“But I mean, really, I don’t think it was that much to ask,” I said. “This house was a third of the cost of Bradley’s condo in Boston. It was the least he could do. And now it’s all mine. Forever.” I led him into the cozy living room.
“Waiting on a furniture delivery?” he asked as he eyed the room devoid of all furniture except for my lawn chairs. “Or is your style minimalism?”
I shook my head. “I’m not worried about it right now. It’s a work in progress. I’ll probably buy a sofa and that’s it for a little while. I don’t want to blow through my savings.”
He seemed surprised by that. I knew what he was thinking—my dad was loaded. But I was an adult. I didn’t ask my father to buy me things. Aside from an insanely expensive wedding that I now deeply regretted. “It’s my house,” I added, trying to get the point across without having to spell it out.
“And it’s a really cool house. I like all the Craftsman details. That fireplace is amazing.”
“Right?” I beamed, pleased he knew something about architecture. “You have to see the garden. It’s one of the best things about this house.” I had already been picturing playing with our child in this garden. Our daughter. I was convinced it was a girl.
After much soul-searching, I had decided to wait until Christian and I were on better terms to tell him about the pregnancy. I already thought we were managing well despite a rocky ending to our physical relationship. We’d been working together almost five weeks now and had definitely moved past the awkward stage. When he had asked me out, I had been shocked but happy. I wanted the opportunity to really get to know Christian.
And I wanted him to know me without the knowledge that we were having a baby. Besides, I wanted to be beyond the first trimester when I told him. Why throw a hand grenade into his life if, God forbid, I lost the baby to a miscarriage? But mostly I didn’t want him to feel obligated to like me. Or worse, determined to be all business to keep things from getting messy.
This whole long month I had been feeling that maybe I had overreacted when I had thrown my burger and stomped off at the cabin. It had been a culmination of a very emotional week for me. A week that had shattered my world.
But here I was, with a whole new world, and Christian was standing in my living room. I moved over to the French doors and opened them so we could step into the garden. “I need to learn more about gardening. The previous owner left me something really beautiful and I don’t want to let it go to ruin.” I stepped out onto the stone patio, where the foliage was abundant and blooming.
“Wow.” Christian paused beside me. “This is really beautiful. Maybe you should hire a professional, because this is next-level gardening.”
“I don’t have the money to hire a professional,” I said, amused. “I’m a waitress, remember? My tips aren’t that awesome. Even when I find a full-time job I don’t think I can afford someone.” Especially not with day care expenses. “I’m going to have to learn at least a little about how to take care of it. But I think it will be fun.”
“I think if you decide that’s what you’re going to do, you’ll be amazing at it. You’re kind of a powerhouse, Bella.”
That made me feel unexpectedly emotional. “Really?” I turned to him, heart full. “That’s honestly one of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten, Christian.”
His eyes were warm. “It’s true. You’re amazing.”
He was going to kiss me and I wanted nothing more. I leaned toward him. He covered my mouth with his and I sighed into the most delicious kiss I think I’ve ever received. He made love to me with his tongue and his lips. I went on my tiptoes to get closer, brushing my chest against his. He made a sound in the back of his throat but he pulled away. I gave him a smile.
“Is that why you asked me out?”
“So I could kiss you?”
“No, because I’m amazing?” I wiped my bottom lip and looked at him under my lashes.
“Yes, definitely. Also, because I can’t stand watching guys hit on you night after night. I figured if it was bothering me that much there must be a reason.” He eyed me up and down. “You look so gorgeous right now, by the way. Just in case you didn’t know.” His finger came out and slid along the neckline of my dress. “I think the air in Maine agrees with you.”
I swatted his hand. “Down, boy. If we’re going to date, you can’t just touch me like that. That is not first-date behavior.” Maybe a little ass-backward, given that I was pregnant by him, but if we were going to do this right, we’d have to stay rational and not let lust rule the day. Because lust for each other we had in spades. It was written all over his face.
Christian frowned. “That makes no sense. I have eaten your pussy, Bella. I can’t put one little finger on your skin, above your dress?”
“Oh my God! You can’t just say that out loud.” I wasn’t sure if I was more embarrassed or more turned on. I was pretty sure it was the latter.
My discomfort always seemed to amuse him. “I just did. Because it’s true.”
“But this is a first date,” I insisted.
“You’re lucky you’re adorable because this is just madness.”
That made me laugh. “That’s a little dramatic.”
“What’s dramatic is you giving me blue balls.” He smiled slyly. “Please? Can I pretty please go down on you?” His finger brushed over my nipple.
It was very tempting. He was so hot and sexy. And the way he was looking at me was just setting my insides on fire. “It’s three dates before sex should be introduced in a relationship.”
“Who the fuck made these rules?” Christian shook his head. “Fine. I’ll be good. Even though not only have I eaten your pussy, you have sucked my cock while I was driving. But we’ll pretend that didn’t happen. For now. Unless I can convince you otherwise.”
