by Lucy Clark
‘Off to Radiology,’ Jackson said into the silence that followed, and Mallory was wheeled away with Nick still glued to her side. He glanced across at Susie, only to find her studying the floor. He could feel the atmosphere between them—one filled with the unspoken words of their hearts. In that instant he acknowledged that Susie was more dear to him than Alison had been and the thought terrified him.
She cleared her throat. ‘I think I’ll…um…get a cup of tea.’ Without looking at him, she headed out of the cubicle. Jackson stared at the wall, trying desperately to come to terms with the revelation. How could he possibly feel more for Susie than he had for Alison? He’d loved Alison. She’d been his wife.
This wasn’t right. It couldn’t be.
‘Doctor?’ One of the nurses cut through his thoughts. ‘Is there anything you need?’
Susie. He needed Susie! ‘Ah…no. Thank you. I’m just thinking things through.’ He stalked out of the cubicle and headed towards the tearoom, his steps growing hesitant and slow as he neared it. If he needed Susie, if he felt so strongly about her, then that would mean he was in love with her.
He stopped short. No. He had to be wrong, but everything he felt, every time he thought about Susie, about her being in an accident like Mallory’s or worse—like Alison’s—his heart felt as though it was being torn in half.
He turned on his heel and headed to Radiology. Now wasn’t the time to think about this. Now wasn’t the time to analyse. He had surgery to perform and he welcomed the distraction with enthusiasm.
Susie concentrated on the road, switching on her headlights as dusk crept over them. They were almost there—almost at the end. She indicated for the airport turnoff, hoping that Jackson would say something and soon.
During the hour-long drive they’d spoken hardly a word. Had she done something wrong or was he merely exhausted? After all, this was supposed to be his day off and he’d spent most of it in Theatre.
She’d marvelled at his skill once more as he’d reduced Mallory’s comminuted fracture of the femur. A CT scan had been necessary to show up the shattered bony fragments, and slowly but surely he’d pieced the bone back together. Her friend was now recovering without complications in Appleton General Hospital, her doting husband now annoying the nursing staff.
Jackson rested his head back and closed his eyes, absorbing the strains of Mozart that filled the car. He knew he had to say something to Susie. All too soon he’d be getting on a plane and heading for his next destination. Richard had been annoyed that he hadn’t made it back in time but had reluctantly agreed to pack his things and meet him at the airport.
Feelings of guilt had swamped him completely once he’d realised he was in love with Susie. In one short week he’d met and fallen in love with another woman! He’d never thought it possible, especially as his love for Alison had grown slowly but steadily over the course of many months.
But this was a different kind of love. Alison was gone. He would always love her, but he had to move on. And what he felt for Susie was deep, soul-filled and heart-wrenching.
His feelings of desire for Susie were incredibly strong. He couldn’t control them and the need to have Susie with him had only increased with every passing minute.
She pulled into the airport car park and eased the car into a vacant spot. Without turning off the engine, she turned to face him, her lips tight and thin. ‘Thanks for everything today, especially for operating on Mallory.’
Jackson realised she was hoping to kick him out and keep on going, but he had other plans. Leaning over, his hand brushed against the inside of her leg. Ignoring her gasp of surprised desire, he turned the ignition key, silencing the engine. ‘Walk me in.’ He climbed from the car, striding around to open her door.
‘I don’t want to.’ She stayed where she was.
He took the key out of the ignition, noticing she made no effort to stop him. ‘Please.’
Susie gazed into his eyes, her stomach churning with butterflies while tears welled in her eyes and her lower lip started to tremble. ‘I can’t.’ The words were forced out.
He reached down and took her hands in his, urging her carefully. ‘Please,’ he repeated. Jackson was aware that she was angry with him and he accepted it. Both were caught up on an emotional roller-coaster.
‘Why? You haven’t spoken a word to me for the past hour.’ She wrenched her keys back off him and locked the Jaguar.
‘Sorry. I’ve had a lot on my mind.’ Jackson caught her arm as she started to walk off, tugging her closer. Clamping his arms firmly about her, he held her against his body as he leant back against the car. ‘Susie.’
Her name was a caress as his mouth met hers in a hungry, fiery and consuming kiss. He never wanted it to end. He wanted to take her with him, for her to be with him for ever. She had to come. She had to see that he couldn’t go on without her. Rational thought seemed far away as he intensified the kiss.
Susie moaned in delight, giving everything she had to him. She wanted him to stay. She wanted to stop him from getting on the plane. The plane was her enemy. It would take him away, away from her—and she couldn’t bear it.
‘Don’t go!’
‘Come with me!’
The words were torn from both of them the instant they broke apart. Jackson gazed down at her. He knew she felt an overpowering attraction but he wondered just how deep it went. ‘Come with me,’ he repeated, and watched as the glossy desire disappeared from her eyes, to be replaced by one of confusion.
‘On the tour?’ Her breath was still coming out in gasps as she struggled for control. He wanted her to go with him and it was the sweetest thing a man had ever said to her. She also knew it was ridiculous. He knew it was ridiculous. She smiled at him as what he’d said started to penetrate her mind. He didn’t want to leave her and her heart sang with the knowledge.
