by Leanne Davis
“Hey, Jack.”
He glanced up when she entered. “Hey, Brianna. Anything going on?” He leaned back in his desk chair and his eyebrows rose. He was obviously wondering what she was doing there. She never sought him out before or asked to ride the horses. The only times she showed any interest in them were to watch Joey and her mom messing around with them now and then. Joey trained them to do things that were more than a little impressive, but he couldn’t hold a candle to what Jack could make the horses do.
“Lately, I keep running into this guy that acts really odd toward me. I guess I’m wondering what his problem is and if you think I should stay away from him or not.”
“Well, I wouldn’t hire anyone or allow them to hang around if I believed you or anyone else here would be exposed to any danger. I suppose you mean Finn Alexander. He works for my horse rescue exclusively and he’s relatively new.”
“I guess that was him. He’s weird, Jack… like weird weird. I mean, he—”
“He’s not weird at all, Brianna. But I see where you might have gotten that impression. He’s just deaf. I’m pretty sure that it’s severe or profound. He doesn’t use any hearing aids or anything else.”
Her mouth dropped open. No. Nope, that wasn’t what she expected Jack to say. She never considered that might be the cause. With a snap of fingers, she realized how aptly it reflected her experience with him. “Oh. Shit. Yeah, that would explain it.”
“He reads lips. And does a damn good job at it too.”
She stepped back. “Thanks, Jack. That clears it all up.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry if you thought something was up. I didn’t bother to warn any of the others, but it’s one of those things…”
“It’s awkward. Should you draw attention to him? Or let him be like anyone else? I get it. Really. Thanks.”
She stepped out into the gaining heat of the afternoon. Yeah, now she understood. But damn… oh, damn. Deaf. Not something she ran into often. She remembered a girl in middle school who used an interpreter and communicated with sign language. She hadn’t been friends with the girl; Corina, she believed was her name. It never became an issue to Brianna. She had no classes with Corina so she never got to know her.
She stared across the barn. Still, it was thoughtless not to pre-warn her about what the hell she was dealing with. Annoyed, she started towards the special rescue horse barn. Newly constructed last year, it was higher tech than the other two horse barns. She barely registered all the facilities they included when Joey discussed it with her mom: things like indoor plumbing, first aid stations and physical therapy machines… It was a regular hospital for horses.
She got to the door and stepped inside, grimacing at the pungent smell of farm animals. Dirt. Manure. Hay. That half sweet, half stifling smell could be overpowering especially in the heat of the day. She didn’t love it. Sweat beaded on her forehead and dripped between her breasts as well as down her spine. Brianna was not raised in River’s End and her limited vacations there didn’t manage to help her acclimate to the heat.
She spotted Finn Alexander. He was bent over, drawing water into a bucket. She stepped inside and knew he didn’t realize she was there. She thought how disconcerting it was not to have that primary sense of warning.
She wondered about the most inoffensive way to address his condition. Was he hard of hearing? Hearing impaired? Deaf? What words should she use? She honestly had no idea. That thought never crossed her mind. She sucked in a breath. Who was responsible for figuring it out? She was. But how would she have known the source of his strange behavior when he couldn’t hear her? How could she have known? She wasn’t generally tactful or subtle in how she approached people. So why should she start now?
His gaze landed on her. His back tightened and his neck stretched to the left as his gaze scoured her body. He slowly straightened up to his full height, setting the bucket down. He was wearing work jeans, boots, and a white t-shirt. Sweat dampened his hair, making the curls tighter and crazier. That was pretty usual for the place, but something about him, this particular person, tingled something in her belly. It was silly; she knew nothing about him. She barely heard him say, “Yes.”
Seeing the intense look of his eyes now… Wow, she felt her toes curling.
She stopped right in front of him, closer than she would have normally stood by a stranger, and nearly trespassing into his personal space. “Finn Alexander?” she said his name.
He nodded. A small smirk touched his lips and his gaze grew weary. Oh, yeah, he knew immediately that she already asked and found out about him.
She tapped her finger. What to do now? Turn and walk away? She could have. There was no reason, none at all really, why they should interact or even talk. But still. Her nerves fluttered. He was hot. He was here. He was interesting. And he purposely avoided people.
“You’re deaf,” she finally blurted out. Well, so much for using a politically correct way to bring it up.
His surprise was evident in the rise of his dark, nicely shaped eyebrows. His deeply set, big, blue eyes were piercing and luminous at the same time.
Nod of yes. Confirmation.
She nodded. “I know that now. But I didn’t know it then. I mean, before.” She paused, and her eyebrows furrowed. Shit. He couldn’t hear the disdainful tone in her voice, or the sense of irony. She never considered how hard that made communication until that moment. She didn’t know the proper way to do this, and he wasn’t offering any hints or help. She remembered that Jack said he read lips. How? Did that really work?
“Can you understand me?”
Nod. Yes.
She sucked in a breath. “Do you talk?”
Silence, and an appraising gaze. Then he replied, “Not as much as you do.”