The longer we stayed in this house the more likely he could convince me to do all kinds of things. The only thing saving me right now was there was no couch in the living room and I hadn’t shown him the bedroom. If he tumbled me onto that air mattress I was temporarily using, it was over. “Let’s just go to dinner.”
“Whatever you say, princess.”
Even though Christian spent a lot of time sending me smoldering looks, which was highly flattering, we did have easy conversation. He was telling me about fishing with his brothers as a kid. “That’s my biggest regret, you know,” he said. “I mean, people can say whatever they want about my family, and maybe I’ve always sucked at showing it, but I do love my siblings. Cain was my best friend and I ruined that.”
I slid my hand across the table and over his. “Maybe things will change once Cain is out of rehab. I think it’s really sweet that he and Sophie are making a go of their relationship.”
“I never thought I’d see the day, to be honest. For him to be sober or serious about a girl, but your sister got under his skin.” Christian raised his glass of bourbon. “I know the feeling. There’s something about you Bigelow girls. We’re putty in your hands.”
He was being really charming and I warned myself not to get swept away. But it was already happening. “Ditto for you Jordan brothers.”
Christian gave me a wink. “Are you sure you don’t want a glass of wine?” he asked. “Your water looks so sad.”
“I’m sure.” I cleared my throat and gave a half-truth. “I need to stop overindulging. I’m gaining weight.”
“I like this look though. You seem really healthy and in a good place. And for the record, your tits are driving me absolutely insane.” Then he set his glass down. “Though that’s probably not first-date material. Damn it. This is hard.” He laced his fingers through mine. “I know you already, princess. We can’t go backward. I’ve seen you go through some seriously upsetting shit in your personal life. I’ve risked your father having a hit put out on me for hiding you in a cabin in the woods. I’ve
seen you cry in the middle of the night clinging to a wedding gown. And I know every inch of your body, a fact that has kept me awake a lot of nights in the last month. I get that you want to go slow, but we’re not strangers. We’ve never been strangers.”
God, he could be romantic in his own way. I melted like butter on high heat. The restaurant he had chosen was a steakhouse and the interior was dark and moody, candles on the tables. No one seemed to be paying us any attention, which was good because I suddenly wanted to have sex with him on the table. My breathing was heavy, my boobs bursting forth. “Maybe we should do whatever seems right to us.”
That’s what we had been doing all along anyway.
He gave me a smile that was so smug I should have been annoyed, but instead I found it amusing.
I clearly couldn’t resist this man.
“I totally agree,” he said.
Clearing my throat, I reached for the bread, then stopped myself. Slow and steady weight gain. That’s what I needed, not a carb baby. “So Brandy told me you want to buy the bar when Thomas retires.”
“Brandy has a big mouth. I wouldn’t trust everything she says, but in this case, she’s right. I want to own something.”
“You’d be great at managing it. Everyone likes you.”
He shrugged, like the compliment made him uncomfortable. “How’s your job search going? You mentioned full-time.”
“Yes, in social work. I’m looking here and in the surrounding towns. There should be something I am qualified to do and I like working with people.”
“Permanent resident, huh? That’s a bold move.”
“I needed to make a bold move. It feels right.”
Sitting here with him felt right.
* * *
—
Bella and I walked to her front door, her yawning, me reluctant to end the night. I really enjoyed her company. She was just…easy. Everything about being with her was easy. I wanted to talk her into letting me spend the night, but she looked tired, and holy shit, I actually wanted to respect her crazy-ass rules.
Because damn it, I wanted this to be real. It was fucking nuts, but there it was. So if that meant acting like we hadn’t already had sex a bunch of times, I could play that game. For a day or two. But when she finally gave me the green light I was going to remind her that I knew all her pleasure points.
“Good night, beautiful Bella,” I murmured on her doorstep, cupping her cheeks with my hands. Her lips looked so full and kissable.
“Good night.”
I covered her mouth with mine and drank in the taste of her. She was sweet and smelled like the fresh air in her garden. She was the most intriguing mixture of high maintenance and simple girl. Bella wasn’t difficult to read or understand. She was the very definition of “what you see is what you get.” I appreciated that about her. I was done with games and manipulation and lying.
So while I indulged myself just a little and pressed my body close against hers, I was determined to do this right. Take it slow, like she wanted, physically. But also emotionally.
I wanted to allow myself the opportunity to fall for her, slowly, like honey drizzling down from the bottle. Rich, sweet, and easy. Not falling into love. But easing, until I was covered in it.
I stepped back from her before I let my dick dictate what was happening. “Get in the house.”
Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and plump from our kissing. Her eyes were dark, and her nipples were taut in her soft dress. She nodded, wiping her bottom lip. She quickly opened the door and slipped into the house.
The door slammed shut and locked.
I went home to take a cold shower and torture myself with thoughts of Bella naked, tied up on the bed in the caboose, unable to stop me from spreading her legs wide.
Three dates? I was going to do that shit back to back then and loophole her rules. Maybe I could even talk her into a lunch date.