‘I don’t mean the tour—I mean to Melbourne.’
‘Melbourne?’ She frowned.
‘Move to Melbourne, Susie. Be with me.’
‘Melbourne!’ She forced a laugh. But as she gazed at him she realised he was serious. ‘You really want me to move to Melbourne?’
‘Why not? I could get you a job at my hospital or another hospital if you didn’t want to work in the same place. What we have…together…Susie, it’s…special.’
‘Special enough for me to give up my work, my house, my family, my…my life?’ She stared at him incredulously. ‘I have a research grant to complete. I have patients. I can’t just up and move to Melbourne simply because you want me to. Why don’t you move to Brisbane? Take on the job as head of department! Why should I be the one to change?’
She moved against his arms and he reluctantly let her go.
‘What is it with the men in my life?’ she asked rhetorically.
‘What?’ Jackson crossed his arms defensively over his chest and Susie tried desperately hard not to focus on the way his muscles rippled beneath his shirt.
‘Did Alison always go along with whatever you wanted?’
‘Yes, but I don’t see what—’
‘I thought so.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘Jackson!’ Richard’s voice pierced the air. He was rushing towards them, his face creased with agitation and worry. ‘I didn’t think you were going to make it. They’ve just called our flight for the second time. Most of the passengers are on board.’ As he drew closer, Susie watched the surprise flicker across his face. ‘Susie! Come to see Jackson off, eh? Well, that’s very good of you but we have to go.’
Susie looked back at Jackson, at that strong jaw of his clamped firmly together, his eyes blazing with anger. This wasn’t how she’d envisioned their parting.
‘I’m coming,’ Jackson growled and without another word he turned and started to walk away. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over as she watched him go. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.
‘Damn it!’ Jackson muttered before turning again and striding back, hauling her
into his arms and pressing his lips to hers in a punishing kiss. Fire, anger and rage burned through him and into her as his mouth moved possessively and firmly over hers.
In the next instant he’d let her go and stalked away, this time not looking back. Susie glanced quickly at Richard’s expression of disbelief. He looked at her and then his boss, then back to her again. He nodded as though the past few days were starting to make sense.
Susie couldn’t take it any more. Spinning around, she fumbled with her keys, trying desperately to get the right key into the lock, but her hand wouldn’t stop shaking. Her vision blurred and she brushed away the tears impatiently.
Sniffing, she looked up to where Jackson had last been—only to find that both he and Richard had disappeared inside the building, swallowed from her view.
Finally she managed to get the right key in and unlocked the door before slumping behind the wheel. She rested her head forward as the sobs began to rack her body. Anger, frustration and desolation settled over her like a blanket of fog.
She’d fought the attraction between them and lost. She’d given her heart and lost but she’d vowed long ago never to sacrifice her independence for a man. At least there she had won…or had she?
‘Two days,’ she grumbled as she stopped at a red light. ‘Ten weeks and two days. The pig.’ Impatiently Susie drummed her hands on the wheel as she tried not to think about every one of the last seventy-one days, and here she was, driving to work on a Monday morning, embarking on day number seventy-two.
The light turned green and she thankfully continued on her way. She needed to be moving. She needed her mind to be occupied at all times because when it wasn’t, Jackson was all she could think about. And she didn’t want to think about him. ‘The pig,’ she muttered again as she indicated to turn into the doctors’ car park.
‘What the—’ She stopped and stared at the car parked in her spot. A Jaguar Mark-V. A lightning bolt struck her heart as she manoeuvred her car into another space. Jackson drove a Mark-V.
‘Get out of my head,’ she growled as she switched off the engine. ‘Work, Monahan. All you need to do is focus on work.’ Even as she said the words, Susie knew she was kidding herself. She’d been kidding herself for the past ten weeks and two days since Jackson had left. Nothing. She’d heard nothing from him since he’d turned and walked away at the airport.
She climbed from the car, locked it and headed to the department. Christmas had been a shambles, so much so that she’d rostered herself on for New Year, not able to bear spending it alone. Now she was returning after spending a week’s holiday with her parents, and she was exhausted.
Her mother had pried every last detail out of her and they’d spent hours dissecting and discussing everything that had happened during Jackson’s week-long visit. In some ways Susie had needed the post-mortem as well as her mother’s advice. She hadn’t liked her mother’s advice but she’d needed to hear it all the same.
‘And what if you were to move to Melbourne?’ her mother had asked.
‘How can I do that? I’d be sacrificing everything I’ve worked so hard for. He shouldn’t expect me to change my life completely just because I’m in love with him.’
‘Is that what he asked?’
‘He asked me to move to Melbourne.’
‘That’s only geography, darling. He didn’t ask you to change who you are inside. He didn’t ask you not to work, not to have a career. No, Jackson sounds very different from Walter and Greg. He’s not asking you to sacrifice your independence but to enhance your life by being with him.’
‘What about his wife?’
‘People who love and lose are more likely to love again,’ her mother said sagely.
‘He never said he loved me.’
‘And you? Did you tell him how you feel?’