Her mouth dropped open. That’s all this tragically disabled deaf guy has to say to her? Insulting her? Her indignation grew rapidly. “Because I thought I was talking with someone who could hear me. Not… I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you could let a stranger know. You don’t give the appearance of being deaf…” she trailed off. “Okay, I don’t know how deaf people appear normally… no, this isn’t right, I’m not trying to be offensive. Shit. Shit. Shit. I’m not meaning to. I’m sorry.” She ran hands through her hair, shaking her head and all but screeching.
“You say that a lot.”
Her gaze snapped up to his face as she suddenly realized that’s why he kept staring so much at her. He wasn’t staring at her, but at her mouth. He needed to see what he couldn’t hear her say. It was a mind-blowing concept to her in itself, never mind that he spoke so ordinarily. Sounding so typical. Just like her. “What?”
“Sorry. You say sorry a lot.”
She heard it now. There was a unique tone to his voice. It wasn’t distinctive, or like she’d heard deaf people speak on TV before, but it was off just a little. Like he might have had a cold. She sensed the more he spoke, the more evident it would become.
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You could have let me know. I had no idea what the problem was when I tried talking to you.”
His lips twitched. “I know the feeling.”
She sighed. “I just mean, I didn’t know…”
“I didn’t need for you to know.”
“I was crying on the beach, I thought you were, I don’t know… like stalking me or something. It startled me to look over and see you there showing no reaction to me. I assumed you could hear me so it came off…”
“How exactly should I have warned you? Would that have made you feel better? More comfortable with me?”
She tilted her head. “Fair point. I don’t know. Could you sign while you speak? Do you know how to sign?”
“I prefer it actually.”
“Well, if you signed while speaking, it would better indicate…” She’d already put her foot right into her mouth about a half dozen times now. She shook her head and threw her hands up.
“My problem?”
“Yes.�
�� She frowned and shook her head in the negative. “No. Not a problem… just a… difference?” In a second, she realized he couldn’t detect the inflection in her voice to indicate she was asking a question and not making a statement. Upon a quick review of her statements up to now without any tone of voice, she suddenly realized she could have come across a lot harsher than she meant to.
Shaking her head, she finally threw her hands up, “I’m just fucking this up.”
He grinned. “You’re not as graceful with it as some people.”
She sucked in a breath. “You really can read lips?”
“It’s not osmosis. I know what you’re saying. But if you speak too fast, I miss words.”
“It doesn’t seem like it. Not from my side, I mean. But I’ll try to slow down.”
“And you mumble too.”
“You’re right, I do. I should enunciate clearer as well?”
“It would make it easier.”
“Anyway, I am sorry. For my initial reaction towards you. I thought you were rude the first day and you downright freaked me out yesterday. I thought you were having some kind of PTSD episode or something.”
“I was what?”
She shrugged and reminded herself to speak slower. And clearer. “I thought perhaps you were in a trance or suffering from some kind of flashback. That’s because I called out to you. Loud. I spoke directly to your profile, and it seemed impossible you couldn’t know I was right there. I thought you were disturbed or something and I got very nervous, unsure…”
“It never dawned on you that I might not be able to hear you?”
She shook her head. “Well, now I feel stupid for not thinking of that first, but no, it didn’t.”
“It would have been the simplest explanation.”
She tilted her head. “Well… how do most strangers respond to you?”
“I don’t know.” His gaze grew pointed. “Most seem to catch on though.”
She bristled at the not-so-subtle hint she was stupid. “Right.” She turned away, annoyed, and stomped on the hay near her feet, pushing it with her toe. She felt a hand on her shoulder. Startled, she turned back.
“I can’t talk to your back.”
“Right. I know.” She smiled. “I wasn’t talking. I was pouting and pissed off that you called me stupid.”
“I didn’t call you anything.”
She tilted her head. “You did. I caught that. You know you did.” She looked right at him. “Anyway, I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done wrong. Can we start over? Now that I know you’re deaf… maybe future communication won’t be so… you know, so hard.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“What?” She puzzled over his answer as he pressed his lips together. His gaze darted past hers before he glared harder and she realized he was trying to repress a laugh. So hard. Oh, God. He was so idiotic and juvenile, making a dirty inference to her use of “so hard.” She shot daggers at him with her eyes, pulling her lower lip into her mouth.
“That wasn’t very funny. What are you, thirteen?”
“Sometimes.”
“Don’t you want to know who I am?”
“If I must. You seem hell-bent on telling me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Brianna. My name is Brianna.”
“You mumbled it. I thought you said Brian.”
“No. Brianna Starr. My mom married Jack’s brother, Joey; do you know him?”
“Yes.”
“Well, anyway, she married him and that’s why I live here.”
“As you no doubt already know, I’m Finn. I work for Jack. I’d better get back to work, and I can’t work and talk very easily so…”
She jolted. Shit. No, he had to look at what he was doing, which precluded him from reading her lips. She never considered how limiting it must have been. She nodded and smiled. “Right. Of course. Well… I’ll let you get back to it.” She glanced behind and added, “Bye, Finn.”
“See you, Brianna Starr.”