I may totally suck at dating, but I was good at getting girls naked. It was a talent all my brothers and I had. Even when Cain was drunk off his ass he went home with a chick as often as he did alone.
Everyone needs a claim to fame.
Bella could have her way.
But I was going to have mine too.
Chapter 14
Christian didn’t seem to understand the point of holding off on sex. Instead of grasping the concept that I wanted to spend time getting to know each other with our clothes on, he seemed determined to adhere to my rules, but on his terms. He hadn’t been lying when he had said he was an alpha male. I couldn’t hold the line against his assault.
He stacked our dates as quickly as I would allow him.
And I was pretty much a giant pushover.
I did reprimand him. “The point is to get to know each other,” I said when he tried to con me into showing him my bedroom when he picked me up on Monday. “Have conversations.”
“I know. I can talk all night.” His eyebrows went up and down.
I shoved him out my front door. “I do not mean with your dick.”
That made him laugh. “But I have so much to say with my dick. And look at you loosening up and using slang for a body part.”
I shot him a look. “Where are we going?”
“Sailing.”
“Really?” I was disappointed. I wasn’t big into sailing because I wasn’t a fan of the water.
“I’m kidding. I know you don’t like the water.” He took my hand easily in his.
Relief coursed through me. And I was pleased he had remembered that about me. “You’re a punk.”
“Totally. No, seriously, we’re going to the last night of the blueberry festival. There is music and obviously blueberries.”
“That sounds fun.” I loved festivals and fairs. “When we were kids, I made my parents take me to the county fair every year. Sophie hated it. She thought it was boring. It took a lot to excite her. I was the opposite. Everything made me happy. I was easy to awe.” I could still picture my sister’s frowning face, her owl eyes blinking as she took in various animals, food stands, and entertainment.
“I can see that about you.” Christian opened the passenger door of his car for me.
“My father always said Sophie never enjoyed anything because she was smart. He never said I was dumb, but that was the implication. That I was, I don’t know, vapid. Isn’t it weird how our parents influence us in ways they don’t mean to?” It gave me a tremor of fear. I didn’t want to do that to my child.
“It’s inevitable. We all bring our bias and our baggage to our kids. But all you can do is weigh your words.” He shut the door after I got in.
When he was behind the wheel, he said, “I told you my father is in prison, right? When I was a teenager he tried to get me involved in his criminal activities. One time I acted as a lookout for him when he was stealing and that was it. I was done. I decided he hadn’t done enough for me for me to risk my entire future on his behalf.” He smiled. “See? Baggage. We’re all dragging it around. And I created the same future for my son, without meaning to.”
“How is Camp?” I asked, realizing I had taken the conversation in a somewhat melancholy direction.
“He’s good, though I worry that he doesn’t talk more. Maybe I don’t work with him enough.”
“I think boys talk later than girls.”
He snorted. “There’s a shocker. I think you started talking as a baby and haven’t even stopped to breathe since.”
I swatted his arm. “I can talk to Camp if you want, since I’m clearly so good at it.”
Christian glanced over at me. “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, because I know you’ve already met Camp, but I don’t know how much time you should spend with him at this point. I don’t want him to get attached to you. Ali already ditched out on him. He doesn’t need women in
and out of his life.”
While it mildly hurt my feelings, I respected that as a father he had to put his son first. It made my heart swell with gratitude for him. “Of course. I completely understand that, Christian.”
“Thanks, Bella. I knew you would.”
We moved on to talking about fair rides and our favorite foods. I felt like we were mastering the art of casual conversation with each other. When we arrived, Christian paid for my ticket without hesitation and shushed me when I protested.
“I am paying for your ticket because this is a real date, remember? Number two. If you’re keeping count. I know I am.” He winked at me.
Damn it, why did he have to be so hot? “I need fried foods,” I told him. “Preferably with cheese.”
That made him laugh. “Done.”
“I think food is a substitute for sex,” I mused.
He eyed me as we strolled past stands selling honey and blueberries and muffins. “Princess. You are asking to be spanked. Seriously.”
Why did that suddenly sound so appealing? “We’ll see.”
Christian groaned. “You’re killing me. This is cruel.”
“Don’t be a baby.” I grabbed his hand. “Oooh, look, puppies.” They were behind a baby gate, tumbling over each other in a blur of brown-and-butter-colored fur.
“Puppies. No. I am not getting you a puppy.”
“I never said I wanted a puppy.” Though the idea had merit. “But now that you mention it, I do have a house and I do live alone. Maybe I need a guard dog.”
One of the puppies was biting the other’s ear.
“Yeah, these guys look terrifying.” He rolled his eyes.
“They’re puppies! They will grow into being tough.” I looked to the woman who was standing by the gate with a rescue dogs T-shirt on. “Hi. Are these dogs up for adoption? What breed are they?”
“They’re border collie–golden retriever mixes. They are easily trainable, good with people and children, and very loyal.” She bent over and lifted one up. “Want to hold this little guy?”
The Breakup Page 18