Susie wasn’t able to answer. Her eyes filled with tears, her throat choked up and her mouth went dry. Her mother embraced her and held her while she sobbed.
Taking a deep breath, Susie shoved the thoughts aside as she walked up the corridor towards her office. She didn’t meet anyone’s gaze, knowing she’d see the pitying looks or the sympathetic smiles that were still floating around thanks to the rumours about her and Jackson’s split. This time, though, the gossip had affected her worse than before, probably because this time she had really been in love. Her office door was open so she walked right in but stopped short in the middle of the room.
Someone had changed her room around. Her desk, which had been to one side of the room, was now in the centre. The filing cabinets had been shifted. She stared at the paintings on the walls. Even they were different.
‘Todd!’ she yelled, and turned to face the open door. It was then that she noticed her name-plate was missing. ‘Todd!’ she yelled louder, as the feeling of uncertainty which had started out as a small prickle along her spine gradually consumed her.
Her secretary appeared at the door. ‘You bellowed?’ he asked as he waltzed in, carrying a file over to the desk. She watched him closely.
‘What’s going on here?’
He shrugged. ‘Just a few changes.’
‘Like what?’ She scanned the room again.
‘Like you’re off the hook.’
She turned back to face him, a frown creasing her forehead. ‘What hook? What are you talking about?’
‘The hospital has appointed a new head of department. You’re off the hook.’
‘What? When?’
‘Last week. The new head came in on Thursday last week to informally introduce himself to the staff, but his first official day is today.’
‘I thought I was supposed to be on the panel for the selection committee.’
‘You were, but apparently the hospital received an offer too good to refuse.’
‘This doesn’t make sense,’ she sighed, and closed her eyes as she fought the headache that was beginning to take hold. ‘What am I supposed to do?’
‘Well, I’m sure the new head will explain that to you.’
‘When?’
Todd glanced at his watch. ‘You have a meeting with him in…six seconds. No, make that five, four, three, two, one—’
‘Good morning, Susie.’ Jackson watched as she turned in disbelief to look at him. The bags she was holding dropped to the floor. Her blue eyes were wide with shock, her mouth was hanging open and her hands were limp and lifeless by her side. He thought she’d never looked better.
‘Will there be anything else, boss?’ Todd asked, looking directly at Jackson. He walked past Susie to the open door. ‘No?’ Todd answered his own question. ‘Well, then I’ll leave you to explain to Dr Monahan what her new role will be in the department.’
‘Alone at last,’ Jackson said after Todd had closed the door. ‘Would you like to sit down, Dr Monahan, and we can begin?’
Susie couldn’t move. She could only stare. She followed his movements as he went around the desk and sunk into her chair—his chair, she corrected herself. Emotion after emotion swamped her and she struggled to fight for one to cling to.
The first was shock, then surprise and then elation. He was here!
Hard on their heels came annoyance, then anger and then fury. How dared he?
Her eyes narrowed and she slowly closed her mouth and planted her hands firmly on her hips. She raised her chin in defiance at the smile on his lips, which quickly disappeared. She watched him carefully as he eased back in the chair.
‘Don’t want to sit? Fine, then. As of today, your official position in the department will be Head of Upper Limb. You’ll be required to complete one operating session, two clinics and one on-call roster every week, as well as remaining on the rotational roster for Appleton.’ He picked up the file Todd had placed on his desk and took out some papers. ‘Your salary details are in here, as are the instructions for when departmental and hospital meetings are scheduled.’
‘Stop it!’ she demanded.
‘You don’t want the job?’ Jackson raised his eyebr
ows in mock surprise. ‘It will give you all the time you need to complete your research, as well as making available to you any patients who might present to A and E and be worthy of your study.’
‘You know what I mean. What are you doing here?’
‘I’m trying to do my new job.’
‘Jackson!’
‘All right.’ He chuckled and she almost capitulated as the rich sound she’d thought she’d never hear again washed over her. Resolutely she held firmly to her fury and clenched her teeth.
‘What are you doing here?’
‘Well, it was your idea in the first place.’
‘What?’
He shrugged. ‘I took your advice and applied for the job. The hospital knew my credentials and hired me. Effective immediately.’
‘Why?’ It was hard to get the word out of her mouth but Susie managed. It was a question she desperately needed answered. Why was he here? Why had he come back?
He stood and slowly walked towards her. ‘Do you really need to ask?’ The look in his eyes told her what she wanted to know but she also needed to hear the words. She didn’t want there to be any mistakes this time.
He was getting closer and she wasn’t quite ready for him yet. She held up a hand to stop him. Thankfully, he acceded. ‘Two and a half months!’
‘I know.’
‘Ten weeks and two days.’
He nodded. ‘I know.’
‘Seventy-one sleepless nights, endless days and now…now you just waltz in here and take over my job?’
‘A job you didn’t want,’ he reminded her.
‘That’s not the point!’ she yelled. Her lower lip began to tremble and she fought to control the rising bubble of hysteria that threatened to engulf her.
‘What is the point?’
‘How could you do this to me? How could you just leave me like you did? This is day number seventy-two! Seventy-two!’ she repeated, and he nodded. ‘That’s over one thousand seven hundred hours!’