He said her name wrong. She flinched, wondering if she should correct him. What was the polite and proper thing to do? She wasn’t sure. Just then, he smirked and she couldn’t help the little smile that brightened her face at his sense of humor.
She started to step away when her curiosity made her whip around, “Hey, Finn?”
But he was already bent down and grabbing the bucket handle. Wow, that was startling. Duh. Of course he couldn’t hear her calling back to him. She shook her head. She really never considered that and had a lot to think about. She quickly walked forward. He noticed her when she was almost right next to him. He raised his eyebrows upwards. “Do you know Cami? She’s engaged to Jack’s son?”
“No.”
“Oh. Well, she and I meet almost every night after dinner to swim at their beach. Want to come?”
His entire face twisted up in a weird way. Almost suspiciously. “Why?”
“Why?” her eyes darted around; she wasn’t sure how to answer that.
“Yeah, why?”
“Why not?” she replied, growing irritated at his odd, almost paranoid question. “I thought… you might have fun. It’s hot outside. I don’t know, there are like… twelve people around this ranch and most of them are over the age of forty. I was just trying to be nice. Because I’ve already fucked this up so much.”
His gaze flickered away from her. “Maybe.”
He didn’t look back at her, so it did no good for her to answer him. She flipped him off with a dirty look and stomped away. Fine. Whatever. What was this guy’s problem? She was only trying to be nice.
Forget that. She wouldn’t try again. He was so-o-o frustrating. And if she hung around him any longer, she’d no doubt make some more faux pas that she wouldn’t be aware of until after she did them. If he didn’t appreciate her offer, she wouldn’t make anymore of them or put herself in a situation where she looked like the stupid idiot.
Chapter Four
FUMING, SHE STEPPED OUTSIDE only to be met by a stifling blast of summer heat. God. She got sick of sweating the moment she emerged outside the house. Frustrated, she quickly ducked back into her house and went online to work, even if no one had a clue what she actually did.
After dinner, she glanced at her phone and groaned. Cami was going with Ben and Jocelyn to get dessert in town and wouldn’t be home before dark. Cami only had another month before she would leave for Germany to be with Charlie, so Brianna understood. Still, she also invited Finn to the swim and he never replied exactly. What if he showed up?
She eventually slipped her swimsuit on, grabbed a towel and made her way down to the beach. It was exquisite and private. One of the many perks of her mom’s marriage to this family. Even if it were the antithesis of how she grew up. The sand was so white and clean, and there was never garbage. Only the few people floating down the river could see the beach. It had a deep swimming hole, which was surprising for the otherwise shallow, rapids-filled river.
She slipped into the water, almost sighing at the unbridled pleasure she received from the hot days and warm evenings like this. She didn’t dunk under as she slipped her tank top back on. Never shy about her body, she’d been eagerly showing it off ever since her breasts exploded at the age of fourteen. But for some reason, now she felt conspicuous with Finn. So she wore a dark colored, loose top that hid most of her assets.
Why the raw nerves?
His deafness. That had to be the reason. He was hot too. So what? She’d been the target of lots of hot guys who never hesitated to show their interest in her; and if they didn’t, she flirted with them until they did. She’d kissed her fair share of them and even slept with some. The idea of her being nervous because of a guy didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t normal. Or usual.
It had to be due to his disability.
Shaking her head as if to dislodge that thought, she realized there was nothing disabled about Finn. He was hot, and he bothered her enough to make her forget herself and wonder how she should approach him.
She thought she’d like to spend more time around him, but really? Why would she want to?
****
Finn kept his gaze focused on his hands as he felt Brianna Starr staring at him, waiting for more conversation. If he didn’t look up, the conversation was over. And he needed it to be over. It was more than a strain in the damn barn to try to read what she said. She spoke crazy fast too. Her lips mumbled over words so speedily that he wasn’t sure if he caught all of it or got it right. She was way too pretty. Sexy. Hot. A walking model. Staring intently at her, his gaze begged to study her face, her bare shoulders, her breasts and waist, essentially all that was visible for him to check out. Gazing at someone so damn beautiful made him worry that it would blind him.
His eyes were riveted on her wide, red-lipped mouth. He tried to squelch any physical reaction to her, but failed.
Most of all, he really didn’t want to get involved with her. Something would surely happen. He’d pronounce something wrong. His words… Who the fuck knew how they came out of his mouth? Not like he could manage to monitor his speech. He didn’t have a lot of friends, or any really, to get any feedback regarding how he sounded. He must have sounded okay most of the time because people could understand him. But did he sound like her? No, most likely, he did not. Self-consciousness crippled him with this woman although it didn’t always. He’d been fine with Jack Rydell and his brothers, Ian and Joey. Even the big, strapping biker named Shane. Erin was very kind and talked slowly and enunciated clearly, leaving little doubt in what she said. His life was fine. Really. The ones who knew he was deaf spoke slowly and easily, without exaggerating it. So things worked out fine. Their conversations barely lasted a minute or so. Introductions and the usual banalities before basic instruction on work, and that was it. Back to work.
But none of them were his age.
They didn’t intimidate him.
They also weren’t blindingly hot.
And he didn’t want to fuck any of them.