process all that has happened in your past.”
I shook my head and stared into the deep pits of yellow and orange before us. I wasn’t sure if he was right or not. It was relieving that he didn’t jump on board with the insanity idea, though. “I’m supposed to be stronger than this. I’ve had time to let it all sink in. By now, I need to be fine. I should be fine and, to an extent, I am fine.”
“You’re wrong. Not many people would ever be ‘fine’ after what you went through. I see how much you struggle to be ‘fine.’ You are so strong and have come so far, but you are human. I see how badly you want a break from trying so hard. You can be strong and heal at the same time.” He gave me a small smile as he grasped my hand tighter in his. “Maybe it would be best to let it all go. Forget about concurring with all you faced and rest, even if it’s only a little bit. It’s okay to take a break and be human. Accept everything that’s happened and stop trying to be so perfect and strong when you already are.”
As he spoke those words, it was hard to look into his eyes. There was so much care and sweetness there, it was a lot to take in. I felt like such a baby when my eyes started to water. Not because I might be losing my mind. Not because of the dreadful deed we did on the beach. No, his words brought forward everything that I tried blocking out. And that was just how much I cared about him. How much I wanted him. I would never find a man like him, someone who understood me so perfectly.
I forced away any sign of tears. Taking a deep breath, I couldn’t meet his eyes after that. They were too powerful and beautiful like his words were. I loved what he said, and it gave me hope.
I could only give him a smile. I was afraid if I spoke or looked at him straight on, he would see right through me. That’s why I laid down soon after that, thinking about what he said. It wasn’t long before I went under.
I was looking up at the blue sky and the traveling clouds, trees reaching up with leaves blocking my view. I turned my head and found I was in the long grass. My hand brushing over the strands of green, it was a beautiful breezy day. I was strangely happy, but it was different from anything I felt before. My mind was clear of all darkness that surrounded it. No worry, anger, sadness, or confusion. It was all gone.
I closed my eyes and let the breeze graze my skin until a new feeling came over me. A new movement was pacing along my bare leg. I opened my eyes, sitting up in alarm to uncover what was touching me. My eyes softened when I saw him sitting on his knees near my feet. His hand was pressed against my kneecap. He slid it higher up my leg and near my thigh as I took in his face. He had a playful grin, his dark hair messy, facial hair too. What caught my attention was his brown eyes. They shined for me as they searched my face, his hand continuing up.
I lifted my hand from where it rested in the grass and found his sneaky hand, stopping it. “What do you think you are doing? Someone can’t tire of me, I see,” I teased.
His tilted grin widened to show his perfect teeth, which was followed by a little laugh. I pulled his hand up and made him hover over me. He shifted until he was leaning directly over me, keeping his weight off me, though. He placed his hands on each side of my head against the ground. “Well no, I can’t. Your continuous teasing is something I can’t ignore. Of course, that’s just me. You are sick of me all the time!” he teased, face just above mine.
I moved my fingers up until they reached the back of his neck and played with hair there. “Excuse me,
that’s only at night when you snore. I swear you’re as loud as a train when you sleep!” I said with my smile growing.
He hid his smile behind mock anger. “Well, I don’t need to tolerate this crap!” He started to climb off from where he was over me. Holding an appalled look as he very slowly moved away, I couldn’t take it. Laughing, I grabbed his arm and pulled him back, making him chuckle. And in that same second, he lowered himself more and kissed me sweetly.
Suppressing my laughter when I felt his lips shape into a smile, he started to run his hands down my sides. He tried to kiss me deeper, but I teased him, tightening my lips and making him groan. The man tried coaxing me by kissing me more, but I stayed strong. It wasn’t too long though until I started chuckling against his lips. Moving up and staring down at me, he playfully scoffed. “You’re something different, you know that?”
“I know,” I said, sliding my hands up his chest of little hairs until they reached his cheeks. “But I’m not the one who snores loud enough to make sleep impossible.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said, eyes moving down to mine with a sneaky smile. “I don’t snore.”
“Oh, yes you do,” I said, pushing myself up to him and against his body. “Admit it, you snore.” I kissed his chest softly and felt him tremble above me. He rested his hands on my back as mine snaked up to his.
“I-I don’t snore,” he said.
I whispered in his ear. “I don’t think you know what you’re saying. You know you snore. You know you hold that one little fault.” My lips rose higher to his shoulder as my hands went under his shirt, rubbing his lower back and sides.
“No,” he sighed.
“Yes, you snore,” I whispered in his ear before grazing my teeth against it. It made him shiver and made me chuckle. It was cute to see how things like that could affect him.
All he could handle was shaking his head, making me laugh. “Tell me you snore.”